The Revision of History

the-revision

You are no doubt familiar with the quotation

“History is written by the victors”

to explain that those who triumph then re-write what has happen to accord with their new-found supremacy. We bastardise that quotation. We re-write history in order to ensure that we are the victors. We love to win. We hate to lose. It goes further than that. It is not just about wanting to win, loving the fact that we are winners but we need to win. It is imperative. This need to win manifests in numerous ways, which include:-

Always being in receipt of fuel;

Being the centre of attention;

Having our say first and for longest;

Making sure we are heard above all others;

Getting the latest gadget or piece of technology ahead of our friends, family and neighbours;

Having the most attractive spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, partner amongst our social groups;

Having the best suit and tie;

Being the most senior at a meeting;

Earning the most out of our peers;

Having secured the best career out of those we went to school with;

Being the best at running, football, archery, chess;

Knowing the most about a particular subject;

Offering the best wine at a dinner party;

Securing the best seats at a theatre or a restaurant;

Being acknowledged first in a group;

Bench pressing the heaviest weight in the gym;

Having the best sound system;

Knowing more famous people than our friends;

Securing tickets to a sold-out performance;

Winning the argument with anybody who tries to challenge us;

Ensuring our partner puts our needs ahead of theirs;

Getting served before anybody else;

Being able to drink the most at a party;

Ensuring everybody respects our “quiet time” when we are watching a film;

Having the most exuberant birthday bashes.

There are of course so many more. Not all of these are always applicable as for instance a Cerebral Narcissist will have little interest in ensuring that he can bench press the most weight at the gym and the Somatic Narcissist is not at all bothered about being the local expert on the history of the town in which he lives, but each and everyone one of our kind will want to and need to, secure the win.

This need manifests in the lengths we will go to so that we achieve the win. We will boast, brag, manipulate, blackmail, coerce, cajole, sabotage, nobble and bribe our way to the win. Nothing is off limits. If I can emotionally blackmail a friend into ensuring I sit in the lead funeral car with the family ahead of any other friend of the family, then I will do it. If I need to delete the files from a competitor’s computer at work, so be it. If I need to ensure that I have control over you in our relationship, so I win repeatedly, then I will unleash all manner of manipulations form my Devil’s Toolkit in order to make sure I win, win and win again.

The revision of history is one such tool that our kind deploys on a regular basis to bring about the win. Let’s look at some examples of how that appears.

Imagine I am at the bar with some of my inner circle friends. One of my friends, someone who has served a purpose from school, brings up the occasion of the 100 metre sprint from the school athletics championships.

“Hey HG, you ran a great time that day and you were only just pipped to the gold medal by that dude from LRG weren’t you?”

“I think, Michael, you will find that I pipped him to the title.”

“Really? Are you sure? I thought he beat you.”

“No, I beat him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely, I was actually looking back through my results at the weekend when I was clearing some boxes from the loft and I was remembering how close the race had been but how I had overtaken that dude and beat him, narrowly true, but I beat him all the same.”

“I could have sworn it was the other way around.”

“No, you are wrong. I checked the times. I beat him by 0.2 of a second.”

“Oh I see.”

“Yes, he was gracious in defeat but I suppose you have to be when you don’t win, eh Michael?”

Michael nods and accepts my point since it was said with authority and the backing of a recent review of the result.

I actually did come second but I am not going to allow Michael to point that out in front of these inner circle friends. I rewrote history to ensure that I proved a point to him and ensured that I was held in the proper regard by those listening which in turn provided me with fuel.

2. Now consider a conversation between a primary source and me.

“Where have you been?” asks the primary source.

“What do you mean, where have I been? You know where I have been.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do, I told you last week.”

“No you did not. I have been wondering where you have been, I was getting worried.”

“Well that is your own fault, I told you last week that I was going out this evening.”

“No you did not.”

