The Narcissistic Truths – No. 5 (Expanded)
The use of music in the narcissistic dynamic between our kind and our victims is common. It appears throughout the various stages of the dynamic but is used most heavily and also effectively during seduction. This use is an excellent microcosm for our behaviours as a whole :-
- It is used to appeal to your empathic traits such as love devotee;
- We use something created by someone else and pass it off as speaking for us;
- We do not feel the emotion conveyed in the song so we find a conduit (namely the song) to emulate it for us;
- It is easy to do thus conserving energy;
- We can use the same approach over and over again, even the same songs.
Thus we will use music often in order to lure our victims to us. I have however written a few pieces concerning the use of music in the seduction and therefore do not propose to do so once again here. Instead, I will utilise this expanded Narcissistic Truth to write about the use of bait in seducing you.
Everything we do when look to seduce you is bait.
Nothing is done or said ‘just because’. Our actions, our gestures, our words, our expressions are all part of this bait which is designed to draw you to us and ensure that you become ensnared on our dangling hook.
Much of this is instinctive. We have an ability to respond in a way which keeps producing bait to attract you. There is calculation too as we assess information that we have gathered about you and determine how would be the best way to lure you in, what would be the most appropriate and most rewarding approach. However, when we are interacting with you, we also respond in a instinctive fashion so that we do and say things which appeal to you.
Chief amongst this of course is the capacity to mirror. We have to do this, as I have explained elsewhere, which means that with a default setting of needing to mirror we automatically respond in a way which is appealing to you. We respond in a similar way to your likes and dislikes and it is a natural reaction which flows from this intrinsic requirement to mirror you. It often just happens because that is how we have been programmed.
Be in no doubt that during those early engagements with us that everything we do with you is designed to lure you. Of course we are drawing fuel from your enthusiastic replies to our passionate text messages, from that broad smile when you see us as you have been waiting in a bar for us or from your delight when we surprise you with a gift. This delicious positive fuel that you provide keeps telling us that we are right to keep laying down the bait, creating that trail of breadcrumbs that leads you into our world and then we close the portal behind you, keeping you there once you have become embedded.
None of these actions compliments, gestures or activities are done just for the sake of doing it. We do not derive ‘fun’ or ‘enjoyment’ from taking you out for dinner, going rowing together or playing a game of squash. We are drawing fuel and putting down the bait to trap you. That is all that matters.
You might wonder, but surely you enjoy playing squash anyway and it is doubly delightful to play squash with somebody whose company that you enjoy? It is a fair question and of course is one asked form your viewpoint. You do things because you intrinsically enjoy the experience. You like to be with somebody because you find them caring, amusing, mentally stimulating, good at what they do which impresses you and so on. None of that matters unless there is fuel attached to it.
Might I enjoy playing squash? Yes. Why? To win and thus draw fuel from the other person be it their praise at my prowess, admiration at the shots played or irritation at having been beaten. Might I enjoy playing squash with you? Yes. Why? Because you are giving me fuel during the game but moreover it is because I know you enjoy playing squash and therefore I am using it as a bait in my seduction of you.
There has to be a purpose.
Everything we say to you. Everything we do for you and with you. All of it, during seduction, must have the purpose of baiting you and providing us with fuel. It is not done just for the sake of doing it. That is an empty activity and a waste of our energy which must be conserved and applied in the most effective way to continue to gain fuel. During seduction these activities are carried out to lure you to us. That is the purpose. If the sentence or activity is not going to achieve that, there is no point to it.
During this seduction we want to spend so much time with you because you have something that we want – primarily fuel, but also those character traits and residual benefits. Those are the aims. You may be able to expound an excellent argument about the benefits of decriminalising narcotics but that is only of use to us as a character trait we might use for ourselves or the fact we purposefully play devil’s advocate so that your consternation as you continue to argue gives us fuel.
You may well be mentally stimulating, but that is only relevant in the context that fuel, character traits and residual benefits come with that mental stimulation also. The mental stimulation in itself is not enough.
This systematic baiting is necessary owing to the need for fuel. We have to have the certainty that you will give us fuel and be a fully functioning and reliable appliance. To secure this, we have to rely on baiting you and it is not enough to rely on that which is already there. That poses too great a risk. It is necessary to maximise our chances, thus we look for those who are the most susceptible and then we deploy our array of manipulations to create the illusion which ensures the bait is taken.
