Come One Come All
My kind need people. We do not like to admit it as the suggestion of reliance on somebody else brings with it connotations of weakness and this dents our sese of omnipotence. It is however an inescapable fact. We do not like it and indeed this is in part the thing which drives our devaluing behaviour. I need other people because I need to gather fuel from those people through their emotional responses to me. I am often asked and sometimes lambasted for it, whether I obtain fuel from my writing and interaction with those who comment on it, asking questions and advancing their own experiences and theories. I freely admit I do so but emphasise that since all of those who I interact with are remote strangers then in accordance with the fuel index, the amount of fuel that I receive is very low. Nevertheless, it is naturally welcome and I am far more content to receive it than not. The receipt of this fuel though is not the driving force behind why I write and share my experiences, observations and increasing awareness. The receipt of fuel is neither the key reason why I interact with the many people who take the time to comment and question me. I interact with my readers because I gain by exhibiting my works to them. I interact because I learn from my readers, by understanding their views, their responses and their desires. I interact because they can learn from me and the dissemination of my knowledge is a powerful sensation indeed. I interact because I find the questions posed often challenging, invariably interesting and stimulating. I interact because I am interested in the lives and experiences of those who have found themselves participating with me. I also often find them entertaining and humorous too. Through my writing and the almost daily interaction with these people I have also come to recognise that these people fall in to particular groups. I have observed this repeatedly and I wanted to share this observation with you. You may recognise people belonging to these groups and have your own views about that inclusion. You may indeed recognise which group you belong to and quite possibly further categorisations which have not yet occurred to me. I would be interested to know. So, what are these groups?
- The Angered
Admittedly not a large group, but there are those who present full of anger and hatred, either towards my kind and even me specifically even though we have never met. Of course, I am representative of my kind, albeit a superior version and therefore it is to be expected that I would take some flak for this. I understand how badly people have been hurt and abused by my kind and therefore this anger is entirely natural. I have no issue whatsoever in people telling me what a bastard I am, that they would like to punch me in the mouth or that I should taken out and shot. If people wish to vent their spleen in such a fashion, they should feel free to do so. They may feel better about it and of course it is just fuel to me.
- The Confused
There are those who are completely bewildered by what has happened and this state persists for some time, despite the explanations that I provide and the clarity through which I articulate these explanations. That is not to suggest that these people are thick or stupid, far from it, but is in fact testament to just how confusing, disorientating and perplexing our behaviour can be. Many people in this group cannot fathom out how our kind can be as we are and moreover how we cannot know what we are. It is pleasing to watch as the understanding suddenly forms over time, as the pieces fit together and the whole narcissistic experience begins to make sense. I often find that it is when those people begin to realise that they have to adopt our perspective in order to gain understanding. That is often the breakthrough moment
- The Answer Seeker
This group embodies one of the fundamental traits of empathic people; the need to know and understand. Question after question is posed, usually based on their own experiences in order to assist them in fathoming out what type of narcissist this person became entangled with, why the narcissist did as he did and what can be expected to happen next. Occasionally, this group may pose questions which are hypothetical but in the main the repeated and valid asking of questions is premised on what has happened to them.
- The Sponge
This group comprises of Answer Seekers but goes beyond this. They wish to know and understand everything there is to know about the narcissistic experience. They need to understand what happened to them but also find considerable interest in the experience of others and then applying their new found knowledge to unravelling he mysteries of the tales from other people. This group cannot get enough of the knowledge and understanding, they wish to examine every facet of narcissism, whether it is from the victim’s perspective or that of the narcissist. They need to know why, how and what. These people soak up all this knowledge and do so with a healthy understanding of their tolerance to do so as they place understanding above emotional response.
- The Burnt Victim
This group consists of people who find the whole entanglement with the narcissist still very raw. They may not be confused as they know what they have been ensnared by and they are beginning to understand the essentials of what has happened and why. Moments come when the content is difficult to stomach, the wounds still raw and painful and this may result in occasional absences, yet, the desire to have those wounds heal and push through the pain with commendable bravery sees these people pressing on with their interaction and understanding, no matter how much it continues to hurt.
- The Narcissists
As one might expect, my work will attract those who are of my kind and those who perhaps are not quite narcissists but have strong traits in that regard. These people recognise what they are and are content to share this as well as learn more about themselves by reading the words of one of their own. Occasionally they bristle and raise their hackles, once in a while lashing out, leaving others in no doubt as to what they are, but invariably they recognise my arena as a place of knowledge and learning and are content to engage in that as the primary purpose.
- The Unwitting Narcissists
From time to time this very small group has a membership when one of our kind wanders by and repeatedly exhibits all the traits which demonstrate that they are one of our kind, but they do not see it. Indeed, their blame-shifting, projection and deflection are manifestly obvious, but not to them for they have no insight. It is not in accordance with the five rules for me to tell them what they are, but I always recognise my kind when they alight here and from time to time they do.
- The Introspectives
This group comprises those who wish to learn about the narcissistic experience, ask questions and soak up the knowledge but in doing so, the experience is as much learning about my kind as understanding what they are and why they became entangled or keep becoming entangled. These people see the benefit of beginning to understand themselves by understanding the behaviour of their tormentor and are keen to grasp what it is about them, their behaviour, their past and their characteristics which influences their choices.
- The Staters of the Obvious
This group, which is small, consists of those who seem to believe that they have to tell me what I am. I do not include those who advance an idea or theory in a respectful manner based on their own experience and understanding. It is evident when somebody is doing that and such a constructive approach is always welcomed. The Staters of the Obvious have a tendency to tell me what I already know, do so in a derogatory fashion and make it appear as if it is some major revelation to me. For instance, they may announce,
“Your kind are just all spoilt children and you will never be happy.”
