The Ten Laws of Narcissistic Possession
1. You belong to me.
I own you. From the moment I first engaged with you, you became mine. That is the unwritten contract that forms between you and me. I engulf you, I possess you and I subsume your identity into mine. I do not recognise you as someone who is separate and distinct from me, with your own hopes, fears and desires. You have been plugged into me from the start, my appliance which is there to provide me with fuel, obey me and accede to my commands. This mind set is what governs the entirety of our relationship and is what is behind so much of what I do and say to you. By understanding that this is how I view you in relation to me you will realise that once I have begun to entangle you, the concept of you evaporates and you become part of me.
2. What is yours is mine
As part of this unwritten contract I immediately take power, custody and control of everything which you own. Your money is mine to spend. Your friends become my friends and ripe for recruitment into the ranks of my lieutenants. Your house is my house where I shall install myself before you know it, using your utilities freely although never paying for them. It is not your car, it is my car now. I recognise no boundaries and therefore you will find that your possessions will always be sequestrated for my use. You are not allowed to own anything in your own right. From the cake you have saved for later to your shower gel, I will take it and use it. This sense of entitlement extends beyond the material. I will take your dignity, your sanity and your self-esteem too. I have no use for those things, they cannot serve me in any way but I will take them all the same. I am an asset stripper and you will be stripped.
3. Blame belongs to you
I am never at fault. I am never responsible and I am never accountable. Culpability and I are not bedfellows. I escape liability for anything and everything that I do and instead the blame will always rest with you. Even if you have done nothing wrong I will pin the blame on you as this serves my purposes to draw fuel from you, control you and denigrate you. If I forget to remove something from the cooker, it is your fault. If I forget to pay a parking ticket on time, it is your fault. If I forget an anniversary, it is your fault. Each and every mishap, failure and problem which arises will always be attributed to you because I cannot be held to account.
4. I take what I want from whomsoever that I choose
I walk this world as a colossus and it is my right to do as I please. I will take whatever my eye rests on as I am entitled to do so. I will steal because I can. If I want something then I will take it. I will take the credit for achievements when they belong to someone else. I will pinch the partner of a friend because I want her in my bed and not his. I will park my car where I like and I am not to suffer any consequence. I will borrow from neighbours and never return anything. It is my right to take and you must never challenge or criticise me as I exercise this right.
6. What is mine stays mine
All resources that are mine remain mine and are for my exclusive use. I will not lend anything to anybody, they should go and buy their own. I will not share. I will stockpile money secretly, notwithstanding that we apparently have a joint account. I have my own shelf inside the fridge for my food which nobody else is to touch. Nobody is allowed to sit in my favourite chair, not even when I am not there. Nobody is to play my CDs or read my books. They are not for you, they are for me. My friends are my friends, yes they will pretend to like you, purely for the sake of appearance but they will never actually be your friends. Anything that is mine remains as mine.
7. I go where I please
I own the right to go anywhere that I like. I am not to be stopped or questioned as to where I am going or where I have been. I move in between and through, an unstoppable force in light of my vast sense of entitlement. I walk through doorways marked private, I attend meetings to which I have not been invited, I will turn up at your social occasions even though I was not asked to attend. I will step over the threshold, vault the red rope and penetrate all areas because I must always know what is going on. Besides, my presence is such that I am always welcome, who would not want someone as brilliant as I with them? I am access all areas.
8. I own the spotlight
The spotlight must be trained on me at all times as it belongs to me. It is for my use to highlight how interesting, witty and successful I am. It lights up my podium where I stand elevated and superior and woe betide you should you try to point it anywhere else. You must never interfere with my ownership of the spotlight for to do so will invite my fury at your transgression. It is a device that must be aimed at me so that the world is always to see me, so that I can receive the adoration which I am entitled to.
9. I owe you nothing
I owe you nothing because in the beginning I gave you everything. It does not matter that since then you have given me your all, your love, your affection, your time, your money, your dignity and your will to live. You can festoon me with gifts, run around after me, nurse me, pleasure me, support and soothe me but this is what you ought to be doing as I am entitled to be treated in this manner. I have no sense of needing to reciprocate, someone as high born as me need not deign to fawn over you, not any more, not once I have captured you and bound you tight to me. You are nothing without me, worthless and pathetic and therefore I owe you nothing, despite the fact you gave me everything.
10. You belong to me.
I thought I would remind you of this fact. It would not do to forget that now, would it?
34 thoughts on “The Ten Laws of Narcissistic Possession”
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HG, I haven’t seen the N for months. We attended a meeting for our teenage daughter this week. He didn’t acknowledge me once while sitting across the table from me. He didn’t acknowledge my presence at all. In the past, he went out of his way to look like the good guy and be nice to me in front of everyone. Does this mean the hoovering, game playing, etc is over?
