Trapped : The Car
Control.
We need to control everything around us. This must be done so we can gain fuel. This must be done because our natural paranoia causes us to need to exert our will on those around us, before they can do so to us and undoubtedly with catastrophic consequences. Only by exerting control can we be sure and satisfied that the order of things will be as we require it to be. We hate to be subject to the control of others. That reminds us of matters which are best left alone.
This need and desire for control causes us to adjust our manipulations so that we can engineer situations where we can achieve total control. Total control arises when we have you trapped.
This concept of trapping you works on several levels. The widest level is within the confines of the Narcissistic Relationship. This is why we regard your entanglement with us as being permanent. We chose you and now you belong to us. You have no say in this of course, why would you when you are not of our calibre? The idea of trapping you continues in terms of the Formal Relationship. This is why we move swiftly to proclaim you as our boyfriend, fiancee, partner, wife and so forth. The application of this labelling is more than just a convenient way of referring to you. We trap you during seduction with the illusion that we create. We trap you during devaluation through the application of our machinations to ensure that you remain stuck and confused. We place traps all around you so they snap closed and hold you tight. We get you pregnant, we isolate you from your friends, we make you give up your job so you become financially dependent on us (although we will naturally complain about you leeching off us later on), we stop you seeing your family, we smear people to you and you to them so you are cut adrift from your support networks. On and on it goes the placing and laying of these traps at varying levels so you remain trapped.
This trapping continues within the various stages of the narcissistic cycle. Most often this manifests when we are devaluing you. In keeping with the need to have total control, we want to engineer situations where you are under our control, unable to escape us and thus we can exact our machinations against you and extract what we want from you. To do this, we create Situational Traps and there are many of them which I shall detail to you over the course of various articles, but we shall begin with a Situational Trap which is a favourite of ours; the car.
We will naturally be at the wheel after all the car is ours (whether it might be in your name is irrelevant) and so we have to be the one driving. We choose where we are going, the speed at which we go, the controls of the car are under our charge. You are sat besides us, seatbelt on, buckled in to your seat as the world flashes by. You cannot escape us. You cannot jump from the car. You might unclip your seatbelt and climb into the back of the vehicle, if you are nimble enough, although we will stop you from trying to do that. You are in the hotseat, right next to us and we know it.
You may we well cuffed to a chair in some dingy basement, with a single bright light shining in your face for the interrogation and treatment will be of a similar nature. The journey may have begun pleasantly enough but if this is a trip which is taking place during the devaluation period, all it takes is for you to blunder in to criticising us and then our fury ignites and the nastiness commences. With you trapped we know that we have you all to ourselves. There is nowhere for you to go. With a Mid-Ranger or a Greater, you will be lured into the vehicle purely for the purposes of us being to rely on the Situational Trap. The behaviour which has offended us may have taken place earlier, in some instances days earlier and with plotting mind firing away, we avail ourselves of the opportunity to coerce you to go on a journey with us. It will undoubtedly be under some false pretence; a picnic, a drive to the coast, a trip to the shopping mall. Once you are in, the seat belt is on and the central locking clicks, then you are our prisoner. The smile we wore fades in an instant and the fury which we have kept under control is now allowed to the surface. This enables us to draw fuel from your reactions, your pleading, your questioning, your puzzled expression, the fright in your eyes and such like. We may well have placed your bag in the boot which contains your ‘phone so you cannot call anybody. If you try to reach for your ‘phone, it will be snatched from you and thrown to one side, quite possibly from the moving vehicle as we ensure that you are isolated and trapped.
You cannot go anywhere. There is nobody to ask for help. You cannot move out of this confined space. Thus we have placed you in this Situational Trap which is allowing us to exert complete and utter control over you, enabling us to do as we please, for howsoever long we choose and accordingly, such total control is very much an outcome that we aim for.
When we have you to ourselves in this manner, so begins the unpleasant treatment which is all designed to ensure you remain subjected to our power and for you to give us fuel. There are many different ways we exert this when we have you trapped in the passenger seat besides us and these are some of those ways:-
- Driving at an excessive speed and/or recklessly;
- Slamming the breaks on causing you to jolt forward, then accelerating, then braking hard again, catapulting you back and forth;
- Braking hard when you are about to take a drink so it spills;
- Turning up the music extremely loud;
- Cross-examining you relentlessly about something you have done or not done;
- Administering a silent treatment;
- Telling you at the outset of the journey that we are going somewhere and then driving in a different direction or past the destination and refusing to explain where we are going;
- Assaulting you physically as we drive;
- Driving at night in an unlit area and switching the lights on and off;
- Swerving violently over the road, overtaking at dangerous places;
- Repeatedly insulting you;
- Shouting at you;
- Poking you as we question you.
- Driving into the middle of nowhere in silence, save for a baleful glare that we keep giving you;
- Threatening to drive us both off a cliff and heading towards such an area;
- Threatening to throw you from the car whilst it is moving;
- Circular conversations;
- Lengthy monologues about ourselves which have you bored to tears.
