What To Do?
People face tough decisions every day in a wide array of scenarios. It may relate to health, business, relationships or money. Should the aggressive cancer treatment be undertaken despite the risks? How many people should be trimmed now the business has been taken over? Do we send in troops against the enemy on foreign soil? Do I give her another chance despite her infidelity? Does this blue or pink shirt look better? President Obama explained that by the time a matter was referred to him for an outcome there was no easy decision.
This is because people are troubled by conscience. A conscience is that thing which causes you to frame your own decisions as if someone was watching what you are doing or thinking, even though you are alone. People make decisions tougher than they need be because they are worried how people will react, how it will make that person look in front of others, how it will impact on other people and whether they will be damned if they do and damned if they don’t. These considerations do not trouble my kind and me.
My kind and me receive a lot of bad press about the things we say and do. Of course you will not be holding your breath in the expectation of some kind of apology because that is just not going to happen. I do know however that you are a reasonable person who looks at matters in a balanced and fair-minded fashion (it is just that I tell everyone else that you are crazy harpy who is out of control). With that in mind, you really ought to give thanks for people like me because we can be relied on to make the tough decisions that have to be made.
For example, imagine there is a redundancy situation in your department and in one particular team four people are at risk of losing their jobs. Two positions have to go and one of your friends is in this pool of individuals at risk. How would you go about deciding who is selected for redundancy and who is not? That part of you that is dedicated to fairness and the correct way of doing things would decide that a prescribed selection criteria should be applied to all four who are at risk. You would apply scores for each person to the criteria and the two lowest would be then selected for redundancy. The empath in you knows however your friend will face serious financial consequences if he lost his job now, notwithstanding the redundancy package. You also fear you will lose your friendship if he is made redundant. You agonise over what you should do. Should you apply the scores fairly and then be beyond reproach in the event of a legal challenge to the decision but risk losing your friend and causing him severe problems? Alternatively, should you massage the scores bumping up a couple of his and reducing a couple of someone else’s? Who would know if it is just a few points difference? What about speaking to the head of the department and trying to save one of the jobs so there is only one casualty? In such a scenario you know your friend will be safe as one of the candidates is poor at his job and is nailed on to be chosen. I know that you would face quite a dilemma in trying to make this decision and ultimately you would probably pass it on to someone else citing a conflict of interest.
What about me? What would I do? Would I apply the criteria and the poorest two lose out? After all, surely we want the best employees and if there is dead wood it needs to be cut out irrespective of any friendship that may exist? Would I instead apply my own criteria of who will provide me with the best fuel in this office dynamic and allow that to influence the supposed objective scoring? Would I make the decision that suits me the best and then reverse engineer the situation to give it the veneer of legitimacy? I should imagine that you will be inclined to think that I would do the latter. If so, you would be wrong.
I would fire all four. Their work would be distributed to other people in the department on the basis that they would receive a small bonus if they achieve certain targets. The business makes a greater saving by losing the foursome and four other employees become very grateful to me, thus giving me plenty of fuel, as a consequence of this incentive. I then contact two of the four and explain that if they bide their time I will ensure they can be re-hired in a few months’ time, before the pay-off has been depleted and thus they will actually find themselves in a better position. I will recruit those two in the new financial year so the previous year’s savings remain good. The re-hired individuals will be eternally grateful to me, ensuring loyalty and further fuel, plus I shall ensure they become my lieutenants as repayment for me looking out for them. The hold I have over my higher-up will ensure the recruitments go through without incident and are done outside of the time allowed for the two who remain out in the cold to bring a tribunal claim.
What about the friend in all of this? Who cares? He should have fuelled me more and he might have been saved. As it is, I have found some new friends who are ever so grateful for my largesse and who are perfectly content to propagate my explanation that the friend was released as a consequence of some behaviour that cannot be expanded on but let us say is outside the range of normative behaviours of decent people in society. When the friend comes calling to vent his spleen at me, well his anger and insults are all good fuel aren’t they?
The way you are wired causes you to make decisions tough.
We, by contrast, make the tough decisions.
You really ought to thank us.
18 thoughts on “What To Do?”
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Wow. That’s hard to comprehend. It’s easier to scapegoat me, I guess.
If a narc knows that you know who they are, will they still play the game if they are invited to play – knowing you know?
Yes, because the Lesser and Mid-Ranger will not accept what they are, so they do not know that you know. The Greater can but will relish the challenge.
Hmmm. I’ve always believed the narc I know has insight that there is ‘something wrong’. Text messages about ‘removing evil from people’s hearts’, statements like “I don’t know, I just do something to people”, and when I asked him if he had NPD he had a strange whiny voice as if begging me not to go any further. He uses money to be a hero and demands people must ‘appreciate’ him. He uses projection words like ‘destroy’, ‘vindictive’, ‘calculating’, ‘ruthless’. He’s been using the silent treatment for two years (or so he thinks). I always thought he was a mid-ranger / elite.
Are you sure he won’t know what he is, even if I’ve mentioned it a few times? 😲
Indeed I am.
I was in a similar situation one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make in my life with little assistance from HR.
HR and Leadership was looking at salaries I only consider their contributions. Who would step up and be willing to do more with less staff and resources.
The stress and other organizational changes lead me into the arms of the lessor. I was blindsided and of course he knew all the right things to say. At least I thought he did at the time.
