The 7 Sayings Upon Cessation
1. After everything that I have done for you.
How can you leave me after everything that I have done for you? I gave you the world and now you have thrown back in my face. I of course only gave you everything because I wanted something from you. I did not give you my all because I loved you. I gave you so much because I wanted everything from you and I was so close to taking everything from you. Now that you are trying to escape me, you are suggesting that I have failed and that I am not brilliant nor magnificent and I cannot stand for that to be the case. I want to blackmail you into staying. All that I gave you were not gifts, they were bribes and now it is time for you to earn them, so you had better damn well stay.
2. But we belong together.
We do belong together because I own you. I bought you with my false affection and dishonest love. I attached you to me and bound you in chains that are long and thick and you dare try to cast off those shackles. I do not know where you end and I begin. You thought that was romantic the first time I told it you but I was actually telling you a rare truth. You and I are one because you are subsumed into what I am, I consume you, I envelope you and I control you. You cannot walk away from me now because we are too enmeshed, too attached and too conjoined. You are tearing me in half. There is no you. You gave that up when you allowed yourself to be drawn towards me and bound so tight to me that you became part of me. What has been joined together can now not be undone.
3. I will die without you.
You cannot leave me because if you do you shall surely tear my poor heart from out of me. That is suitably dramatic and is designed to pull on your heartstrings even though I am telling you that this is how brutal and heartless you are in trying to end our relationship. I cannot allow this to happen because I have not finished my seduction of your replacement and if you go now you will take away my precious fuel before the new source has come online. This will leave me panicked, chaotic and driven into a frenzy in order to gather fuel from other sources, if I am able to that is. If I cannot I will no longer exist and it is all because of your selfish, wicked behaviour. How can you cut me down like this? How can you slay me in such a callous fashion? Heartless harpy, seditious slattern and callous crone that you are.
4. I cannot help what I do.
You cannot leave me just because of what I have done and what I have not done. How is that fair? I thought you were a fair person, open-minded and caring, are you not? I doubt it now as you are intent from getting away from me and all because of the way I have treated you. Look I am sorry, really I am, but I cannot help it. You make me that way with the things that you do. No, I am not trying to push the blame on to you, I am explaining it to you if you would at least listen to me. How can I explain that it is just something that happens when you are walking away from me? I never intended for it to happen you know, it just happens and you should be the one apologising to me because you make me lose my temper with your control and the games you play,you are doing it now you fucking bitch, I hate you, do you hear me? I hate you. It is your fault. Not mine. I can’t help it.
5. Why do you want to spoil everything?
I really do not understand you at times. I mean, what do you have to complain about? We live in a beautiful house, you have an expensive car, a platinum Amex and I let you do whatever you want but still it is never enough is it? Yes, I know I sometimes i have to lay down the law but if I didn’t you would spend us out of existence. Do you know how hard I have had to work to build all of this? It doesn’t just spring up overnight and I did it for us. You have used me. I welcome you into my life and this is how you repay me by spoiling our idyllic life. You would be nothing without me, do you know that? You have a fantastic life, all provided by me, there are hundreds of other women who would give their right arm to be with someone like me and you are going to throw it all away and leave. I knew there was something not right with you, you need help,you are insane. Ask anyone and they will agree with me.
6. Who will help me now?
You cannot leave me, who else is going to help me? I have kept you here under figurative lock and key, a virtual prisoner in your own home because not only do I need you to fuel me but I need you to mother me. That was the agreement when we got together. I would feed you false love and fraudulent gratitude and in return you would cook for me, clean this house, wash my clothes, cut my toenails and wash my hair. You would wait on me hand and foot and be at my beck and call. I cannot do all of these things on my own and I haven’t got the energy to find someone at such notice with you leaving. You are such an awful person, to leave me like this, especially when I am ill. Who on earth does that to someone? You should think of others and not just yourself you selfish cow.
7. Don’t go, I will change. I promise.
You really are going to go aren’t you? Good Lord, I didn’t see that coming. I thought you were good for another six months of abuse and mistreatment before you somehow plucked up the courage to try and escape me. I don’t like to admit it but you have caught me out and now I am concerned, I can feel the control slipping away from me and I have to get it back, I have to stop you. A crack around the face has worked in the past but something in your eyes tells me that even giving you a good hiding won’t stop you going, even if you have to crawl out of that front door. I know, I will throw myself on your mercy. You will like that. You have always been trying to save me, well here is your chance. I will change. I will get help. Just please do not go. Of course I mean it. I will do anything to stop you going and taking my precious fuel away from me and making me look a fool in front of all my adoring admirers. I cannot have that happen so yes, I will get some treatment, I know I have done wrong and this time, more than ever, I will change. I swear it on the lives of anyone who springs to mind so it seems like I really mean it. Of course I don’t, why should I change? The only thing that will change is my primary source of fuel but that is not ready yet so you need to stay. Please. I will change. Don’t go.
19 thoughts on “The 7 Sayings Upon Cessation”
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Heard them all – resisted the hoover (a very nice trip to Paris) now happily married to a decent man. Thanks for the insights which have helped me understand why our relationship was so wrong
#1 varied – ‘Then why am i here?’
#4 ‘I can’t help it’ – if he gets angry at my questions.
#5 ‘You spoiled everything’ – if i give him the silent treatment.
