The Narcissistic Truths – No. 217
43 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 217”
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I don’t know if you and your mother did this to your sister but can you write one day in detail the tactics to control the victim’s self expression with speaking, social life, expression?
This most baffles me and has most affected me. For 25 years I believed I had a self confidence problem with people and it turns out this was an implanted idea since birth, executed with tone and facials to imply I was disabled, weak, should be kept indoors to prevent embarrassment. The intense eyeballing, criticism, shame. It was delivered with such conviction. Such certainty.
I thoroughly believed it! Why? Trust in the “caregiver”
What the hell is a baby supposed to do to protect itself from that?
Hi Twilight,
I was more responding to HG’s comment straight to him. I actually like your comment about changing behavior….as changes in behavior can ultimately lead to changes in emotional experiences as well. Nice. Very behavioristic approach, actually.
I know you feel, I was speaking in regards to the dimming of your fury, hatred, rage and jealousy. The other emotions I doubt you will ever feel them fully, the closest if it happened would be a sense of them. Yet I suspect you do sense them and due to seeing them as weakness your other emotions override them so you never feel them outright.
I mean no criticism, just trying to put my thoughts into words to express how I see things.
HG could healing come in the form of behavior? Emotionally you have chosen not to even explore what is behind the door you closed long ago. I mean no disrespect, I understand the reasoning why, yet it is also the only path to take to these emotions. I don’t mean you would become empathic or could empathize, you could learn to feel again. With that said at this point in time that out look is so far down the road it is unattainable and still may never be attainable. Sadly it is one of those things until you get there you don’t know. You may chose not to even explore this path. Yet one can hope.
Behaviors thou can be changed, learning new ways to address situations with out leaving you feeling You are no longer in control. Do you think healing could come in this regard? Maybe I should call it change.
Is this happening already, I recall you said your fury isn’t being ignited as often?
I already feel. People seem to make the mistake of thinking that I do not feel. I feel power, hatred, jealousy, rage and other emotions besides.
It must get frustrating to have to tell people you are human and not a robot without emotions. I would wager that you feel all of the basic emotions, just at a different depth and range of each feeling. The basic emotions we evolved to have to survive. Different psychologists list the basic emotions in different ways, though many studies have listed that Joy, Sad, Anger, Fear, Surprise, Shame, and Disgust are the basics and then more complex feelings like love and such are a combo of feelings.
So true. HG is human…you and. Iare human…our exes are also human,, with emotion. As horribly as our exes or current npd people treated us, they are still human. Could get flak. That is my weakness.
I never said HG didn’t have emotions, if my comment finds the shore from the sea of moderation, I was referring to the negitive ones.
Hi Twilight.
I was not referring to you specifically in my comment. I was musing over how many times I have seen HG write, “I have emotions” to various questioners. Not a criticism to you at all. More of a curiosity on how this impacts HG in general. I think it is easy for society to dehumanize someone we vilify and do not know (narcissists and sociopaths and others) and not really know the emotional spectrum they do have (albeit limited in range and depth). I think even HG has forgotten many emotions and walled them up, though is capable of them once reached. Just my humble opinion.
Hi Indy
Thank you, I was half asleep when I made the comment.
I believe they can reconnect, never to the degree of normal or empaths, more of a dimming of the negitive and learning a more positive way to respond to criticism.
People believing they have no emotions are sadly misleading themselves. More to make it comfortable to lash out at them then to understand there is a why. Anger and pain can manifest in many ways.
Other then this how are you?
Hi Twilight/Dawn,
No worries, I was a little ADHD in my response so no worries at all. I agree, I believe they are able to reconnect to a degree too…just a hypothesis though.
I am doing well, thank you! Still not back into the romantic/dating world as I am focusing on some personal growth and this is fine for me in the moment. Healing is slow and sure for me right now, all good things. How are you, I see dawn is coming 🙂
Good evening Indy
I am doing great, thank you 😊! It’s been a while sense I have felt completely back to me, it was very strange at first. Looking forward to my vacation in a couple of days. Sadly I had to change plans, I made a slight mistake and nope not going to take any chances of a Oh fancy running into you here. Washington DC and maybe take a drive farther North. Destination where ever I please. Never have I done this so a little bit exited.
Yes due to back to myself dawn is coming, twilight thou is and always will be where my heart remains.
I have yet to give up on people.
You guys seem to feel a presence of the concept of love. You might half smile and cough at the idea it is there.
And do you love food as much as all narcs I know???
OK HG thanks for that I understand. I as a previous codependent (which I did not know until recently and from dealings with your kind highlighted it) have recently experienced love for the first real time and it is scary but nice, suppose it’s behavioural change. Although I am in recovery and you are working with the good doctors this means that I can recover but you cannot in the feelings mentioned above, is that correct?
