Each Victim Is Lying
I must adopt the standpoint that every one of my victims is lying. There is no hope for me to be any different. You level accusations at me and I know you are lying because the comments make no sense to me. I gave you a fabulous and perfect love and you accepted that. You willingly entered into a union with me and with that you received my largesse and favour. You did not demur or hesitate. Instead, you embraced everything wonderful about what I gave you. Be it the expensive gifts, eloquent expressions of my love or the seemingly never-ending array of glamorous occasions to attend, you took them all. Do you have any idea how much energy I channelled into doing this for you? The repeated text messages, the “sudden appearances” which were in fact carefully crafted and organised, the many telephone calls that I made to you at all different times? All of that took a considerable effort on my part. Yet now, when I am tired and I lose my temper you accuse me of not caring. How can I not care? I am with you am I not? Have you forgotten everything that I ever did for you? It seems to me that you have. What was that vow you said with such enthusiasm, for better and for worse? You have had the better (in fact you received the best) and now it is time for some of the worse, yet you will not tolerate that will you? No, it is clear that you lied. You lied when we got married because now you are reneging on that vow. How do you think that makes me feel? Is it any surprise that I am angry with you when you question me since you have no standing to do so?
You accuse me of not listening. That is another lie. What is there for me to hear? You trot out the same old allegations which are unfounded. At times I cannot discern what you are actually saying because you are so hysterical. How on earth can I listen to you when you behave like that? It is downright unreasonable. You go off and complain about me to your friends and family. That is charming. You are denigrating me in their eyes and that is uncalled for. Yes, I may do it about you, but that is with some justification I might add. You also said you would forsake all others, yet how many times have I caught you flirting with other men from your workplace? What about those pictures of you and your friends with those men you met in a bar which were posted on Facebook. You thought I would not see them didn’t you? Yes, I keep a careful eye on what your friends’ post as they are not to be trusted, leading you astray when you promised that you would do not. Is it any wonder I feel compelled to spend time with other people when you treat me like this?
You accepted everything wonderful that I gave you and now when it is time to give back and add some balance to the equation you seek to escape your responsibilities by accusing me of all manner of misdemeanours and malevolent behaviour. Your hypocrisy sticks in my craw. I know your game, I have you in my eye. You are seeking to deflect attention from your own wrongdoing by telling lies about me. Ha! I have you worked out missy, I always have and you are not as smart as me. You deliberately misunderstand what I say. You imply and insinuate when I have made myself clear. I will not be beaten by your mendacity, no I will not. I will stand strong and ensure that I reflect back on to you the lies you have told. I must do this to avoid your desire to crush and destroy my fragile self with your perfidious ways. I never knew you could be so evil.
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Yes, they did but so did you. Each of you had their own agenda and things didn’t turn out ok for either of you.
The point is: lying doesn’t bring anything but troubles; whether you are a narc or not.
The last shock I have to deal with is that I know he is more sociopath than narcissist. He revealed this little secret to me. He said that he does not feel anything for anybody else. At first I could not believe it. I thought it would be an exaggeration but the more I read the more I think he was honest too me. Therefore I am not jealous about the next girl-friend, he does not love anyone. He will abuse her, exploit her, take all her money and leave her alone, when she needs him. She is younger than him and I think, he will be the first one to get illnesses and she will take care of him until he dies. She will suffer a long time. She is the perfect victim, was abused by her husband before and he told her and showed her he is the white knight. She does not know, but he asked her to give his second primary source a job. She does not know, that this one is a lover of him too. She does not know that at the same time he was seducing her, he smeared her to his friends. He showed all the pictures to his friends, intimate pictures. He told him, how stupid she is and so on….Why do I know that? Parts of it he told me proudly (in some crazy way he trusted me) , other parts I heard from his lieutenants. He cannot rely on them fully. Now I have no compassion any more for the little abused boy. Yes, I am nasty and that is o.k.
Yes, you are right. I lied from the beginning. I thought, that he has no self-esteem, so I supported him. I did not say that his new trousers are ugly, I did not say, that my female friend said, he is a pretender. He was wonderful to me, why should I say him what I have heard and noticed. When he gave me gifts I did not like or asked for I tried to tell him that this is not necessary, but he did not listen. He was in his own fantasy world of a perfect love. I thought so and he pretended it.
And if you do not lie, it is all about an investment, nothing else. You invest your money and your time to have a lifelong pension in form of admiring and adoring you. We have to pay back all including a horror amount of interest.
I always thought this first golden period would be over some day and a normal relationship would start. But it did not. When I came back from a holiday with a friend, the relationship was over, although I did not know it. His father told me, he was jealous all the time and he was afraid, I could find another man. I could not believe it, because my personal devil did not show. Suddenly he treated me in another manner. There is no trust in another person, there is only paranoia and the need to control everything. It was not the time to leave me, at that time he decided to retreat himself. And I should go and come to look after him.