Thanks for that. That is illuminating.
Or I am advised,
“You are just a fucking waste of space and karma will get you because you are empty and evil.”
Glad we cleared that up then.
It is of course fuel and many who engage in this do so not because they are angry but because they believe they understand what I am more than I do myself. They are incorrect. This often happens when someone comes across my material for the first time and races to such injudicious pronouncements with digesting more of my work which will soon reveal to them that my level of awareness is considerable. I do find that those individuals flare up and vanish very quickly when the bite they are hoping for does not come. It is easy to play with such people and I could amuse myself by doing so, working them up into a frenzy as they unwittingly realise they are pouring fuel in my direction but that is not a productive use of my time.
- On the Up
This group consists of those who are recovering and supplementing their recovery with additional knowledge and understanding. They have a clear direction of where they are going and in typical empathic style they wish to share their experiences and help others. This is not done in a bragging manner (see the group below) and it is not expressed so it is “all about them” but is rather done from the purpose of giving encouragement and inspiring others that there is a way forward and a path through the pain. This group are keen to detail constructively what has worked for them and what has not. Their recollections are often under-stated, modest and sensible.
- Point to Prove
By contrast to the above group, those members in this small group feel the need to repeatedly declare how much of a champion they are for surviving. Indeed, I understand the pride which must come to the fore after having suffered horrendously and then having moved forward, but the frequent need to shout this from the rooftops tends to suggest to me that the progress is not as great or a secure as they would like others to believe. Indeed, I often regard those in this group, as compared to those above, as being more in it for themselves and do it more to bash and bait my kind, rather than truly revel in the advancement of their own recovery and those of their fellow victims.
- The Weaponising Empath
This group is one of the larger, if not the largest group I find I am interacting with. It consists of people who realise that they have access to a unique resource which they can use repeatedly to help themselves by understanding. They know they can ask questions, read as much or as little as they require, they frame considered and respectful questions and do so in order to understand, to acquire knowledge, to defend themselves and to enable them to tackle the effects and influence of the narcissist or narcissists in their life. The members of this group recognise that they can gain far more by engaging with me than seeking to point score, but that does not mean they will necessarily accept everything that is stated with querying or even challenging it. They adopt an open-minded approach to the ongoing process that they find themselves a part of and are enthusiastic in being able to avail themselves of a rare and unusual source of knowledge. They are able to put to one side any distaste they may have at “fraternising with the enemy” by reason of their empathic nature (they recognise what has happened to my kind as well) and the fact they know they stand far more to gain by extracting knowledge and observation than by engaging in a bun fight. Many appear within this group from the start and others gravitate towards it during their interaction with me. It is a beneficial and rewarding group for its members and for me as well.
Do any of these groups seem familiar to you? Perhaps there are others I have missed. Perhaps you identify which one you belong to. I would be interested to read your observations.
92 thoughts on “Come One Come All”
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Hello Mister Tudor,
great article and i just love the level of your awareness and organization. I’m very impressed actually that not only do you have this awareness but your organisation the different schools and cadres etcetera. And i do realise you are the first to come up with all it which i just find ingenious. The only way I’d ever go off like some mofo is if your material had to be taken from me. Which actually i do fear thus i plan on ordering a few of your books. I have so many questions whirring around in my mind at any one time and I am not even one tiny iota as organized as you or even some of the commenters. I would love to able to get a personal consultation with you, but i am not organised at this juncture. I just want know everything, and no one else can me help better pin point my questions with any answers better than you could. I have a couple questions here that i would so appreciate if you could answer when you’re able to.
One is that i saw you mention something in a different article in reply to someone who thinks they may be a narc., you said something about how she may just be highly narcissistical. I’m just sort of curious how a couple of the symptoms of a person like that may manifest? But that is actually one of the least of my questions though.
One of my more major of questions is how does one discern the main difference of narc as opposed to a sociopath? Would it be because a sociopath tends to purposely hurt? And in that case, wouldnt that mean a ‘malignant’ narc and sociopath would pretty much be the same thing? And dont all narcissists manifest themselves as ‘malignant’ occasionally if they truly suffer NPD?
Its just silly and baffling that most people tend to over complicate the matter. You actually make it quite clear the seriousness of what a true narcissst is! I think most people offhandedly throw the word around casually, and me being in my forties i dont believe i ever had gotten so close to someone with serious NPD til just a few yrs ago! And some people claim its either 4% or 10% of the population! I tend to believe someone with true blue serious NPD would be more close to 4%. What would you estimate? Also, if you could please link me to a couple of your articles most closely relevant to identifying the cause of the NPD affliction, i would much appreciate. Thank you for being such a marvel of meticulous and challenging insight! I was getting bored of previous articles saying too much of the same thing. Whereas i learn something new from all of yours!!
Previous things i had read prior to finding your goldmine of material!
Sorry, im sure you knew what i meant in above comment, but i had to correct myself
And i love how you are naturally comically and find myself smiling with humour at least a couple times in most your articles. I wonder what school and cadre is most likely to be rather comical like that.? I’m supposing your school and cadre.
I’m guestimating thus far that narc i was ensnared with was mainly a middle mid-ranger. But i haven’t determined for certain yet. He fits all the criteria when i had read your ‘Fuel matrix part two article.
But he is unusual because as far as i know he hasnt had a job in years and has also lived with his dad for many years. He too, was oftentimes rather humorous. He claimed to be a computer nerd, so i imagine he attained some money though that. He never asked me to borrow money. In fact, i remember him once saying ‘I hate money’!! @??