“I did, I remember specifically. I was searching for my shirt that I wanted to wear, you know the blue one which I bought recently, but you wouldn’t help me look as you were watching some television programme. You asked why I wanted the shirt and I said I wanted to make sure it was clean and ironed because I was going out with Nathan and Paul.”

“I dont remember that.”

“Well I do.”

“I really do not remember you telling me you were going out.”

“You probably didn’t take it in, after all you were pretty engrossed in your programme.”

“Hmmm.”

“Anyway, what’s to eat, I am famished.”

I never said anything about going out but I will re-write history to make it appear that I did so because this frustrates you, avoids your attempt to blame me and allows me to maintain superiority by being right.

3. I am sat with a primary source in a restaurant.

“Isn’t that that woman who was obsessed with you?”

“Where?” I answer.

“There, coming through the doors, what is her name again, beings with an A I am sure.”

“Who? The lady with the short brown bob?”

“No, next to her, the one with long blonde hair.”

“Never seen her before.”

“Are you sure, she looks like that woman you pointed out to me.”

“No, I don’t know her.”

“It is a damn good likeness if it is not her. It is her, she is coming over.”

The blonde woman comes to our table.

“Hello,” she smiles at me ignoring the primary source, “fancy seeing you here.”

“Sorry are you talking to me?”

“Yes, hi HG, how are you?”

“I am sorry do I know you?”

“Yes we worked together.”

“No I am sorry, I don’t remember you.”

Her downcast expression provides me with fuel.

“I was in the team that worked alongside yours. We went to Singapore, do you not remember?”

“You might have worked where I worked but I don’t know you, sorry, but if you wouldn’t mind, we are about to order. Waiter!?”

Puzzled and upset she slowly walks away and I savour her fuel.

“She definitely knew you,” presses the primary source.

“Seems that way, but then I am well known aren’t I?” I answer with a self-congratulatory grin. I am pleased to have rebuffed Samantha who I know full well but it suited my purpose to rebuff her. I know she will try and contact me again to prove she knows me and then I just may re-write history again to confirm that I do. Of course, when I do, I may re-write that I had forgotten who she was.

We engage in this manipulation in order to exert control. It allows us to confuse, bewilder, upset, brag and thus maintain fuel. We will re-write history so that we avoid blame, gain kudos, claim achievements that are not our own, make us sound better at what we have accomplished, to evade liability and ensure you are confused and puzzled. It comes within gas-lighting as you start to find your memory is fallible. We have no hesitation in confirming something happened when it did not, we will change events, add things and take them away so long as it suits our purposes. If you present us with some independent evidence that contradicts us we will not shift our position in terms of maintaining history is how we decree it. Instead, we will unleash an alternative manipulation in order to deflect and deny your attempt to challenge our version.

Even the most obvious of events will be erased, amended and added to. Nothing is safe from our treatment of how things were. If it serves a purpose for us to alter history one way or another then we shall do so.

How do you deal with this?

As ever, state you position the once so you know you have stated it and then move on. The re-writing of history is designed to draw you in to an argument, make you try to convince us that you are right and we are wrong (although you will fail), to make you erupt in frustration or anger or tears, to bewilder you so that you keep accepting we are correct, so little by little you eventually always accept what we say and submit to this particular mind game.

Conversations will be recalled in a different manner. People who did not attend will have attended whilst others vanish. Events play out in a different manner once they have been subjected  to this treatment.

It is all part of securing the win.

We change history. That’s how powerful we consider ourselves to be.

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60 thoughts on “The Revision of History”

  1. You re-write history in the ending of each of your scenarios as well. They are not fooled or accepting of your explanations, they just dont challenge you further for their own reasons.
    Yes the result is that you “win” (in your mind) in the moment, but you are causing damaging to the facade overall and long term.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You forgot to add: “being the most superficial of them all”. Because that’s what your list sounds like, HG.

    Read the papers, read what real people struggle with every day – cancer, life-changing accidents, stillbirths… read about random acts of heroism and kindness… then compare that to your list and have a long, deep think about your priorities in life!