Yes, it might be the case that the more superior amongst us might well be able to secure your dedication to us without the embellishments and exaggerations but why on earth would we take such a chance? Not when there is so much at stake. You may say, “Be yourself and we would love you just the same”. I have seen this written many times and heard it too, but for many of our kind that would be a fatal mistake. For others, more advanced and with existing talent, it is not enough to rely on this and take chances. The optimum outcome has to be achieved and this means relying on luring you, attracting, baiting you through falsity, fakery and fabrication.
When you have been repeatedly told you are not good enough you are going to find someone else who is aren’t you?
51 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 5 (Expanded)”
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I play Chess- the actual board game of Chess. Have to think many moves ahead.
I couldn’t care less about his Meatloaf songs he dedicated to me, anymore. I used to care about them, but after I brought my teardrops to this blog, and was frankly told that Wolfman did not love me, or anyone, I totally got over him, and his Meatloaf songs, too.
HG. Another disturbing one. You are good enough. Music can be but is not always bait (think smooth jazz). His bait was chess.
Cake? Never. I am the weirdo who hates it.
Chess is a noble pursuit.
Fun too, when your opponent isn’t a narcissist.
HG, you answered my question from a previous blog. Thank you. So does this also apply to the periods after the seduction stage after they already hook you? Also, if it is instinctive to your kind, what I find fascinating is that it seems like you all have degrees from University of Narc because it’s the same recycled scripts, lots of flowers, trips, songs, and the same manipulation tactics. How does your kind know the exact words to say, exact games to play and that are identical to your kind? Do you get together with other Narcs at monthly meetings and compare notes? I should have known when mine sent me country songs to run for the hills. His favorite was “stand by your man”. Yuck!!!
No, the fact we behave the same way is an indicator of what constitutes NPD.
(There is a Narc Club but you can’t come in Dragonfly!)
Haha. You keep me entertained, HG! I don’t think I’d make it past initiation and hazing would kill me. On a serious note, your blog has helped me more than anything on the internet become stronger and resistant from the NPD clan. Thank you.
HG, have you ever had anyone be impervious to your overtures with music? I gather you would just shift to another type of manipulation to bond, but does it disappoint you if music doesn’t work with them?
I would have to admit it does a little as it is usually such a reliable method. Fortunately there’s always sex. Oh and cake.
Only if you bake it, HG! Buying cake does not impress at all!
If I say I baked it, I baked it.
If you said you baked it, you needed to show proof to be believed! Photos, video, a messy kitchen. Or one simply opened the box, and if there was a slight scent of ash present, one would know you baked it, burned it, and tried to cover the mishap with generous amounts of cream filling. 😀
If you can get to home base with the sex…Oh wait! I forgot the talented hug and all.
*spellcheck decided to change “tongue” to “hug”. So that would read your talented tongue…haha
What’s your favorite kind of cake HG. I would guess that you are partial to cream cheese frosting.
My favourite cake is having it and eating it Clarece.
OMG! When I first read this on my phone I didn’t see the “it”. I thought you said “having cake and eating Clarece.” lolll It makes all the sense now.
Naughty.
Haha…indeed.
sorry … too fast ..
I heard the song and could not control my energy 😂😂
https://youtu.be/I33u_EHLI3w
How diddledy do Nikita. This song plays in my head as I approach a target.
HAHAHAHA of course how could it not.
LOL
Jajajajaja I think Rocky 1, 2 and especially 4 are the movies I’ve watched more times in my life!
There was a time my phone alarm would be “eye of the tiger”.
I was rooting for Ivan Drago. He let me down as well.
lol not my favorite at all, never was. a bit corny IMHO
main tool of manipulation and mind control. Sales teams are also motivated through music I was told once.
Its like I think everyone in the world would feel energetic\ achieving with this song
This is interesting.
I do something because I like it, and I talk to someone because I find their company pleasant. I do not expect anything from the other party, and I hope that I am good company to them, too. That’s all there is to it.
The way you describe it, it’s as if you have an internal editor who provides constant commentary and both of you think three steps ahead. It’s an ongoing input-output calculation. Do you think you are present with her in the moment? You mind must be racing, always busy to prepare the next bait.
If you start out this way, you create false impressions and expectations of what you might provide in the future. That is the main problem. So, when you stop doing all those lovely things soon after the initial seduction, she will be confused and hurt, which will result in her withdrawing.
