Scenting Blood
In our engagement with our appliances and especially with our primary sources, we are repeatedly seeking to extract fuel. We have been designed to draw those fuel providers into our grasp, from the colleagues that we work with, the relevant family members and friends so that rather than surround ourselves with appliances of limited function we ensure that all those who are attached to us are likely to provide us with fuel. As I have explained before, we like to preserve our energy and operate in an efficient and effective fashion. As part of that approach we like to ascertain if we can scent fuel in our interactions with you, in the same way that a shark smells blood in the ocean and knows that a bigger prize awaits. There are certain responses that you provide that immediately tell us that there is more fuel ready to be extracted. Just as how a tiny nick on your leg may cause droplets of blood to fall and be smelt by the predatory shark, there are certain things that you will say to us that tells us that we should dive straight in and seize the advantage. There are comments that you will make which indicates to us that you are holding a reservoir of fuel just under the surface and all we need to do is slice you open and gorge on that waiting fuel. Your response tells us that your emotion is there, just a few moments away from being extracted, seized and gathered, so that rather than attend to something else we are best served by focusing our efforts on you.
It is akin to staring at a vast body of water behind a glass partition. We want that body of water to come gushing forward, engulfing us and cascading over us. We do not wish to dedicate the time to hammering away at this toughened glass in the hope of eventually making it crack. We do not want to expend our energy chiselling and drilling but instead we want to find the weak spot. We want to identify that flaw, that weakness, that opening, which means that with the careful application of pressure, the edifice will shatter and the water will come surging over us in an instant. You are no different. You are filled with fuel. That is why we chose you. You might be a co-dependent super tanker of fuel that requires the hull to be holed, you may be a super empathic fuel well which just needs to be drilled or an empathic fuel pump where one pinprick in the hose will allow the fuel to spurt out. You are a walking fuel depot and at times we can do just one thing, say one thing and the fuel will come fountaining from you, shooting out of you, gushing from you, ready for us to suck it all up, gorging on your delicious and potent fuel and drinking deep of your vast resources.
It is you that gives us the indication that you are ready to flow with fuel, that the dam can easily be breached and once you provide that indication to us, it only takes a small amount of pressure, a modicum of application and the most straightforward of manipulations to cause you to burst and we gain so much fuel. You are teetering on the brink of providing the fuel, it is almost spilling over there is so much of it and you tell us that it is there, often in just one sentence and then we apply the pressure and the geyser erupts.
These indications are applicable to both positive fuel and negative fuel. The comments in themselves will provide some slight amount of fuel but they are indicators, gateways telling us that in that moment there is a whole host of additional fuel ready to be tapped and it is easy to do so. This is why when you provide us with the positive indicators we dive in and invite you to expand on the point that you have made, the comments that you have shared because we know that there is more behind what you have said and we want it. It becomes even more evident when with the negative indicators. These really are a green light for us to satiate our fuel lust in the way that a pugilist would satisfy his bloodlust. You have waved the key in front of us through your comment and we will focus on that comment and what it signifies in order to get at the fuel that is hoarded behind it.
Should you say them to us you should be aware that you have just telegraphed that there is fuel to be gained and whatever we might have been doing will be forgotten as we turn and fix our eyes on you. Like the cruising shark, the scent of blood has been detected and easy and satisfying prey is well within reach. Our cold jaws will be clenched around you as we puncture you and begin to slurp on the surfeit of fuel. What then are these indicators, what should you be aware of what is it that you say which tells us that there is fuel ready and waiting to be extracted, exploited and consumed?
The Positive Indicators
- I love you
- How did you manage to do that?
- There is nobody like you.
- Where did you get that shirt from?
- That was amazing.
- That is an outstanding result.
- I could listen to you talk for hours.
- I could kiss you forever.
- I would die for you.
- I cannot imagine being anywhere else right now other than with you.
- I have finally found what I have been searching for.
- If I died now, it would not matter.
- I don’t know what I would do without you.
- I would do anything for you.
- I belong to you.
The Negative Indicators
- Where have you been?
- I hate you right now.
- Don’t leave me.
- Why must you hurt me like this?
- Who is she?
- I just need to feel loved.
- I miss you still.
- Is that it?
- What about me?
- You are being unfair.
- Please listen to me.
- Don’t shout at me.
- I don’t understand.
- Please talk to me.
- Please stop.
- I need to sleep.
- Please be reasonable.
- It is my birthday.
- Please, for my sake, just do it.
- You are scaring me now.
Let the feeding frenzy commence.
24 thoughts on “Scenting Blood”
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I want to thank you for all the information…i knew he was a narcasist,now I know he is of the highest level in his relm.I have been free for 2 months and your information is helping me stay away and heal.Along with my God,my church family and counselors…my son and and I now have a chance at life!
You are welcome.
What a valuable lesson learned!
so narcissists will compromise for their families, but i wonder how far they will bend? what i find unusual after reading ten of your books and this blog daily, is narcissists are never to be taken advantage of unless they will it. my narc is oblivious to his sisters manipulations. shes good real good. my confidant is how i know this. she pity plays him and gets her way. all the women use sexuality on the men. they are nasty arabs. so my question is how can that be possible when hes a highly calculating narc?