As stated previously and purely on an anecdotal basis, 1 in 6. Someone who may be narcissistic but not a narcissist would be someone who talks about themselves a lot, has an exaggerated opinion of how good they are at, say, playing a particular sport, but they exhibit genuine emotional empathy towards others.
Have you had much experience with empaths trained in energy work? Have you experienced a theft of your newly stolen energy at any time and wondered where it went or why the juicy bite didn’t last as long?
It’s an interesting experience to be able to generate from the core as well as having the knowledge as to how to take from others. And beyond that, to have the control of from who and when one partakes. I believe this might need to be a separate category…. Perhaps you could refer to as “The Adept” …. Or “The Vampire Hunter” ? I only take from those who are already thieves.
I know you don’t have core generated energy of your own, but there are ways to lure and reverse the flow at the right times. My depth of emotion is very real and very tempting to certain individuals I’ve realized… so it has come in handy, the ability to shut it off toward you at just the right moment and to then throw a targeted curveball. There, then I get those split seconds of bewilderment because you thought for certain you knew what you were dealing with and had me under your thumb (love those micro-expressions).
After that it’s either anger in a pouty discard or further attempts to conquer by those of you who like a challenge (typically some malice starts to creep in after the first curveball). I can use both of these reactions toward my art, my workout, my writing… however I choose. I learned the technique from your kind. Except I use my own real emotion in the beginning. The emotion just wasn’t actually inspired by or directed at you. It came from a much deeper place and I simply showed it to you.
No, I’m not one of you, but understanding and being extremely sensitive to the flow of energy has given me certain abilities. Being burned led me to develop my skills. Now I use your “evil” flames to light my candles.
P.S. 1-2% of the population, my ass. How do we know Robert Hare isn’t one of you? From my own experience, it appears that statistic is nearly reversed. I have felt the depth of emotion in the general population declining steadily in recent years and as a species we are becoming increasingly narcissistic. People are relying more and more on “getting reactions” over sharing actual emotional connections. We are not existing in a higher energy in 2017.
It’s looking like we are evolving (or devolving) to a dog eat dog situation as a means of survival. In order to function in a loveless world, being raised by distracted and egoistic parents and the constant downward spiral of the media, each generation exists on a shallower vibration simply to stay alive…. “Because I’m happy” right Pharrell Williams? People are in denial. What a sad state of affairs.
Guy who writes this blog, I’m so very sorry that your mother was a ^%*=*. You are not rare.
ISEEYOU
Besides this ablility, what others do you possesse.
One that holds this kind of “power” has another if not many others.
Wow!!! Nice job, ISEEYOU!
I found your website and have been reading your posts for the past week. My mother has NPD. It took me many years of therapy to figure it out, and now I seem to have a need to ‘arm’ myself – to get as much information as I can . . . to help me deal with it . . . but I’m confused. Let me preface everything by saying I’m enjoying everything you have written, and am thankful that you are giving others insight into how narcissists think, yet it seems the more I learn, the more questions I have.
I’ve always thought, and heard, that narcissists will never admit that anything is wrong with them . . . but here you are admitting who and what you are. So, are you admitting that you have a mental disorder? You’re OK with that? If you are, why are you OK with that when so many others aren’t? How did you get to that place? Because on the one hand you are saying that you are brighter and better than everyone, yet what you have is a mental disorder. How do you reconcile that in your head?
Having a Mental disorder doesn’t mean you are dumb . intelligence has nothingvtivdo with that.
HG fan club…there’s a group he missed alright.. or maybe that was intentional… plenty of fuel there of course. he could sell cheerleader outfits with pompoms… if that doesn’t stroke his ego not much else will… he seems to have wrapped many around his little finger just by offering the honest answers most of us wanted from the narc(s) that has/have hurt us but never got from them… (answer seekers group).
step into my parlor, said the spider to the fly…
yes the honesty is appreciated, as the giving of the closure most narcs won’t allow because it keeps a form of control in the last flickering embers of the relationship – especially once awakened enough to have accepted that we had fallen in love not with the narc him/herself but with a carefully crafted imaginary character that truly never existed in the first place & have mourned it for having seen the narc’s true colors for what they are thus not being hooverable by said narc anymore (which does obviously not mean not hooverable by other narcs since they can be difficult to pin point as narcs until they show their true colors).