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      1. I can only consider information I am given, HG. I would adjust my sentiment if there was a reason to do so. For now, it holds true.

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      2. ‘In the fullness of time…’
        Does this mean you expect to get to the point you will reveal who you are or can you reveal what you do professionally without revealing yourself? A calculated risk? Or once your profession revealed, so will you be? Is this a planned outcome or as your awareness grows an expected one? That what you’re doing here will become so big you will have little option but to ‘reveal all’ or that you want it ultimately to be that way? That once it is known who you are that you are prepared that the need for fuel or the way you fuel will have changed or be managed differently? Not that I desire to know who you are but only if it serves you & the greater purpose of what you do here. (Damn I’m nosy today..saw an opening & thought I’d dive in there..) Or am I being a typical empath & reading too much into one simple statement?

        BTW, there will be an email from me in the coming days regarding my home country.

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      3. Wow HG! That sounds like a trajectory path for revealing your real identity in the maybe near future? And being in a position to give up that profession to pursue educating and writing?

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      4. Hi Clarece, I haven’t been on this blog much since sept , hope your ok . What happened with yours didn’t he turn up again round about that time ish ?

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      5. Hello Lisa! You’re so thoughtful! Oh, JN has turned up again. And again. And again. Since the holidays, we had a two week spell (silent treatment) in January going into February. I heard from him a few days before Valentine’s Day. I have not seen him. It will be 2 years in April since I actually saw him but he’s still getting a hold of me. I’ve just changed the way I communicate with him. I’m generous with positive fuel but if I sense he’s going to turn or in fact if he drops off, I do not respond, chase, lash out. Basically I’ve cut off the negative fuel flow. It’s hard sometimes but I know that’s the part he is addicted to so just like he likes to dangle that I’ll see him again at some point, I like to dangle that negative fuel drip but then don’t dispense it.
        I cannot believe due to the length of time not actually seeing each other, that I’m still hearing from him at all. It just would not happen with anyone else. I tend to see where the conversations will go. It is just such a crazy dynamic.
        Hope all is well with you too! Nice to hear from you!

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      6. Omg , so are you now completely emotionally detached from him now ?
        Your able to just deal with him without being bothered by it ?

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      7. Hi Lisa,
        I would not say I am not bothered or that he does not affect me anymore. That is a tall order. Lol
        He was once larger than life to me. He will always have his imprint on me. But interacting with him and revisiting certain topics, for me, is like revisiting the scene where a trauma happened. It makes him get smaller and smaller. Then we’re on a level playing field. It sharpens my mental skills using logic over emotion.
        He likes to dangle that he wants to see me again. The difference now is I don’t care about seeing him because I stopped caring about having closure with him.
        Maybe that makes me come across less “clingy” or the chase is back on for him. Not sure.
        I’ve just learned to now conserve my energy whenever he has gone silent. HG has said he will always return and so far he does still.

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      8. Well HG is always right of course 😜
        I guess the only thing that might stop him eventually is if you are in a serious relationship with someone new .
        It’s good to hear it’s no longer so painful for you .

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Clarece
        Can I ask why you still interact with him at all after all this time? Is there still an addiction youre slowly weaning on your end (as previously discussed that it takes time), or is this just a mild form of revenge now that you know youre strong enough to resist him. If thats too personal I understand.

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      10. Hi NA! Very fair question. Lisa asked a similar question and my answer is right above. I can add that yes, he was a complete addiction and I still feel a physical gravitational pull when I hear from him. But since he is unaware of what he is, he is also unaware of the patterns he repeats over and over that make him pretty transparent now. I can more easily sense when he may be getting ready to “push me off the cliff” (one of HG’s best lessons for me) and that’s when I quietly withdraw rather than unleash the negative fuel.
        In the bigger picture, we always had an expiration date also because of the age gap between us. In my mind from the start, we had a small window of time to have an amazing time together. Age and time catch up and factor in and those are not on my side, especially when you throw in the narcissism. Lol

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      11. HG
        Re: Learning in the fullness of time.
        Good thing we believe in you and the 5 rules as we would consider that future faking or jam tomorrow with any other Narc due to our fine education here.