Yes, you are right, I did not love him. I loved the fake. How can I love a man, who lives in fantasy about his own greatness and in reality there is only a little bit to like. How can I love a man who is jealous and full of envy and hate and the will to destroy people? I cannot. There is nothing to love. And it is a different world in which you and your kind live. Everywhere he saw betrayal, violence and he told me his best friend would be a child abuser. Nothing was true. He saw his friend when he looked at his adult son with proud and love in his eyes. That was all. His fantasy played him a dirty trick. His own history played him a trick. I do not know whether my personal devil was abused sexually by his grandfather or his father or both did the crime. But this event devastated him totally. The only thing that is left is a malignant narcissist who loves the hate, the crime and the abuse of people. Everything else died somewhere when he was a child. That would be the explanation of an empath. I am not sure about it anymore. I meanwhile doubt if there was a normal child or if there was a cruel, angry, hateful child from the beginning, who lived in a cruel, violent family, in which the money was all that counted. I
am not sure, if he would be another man, because I know families in which one of the family is criminal and narcissistic, the other ones are normal. The genetics/ mutations or brain injuries must play a big role too. No wonder, when I look at his parents. Both came from dysfunctional families and both were not normal . I was in love with a totally ill man without conscience. That`s all.
He also dedicated this song to me. He purposely did this to break my heart? Why? How could he love me So Much, only to rejoice in crushing and grinding me down underneath his heal? Why? Mr. Tudor, why?
https://youtu.be/i6rnmRDZH44
He did not love you.
I am sure you are happy about this, Mr. Tudor. 💜
Oops. Sorry, Mr. Tudor. Hugs! 🦋🦋🦋
Harsh reality, yet so true!
Claudia, if you can at least grasp that, then you’ll have taken a huge step forward towards recovery. Good luck and keep reading.
Thank you, Braveheart. I have videos and emails of his gaslighting, triangulating, lovebombing, baiting, double standards, suicide threats in which he blames me, detailing how he will commit suicide, smearing me, ETC.. ETC…
HG, when you say “sudden appearences” please can you elaborate on that for me? My narcissist used to just turn up at my home without warning saying he liked to ‘surprise’ me. Thank you.
It is as you describe.
Claudia, what HG said, is the bitter truth. He did not love you. But that is not because you made a fault or you did something wrong or you are not lovable. He cannot love and he will not love. Love is some kind of weakness for him. That is all he learned in the past. And it was his own truth and experience.This man is so broken, that he is the opposite of what he was when he was a little child. They bite like a white dog, they can`t stop biting. All they know is biting. (Look for that old film) Claudia, it is not important that he loved you or crushed you down. He is not worth the tears you cried. He is not worth the pain you suffered. You are the one who has to heal. You have to accept yourself as a lovable and beautiful person. You did your best. Never – ever give your best to a person again, you do not know inside out. It is not our fault that we were tricked by them, it is our fault, that we stayed too long and it will be our fault, if we believe their lies about us. I know you could not go as early as you should have gone. He was violent against you and you were full of fear. You had to protect your children and you did. Now he is in prison and I hope he will stay there for a very long time. Maybe you suffer the stockholm syndrome. It means, that you start to “love” someone, when there is no escape possible and it is the only means to survive. Claudia, you are a lovable person, no matter what you experienced in your childhood, no matter, what your parents told you, no matter, what any man told you. You only met the wrong persons in your life. And you can change that in future !! It will be a hard way to look for the right ones, because you are used to the evil, but it is possible. That must be your aim.
Thank you, Mona, for your words, and your help in getting me to understand. ❤️❤️ It’s very hard to believe. These songs were from the last Narc from the U.K., not the violent Histrionic Narcissist. Although, the Histrionic did dedicate songs to me, too. But, this was in reference to the last Narcissist. He has confused me those most of the 3 narcissists whom I have been with. Yes, the Histrionic Narcissist was a nightmare of bloodshed- physically, spiritually, sexually, and emotionally. And, growing up in the household in which I did was also a horror. I no longer want to run into the awaiting arms of these abusers.
Mine uses music videos to hoover me all the time, especially when he feels he lost me for good. For a while I really believed the lyrics of those songs were meant for me because they expressed the situation between us and my emotional state so precisely.
This is all fake. He’s using emotions by proxy, not really feeling them.
Reblogged this on Speak Out 4 Others.
This is what he said all the time, that is was lying, that everything was a lie… ha!
I have been reading your letters for sometime now. It makes me look back and realize what a sucker I was. I think I just wanted to believe he was who he said he was. The alcohol really was the start of the destruction of 20 years of my life, and them the sabatoge of the next 20. Thank you for opening my eyes.
I can hear echoes of my ex in this..
He claims he clearly stated the scope of our relationship at the beginning…
That he mentioned pendulums and opposites, ebbs and flows etc..
I sort of remember the conversation, tho I am sure it was not in connection with him and how his “feelings” actions etc follow this pattern..
Looking back, he was definitely giving me a hint.
I might have missed it but it would be nice to read a post about the sleeping habits of your kind. Thanks
There are occasional references to this but not an article in itself. I have a made a note MTS.