however, i will stick to my own “distantly cautious but interested observer and sometimes (excuse the pun) devil’s advocate for-the-sake-of-it commentary tosser” group which does include bits and pieces of several groups mentioned above or might be it’s own…shrugs… but also it’s not over my head to recognize the risks of being mass-hoovered by intelligence, honesty and wit displayed in these answers being offered… when we’ve been starved for honesty by the crumbs of other narcs…
I’m new to recovery from narcissistic abuse, but not to recovery itself (drugs), namely the 12-step version, which I’ve field-tested and verified for almost 20 years. For a few weeks after It left, I didn’t identify the yearning I felt as a craving, or It as an addictive toxin. Pining for the Narc and the desperate bids for contact were much more debilitating than even the obsessions and compulsions when I quit cocaine. The despair and desire are acceptable now, usually 2-3 minutes around sundown everyday and an occasional spasm of anguish. Cocaine whispered to me for almost 6 months, and I often thought only death or being chained in a cell could keep me from using. But there’s another major difference in the two recoveries. Unlike substance abuse sufferers, Narc Supplies here in the beginning usually have no idea what just levelled them, how it works, what it looks like, and certainly no idea how to transcend the pain when they can’t even name their enemy. Within weeks of trying blow, I had a PhD in cocaine and sensed its dangers. It took me a month of diligent research and reflection to even contemplate narcissism as the culprit. Now if I were in a detox facility or a 12 step meeting, and I spent that much time and energy on cocaine itself in early recovery, a counselor or oldtimer would say I was “romancing” the dope, but for Narc Abuse, there’s a PreStep before surrendering, and that’s discovering what exactly you have to surrender. But once that discovery’s been made, the harder work of recovery begins, of effecting what has been called “an entire psychic change” through rigorous honesty, self-examination, restorative action, spiritual practice, lifelong maintenance, and service. HG can tell educate us regarding the enemy’s patterns, needs, values, and the pitfalls ahead, but that’s where his usefulness ends for me personally. I’m grateful for this articulate, witty, brilliant apologist for narcissism–he’s a pleasure to read. But knowing the nature of the Beast ultimately won’t save me from it–I’ll just know what”s going to kill me , and I beg to differ with anyone, including HG himself, who claims that former victims are doomed to remain at the narcissist’s mercy. Nonsense! I know men and women who gave their drug everything but their last breath; it had them by the Soul, and though the majority do not die clean, these people are happy, healthy, productive, respected, and LOVED. They keep an eye out for signs of backsliding, but they’re not hypervigilant neurotics afraid of the Boogie Man. Addicts are predictable, and though inanimate, drugs have certain immutable properties, mechanisms, neurochemistry, etc. Empathic abuse victims are also predictable, and as HG masterfully reveals, narcissists have essentially immutable properties, trajectories, intentions, etx. They’re animate, but with perhaps a few exceptions, they’re scarcely more human than Dope. They don’t change. They’re doomed to repeat the same predatory cycle like a machine. We can change. We’re not doomed. In recovery, helping newcomers is the single most powerful tool against relapse, and I read veterans here all the time who help guide frightened, hopeless discards, which I’m sure benefits them incalculably, as these comments I post help me. Those two uses, education and the community here, make this site indispensable to me. I’m a tremendous fan of HG’s writing voice–it takes extraordinary talent and practice to earn one–but I couldn’t care less what he gets out of this blog or for that matter what types compose his readership (the writer of course must). I came here to find out what the fuck kinda monster had just tried to kill me and learn to banish it and its kind from my life forever. So I belong in the fighting for his life category, The Weaponising Empath, a badass at last (do we have clandestine trainings like Ninjas? Please tell me the uniforms include a cape,) But I’ve been every one of those readers during this aftermath. Haven’t we all at some point?
There seem to be some commenters on this blog who actually seem infatuated with you despite how honest you are. I don’t know what group that would be but I have noticed that dynamic on some posts.
Maybe it’s a guilty conscience but I am not infautated by HG…no offense to you HG. You have helped me and I express appreciation.
None taken.
Patricia
Oh thats the Horny with a Halo group. Indy started that group.
LOL. I am in so much shit when she reads that.
NA I am speechless 😶 on that
NA,
So do our T Shirts say Tudors Tarts or Horny with a Halo? Maybe we need matching shorts with one of those across the bottom? The HG Store could be a thing. Books, Clothing, Spyware, Genuine Naughty Stool, etc. Arrives in the Famous Tudor Box with the saying on the side: Get Back In Your Box – Comparmentalizing In Progress!
Sooooo many possibilities……
Im hoping the new format includes a way to follow selected bloggers. I try to stay current but there is only so much time and there are some whose comments I am very much interested in on certain topics. And it could identify to new joiners who are the regulars and alumni via traffic or ratings etc.
Now if youll excuse me-I have to get back to Narc Truths 219 (Validation) where Ive been ordered to “watch that space”. My leash has become entirely too long.
I am sure at least 70% of commenter at some point has been infatuated by HG. Albeit short lived, not necessarily because they think he’s hot and adorable. Infatuated by the knowledge and attention they receive from him. Now the article ” HUSH” revealed some closet crushes.
HG, knows he is a hottie and the most sought after narc in the word. Enough with the labels😂😂😂😋😋
Entertainment
In some cases hes proof that people are still susceptible The ultimate illusion once again. A never-ending golden period because they can choose to interact as little or often as they wish with no repercussion. I mean really-isnt he hoovering us all daily here? He posts and we respond. Thats never been lost on me. Hopefully the infatuation fades and reality sinks in due to the repeated messages he offers. Some think that if he can be as he is on here then so too can he be off of here, and for that matter, maybe their guy can too. Thats the dangerous part. They separate the man writing the posts from humorous and charming host who interacts with us. Not so. I appreciate what he has created here-the information, the opportunity to interact with others, and I accept him as he is (while still throwing out the odd challenge to consider). But forget what he and his kind are capable of in an intimate relationship? Never. And I have plenty of company there too.
Shhh….here he comes the hottest, most evil, and sexy illusiom now lol……..look disinterested.
NarcAngel
“Hush” now let him work his magic. 😊
I agree but there’s hovering and silent treatments on both sides as well. I think HG would like to see people grow from his interactions, posts, and books. If he’s doesn’t see the fruits of his labor he serves up a nice swift kick in the butt. By posting his most savage articles. Some read them and flat line😐
Entertainment
You had to say “Hush” now here I go again listening and falling.
I do enjoy 😊 the fact I can now go to YouTube and listen to what HG writes. Causes mixed emotions to surface.
I totally agree. I would be in that group. I find tutor to be a turn on. I’m into sadomasochism and as a bottom I definitely like to be controlled especially when sex is involved. He describes how he would do something to one of his girls in public and if they stoped him he would worker in their ear and tell them he will withhold sex from them . something to that effect . totally fuc_ _ _ hot!!
I’m in that group. I find tutor a turn on.