        Liked by 1 person

      12. “…we believe in you and the 5 rules as we would consider that future faking or jam tomorrow with any other Narc…”

        That flashed through my mind as well, NarcAngel… and that’s a good sign… it shows that the lessons are sinking in! 🙂

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    1. Matilda
      My god Matilda. You DO know that its been rumored hes heir to a chocolate fortune? What nobler cause could there be? Unless of course hes responsible for the discontinuance of that bar you loved so much. Walnuts was it?

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      1. 1Jaded1

        OMG, if the Narc in your life has somehow caused you to hate chocolate you win the prize for most heinous act inflicted. Im not really a sweets lover but a piece of good chocolate now and then can soothe my savagery. Also a cup of hot chocolate (must be homemade-not packaged) has helped me to sleep. Why are you not sleeping? Stuff on your mind, or just one of those mysteries of life?

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      2. NarcAngel,

        Ohh, yes, roasted and caramelised walnut pieces in milk chocolate… I will never get over this loss! Lindt is a Swiss company, and our narc here is British :-)… but I seriously wish to speak with the person who is responsible for the madness of robbing me of my favourite bar! 😀

        If he really is in this business, he is redeeming himself a little, considering the joy chocolate brings to our lives 🙂

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      3. “a piece of good chocolate now and then can soothe my savagery”

        absolutely… it mellows my rage for a while… until I step on the scales 😀

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      4. Narc Angel. Insomnia has been my decades long companion. Chocolate has never been a fave. To he fair, I ran out of flour when making French Onion Soup and substituted 100% unsweetened cocoa powder. People said it was the best soup ever….or they were lying as they spit it into their napkins.

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      5. NarcAngel: I really can’t eat any sweets anymore because of the physical changes in my body caused by constant stress. Not funny.

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    1. Oh and pathological liars too….I say these things so I can wrap my head around your kind since you are the only one out there telling us empaths the truth about your kind, even though you are liars….wow, I can’t even believe how confusing that statement is….

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      1. It appears so but remember we are adept at compartmentalising. I can deliver the truth to you here because it will not adversely affect me. I cannot do so in my private life.

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      1. Ha, ha!
        I’m very glad you share so much of your thoughts and machinations with us – for our benefit as well as yours. It’s is very ironic, though, that a public forum is the only place you feel able to reveal yourself. May we all continue to benefit each other.

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      2. “I can deliver the truth to you here because it will not adversely affect me. I cannot do so in my private life”

        HG doesn’ t that means then that no one from your private life knows that you are HG Tudor the master narcissist?

        To keep that secretely its remarkable.
        Of course you are the master of secrets.

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  3. Hi HG
    This has absolutely nothing to do with this post . I really do wish that people / experts !!! Would stop writing about narcissism in the context of grandiose or loving themselves or wanting to be centre of attention or wanting material things !!
    This is so misleading to everyone reading this stuff !!
    You are the only one talking about the more subtle traits to be aware of and I think this is so important , particularly in dealing with lessers and mids.
    Would you agree with this !!
    The more subtle traits that you talk about are sooooo important .
    Not every narcissist is a show off big headed grandiose attention seeker looking in the mirror all day !!

    Please hurry up and become more famous HG and get this knowledge out there 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  4. In relation to this post , I totally get that narcs are liars and of course rewrite how things happened , the denial the word salad the gas lighting the victim role the complete and utter bullshit !!
    However I really am not being naive but I truly believe that some of them actually have difficulty with memory and this can be a really simple thing nothing to do with narc stuff , they just seem to get quite confused .
    Mine has memory for minute details for some things dates , history , events , but forgets really irrelevant things .
    His brain does not function in a normal way has anyone else experienced this but not in them being a narc ?
    I hope that question makes sense

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa
      Are you sure he “forgets”? Are the things he “forgets” relevant to you? In most cases if not all, I think the word to use is IGNORES because it is not relevant to him.

