Mind Games – Part One
We love to conquer. Nowhere is off limits to our kind. Your mind is no exception to that mentality. The repeated application of mind games and the impact this had are both consequence which live long in the memory of those who have experienced them as a consequence of being entangled with us. I repeatedly state that the games are always being played. I doubt few would disagree with that statement. You ought to be aware however that the deployment of mind games, whilst always a factor in the narcissistic relationship, is not as deliberate as you may first imagine. In the case of the Lesser Narcissist, the mind games are collateral. They are a consequence of his instinctive behaviours, his reactions and pre-determined methodologies. He lacks the cognitive function to engage in the purposeful mental torment, but instead what arises as mind games is side-effect of the way that he behaves. As for the Mid-Range, well the application of mind games will sometimes manifest as deliberate but for the most part, he is similar to the Lesser and that these mind games occur as a consequence of the way he is engineered to think and to behave. It is with the Greater where the true twisted behaviour manifests as not only are the mind games a consequence of what we do, we also purposefully engage in them because we know how effective they are at achieving what we want and also because we are excellent at deploying them.
The imposition of bewilderment on a shattered and exhausted mind possesses a deftness of touch which is far superior to the brutish application of a fist to a cheek. The conjuring of confusion from the use of words alone is a highlight of the Greater’s manipulative repertoire. Accordingly, the mind games which arise from entanglement with a Lesser or a Mid-Range arise because of the various defence mechanisms those types of narcissist deploy. The Greater regards the playing of mind games as an essential part of the narcissistic relationship, one which is considered noble, important and a hallmark of his sophisticated abuse.
These mind games are varied and effective. Anybody who has been on the receiving end of them will testify as to the horrible impact that they have in creating doubt, fear, worry, anxiety, submission and a sense of helplessness. What are some of these mind games?
- Second Guessing. The act of making you forget about your own needs because you are conditioned to think about our needs first in order to avoid some dreadful repercussion if you do not so. You apply your mind over and over to assessing the situation and trying to gauge how you should respond, what you should do next, what you should organise, how you should look, how you should behave in order to avoid some other abuse.
- Pre-occupation. By making ourselves so central to your existence and the only thing which matters you find that you are always wondering about us. What are we doing right now? Who are we with? What are we doing? This does not necessarily occur just in the devaluation. As the seeds of addiction are sown during the seduction, you find your mind is focused on us more and more. This is the laying of the groundwork to have you forget about your own needs and indeed who you are as the focus of your attention becomes all about us.
- Mirroring. We convince you that you are falling in love with the most wonderful and fantastic person you have ever met. This is achieved by mirroring what you want in the object of your affection. By meeting this need on so many different fronts, you become helpless to falling in love with what you believe us to be.
- Obsessing. By engaging in the vague, the vapid and the amorphous we have you start obsessing over us. Once again the focus moves on to us as you ask yourself what did he mean by that comment? Why is he late? Why did he just do that? You look for clues which are non-existent and seek answers which are not there, reading too much into what are often innocuous scenarios.
- Gas Lighting. The infamous act of causing you to doubt your own reality and is invariably the cumulative effect of many different types of mind game. You end up doubting yourself and accepting our false reality as the true reality instead.
- Jettison. The act of having you think that you are about to be discarded. Comments will be made which suggest that we are dissatisfied with you, that we are tired of you and that we have interests elsewhere. Nothing is said outright, there is nothing concrete, but the signs are there that you are going to be discarded. Aren’t they?
- Jealousy. “But she is just a friend.” “How can I be having an affair when we only meet during daylight.” “You are reading too much into it.” The appearance of somebody who we talk about a lot, spend time with and appear to admire is designed to bring about jealousy in you and undermine your self-confidence.
- Mea Culpa. The complexity and absurdity of our behaviour means that you are unable to fathom out what is actually going on. This results in you needing to find some kind of answer in order to give you piece of mind and therefore since you have no ground to question us, you decide you must be at fault and being to blame yourself. After all, nobody gets furious for no obvious reason do they? You must have done something wrong to provoke us. It is your fault.