Anyone infatuated with a narc probably has the equal but opposite disorder of masochism. Thus, every time one feels an attraction, it’s a friendly red flag. 🙂 I’m a little concerned about the women that want to be “tarts” for him. Surely he has access to porn or massage parlors in the UK. Otherwise, he’s already warned us repeatedly that women only serve as a revolving door to him. And for someone serious in climbing that ladder to primary source, he won’t likely pick someone who slut shames herself. Narcs/sociopaths in my experience expect impeccable manners, both online and off-, so while the flattering may give him temporary fuel, when considering long term primary sources, they seem to often look to someone who will represent them as a mirror, eg, be a leader along the women or his harem, not trying to look like a prostitute, essentially appointing him as a pimp. Being a true cheerleader for a creator such as he is would mean helping to promote his youtube channel, trying to help him grow his subscribers, helping to drive business to his Web site, recommending his books to people, writing strong reviews online for same, etc. I’m not trying to knock the t shirt, panties, and pompom idea, but i am pretty sure he’s tactfully let us know he can get what he wants in person. The way we can support him the most, though, if we are true fans and appreciative of his work, and wish to also take that feeling of goodwill for his tireless efforts to the next stage, is through helping to grow his business and sales. And that’s a quiet and thankless job, although i guess you could make panties for that too. Just be sure you get permission first to include his website address on them before you show them off on instagram, maybe? Lol 🙂 i feel bad commenting on something that’s old and that was meant as a joke, but i figured, hey, if you guys are willing to put in time, effort, and work to help repay him for the work he consistently does for us, then helping to spread the word of the incredibly unique opportunity we all have here with his expertise would probably benefit him the most. 🙂 blessings
Amber
Just got this comment in my spam folder from WordPress (along with some others).
Some people are delusional and do think they can “land” HG and some are just exercising humour to lighten an often heavy subject. Its important to be able to make the distinction.
THaannk youuuuu!!! I agree !!!
wow Amber
I am the same… i’ am always finding inspiring insight into the belief that everything including Satan and the fallens shall be restored to former glory..
Why would God have a hell with a hell-runners full of souls??
It doesn’t make sense in the overall final picture.
I found that this (my belief) its appalling to many Christians..
But i will search and study more clues and new revelations.
Every single day i want know: WHY?
But there are no “Whys” being answered, never..
Maria
You may not get answers in yout relationship, but you ARE getting answers HERE daily. The information applies to EVERYONE, not everyone ELSE. Keep reading.
NarcAngel,
I think your name deserves a category of its own.
Good & Bad
Devil &Angel
Ying &Yang
Wicked &Virtuous
Dark & Light
I was wouldn’t place you in the Ass hole category.
NarcAngel
i am obssessed to wanting to hear it from his mouth.
Hoping that one day i will hear lots if the truths…
We never know.
HG has no problem saying it..
so let us hope other Narcs will follow?
I never give up, never.. never… my persistence will pay off one day.
Also add:
The Desperately Seeking Somethings
(Like the words to a meme)
You are killing me NA. I am laughing so hard that my side hurts…I’m not complaining. You are making insomnia suck a little less.
I am the Impatient One. Btw. You are not an asshole, at least to my observances.
am new to this blog, so am quite guarded given the expert disarming abilities of our charming and resourceful host. although I’ve witnessed the havoc and devastation that narcs can spread at work and in social settings, dealing with family narcs has been the ultimate challenge. HG’s posts and the responses from other readers are taking my understanding of narc behaviour to a whole new level. obviously I would like to read more posts about family entanglements, but that, of course, is up to HG
At different stages during the break off from my narc (even now, over 6 months later), I find myself in not just one category of the above, but several:
The Angered
The Answer Seeker
The Sponge (one reason I’m here)
The Burnt Victim
The Introspectives
On the Up (about where I’m at now)
And, I guess by posting a reply here:
The Weaponising Empath
I also (thanks in large part to reading your article “The Empath Supernova”) discovered that I hover inbetween an “Empath” and “Super Empath” in that I was capable of and carried out the act of letting my narc have it with both barrels after what she did to me as well as her own children. In doing so, I mirrored her own ruthlessness almost effortlessly and without remorse – it felt “right”, as in she had that and so much more coming to her. And, it’s because she brought that wicked bile out of me that I came as close as I ever have to truly hating another human being.
And now, even though she’s been married for over 3 months, I’m still on her mind enough for her to stalk/menace my family at their place of work and even try to hack into my Facebook account. Not sure if her new “marriage” is on the jagged rocks and splintering fast, a need for fresh fuel/supply or maybe a little bit of both. Who knows?
But speaking of fuel, though it may give you a few ounces of it, I’m nonetheless very grateful for your site and valuable insights in helping me gain some understanding on what the hell made her tick the way she has.
Thank you again.
H.G.
I would say your observation and categorizing bases on the thousands of comments is spot on. I easily fit into 3 of the categories for 2 reason 1 being my interactions/relationships with narcopaths and 2 my own personality disorder. I don’t know if Hurt reasoning/ expectations deserves its own category but I have noticed several poster’s motives are the same as Hurt’s although they may not say it directly it shows indirectly in their comments and questions.
Ok maybe add:
The Frustrated would be Authors
(For consistently lengthy posts)
The Megaphones
(For posting more than just the odd or key word in ALL CAPS)
The Violinists
(Consistently MOANING. You know who you are).
The Asshole
(Ok that would be me)
I dont know where I fit in. I invite others to tell me.(including my own appointed category of asshole above).
Lol at narcangel! I *am* trained for two years in journalism and three in English with literary criticism and have written for a couple of papers before. I’m so glad you recognize the length of the post is a compulsive expression of that curse/gift. 😆 ty
Amber
I dont exclude myself from these categories. Ive had some pretty lengthy posts at times myself.