1. He may not actually be oblivious, but just appears to be ; or
2. He is not as calculating as you think he is.
Difficult to state without knowing the full facts.
is someone who is a drug addict, drug dealer and gambler who watches porn, and shoplifts, steals and lies, has anger outbursts, is a lesser or mid range?
Lesser.
Would saying “I filed for divorce” fall under the negative indicator? Or, should I be preparing for an explosion of fury?
Depends how you said it Sweet Freedom.
Due to his raging, on the advice of my lawyer, he will be served papers without my saying anything in advance. Should I worry about retaliation from my narc? He lives two hours away and several people are fearing for my safety.
Difficult to answer without knowing more about what kind of narcissist he is, past behaviours, whether he knows where to find you, whether he has a new primary source and so on. All private consultation material for the detailed answer.
I do want to thank you for this blog—I have learned so much about his mindset and I have shared your blog with others, including my husband’s sister so she can understand her brother (my husband).
my narc husband is partial to his narc sister. she is a few years older and now divorced with her grown children. she is in her fifties. the whole family is narcissistic. the sister is a viper a scorpian. she can be so mean to our kids, and he lets her. he lets the whole family to as they please, but she is the one who is the repeat offender. my husband is calculating of the worst kind. he has put her and her son in charge of our savings of hundreds of thousands. and when i found out i went flippin. i fought him for a year and even said at least put one of our sons in the savings if he doesnt want me on it. he refused. i then set out to do my damage which is in the process still. his family has a villa with six apts and they all live in it. my question is after my war with him, will he still look at his family as they are number one when i am out of the picture, as i have been the victim of triangulation. he has declared he is in charge of the money not his family. i refer to his sister as his family as i was warned by my confidant to leave her alone or they will both turn on me.. ahahahaha. im so out of this. i was told when im out of the picture he will see his family different. he has not lived with them for almost fifteen years then left to live in the same country with them then left. now we have the problems. well, we always had problems, but now its bad. i have lots to say, but my question is can narc families live in peace together. oh, my husband has a disability that prevents him from driving and walking long ways. he will never remarry so a sexual source is out of the question for him. and who would put up with him. but the sister and my husband have an unusual relationship not sure what it is with them .and also, the sister is the only one of the family that knows how much money he has. oh and i know we have money but he wont tell me the exact amount. to give a little insight of culture background, he is from the gcc arab countries, been married thirty years. thank you.
Can you leave in peace? No total peace but you may achieve some comparative peace if you make repeated compromises.
I’ve said them all too. I even said “I belong to you FOREVER”. And I said “Everything feels cold and senseless without you”. “I would walk barefoot through the snow to come and see you.”
Guess I am the codependent super-tanker…
Thank you again so very much Mr. Tudor!
Your method of providing lists with typical formulations and situations is extremely helpful….
I’ve got ‘Two forevers and a day’ it was our phrase. I meant it, for my narc ‘forever’ was 3 1/2 years, or until a smooth talking crackhead came along!
*lie*like a rug
This tank is empty! HG, question for you. I’ve been NC for almost 6 weeks. I have to see him tomorrow in court for violating a restraining order. Does that break the NC because I’m forced to see him? I am already expecting him to try and intimidate me, like like a rug. And rake me through the coals. Would he be getting fuel from seeing me and hearing me speak? Thank you.
Depends if you engage with him at all in court. If you do not look at him or speak to him, unlikely as this probably will be, you maintain NC.
He will gain fuel from your reactions.
This is off topic, but I have a question. I’m married (no romance) and learned tough lesson via affair with psychopath criminal. (I’m staying in marriage and will never have another affair. I learned so much through this and it was lesson I needed to learn.) It was a horrific rollercoaster but I deeply loved this guy. I always wanted to meet his 2nd wife for info, as I thought I’d marry him. But he dumped me almost 2 years ago, was arrested and married 3rd wife out of jail. Through my personal small business, I amazingly met his 2nd wife and we’re meeting. She has no idea I know him. Do I tell her? I feel I should as I don’t want to be deceptive. I know that sounds strange, but I’m usually above board and honest. I’m sure he was a nightmare to her and she has restraining order vs. him. She’s very nice. I like her a lot and we get along great. And if I tell her, do I tell her at the end of our meeting or another time? I would tell her I knew her ex. Or do I say nothing? I presume we’ll connect on our Facebook, Pinterest and instagram, which he might see as they both are on same family member sites. (Maybe that will shock a Hoover out of him, Sir Tudor! She and I have same birthday and similar features.) I will also purchase from her small business. I’m so happy to have connected, but unsure, and unsure of her response.
There is something to this fuel concept, because after nearly every interaction with an N, I’ve felt completely drained. Some drained me so much that I needed three whole days to recover fully.
There may really be some energy interchange happening.
I was almosttt about to break No Contact and tell him thanks for the shoes he sent our daughter and that they were so cute but then I remembered no no noooo lol, the note in the box most got me 😂 almost set myself back and provided fuel 😫
You’re not accustomed to hanging out with younger appliances I gather. Your story is giving away your age.
I’ve said them all. I’m a freakin tsunami of fuel. So gross.