No. That interaction is still game playing.
The narc i was with ( i cannot say mine, as he never belonged to me, nor to anybody…) used to tell me that if i ever get involved with some other guy, I will be used, not loved…I understand now what he ment with this…but I wonder…what does your kind feel at the thought that we escape you and we land in someone elses trap, someone like you, someone who will use us for our fuel instead of you…? Have you ever thought of this? What reaction do you have at this thought, after how much you invested?
I found out after I escaped my ex he stole from me. Stupid things: change, apple earbuds, my passport, etc. On our first trip together we ordered breakfast and he was insulted I didn’t want to share my meal (lay off my scrambled eggs). He said “if we can’t share a meal together, we can’t share a life together.” That was a red flag but I ignored it. The attention seeking is pathetic. He had to be the loudest, funniest, most helpful person in the crowd. Everyone look at me! Tell me how awesome I am!
HG, will his grandiose ego be bruised if he is sentenced for violating a restraining order? Will he shrivel into a raisin in that little cell where he can’t control the environment? I do have a question for you regarding how camping out on your couch eventually converts to living together and sponging off you. Is this typical behavior of NPD’s? When I told him he needed to start contributing if he lived there it led to never ending arguments. Why are NPD’s such cheapskates while they brag about their lofty bank accounts? Does the entitlement explain why they want everything for free, why they want the upgrade at the hotel, why they would rather sneak into a movie instead of paying? And what about the never ending traffic violations? Is that from entitlement again, lack of respect for authority and lack of boundaries?
I love to belong to someone (!) (unless he is a serial killer).
Hi claudia! Nice to see you back!
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, Jen 💕💕
“You are nothing without me, worthless and pathetic and therefore I owe you nothing, despite the fact you gave me everything.”
You will fall from your high horse… they all do… usually when it is too late.
You like to think.
The thought does not give me pleasure or satisfaction… but I have seen it happen, repeatedly… and I wish a different outcome for you, that’s all.
I acknowledge that sentiment Matilda.
Good, HG. 🙂
No problem.
So delusional. HG what are narcs feeling about the new law on coercive control in the UK? You have said that you are entitled but does that mean you are not scared of being caught as you are an abuser? Come to think of it when would a narc be scared?
Hello SVR, it does not concern me. As to what others of our kind would think, they would not regard it as applicable to them and would behave as they ordinarily do for the purposes of gaining what they need. They may become concerned at the threat to their control, their façade and such like if they faced a prosecution, conviction and imprisonment arising from it. I am not scared of being caught no.
The fear arises during fuel crisis and the collapsing of the construct.
No….way…..what is mine I conquered and who I am I survived.
If someone will ever want to enslave me he should pay attention to his own life, because that’s what it is to me: a matter of life and death.
And I don’t like death.
So very possessive. My narc even started referring to my lady parts as “that’s mine” and he’d laugh as if it was a big joke. One of the first times I tried to get away he asked if he could spend some time with “not mine for much longer.”
Looking back on it I’m just disgusted. I was so taken by it at first because I felt so wanted and important. Ugh
This doesn’t make sense to me. My N has been NCfor a few weeks, no hoovers/drive bys for a couple of weeks (after years of crazy unrelenting behaviors. likely working on his next victim. I’ve been really trying to decide if it’s the vanishing act/silent treatment, respite, or if I’m really free of the craziness.
HC, I would think this mindset would be prevalent in the immediate discard/escape. But, I can’t grasp someone thinking I’m theirs forever. Please explain
More information is required to address a situation such as this Exhausted and this is best addressed through a private consultation, details are contained in the blog menu.
I hate #3 and #9! 😠
Especially when he owes me more than nothing!
What happened to #5?
It is a law unto itself.
Number #5 is my FAVORITE 🙃🙃
The Empathic Supernova and the 10 laws of possession are again refreshingly eye opening. I know it, yet it is nice to have it shoved in my face again, just to keep me on track.
Question, why would a Narc panic so highly when you have gone, gone NO CONTACT?
I thought they just new supply?
If you have escaped before the new primary source has been found or embedded.
I hear that, but this has been going on for over 6 months. Each time he finds me through someone and he is in a full blown panic. Can it be that he is collapsing?
Thank you for the time for the questions.
Trainer I need your help it’s an emergency inbox
I am glad it’s over.
I like your new icon picture Claudia 🙂
Thank you, abrokenwing 🦋
Hi H.G.
My name is Shannon. I’m new to your blog. Would you be open to answering a few questions of mine? I would really appreciate it. I hope to hear back. Thank you.
Shannon
Sent from my iPhone
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Hello Shannon, welcome on board. By all means – if the nature of the questions appertains to your personal circumstances rather than comments on articles etc, a private consultation will be more appropriate.
The beginning
The end
So long as those two are understood the rest is meaningless