The Narcissistic Truths – No 227
46 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No 227”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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This info is really helpful HG and thanks for providing it. A couple of questions – do lessers or mid rangers ever show charm, or is this specific to the greater? Also, what might happen at the discard, if the victim did not respond as the narcissist expected? Ie if the victim told him this was good, as she was planning to leave anyway, or agreed he should go, and calmly told him the reasons why – maybe alluding to an understanding of his behaviour? What if she reacted with rage?
You may get an Upper Lesser with some rough diamond charm. Mid-Rangers have some (Middle and Upper).
Rage would be fuel.
The other way of responding would be taken as criticism (assuming a fuel free delivery) and result in the ignition of fury.
Sorry HG, I have another question. When you say mid-rangers often fake remorse, are they aware they are doing this to manipulate you? Or in their minds, do they believe this remorse to be genuine?
Thanks!
Liz
They believe it to be genuine.
Hi HG,
Just to expand on “screwyoudick”s comment, are all mid-rangers pathological liars? When they lie, do they realize they’re lying?
Liz
All of our kind lie. Mid-Rangers do not see that they are lying, to them it is the truth, based on their differing perspective.
H.G.
They all lie and they know they are lying. I understand some instances may be their warp sense of thinking versus what we know to be true. Like false accusation their truth about self and others. But too flat out lie about whereabout, what they had for dinner, what college they attended and unnecessary lies they know damn we they are lying and it’s not just their perception or view of life. Do they care about telling lies no, is it natural for them to just spew lies of course.
This is some scary shit. I don’t get it. How can someone not know they’re lying. They must know that telling the truth is being honest, and if they something that is not honest, then they are lying. Is it that they justify the lying in their minds, or they truly do not think they’re lying? Would you say that with NPD, there is some hard wiring of the brain that can cause this disorder?
Liz
I have witnessed this in the mid range victim. Gosh, he pretends to be so remorseful and apologizes unnecessarily. We are friends non-intimate. I know he’s a narc, he passed the test with flying colors. Very predictable and he performs just like Pavlov theory. The stimulus being my responses. I can gauge the type of fuel he is receiving based on his reactions. He thrives on obtaining fuel by seeking compliments and triangulation. He will say something about himself and I tell him how great he is. He counters with I am not that great of a person if so I wouldn’t have skipped my daily run. The part I find the most amusing is his attempt at triangulation followed by” I didn’t mean to upset, I apologize I don’t want you angry”. Me “silly what are you talking about why would I be angry?” ” okay I don’t want you mad, I will see you later”
He goes silent for a day or two. He let the mask slipped once and wow. I pretended as though it never happened when I spoke with him 2 weeks later. I feel bad for him, I really do. He’s in counseling not to gain anything from it but to comply with visitation order.
I experienced something similar with regard to him apologising and appearing to be humble. To me, that was a sign of maturity and it drew me to him. I cannot stand the arrogant, boastful type. But perhaps, that is just the strategy of the Mid-Ranger… I will never know the truth.
Matilda,
I think it’s one of their traits. I know HG talks about the different schools, cadres, and other riders for lack of a better word 😊 The less to mid never apologize but my friend is more of the victim type of mid. Maybe, HG can confirm if this occurs in all or if those additional traits makes one more prevalent. They do seemed to be sincere but remember if we’ve displayed that same level of remorse we might just be looking at self in that mirror ☺
The Lesser rarely apologise. The Mid-Ranger will apologise but it is superficial and there is no acceptance of blame, accountability or liability. Thus, a Mid-Ranger may say
“I am sorry you get upset when I don’t stay in touch for a few days, but I need my space as you know.”
“I am sorry I hurt you with what I said but if you didn’t push my buttons in the way you do, I would not have to say those things.”
Thus the apology is provided because the Mid-Ranger knows such a response will placate the victim, but there is no ownership of fault.
H.G.
Thank you for your reply. It’s appears genuine but like I thought they know we want to hear an apology however, feeling remorse has nothing to do with it.
The apologies are just as you stated “I am sorry I made you angry”. Never, I was wrong I should have never spoke to you in that tone. It may come with an excuse. But, he never accepts blame neither does he accept responsibilities for his actions. He’s also a victim narc, I need to do a refresher, it’s always poor him.
You are welcome.
They are just telling you what you want to hear to placate you.
When I told the Narc he had hurt me by his behaviour and treatment of of me his response was ‘I am sorry you are hurt’, and not ‘I am sorry I HURT YOU’.
A good point and succinctly made.
Thank you for the clarification, HG, and for the input, Entertainment. Mine used to say ‘I am sorry, but’. I did not let that pass. Now, he takes full responsibility and accountability for what he did, apologises, and asks for forgiveness… I cannot give up NC, it’s the only way to stay in control, to have the upper hand.