- Projection. The intentional movement of our faults and unpleasant behaviours from us to you. The accusation that you engage in the very behaviour which we undertake ourself.
- Character Assassination. The unmerited and savage attack on you, criticising you for any number of things; how you walk, how you talk, your hair colour, who your friends are; how you made the coffee this morning. Anything and everything about you will be attacked even though you cannot see the basis of doing so.
- Blame-Shifting. The defensive step of ensuring that we are never to blame or held accountable. Anything that goes wrong, any incorrect behaviour, any mishap is all down to you. You caused it, you brought it about, you made it happen. Even though you cannot see any factual basis for the accusation that has been flung your way, this will not stop it happening.
- Authoritative Denial. We do not just deny, we deny with such conviction, determination and authority that surely only someone who does this is someone who has to be right, yes?
- Gaseous Smear Campaigns. You are being spoken about, whispered about and slurs cast against your name, at least you think that is the case. You seem to be receiving strange glances and hear snickering when you walk by certain people, but you never hear anything concrete or certain. You might be mis-hearing, you might be mis-reading, it may just be paranoia. Trying to work out if you are being smeared is like trying to catch a gas with your bare hands.
- Silent Treatments. The staple of the narcissistic arsenal. Why is he silent? Why has he vanished? What have you done wrong? When will he speak to me again?
- Double Standards. We are so pleasant and wonderful to everybody else. People speak so highly of us, yet when the front door is closed we turn into a monster with you. Is it real? Perhaps you are taking it out of context and exaggerating or maybe you are doing something which causes this to happen and nobody else does?
- Amnesia. We deny having ever done something or said something even though you are positive, well fairly certain, okay, at least reasonably sure, we did say it. It works both ways as we accuse you of having a faulty memory as we tell you we told you last week we would be going out tonight, why can you not remember these things? Are you doing it in order to annoy us? Of course you are.
- Losing Your Mind. We label you as crazy, unhinged, a maniac who is need of help. Good Lord, everybody thinks it of you and we are a saint for putting up with this behaviour for so long. We tell you often, arrange for you to get help, see a doctor or a therapist and accompany you to explain to them how you are losing your marbles. Are we making all of this up in order to disturb you further, or then again, might you just be losing your mind after enduring all of this?
29 thoughts on “Mind Games – Part One”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
The narc accused me of “playing games”, so I turned around and did just that. It was quite amusing to watch because the games were so intricate, and the narc didn’t see it coming. I enjoyed it immensely.
Why does everyone seem to think that being a narc is like having super powers? “You can never win. The narc always wins. Yadda yadda, blah blah…”
Nobody is infallible. From super heroes to super villains and everyone in-between, all have an Achilles heel. And narcs, especially the lesser variety, have so many!
It’s human nature they play on….
That’s why they win. But…. we ultimately have the winning strategy…. u just have to count the cost..know which battles u can’t win and those u can…And go after the win.. ultimately tug empaths win. Final score.
I have been subject to these manipulations my whole life.
HG, could you give me a rough estimation of how many members of your extended family (uncles, cousins) have NPD? What would be the percentage?
Thanks.
There are six people in the extended family who are on the ‘dark side’.
Thanks HG. That would be 6 people out of how many?
20.
Wow. That’s interesting.
30%. Thanks HG.
The picture is so beautiful, breathtaking. I will use it for my lock screen.
Kidding…
HG,
Can someone be a Lesser with a few Mid-Ranger characteristics thrown in?
Yes.
Formerly ‘ptsdafternarcabuse’
Pre-occupation, blame shifting, mirroring, amnesia…
My ex did all of these. He he even admitted he used “psychological warfare” with me. I thought I could play the game with him and did, for awhile. That’s when the violence started. He realized he couldn’t control me using just the mind games so reverted physical control. He was always preoccupied with where I was and he also wanted me to tell him if I was thinking about him and what I had told my friends about him. The projection was off the charts with him as well. I was constantly accused of cheating (I never did) with anyone and everyone all the while, it was he that was on the dating sites, dm’ing women on fb and cheating with his “ex”. I am almost 2 months no contact and 3 months free now and I am regaining my cognitive abilities. I reject his initial hoover and the more malignant follow ups but I know this is not the end. I am just gathering my strength for the inevitable.