Also, after I fought to keep two of the employees with higher wages all the time did was complain about the amount of work and the 10% pay cut. BTW, I was promoted and receive small raise. From the outside I would look like a narc. In fact they eliminated the Director, and Assistant Director position and I was to perform 3 positions. Oops, just in case I failed to mention our President of 40 years retired and a Narc assumed the position.
HA, ‘leadership’, reference and not ‘management’ or administration… lots of it; just not good quality.
And you have the handbook of Narc (code) so you have insight to the new president.
Amsodone,
When the narc president assumed the position he reference all he new minions as the leadership team and gave them ridiculous titles like Deputy Chief of Neighborhood and Education. Director of blah,blah, blah. Keep in mind we were a non profit government agency. He lasted 5 years I don’t know how but before he left we closed at least 20 facilities lost millions of funding from state and government agencies as well as private donors. He came pulling up is a 15 year used car claiming he was all about change and helping the community he was there was 3 weeks brand new BMW SUV. People with over 40 years of service retired after a year. It’s weird because I always referred to him as a former U.S. president. When we lost a grant for 12 million he held a emergency meeting where he stated it’s really not a lost we are actually gaining money. Wtf, at that time we lost 8 preschools fortunately the kids didn’t lose out as the State had replacements and most of the staff was retained. We went from a budget of almost 45 million to less than 12 million. None of us knew what we were dealing with , now I am fully aware. The new president is slowly trying to rebuild the organization has been there for over 100 years and have over 60 affiliates in the country. The damage these people cause irregardless to the many people that suffer.
Trickery and sad that his appeal to others egos by giving them ‘shut up’ titles was so effective. As you say, damage in their wake and devastating to individuals and families that depend upon services. The only thing sadder would be if he were parachuted in to effect said change. Good that someone/new president in to repair and rebuild. Best.
Wow, your description of “conscience” makes it clear that you don’t understand the concept at all. It’s the most narcissistic portrayal of the concept that I’ve ever seen (surprise, surprise). When it comes to “conscience,” it has nothing to do with how I think other people would view what I do as inherently right or wrong. Other peoples’ perceptions don’t factor in to the equation at all. Conscience is a deep instinctual feeling that works to keep us on the right track. It’s not something that is taught, it’s simply built in to the system. Sure, my mother might tell me to apologize for taking my sister’s toy and intentionally breaking it because what I did was wrong, but I didn’t need her to tell me that. I had already felt it inside. I knew it was wrong but my anger got the best of me. Hurting others generally makes us feel bad on an instinctual, visceral level. Doing good for others generally makes us feel good on an instinctual, visceral level. Lying, stealing, cheating, and deceiving all feel wrong even when no one knows about it. Even when I don’t imagine the negative reactions of others to my behavior. Being kind to others, loving them, making them happy, doing good deeds all feel good even when no one knows about it. Even when I don’t imagine the positive reactions of others to my behavior.
Once I recognized that you people did not come with this component built in to your operating system, it was much easier to disengage with you. It’s a recognition that you are alien, not of our species. It’s actually terrifying for us when we truly accept it. Without the conscience chip built in, it’s easy to see you need to be avoided at all costs because you are capable of anything. And you do anything and everything. You are the most unsafe people anyone could possibly choose to have in their lives. “Run!” is the only logical response.
Finally, I have to say that your characterization of conscience also illustrates perfectly how obsessed you people are with people and their reactions. You are so damn needy. Not everything is about people and their perceptions of you. But it is for you. The more I read about what goes on in your minds, the more I feel pure contempt for you. Not pity, contempt. You’re all like these desperate needy losers pretending to be powerful. Makes me feel so much better for having expelled the both of you from my life. You are truly beneath me.
High Octane Fuel,
Very well put I love how you made the distinction between conscience and intuition. I couldn’t agree more. I mentioned a few posts earlier that I felt I had narcissistic traits I could control. I can control being selfish or mean because of conscience. And if I choose not too, I know I am doing wrong and feel a sense of guilt.
In the end, when struggling to find the real intentions of people, go with your gut feeling. That gut feeling is intuition. If you feel anxiety or stress when dealing with someone, or if their explanations about their whereabouts or behaviors make you over analyze, that’s your intuition kicking into first gear. LISTEN TO IT, pay attention and do not push it aside. It matters, your intuition is always always right.
What about when the earnest apologies DO come? Does that mean someone may not be one of your kind?
One can appear earnest even though one is not.
I always thought that his moods were similar to a teenage girls menstrual cycle, and one day a month would be earnest, or honest contemplative day. I thought, and have actually clung to this thought even after reading six or seven of your books and blog, that perhaps honesty day might have had a touch of reality. Am I wrong? Feel free to shatter my illusions, HG.
Illusion shattered LEL, it would be part of the continued manipulation.
Hello, HG. I hope you are enjoying your travels. I am in my favorite coffee place right now going through my vast array of your books on kindle and I happened upon a. passage from one of them called The Eye of The Storm wherein you basically state that the only dramas you care about are the ones created by you and your people. It is a fabulous piece, very relevant to my current musings and I just wanted to say thanks for all of your sharings but particularly this one.
I am more empath in my personal than professional life, although have never had to make that level of tough decision described in ‘What to Do’. Clearly, it is a gift to make those ‘tough decisions’ without having agonized over how those decisions impact others. Not much social capital return, however financial dividends do pay off and cash is tangible.
So I got to thinking, ruminating about ‘tough decisions’ and felt need to re-visit my post. Okay, so this is my HG faciliated epiphany; it is not about social, natural, financial, manufactured or human – it is all about fuel capital!