Bandaids for mortal wounds, indeed. Not about healing at all but coverup and an attempt to fool you to think it’s “not that bad” while they insincerely “comfort” briefly before they run off glibly to the next social affair.
My Girl I,
I just asked Mr. Black (hubs) if he thinks all my experiences of abuse are as bad as I think they are. He said with shocked look, “Are you joking? Yes they were. If you told people half of the stuff I know about you, they’d be amazed you became what you are. People have no idea what you came from.” I’ve realized that my family has continually minimized the biggest of abuses as not that bad. Those words of comfort…..never happened in all my 48yrs. No more contact for them. Happier life for me. Thanks for reminding me it was real and horrific and I don’t need their validation to feel what I feel. Although I did need validation from my husband. That doesn’t count right? Lol.
HG,
You didn’t choose to be damage, but you are choosing to use the bandage idiom instead of choosing to use your past pain to heal.
He had a choice to sort it out when he became aware and he did not from what I have read. He had a choice.
SVR, HG did become aware. But the feelings he lacks – joy, sadness, grief, fear, love, empathy, cannot be brought back. So his healing is limited. It would have to be a cognitive understanding of these feelings, which he already has.
Correct.
I think victims also allow themselves to be bandaged up instead of facing the abuse and leaving. Its easier to accept sweet words and love bombing to ease away the abuse we dont want to see and feel. Quick fixes to something that will never heal unless properly dealt with.
Yes, often those that allow the bandages had been wounded earlier in life and this is a replay of the past in the current relationship. Trauma is odd like that.
You had a choice… you could have stopped it as an adult when you became aware. Yes you had a choice, not initially from my understanding of your abusive kind but since you are aware a choice is what you have. The narc I became embroiled with said it was my choice and indeed it was. Goodbye to the young child in an adult body and focus on my recovery. I know I had a part to play in this engagement of sorts and now I work on me. So really you don’t have a choice. Let’s get serious. Anyway life is no longer through rosy glasses, I know you warped individuals are out there. I see you have the good doctors working with you and that is a good start but I believe you said you had to do it so again not your choice but made to for some reason.
Anyway I hope one day you experience love as it’s sad to have been without it. I also know from my part of the dance.
Interesting indeed why you don’t put this on your post.
Being selective HG in the posts you allow on here????
No. See the menu bar that explains the process.
The band aids should be stuck on you abusive lot with forever glue so you get no light and no food but to top it all I would recommend nostril ones also so you stop breathing = since you already are dead it would make no difference.
Yes but what do you really think SVR?
I mean what I say HG. I understand that was fuel for you and you were very quick to reply. I know you are damaged very deeply but that was your choice, wasn’t it.
I chose to be damaged did I? Interesting.
Made me laugh, it’s funny because it’s true.
Formerly ‘ptsdafternarcabuse’
Band aids always help, yes!
Jenna
I promise not to interact with you as per your previous request.
Just wanted to say its nice to see you have retired the PTSD name. I hope its because you no longer suffer it.
NA, you are correct. I stopped suffering ptsd approx 2 moths after being on this blog. However, i had not changed my name in order that pple may recognize me.
Thank you for the sentiment.
Never.
You were given a bandaid instead of treatment to heal the wound. In return it has festered and the infection moved through out the body.
Is their an antibiotic, yes, it is making the choice to consume it.
The creature is the infection, you feed it to keep it sated.
Oh this is so true! I recall stating many times–to a specific narcissist–how I’m punished every time I speak up and advocate for myself. And was told how I “don’t know what I’m talking about” when I state my observations and see under the mask.
“This ain’t your momma’s broken heart”
Speak no evil, see no evil.
Exit green, say goodbye to impotence. It gets better. I promise.
You can’t bandaid abuse. The only way to fix it is to walk away from the abuser. If a person makes you look like that picture, they don’t love you. I would of course fight like hell right back. If I’m going down, we both are. One of us is going to jail. Ain’t gonna be me. I’ll stab you in your sleep. Or
🗡🔪🔫⛏🏹✂🔨💉💊 choose your weapon.
I think the picture means that you must keep your mouth shut and your eyes shut then the relationship will be “better”. In other words dont see the narcs wrongs and dont call him out or criticize him. Am I right HG?
In effect.
Hurt,
Reminded me of Eyes wide shut. That’s the nice thing about pictures. Everyone has their own perception. This is an excellent teaching tool as it allows people to give their thoughts and helps everyone to look at it from a different angle. HG knows what he is doing with this. It also gives time to him as the writing is minimal with a large impact. I am actually surprised that he is expanding on the memes. It is a brilliant idea to do so as you can then take comments into consideration and mold your idea of how the Narc thinks right to the biggest concern. This way the target audience is identified and he can zero in on what is marketable. Or maaayyyyybe, I am reading too much into it as I am looking for angles all the time….it’s my Narc Parents fault.
It will all be the same.