Ty. I feel more passionate or tickled about some topics than others. Lol
The Snuff You
I am better, I have it all together, I would never share real intimate details. I will read your posts with total disgust and ignore you. At least 60% of us have posted shit they regret and can not erase. H.G. have chosen to post or not for obvious reasons. I can only assume that yours were withheld. Your fear keeps you here.
I say that as a person that carried those same feelings for people that appeared weak. However, i refused to look at how I disguised my own weaknesses.
In other words, the shit we spew at others is often easier said than done and are the areas we struggle in.
Just got this comment in my spam folder. ?
I think I was 3 of these in stages. First number 4, then number 10 and finally number 12. I had to have answers as to why this happened to me and what kind of person would do this to another. Not just your garden variety a$$hole, but pure evil in all intents. I poured over articles about malignant narcissism, sociopathy, and dark triad. I look forward to reading your insightful writings, HD and am thankful I’ve found you.
Yes, that’s fuel. You can take it.
I apologize HG. Wrong initials, typing half asleep. I’ll take the lashing my master
Daaamn girl your a bottom too?
Hmm.. I am thinking ‘An Answer Seeker ‘ or ‘The Burnt Victim ‘ 🙈 . I have no confidence to interact with other readers in a discussion ( unless I fell strong need to do so) due to a language barrier and my lack of knowledge ( I’m still learning) but I do read all comments ,appreciate their insight and learn from their experience. In fact I found it so interesting , fascinating and resourceful that I started reading this blog now from the very beginning. I also read two books so far – ‘Evil’ and ‘ The Devil’s Toolkit ‘ and these are first books I read in English ( I just prefer to read in my native language) . As frustrating as it was to navigate between kindle and ‘ google translator ‘ I found Your books tremendously helpful and I cannot recommend it enough to anyone who seeks the answers. Thank you so much Mr Tudor!
You are welcome ABW.
Abrokenwing
Its great your reading the books and past blogs but please do interact. Your language skills are great and you will gain more confidence by just jumping into a discussion. Many came here with confidence eroded from their situation but this is our space to get it all out. So go ahead whenever youre ready.
Thank you NarcAngel.
Weaponising empath here increasingly feeling like taking revenge on ex narc.
HG, when you said your kind need people, how would that effect the Greater if he no longer has a lot of people around him. He retired from work a couple of years ago, now working from home. His company is based in a different state, so he travels there periodically, and on the home front, he only has his wife and adult child (living with them) in his life. He has no other extended family and really doesn’t have a lot of friends outside of his job, in the other state. What would this do to him, especially if there’s a huge possibility that he doesn’t have an IPSS? How would it effect his home life?
Also, out of the twelve groups, from the time I started reading your blog, I have been in eight: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 10, 12. I’d like to think I’m finally at #12 now. Thank you so much for helping me get there! 🙂
All these groups are familiar and I can identify people that fit in each group. It is much harder, however to identify myself. Perhaps that is not so unexpected. If understanding oneself were easy, there wouldn’t be so many therapists! The best I can do is narrow it down to three: sponge, intropective or weaponizing empath. However, my self image rebels at any label containing “weaponizing.” 😊
I may be a little bit of a sponge, although it makes my stomach ill since I tend to internalize e v e r y t h i n g….
An answer seeker, too, though after absorbing HG writings I don’t think there are any answers left.
All I am at this point is the Weaponizing Super Empath, embarking on fixing this problem once and for all. For the future generations, and maybe, just maybe with a little bit of luck I’ll have the sister that I always wanted..
Thank you, HG. I think my group is the Truth Seeker. But I do behave as the Sponge also. I need Truth for myself to satisfy answers I’m seeking. I’ve found this place to learn about confusion caused by those who have been part of my life as well as the roles I have played in same. Better to learn late than never! So many say run away and no contact! I can’t decide to do that yet, to be honest. I want to see more good than bad in one particular person I’m stressing about … Yet, I can’t unsee what I’ve seen or unhear his lies. Lies told for no reason bother me greatly. I’m becoming stronger than the voice in my head saying I need him in my life. I’ll be fine but not as quickly as I’d like.
I AM
8. Introspective. I want to know about Narcs and narc behavior. I want to know why I was ‘at risk’ in the dance… I need to know so I do not repeat.
10. On the Up. As I seek to clarify, I sincerely hope my contribution and perhaps some of my comments can help others see.
12. Weaponizing Empath. I am an open minded, yet critical thinker. I respect HG, yet I will ask questions and challenge stuff that does not make sense to me, or I may present another viewpoint that he may consider and/or be helpful in his (if he decides) recovery.
I am not sure which group i belong, perhaps means that i belong in The Confused group.. although i am truly an Answer Seeker..
I am a very inquisitive soul.
Your writings are very addictive to me.
I am an addictive creature.
12 types. So we have all stages. All types, what about the you know…lines, states, etc but not all at once. You can keep this going slowly for the laggards to catch up.
Love this article HG!!
Not sure if this is possible but i believe i fall into several of these groups in my situation right now. #1 ,2, 3, 4, 5, 8 &12.
I am not one to make alot of posts and the majority of the time when i do after 2 minutes of hitting send i am emailing you requesting you to delete my post. I enjoy reading all of the comments from your followers. I have a few favorites that i love to read their posts. To mention 1 is Clarece. She tends to challenge you at times but does it does so in a respectful manner. The other is findinglife11. She lays her experiences out there and she gives me hope that 1 day i can & will be able to move past my nightmare. Thank you for what you do HG..but thank you to many of your followers as well. ☺
Is there anything that stumps a Narc?
A wicket-keeper with lightning quick reactions.
What is a wicket-keeper?
One who keeps wicket.
It is somebody who plays cricket and stands behind the stumps in order to catch the ball when played by the batsman so the batsman is declared out, or if the batsman strays from the crease and the wicket keeper catches the ball and removes the bails form the stumps, thus the batsman is also out.