From your perspective, her fuel pales and stales. But you also need to be clear WHY that is: it is due to your neglect, due to you not being the caring man you used to be when you mirrored her. That is why you are told to “be yourself”, and rightly so! There is absolutely no point pretending to be someone you are not, to like something you don’t, because you will not be able or willing to keep the facade going long-term.
Now, I know you are not interested in long-term. As long as the fuel flows it is irrelevant to you who provides it. We are just appliances and as such we do not matter at all. We are just means to an end, and interchangeable. But even from that depressing perspective, it must be in your interest, for the sake of saving energy at the very least, to keep an appliance for longer. And you can only keep THEM functioning if YOU keep mirroring.
From what I have read so far, your girlfriends have never said that you were not good enough. Are you projecting your “mother”‘s malice onto them? Of course, it hurts to hear that, no matter who says it. But you have to realise: what people say to you is more a reflection of *themselves* than an accurate assessment of you. It does not matter what they say! It is not your job to please them, or to try to meet whatever standards they have set for you. Standards most do not meet themselves, so, what weight does their judgement have?!
Be yourself, be truthful to yourself, be truthful to her! You might be surprised to see that the world will not come crashing down on you! 🙂
His thinking three steps ahead…he has referred to it as “triple-tracking”. You’re not off base with that observation.
Yes, I remember that comment, Clarece. If I can be bothered to do it, I will think two steps ahead. But three, how do you do that? With every step, the possibilities multiply.
My narc was so many steps ahead he courted, married and divorced me before we even have a date and before I even moved to his country. It was amazing. And the sheer number of assumptions that I would even want that with him. Once he divorced me, we had all the relational complications of a divorced couple. But damn, we hadn’t even gone on a date. He never even gave me the chance to say yes or no but assumed it wad a yes and then he was saying no, it wouldnt work. Blew. me. away
Huh? Did you mean that figuratively or literally?
Omg what better way to “mirror” than by plagiarizing our favorite artists.
HG, you’ve perked my interest and it makes me giggle to tease you. What are your favorite American rappers lol
perhaps you’ve also inspired some music 🎶
https://youtu.be/7Nplwr5simI
such a shame you won’t share Ella’s song “Mirror Man” with your readers. have to agree with you, music can have a powerful cohesive effect. btw, do you ever have an emotional reaction only to the music (no private agendas)? if so, can you give an example?
Patience is a virtue CLJ, it has already been shared.
Look like I have CLJ.
as they say in the west, much obliged
I am sure many songs written were inspired by Narcs… but dang, I WANT that Cat!!!
going on my playlist.
God fucking damn it. Fucking hell. This really hurts because not only am I a musician but some of my most cherished songs are those my Narc shared with me. I know maybe it’s even irrational to put so much weight on an album or song or concert but…well, it matters.
Just when I thought I couldn’t be any more bitter. On well. I suppose this disappointment and hurt will turn into exhaustion, then resignation. resignation. It’s so sad.
By the last sentence, you mean the empaths are told they are not good enough as they are growing up ?
No it is my kind who are told that.
This is like a hammer blow.
HG,
So you are saying should I see a good looking blonde guy standing in a superhero costume with triple FFF on his chest with fisted hands on his hips, puffing out his chest, blue eyes staring in contemplation (of how to get more fuel) into the distance, hair blowing in the wind, cape rustling, I should walk up to him and ask if he would fancy a game of squash? 😼🐀🧀 I’ll be on the lookout 👀🕵
My feet will be running the other way.
Fuel. This is what we don’t experience just as you don’t experience empathy. It’s like a blind person talking to a deaf person who wants to show him his oil paintings.
Vaknin and the current theory of narcissism call it supply, and I’ve heard it many times but it didn’t convey the meaning behind the name like fuel does. Supply vs demand, works in the context of economy but not here.
The way you explain fuel fills all the gaps.
Yet, it remains surreal that it exists. It’s like the fairytales from childhood are real, and all the horrific historical events suddenly make sense.
All the weird unexplainable actions of the narcissists I knew make sense.
Write more about fuel, and its nature, and about the creature inside of you if you could please and..
Thank you. 🙂
HG, that’s a brilliant article. Do your kind mirror all appliances/ sources of fuel? I was a secondary source but I was always amazed at how much we had in common in terms of thinking and seeing things the same way. I commented on that to him several times saying how connected I felt and how much of the same mind we were. Now I wonder how much of that was actually true.
Thank you IL. Mirroring will occur with all appliances but most of all with the IPPS given the gains that will be achieved.