The effect of this behaviour will vary in intensity. Sometimes it is purely to frustrate you because we have not gone to the place that was promised. On other occasions it is to allow us to talk at you and question you so you are made to feel bored or uncomfortable. Then again, the nastiness and intimidation is increased whereby the intention is to terrify you and have you scared witless.
Having behaved in this manner and left you terrified, shaking and scared, we may well purposefully drive into an area where the traffic is slower and there are other cars around to test you to see if you try to escape us or attract attention from somebody else. We will be waiting for you to test our control and if you do, there will be further repercussions.
Repeated applications of this behaviour will eventually condition you to the point that you dread being told that
“We are going for a drive.”
Since you have come to know only too well that it is far more than just going for a drive. It is placing you in a cell right next to us, a cell from which you are unable to move or escape and thus we can apply our twisted machinations against you all in the name of fuel and further control.
You are trapped and it is to drive you insane.
32 thoughts on “Trapped : The Car”
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Sometimes the narc projects it onto their associate, correct? I’m driving but she’s doing her best to unsettle provoke and devalue me. My daughter is in the back seat and we are far from home. I’m just in my mind praying for release of the cord she keeps constantly attaching as well as gray rock.
HG Tudor. First of all I am eternally grateful for your posts and insights into your kind. It has really saved me. I will never be able to thank you enough. You have mentioned the Creature/Beast within craving fuel. Does this Creature/Beast have a name?
It is known as The Creature and you are welcome.
One of my in-laws is an aggressive driver. I felt trapped when I was with her in her car. She would speed up when seeing other cars slowing down at a red light and then she would brake sharply. She used her horn to make other cars get out of her way. When her engine got damaged beyond repair, she complained that the previous owner had sold her a damaged car and asked her family to give her money to pay for an engine replacement.
Its true. I hate feeling trapped. I’m a free bird. I can’t stand feeling trapped. I would voice this feeling to him but it fell on uncaring ears. He did indeed trap me in so many ways. I hate it. I still can’t break totally free bc of the 4 kids we share. I hate parenting with him. He’s a horrible parent as you can imagine.
What have you done out of your list, 1 – 18?
It is completely reckless and irresponsible. The Narc is putting himself / herself at risk for harm for an accident.
My ex liked driving over potholes and railroad crossings without slowing down in MY CAR. He would also honk the horn incessantly at every car we passed because it got on my nerves so badly that I felt like screaming while he thought it was hilarious. All he had when I met him was some blue jeans, a couple of T-shirts, shoes and a mattress, but he soon took over all my stuff like it was his. Said he had saved up a lot of money so he didn’t have to work a while but after we got married after just three months, I found out he had faked a worker’s comp claim and he was cut off when he refused to get MRI and other diagnostic tests done. And he wasn’t an engineer as he said but just a roughneck. He talked me into selling my house and we moved to another state where I knew no one. I can’t believe my ignorance. I didn’t know what was wrong with him at the time but I saw his true colors as soon as we got married. He did work and I stayed home while he was off in my car which really was looking beat up to be only a year old. He talked me into getting pregnant and said he really wanted children. I had a scheduled C-section to have our baby but he volunteered to go offshore and wasn’t even there for the birth. I had complications and when he finally showed up at the hospital, after I called his work, he took over my hospital bed saying how tired he was. I had to sit in a chair. We were together 5 years off and on. He generously “gave” me all of the possessions. They were mine to start with! He has totally ignored our son his whole life, but he still calls me when I least expect it after 20 years. His mother would always give him my new number although she denied it. He wants to have long conversations about what went wrong with us. Ha! I recently found out he now lives in Florida which is where I live. His jobs were in Louisiana so I highly doubt he has worked much. I am thinking he is a Lesser. He better not even think of showing up at my place. What a loser.
The great thing about our son is that he inherited the best of my ex .. charm, good looks and a type of voice that people listen to … Not loud and aggressive but commanding. His ambition and
Forget this incomplete post. Not sure how that happened.
The great thing about our son is that he inherited the best of my ex .. charm, good looks and a type of voice that people listen to … Not loud and aggressive but commanding. His ambition and tender feelings he got from me. I always knew he had leadership qualities, even as a child. I’m so proud of him.
That’s great, thank God he left. The damage they inflict upon kids to harm the other parent is atrocious.
I’ve been through most of these entrapments with both the greater and the lesser. Of course I didn’t realize they were fuel or on purpose at that time.
The greater would do this on longer trips, ten hour or five hour trips to another city. He would suddenly start to berate me, call me names, which was unusual on daily basis, almost never. These verbal attacks would happen after I was too tired to have sex with him in the hotel.
One time he left the room and I found him sleeping in the car the entire night, worried he drove away and left me stranded in a different state.
He would unleash the creature so bad I was wanted to be left on the road and find another way to get back home.
One trip he would treat me to silent treatment entire five hours, and after we arrived back to the city he said: I don’t want to be cruel but I don’t want to see you ever again, and left.
The lesser would escalate speeding and start racing with everybody on the highway. In my car. Ofc he would never let him drive his car.
He would drive on damaged by winter roads, to damage my tires.
This wasn’t even that long ago, before January.
Did any of them play sappy romantic music in the car to brainwash you?