If you are not a cricket fan, it is often considered a difficult game to understand.
Kinda like if your not a Narcissist fan it’s a hard game to understand. Teehee.
HG
Yup, in terms of difficulty its just below a meme.
Where do I fit in? Want him back even if I have all the knowledge i cannot shake the desire. As if I am in denial. Want to know more and more but not leave him. Just equip myself better and be more prepared for a discard. Believing that the next discard wont hurt me as long as I just have the knowledge of how to go about a relationship with narcy
HG, I’ve literally watched myself grow up on your channels and go from straight- WTF ANGER !!! To UNBELIVABLE to HOW DARE YOU, to THANK YOU, to I WISH THE VERY BEST FOR YOU, to I FORGIVE YOU AND MYSELF for bumping into your kind, but the lessons I learned about myslef thru my experience needed to be addressed. Everything happens for a reason is where I’m at today- believe it or not I’m grateful for the lesson.
You are welcome.
At first I thought I was a sponge. Then I kept reading. Let’s just say currently on the burnt victim. I have always been proud of the fact that I “do my homework”. Apparently in my intimate personal life I didn’t do any homework. I am still in shock that I could cohabitate and love someone for 30 years and that someone is entirely incapable of loving me back. I have known for years that all I wanted was for him to love me. But all I got was mind games. H G you have opened my eyes and helped me salvage the life I have left. Mine is a mid range covert and he does not know what he is. He plays the victim role quickly and easily. He has no intimate friends. The Internet opened up a whole new world for him about 15 years ago. Why I chose to ignore the night after night sitting in front of the computer I just really don’t have an answer for. I do know that I went to bed crying on many occasions. And true to his nature he did absolutely nothing to comfort me or reassure me. He NEVER expressed his feelings because now I know he didn’t have any!!!! Just fury! I criticized him by saying that he could always have ugly negative words but never any kind or loving encouragement. I was fully unaware of what criticizing him did to him. Maybe I would’ve done it differently. But I know now that I deserve better than that. I deserve someone who will love me back. I deserve to be happy. HG has given me the knowledge and understanding that I so desperately needed. One day I’ll be in one of the helping groups. But right now I’m still crying. It’s getting better day by day. Thank you HG. 😘
Hi H.G.,
You seem to have covered all groups-I see myself as the “introspective” By understanding my ex I can also see myself and how to learn all I can to avoid another encounter.
Thanks for all you do!
You are welcome Victoria.
I find it highly interesting that you’re a narcissist but share information with the public knowing that it helps some people defend against your kind, including yourself. You seem to consider “your kind” evil and many of them inferior to an extent and yet you share things that help others which seems (to me) out of character for a narc… then again i don’t know what you derive from it.
seems like good karma to me but then i’m probably just looking at it from “the other side of the fence” with an open mind but still it’s an empath’s point of view… even if slightly confused by it… like maybe you found fuel in the helping of others…
one thing, even if you’re a narc, i don’t consider all narcs “my enemy” because not all of them have targeted or hurt me. For another thing, you’re providing information that is helping a lot of us understand and recover and heal and even be able to build better, healthier relationships by understanding what happened.
that may or may not add to your groups above and also the fact that most people may fit more strongly into one category, they may not fit in just one or may fit in many at the same time on different levels… personally i try not to fit in anyone’s “box”
anyway i find it interesting
Hi HG,
This is the first time I have written to you. I am fascinated by all of the information and look forward to reading your posts everyday. I have been around narcissistic people my whole life, my father being one of them, and have now come to realize my intimate relationships have been with varying degrees of narcs as well. I perhaps have a new category for you. I initially started reading your posts as a way to figure out a man, whom I am ridiculously attracted to, who has kind of led me on for quite sometime but we have never quite gotten there. We have gone out on a few occasions and we have this amazing chemistry together when we kiss and since then hundreds of text messages and he won’t see me but doesn’t want to let me go either. He sends me photos occasionally talks about us possibly being together and I try to ignore him! I would guess that makes me a secondary source? So my intention in the beginning was how I could become primary source. Crazy right? I am an RN, so definitely a caregiver, but I have also been through a lot of therapy at a younger age. I call it like I see it and can see through his crap and say what I think. I am attracted to a lot of the mind games and it keeps things interesting and I don’t get bored. I love that crazy passion and I don’t like beige! Anyway, I am still reading and learning! Thank you for your insight, mostly I am learning about myself.
I have fit in different groups at different times over the past 2 years of this journey. I hope I am not unwittingly in #6 or #7?! Except as part of my empath SuperNova mode?! Please tell me I am not …. I am going through a mini “what if I am the narc” phase right now.
I am more in number 12 overall, though I some times find myself in a few others. I was called out for admiring you/adoring you or being a politician but I have no need to take you to task or prove a point or anything. While my narc was provoking me on purpose, he also would tell me to control myself. I deeply resented him for that because of the impossible and illogical situations he placed me in brought it all out, but I also found it was valuable advice and in fact, it was the key he gave me to finally start to escape his power over me and to heal this massive hurt. I have always found my ability to feel was what made me unique as a human being, but he and you have made me see the downside to it. I also see why it turned me into my narc mother’s and narc sister’s (but in a different way than mother) scapegoat. So, there is no point in ever allowing myself to have any kind of emotional reaction to you, positive or negative. I just don’t have it other than I am always interested when your reply to me to see what you will say. As I also stated elsewhere, you are controlling yourself here and I can sense the restraint, so this makes it possible for me to engage with you. If you pulled some of what your Narc participants do, or some of the drive by’s, I would be gone in an instant. I have no more points to prove or battles to win with a Narc or someone with strong and consistent narc traits. I don’t even want to talk about it with them for how awful it feels to engage with them. But you remain intellectual, detached, and very much in control so it’s the only way I could ever hang around this and can use this information to weaponize myself at long last…..
