Seven Sins of False Sorrow

 

THE SEVEN SINS

1. I am sorry I went away.

You probably said something that I did not like, you may not have said anything at all, but you did something which criticised me and I wanted to punish you so I disappeared. I am not going to tell you what I was doing whilst I was gone but I only thought about you when I looked at your pleading texts and missed calls. The rest of the time I spent it with your predecessor who I wanted to be with because, well, she hadn’t criticised me. Of course, she spoilt it and that is why I have come back to you pretending to be sorry. I need your fuel again, so here I am with my false remorse.

2. I am sorry I didn’t listen.

I didn’t listen to you because you have nothing of importance to say. Ever. That is compared to me. You should listen to me more because I do not like it when you do not. In fact I hate it. I rarely hear the words you say anyway, you are actually wasting your breath. I am far too focussed on the emotion that is spewing from you, your hurt, your frustration, your anger and your hatred. That is what I want to listen to. That gives me the fuel that I crave. I will pretend I will listen to you in the future so you provide me with some positive fuel for a while and then I will become deaf to what you have to say once again.

3. I am sorry that I hit you.

You made me do it because you will not do what I want and you will not give me what I need. I am torn between needing you and being disgusted by the fact that I am bound to someone as pathetic as you, when I am so brilliant. I am concerned that what I did may be detected by others and consequently the façade that I have created and maintained to everyone outside these four walls will be damaged. I am concerned I may have to spend some of my precious time charming law enforcement if you are treacherous enough to report me.

4. I am sorry I was unfaithful.

If you paid me more attention I would not have to do it, or at least, perhaps not as often. It was your fault that I went elsewhere because you do not admire me like you used to do. You should do so. Everyone admires me and you should be no different. I am irritated that I got caught because I thought I had covered my tracks and been cleverer than you. I am annoyed because you have scared off the other woman with your histrionics and now I am going to have to use my time and energy to find someone else now. I had a great little set-up there and you have ruined it with your interference. Just as you always spoil everything.

5. I am sorry I wasn’t there for you.

I really cannot be bothered having to support you when you are unwell. I find it a waste of my time because everything should be about me, not you. I do not like to be reminded of weakness. I see too much of myself when I do. I need my energies and time to carry out my machinations and gather fuel, not to play nurse maid to you. I do not care that you have looked after me, that is your role. I am too great to tend to you, it is beneath me. I am concerned that my lack of caring and attentiveness has proven the last straw however and my false contrition is purely designed to stop you leaving me.

6. I am sorry I am not a better person.

I am better, way better than you and everyone else, but I know you are fixated with the idea of making me better, changing me and healing me, so I say this to make you feel sorry for me and to hint at the fact that I want to change and become someone better. I am never going to change but I do love to keep you hanging on thinking that I will as this stops you leaving me and deserting me when I need my fuel. I will keep mentioning this so you stick around until such time as I have lined up someone else and I have drained you, then you disappear for all I care. In the meanwhile I will continue to insinuate that I am capable of change and improvement so that you do not go anywhere else. I need my fuel after all.

7. I am sorry for myself.

At least this one is true. I feel very sorry for myself and with good reason. I am just trying to get through life and deal with the jealous people, the envious people and the horrible people who are trying to hurt me. I know there are hundreds of them and I have done nothing to them, yet they insist on trying to hurt me. It is a terrible burden to carry, knowing that there are so many people out there against you, especially when you are as a wonderful and as brilliant as I am. I need your pity, your sympathy and your empathy. Give it to me. It is all fuel. I do not deserve to be treated like this do I? I am human too you know.

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8 thoughts on “Seven Sins of False Sorrow”

  1. Brilliant as usual! To to know….
    To sad that I did not know this earlier. How about… Sorry but I never can specify what they are sorry for? To be honest he don’t even know since he don’t care.

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  2. Thank you for writing this. Numbers 5, 6, and 7 always confused me and made me think, “well maybe he IS a caring person” and it triggered my rescue instinct of my co-dependent nature-12 step definition). I know better now, thankfully.

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  3. HG,
    Thanks again for explaining what these comments mean, especially 4-7 which were constant. Jus wondering why in the last go around with Ang. did I feel so cold inside for most of the time. Somehow I just did not believe what he was saying; I started to notice that the actions did not match the words and I would say as much(criticism). Do you think he started to notice that maybe I was starting to figure him out? Not that I had anywhere near the knowledge that I do after your books/articles. But somehow when he said, “Im sorry” it feel robotic-no emotion and definitely no “real” expression. Looking back I think those times you have mentioned when he was quiet, without energy, almost lifeless I was seeing the real him-the emptiness. What do you think H.G.?
    Very Grateful!

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    1. The way you felt was as a consequence to you responding through cold hard logic rather than reverting to the usual emotional thinking which is the standard response of victims.

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      1. HG,
        Thank you for your response. So when we start thinking with cold hard logic after various devaluations are we seeing the man without the mask?
        Thanks again!

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  4. My ex didn’t say sorry very often but when she did it she was quickly and easily forgiven. I gave her the answer and help she needed.
    I told her that I wake up each day with a clean slate and I wasn’t ever still mad at her. She had no reason to say it. She knew I would get over everything.

    This has affected me this past year. I am easily aggravated and when something or someone makes me mad I have a hard time letting it go and it stays with me when it never used to.
    Just talked about it in therapy and it’s going to be continued to next week.

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