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    2. Hey Lisa,
      Your comments makes sense to me because the degree of Narc or narc IMHO is how able or adept they are at engaging (and remembering) the confabulation.
      I think the higher up the food chain n to N.. the more deceit.. the more dangerous.

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    3. Lisa, I had similar experience and observations. Like he was really not remembering. He could not fake that confused look; he really did not remember many things, at all. He was an MD, smart guy, excellent memory overall. I felt that his memory issues were caused by his drug addiction (ambient mixed with alcohol)- not 100% sure if that was a cause of his random memory loss. He had a different face expression when I caught him lying than when he could not recall the topics we discussed. Maybe HG can comment on that phenomenon.

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      1. Yes I agree with you .
        He does have convenient memory loss , if for example bad behaviour is pointed out or the typical Narc
        “I never said that ” 🙄🙄😂
        But he definitely has some kind of problems with memory because he forgets simple things that have no relevance to being beneficial to him in anyway .
        I just think it’s part of the chaotic thinking that occurs with them.
        I think they have word salad of the brain as well as the speech lol

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    4. *lol* No, my ex-narc never forgot anything, not a single word, unless it suited him. My mother forgot everything she could be held responsible for, but absolutely nothing she can hold against me or use for her gain. My first love forgot my birthday 10 years in a row with one single exception – when he was planning to seduce me, and carefully selected his gift for me then. You can also rely on everything you send them (e-mails, etc.) being stored forever.
      My ex-narc though seemed to confuse me once or twice with another energy source of his when trying to push my buttons. But didn’t even try to change course then, when I looked at him blankly, not even when I told him that I thought he was confusing me with someone else, that I didn’t have an issue with the topic he was trying to bring up and use against me. My ex-lover-lower-narc confused me when he was totally drunk, and also confessed stuff. I assume this is the reason why me ex-narc never touched a single drop of alcohol. And why HG stated that he never drinks more than he can hold. 😉

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  5. Reframing into a larger perspective that takes into account new data is acceptable.
    If you thought you were actually really in control and then new research shows your perspective was valid from that level of development- then the next growth step might emerge – if you are young enough to make amends etc. (only where it would be safe to do so) the next developmental stage – even if one practiced daily with full sincerity would still take a couple of years. So to arrive at a healthy place may take up to 8yrs of concerted effort. Who will give up 8 yrs to finally grow up? An 83 yr old might not. So we arrange care givers providing comfort and safety for all. A 58 year old might be willing if the baseline health is optimal. Otherwise, remove yourself from first 5 spheres and prepare for the Hoover.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am dying to know who you are as a person… Not that I know that much about you just snippets about your mother… I see your Father as an old school Barrister hiding in his study … Your Mother as a Golf Club type a bit Mrs Bennett from Pride and Prejudice… YOU!!??!! No idea changes daily Barrister, Stockbroker, Business Consultant, Physiatrist, Physiologist, Actor, even a Member of Parliament .. Funny in a way I commented to him before I knew what Narcissist was … He was the only person I couldn’t read now you as well or rather Narcississ in general … Hope to never meet another one ..Thought a troubled soul now I’m the one with a troubled soul… Can’t wait to be enlightened as to who you are … x x

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  7. My guess HG, is that you’re a Psychiatrist. You have extensive knowledge of the human psyche, you’re brilliant and highly educated. And you are interested in learning about the minds of others. ~ Hope

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  8. Speaking of chocolate! My ex narc projected her sugar addiction on me (one of her many) hidden habits. Funny how the self loathing shame is taken out on us. That bitch could eat a chocolate bunny farm faster than they could multiply.

    Liked by 1 person

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