I’m glad sponge is a category. I thought I might be a bit strange for being so interested in this subject but it seems that I am not the only one. I find myself wishing I could observe your interactions with other people to see what it all looks like in motion. I wonder if I’d be able to notice a difference between your actions and those of a normal person. If you ever get your own reality show you’ll let me know, right?
RS45
Go to any public location, you will see a narcissist/ sociopath there…………or would you?
Hello H.G.
Great post. After reading through all the different groups, I found myself to be more The Weaponising Empath. Although I find myself angry, thoughts racing as I read the reasons to why I would get the silent treatment and then a hovering text only to respond (always wanting to prove myself to him, to prove I was worthy of his “love” that was short lasted). I understand that co-dependents have more N traits than empath’s do. I am both a co-dependent (or so I was) but I have become accustom to N’s behavior and adjusted my lifestyle. But now realizing I am a “super” empath, reading every post you write has me wanting to gain knowledge and use it to my advantage when it comes to the “6” sphere that you speak of. I’m going to beat this.
This is me…..omg
I come to your site because it makes me feel better. I have full knowledge of who I’m dealing with but when I’m interacting with him I forget he’s not like me or other people so I become very frustrated, angry and hurt. I don’t know what category that puts me in but I appreciate what you do. Having the information keeps me grounded. Thank you.
You are welcome Mercy.
Very interesting read. I belong to group #12…but group #9’s description made me laugh out loud. I love your honest humor. I’ve thought similarly when reading some comments towards you. No offense intended to anyone who might have posted said comments.
This is a great observation and, though extremely grateful for all you share with us, I do wish this were the only post today and I could take a better look after work. I value all you say and wish I could read one post a day and let it absorb, process, resonate with my current life. I have a full time job that I love and, even though I didn’t go back to him this time and I guess I escaped for the first time after being discarded almost 50 times, it’s not like it felt great to escape and I’m still dealing with all the lies and betrayals and it’s heavy still so one post a day would be more beneficial but not sure what the other readers prefer. That said, I think I’ve been in many of these categories, mostly hurt and confused….it’s sad to think how many tears I’ve shed. I now know that most were disengagements and the real discards, 2-3, were when I was desperately trying to get out with an amicable parting. Silly me. 😊Since no one can ever leave this guy, even in a caring way, he has to make it look like he dumped you and they’ve been horrific…..just to have him come back 6 months or a year later. Now, I’m fully aware and had the 3rd party step in bc you said that is the one thing that really ends it and I needed it to end for my health, job, etc. just a decision to choose happiness for my future. I still want to have a private call with you to address more personal things and will contact you mid April when work travel slows.
Thanks again,
Thank you and I look forward to speaking with you next month.
HG
A very astute and succinct article.
Really enjoyable and also amusing in places…in a good way…
I have heard it said by a comedian that people often laugh when they see themselves…out of humble or stark recognition.
That said.. those moments aside…good observations of us HG and most interesting to place oneself in the applicable group/s.
That in itself is a learning curve.
Re: The groups.
Personally I see 3 groups that resonate. It just shows how we can grow and learn about this awful confusing time and change our lives for the better … we are the seeds and the information you provide is definately the water.
Thank you HG for being here and for the truth..and for your own bravery where some of the revelations are very personal.
The truth is hard to bear at times for us but I would rather face the unveiled enemy as opposed to the cloaked, hidden pretender.
Lets all power up with this knowledge…
Like I always say,
onwards . . .
⚘
Lol at “weaponizing empaths”… yes, some of us are soldiers of the Light, and fully intend to drag you and your kind to heaven with us when we go. 😉 i think if one has a good heart, they must question, seek, and find answers to every human condition involving the concept of good and evil, because the root of it lies far beyond our personal struggle or our past with a narcissist and more in the comprehension of the human experience at large. It’s a metaphysical view that’s needed. However, we must have an arsenal also and be willing to combat that which would destroy us if it could. 🙂 it’s only fair.
wow Amber
I share that sentiment
perhaps we emphats, instead of fearing to be dragged into hell by our Narcs, who knows if at the end we would be able to be granted our heart desire to ” save” them and “drag” them into heaven..??
would they might then appreciate our last loving heroic gesture??
Unlesss they are totally sons and daughter of Satan?
Then again i tend to believe ( or desire?) that even Satan and his crew will be saved at the end?
😉
Maria, i love you so much lol… that’s exactly my plan. I think about how to save the world, every single day. It’s one of my most passionate topics of study. People always think I’m so naive that i must be a teen or young adult based on my level of hope, and im always explaining, no, I’m 40. Just incredibly excited about heaven and getting everyone there that we can. 🙂 re saving even satan himself, i have a very long theory on that, and not only do i think it’s possible, i think it’s the unwritten solution to the end of hell. I don’t have biblical back up at this time, so i continue to study, but there’s a very small sect of the Catholic church that believes in the great reconciliation. It’s saved in my notes somewhere. I’m so glad and appreciative of you understanding me. Ty lol 💖💕
Hello Mr. Tudor,
I was a stater of the obvious (I called you a dick), but now leaning much more toward weaponising empath.
The Devil Imparting Constructive Knowledge.
Indeed.
“Your kind are just all spoilt children and you will never be happy.”
Thanks for that. That is illuminating.
Or I am advised,
“You are just a fucking waste of space and karma will get you because you are empty and evil.”
Glad we cleared that up then.
Why do your comments like this make me laugh??? I hate being on the receiving end of your indifference but I find it hilarious to read.