For me, tons of sappy music they each played…the last Narc in particular.
Oh yes and when he would try to be funny he’d play the “Love” music and then switch mid song to something about “looking for hoes” 😂😂😂 he was so predictable.
Lol, would you?
Oy vey, it is a common behaviour then.
Would I? not to decieve someone no.
Of course you wouldn’t..
The Narc I was with took out his gun, and taught me how to use it. Then, he took me to the target practice arena. Silly Narc. I made a happy-face on the face of the ‘target board’ with the bullets.
Sharp shooter are you? Impressive. I have been taught by a man who taught marksmanship to FBI agents. His name is on a wall in the FBI BUILDING in DC.
I have seen sharp shooters but they never made happy faces. But the have shared stories of doing so in the snow.
Well, it wasn’t the first time I had used a gun. Another guy took me to the mountains to practice shooting. He was not a Narc, though. But, the one who was a Somatic Narc supposedly was a Sargent in the Army, and was very adept with his gun. He liked me to call him Sarge…lol. He is the one who took me to the shooting range, and gave me pink ear muffs to wear during shooting practice. The irony of caring for my ears, but not my heart is fascinating. Hmmm.
Funny I always felt like he would turn the music up unnecessarily loud at 6 a.m on purpose! I would just sit there with my face frowned up to avoid the argument but he KNOWS how much I hate loud music so without me saying a word he would argue with me about the music “not even being loud” when I never said anything 😂😩 and get accused of being a control freak and then he would start driving all stupid wanting me to argue back and I just got to the point where I’d just wait until it was my stop… Every once in a while I would say my God man you are a real Drama Queen and then he’d be fuming mad and I’d just go in the house glad that I am OUT of there! After I saw the rape police report (that no one knew I saw) where most of the night took place in his ride I didn’t even like riding with him anymore.
PSPK,
Hahaha, your post triggered a memory. When the lessor would do something stupid that annoyed me I would go off. When I stopped responding he would respond the same way. Crazy and dillusional” What you complaining about now, damn can I get a break” keep in mind. I hadn’t spoke a word like you I was focused on destination. None of his machinations work more than twice on me so he was constantly looking things to annoy me. Now we know exactly what they were doing. Wow, and he would get so angry due to me ignoring him and on my phone.
Ughh it got to be so annoying and predictable, I’d never met a man that picked fights like that! Now I know all of those things that would have me feeling like I missed something were deliberate to irk me 😫 Mine was a certified Mid Range lol I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone most times, like what is really going on 😂😂
we were on our way to a party to watch a basketball game. I told my new husband that I thought Michael Jordan was hot. We didn’t end up going to that party, instead he hit me all the way to an abandon warehouse in the middle of no where. He told me that he was going to kill me there and nobody would find me. He dragged me out of the car and then dragged me back in the car and proceeded to hit me on the way home. He parked at a parking lot and started to cry and told me how sorry he was. I packed my things while he was at work, left and the next day and stayed at a woman’s shelter. UGH!
That’s horrible, congrats on getting away from that. Real live psychopath.
There appears to be some overlap with psychopathic behaviour here and sometimes in other articles, although as a new follower I’ve not read that many yet.
You are correct in your observation Marilyn.
My narc did this for the circular conversations as well as to scare me with his driving. He knew I hated his road rage and would take the opportunity to fly up on people while I would be screaming, thinking we’d collide or he’d be screaming insults at other drivers while making gestures—all of which would scare me to death, thinking that perhaps somebody might have a gun and blow us away (which does happen in the U.S. on occasion).
I began using the car to my advantage. *I* would start using drives as a way to confront him for his cheating, his deplorable behavior, etc. He hated it. This was when I started fighting back. He complained about it mightily to our marriage counselor who thought it was quite humorous.
Ah yes our casual drives out to Mojave desert…let’s go look at stars….next thing you know….BAM! We are arguing all the way there about me going in his briefcase (found naked pictures of ex not ex) and how dare I. Then turns off lights, pitch dark driving 100mph, he’ll kill us both. Slams on breaks I get out of the car chase pursues and he catches me. Wrestled to the ground. After kicking scratching biting. He holds me down and says, we are here to look at stars now get up and get on the hood of the car and lay down. I do it. He goes in trunk and gets blanket and gun. I scream what the eff are you going to do with that? He says you never know if a wild animal will come and we have to shoot you accidentally. I of course carry on reviling him. He lays silent looking up. Then says are you done? You know I wouldn’t shoot you, come on ABB, why do u get so worked up? You have the shortest fuse. Come here and let’s stop this. Let’s enjoy these stars and then I will let you give me a blow job. I punch him. He laughs, come on I love you… baby, come here, I was playin’ unless you are giving me a blowjob….wait…laughing the entire time….I’m kidding….come back ABB i need you….yes I stayed with this effer months after….ugh!
My narc used our motorcycle to trap me so I couldn’t get away as he drove recklessly and fast and even after drinking without me being aware until we were already moving so that I was terrified and feared for my life and safety. He would laugh at my concerns and belittle my thoughts and feelings. Thank you HG for all you share as it just helps me keep strong in my no contact.
You are welcome DK.