Crap. I forgot to add this to my last comment…
Fucker… i love you and hate u. U mother fucker.
😉
Xxoo
I can truly see why some people end up taking their lives from the mind games, isolation, manipulation, abuse, losing jobs, smearing, etc. HG, if you ever had someone do that, I’m guessing you would not feel anything and carry on like it was nothing?
I would be disappointed to lose a source of fuel.
Wow. But not.
Yup. They do carry on as though YOU were nothing. I would elaborate, but my narc appears to be reading this site. Keep up….
Oh god. Word related ok…. worst Nightmare….that your narc would find this site ….
I like that it’s a safe haven. I pray….he never find this site…hes found others…that he posts on fb….clear projection…. its so maddening…that he tries to make me…..him. no no no.
And that he is successful on so many levels is insane.
It’s like noooooo. That’s not me crazy narcissist…that’s U !
Ugh I’m just glad that God knows all and sees. He knows the heart. Mine too. I take great comfort in the omniscience of God and His prefect ways. Vengeance is His…not mine. My fight is not even against my narc…
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
It becomes that much more clear because of my experience w that asshole of a human…..that there’s a bigger picture.
Mind games even post-discard??
In my understanding, yes. I thought I was above being hoovered… not so! None of us are ever immune; the hoover will happen simply cause its part of their MO, and the mind games (out discard) will likely follow.
I am not trying to be alarmist, but may be helpful for you to rehearse for the eventual hoover and any upcoming MGs, like a role play… prepare.
And most positive thoughts to you, Exhausted :)))))))) I hope you feel rested again, very soon. The more distance between your narc and you the better and more restful you will feel, I think. take care
Mind games? Well, admittedly, the 6th sphere you cannot control, but you can prepare.
Correct.
17%
Love u….. hate u. HG….
On Mar 12, 2017 10:59 PM, “Knowing the Narcissist” wrote:
> amsodone commented: “17%” >
Hey IntelAvatar,
Yes, we must prepare for the (eventual) hoovers!
This experience has made me whole. I realise I had a part to play in this so called relationship. Codependent is the word. I am learning at last to love myself and I was actually onto the narc very early. The gaslighting did not work on me. The narc hated how I always asked open ended questions about his views on things rather than mine. The narc asked me ‘what is it with you and the way you speak?’ In the end he blocked me as I started saying to the narc not to worry we can talk about what you wanted to talk about, the reply it was you who wanted to meet and talk, my reply no it was you who said you needed to talk, but it was me playing a game. He blocked me when I mentioned his ex wife name from 2002. He could not believe I said the ex name. I said we could talk about his ex and what he was concerned about when we meet and that it was not a problem. Then he blocks me. Thank goodness. The twit has gone.
Yes. The last sentence.
Nothing a lil post divorce travel therapy can’t clear up! 🙂
I experienced all of them and I learnt a lot about mind games. It is funny, when you learn to use them too. Call it supanova or whatever. It starts to be interesting. I would never challenge you, HG, but the lesser ones, the ones with only a few narcissistic traits? It is a little bit like chess, you only have to know, that you are a figure in the game. I just learn to play the game and it works for my advantage. I am so sad, that I did not know about your kind when I was younger. It makes life easier, when you can identify them and play back. It is not possible to avoid your kind all the time. Your kind is everywhere. The neighbour, the workmate, the boss, a so called friend….and so on. Let them believe they win the game and play your own tricks. I do not have any conscience or anxiety anymore towards narcissistic people. The big ones- I will avoid as far as possible. To fall in love with your kind again? No, I know now all of the red flags. Strong boundaries, no compassion for strange behaviour, that is, what helps..