I am not sure about this one. Mine repeatedly says sorry and asks for forgiveness. He knows it is what I would want to hear, and hopes it mellows me enough to re-establish contact. But I also get the feeling that he is genuinely remorseful to some degree. It’s not done for fuel, so, I am wondering if there is truth in his words. Does not change what happened, or how I deal with the hoovers, but it would make a difference knowing he was *capable* of remorse.
HG , Do you remember ever feeling genuine remorse ?
Hello Stephanie, no I do not.
HG,
What does it mean when you once demanded your g.f. to go to your gym and abide by your rules and now tell her “you are free to workout wherever you want.” A year ago I wasn’t allowed to go to classes or talk to anyone at his gym but now he says go wherever you want.
Hello Lake15, it means that he is testing you to see if you will do it and then you will have this apparent freedom thrown in your face.
The elephant in the room off to another round of game existence.
Remember the teachings.
If I decide to go silent on here…
I’m clearing out a 5th sphere issue. It might take 6 weeks.
Love you all. HG has gone beyond the call of duty.
When I see an elephant fly.
Have you not seen a Dumbo Jet SYD?
Haha! I absolutely have! Coincidentally I have referred to Dick as Dumbo! Quick question please.. Is it possible that the mid ranger is unaware that he is a pathological liar?
Absolutely yes.
Unbelievable! That’s just so hard to process. And worse to have dealt WITH! Lots of conflicting information out there…When elephants fly….perfect! Thanks HG!
Great Reminder HG. The absurdity of ever thinking that you’ll feel bad about how you treat someone. I think this is better than when pigs fly. Elephants never forget and you don’t either.
Ssd truth.
That’s hilarious!
And depressingly true!
GENUINE remorse??? There is no remorse at all.
Mid-Rangers often fake remorse, it is part of their playbook.
HG can you clarify this:
I was crying as I had a big problem. He stood well behind me and when I turned round he was frozen staring but doing nothing. As we walked away I just wanted to hold his hand but he walked in front of me on the path. Is this a lesser?
Did this take place during the golden period or devaluation?
Golden period HG
Thank you for clarifying SVR. As this happened during the golden period, this is the behaviour of a Lesser.
HG it is me that needs to thank you. I am currently listening to your lesser video and it’s ringing bells. Not that he ever hit me but he was rude. Thanks for your clarification. Somehow I feel better knowing his title. The frightening thing is you said they can kill. Really? I saw his fury a couple of times. I was very challenging to him and he did not like it. I questioned him a lot. He has a shark tattoo on his body, any idea why?
Yes the Lesser has the capacity to kill. It is rare in terms of the number of Lessers that there are and the number of deaths that occur, but it is something to be aware of which arises as a consequence of their low control threshold. It is not a deliberate act most of the kind (unlike the Greater) but rather a consequence of the loss of control arising from the ignition of fury and the low control threshold. More likely is heated fury through shouting, name calling, physical assault, sexual assault and/or property destruction.
As for the tattoo – that could be for a host of reasons.
Are you able to share the reasons you know ?
Like I said no remorse.
What does a Narc feel genuinely HG? Fear?
See the article What Do Narcissists Feel, ANK.
Thank you. Must have missed that one.
Yes it is fake remorse.
My mid ranger admitted that he said sorry in the past to his ex when he didnt mean it..for a “quiet life”…! m****r f****r.
I thought..
“that’ll be me someday,” but I pushed it down. Dismissed it.
Dismissed myself.
What a mistake.
So…. after a few events and major apologies to me… I no longer accepted they were genuine apologies with me either..
Now I see they were real in as much as “gimme fuel”..
I wasnt different..
the ‘love of his life’… and now I know she wasnt a complete rotten bitch. How do I know this?
HG’s work.
The missing pieces are no longer missing..
Gathering my evidence and comparing events against HGs revelations, well ..the horrible realisations on so many levels make sense.
I got out and created a holy hellfire fuel crisis.
“I love you” ..received today.. Ive maintained no contact for about a month. He constantly tries to hoover me.
If I can do this…so can you… you..the one reading this that is struggling.
‘What one man/woman can do…another – can do.’
Just keep on.
Do not submit.
There are days you may long for him/her.
They are not real.
They are not worth it and you deserve better.
This is not the end of the world..even if today you’re crashing, feel hopeless and think that it is.
It is not.
Trust me.
You will survive..
You can get through.
And you are going to be alright.
Eat…Sleep…Believe.
Ain’t that the truth!!!
Another giggle. When you awake to this abuse you can see that very thing. Well done HG.