All of their thoughts which then become words can be summed up in one word: INFANTILE.
At what point did these creatures totally disregard regulating their emotions? I am curious HG, when you knew you could not be “real”. Probably as a child for many narcs. If any of what the narc told me was true, then I can see how it came to this. Both parents alcoholic and abusive. Even sexual abuse. Is this true? I will never know. The parents are both dead, and the narc has no contact with the family….a falling out over time. And according to the narc, a few of the siblings are dead as well, 2 from suicide, again, who knows if this is truth. But, it would explain his odd and frightening behaviors, that I probably will never witness again with anyone else in my life.
Hello MM, I have never looked at it as knowing that I could not be real, but rather that there had to be an alternative way and that was to seize power.
Hi MM!!
I have a theory as to what you just shared. So, yes, narcissism can be the result of such extreme abuse and neglect. And, given the family history of suicide, it seems abuse and mental illness is a common thread through the family sadly. Now, he is the other side, that is also a possible: He is completely lying (I would hate to think this, but definitely possible manipulative tactic for sympathy AND to isolate you from his ACTUAL family that is ALIVE). This way, he can compartmentize his relationship with you and have an entirely additional life you do not know of.
Just a thought.
Indy
I see HG. But what has caused you to want this power? Did it start early on? And do you believe the “stare” is a form of hypnosis? I had thought about the sociopathic stare, the one that can be misconstrued as love in the eyes, as actual hypnosis.
I wanted this power because I saw how power was being wielded by MatriNarc and I wanted that also.
I do not believe the stare is a form of hypnosis although I can see why you might think that way. The stare is used to seduce and to intimidate and threaten.
Thanks for replying Indy. I had thought the same…the compartmentalization. However he wanted to be by my side 24/7 and almost was at one point. He could not have had anyone else, I knew where he was all of the time, with me! He actually left his own previous living arrangements to do so.
That is interesting and would be hard to have another life if he dominated your time like that. Unless he cut his family out and back burnered them. Either way is sad and not healthy. Glad you are out!
This actually made me LOL. The petulance!
This is my second time reading this one, always get new nuggets with rereads. Heard these many times, as I am sure many here have. It is very helpful to cue our ears to these and question ourselves what is really going on here. Here is where I am currently at with each of these:
1. Classic guilt trips no longer work on this recovering Catholic. Used to.
2. Romantic musings no longer work to keep me connected in the abuse dance. We do not belong together when I am being sacrificed.
3. We all die alone. Deal with it.
4. The guilt trip thing AGAIN? Next…
5. Oh poor little helpless man. Right, not buying it. Well, I cant help leaving. Bye Felicia.
6. Look in the mirror. Get the phone book and hire a maid. Or a therapist…or a physician…. I can give you a ride to the hospital or call 911 (I have actually done that one, had someone committed when they threatened to kill themselves if I left).
7. Directed them to Fleetwood Mac (Tell Me Lies)
I received emails such as the article from the predator. Saying I was the one who was “more the aggressor” lol! Anyway, I did the discarding the first time and let him back in, due to not recognizing the pattern and what this little dance in reality was to him. After letting him back in the second time, shame on me, I did the discarding again, worse this time actually, because he went beserk. He now has a criminal record barbecue of his unregulated emotions toward me and my family. Arrested, released and has a probation (and counseling) sentence to fulfill.
#5 why do you want to spoil everything…..
You dumb ass… happiness is not all about money… I told you before We can be happy without those nice cars, big houses… but you did it anyway for yourself, and people to see how good of a provider you are (even when u told me that you lied and being greedy)..
It’s impossible to save some money with narcissistic grandiose Money comes money goes…
Now that we separated ( he left me ). he can’t even give me a certain amount of money for myself… such a looser! I am sick of it. I am mad, angry… but I would not let him see it.. he refused to go to a mediator.. I forgive myself and keep praying for my 3 beautiful children.
I have heard renditions of #1 and #3. And of course, ” You should wait until after (enter date here) I am getting a huge bonus from work and you can just steal more from me.”
Number three was ” I might as well just kill myself now, I have thought of it several times you know”
HG, I come back and read your posts now and again, and I can relate to quite a few of them. I can’t remember if I have mentioned this before, but, your posts and books helped me escape my torture and has educated me enough to be aware of my surroundings.
Thank you.
Thank you GH67, good of your to state that.
I really am disappointed in you HG when you talk about a “crack around the face or good hiding”. I would leave you the instant you laid a hand on me like that. Okay, not until attempting to fight you like in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. If it involved consensual sex then that is different. I can’t stand the idea of someone as intelligent as you are and with such a gift with words, stooping to physical violence. Especially when you are great at the art of the put down, I’m sure.
You have overlooked three things :-
1. Articles such as this refer to the broad spectrum of narcissists and is not specific to just me;
2. I have stated in the past that I do not hit women as it is beneath me to do so (although you perhaps may have missed the comment); and
3. We wouldn’t be in a relationship anyway as I do not know you.
1. Got it.
2. Thank God for that too. I’m sorry I thought that was one of your abuse tactics.
3. I was just stating what I would do if I did and you acted like that. Which I now know would never happen because you don’t hit women and we know nothing about each other.
#7 so funny (well now it is, I would not have thought half year ago).
“I cannot do all of these things on my own and I haven’t got the energy to find someone at such notice with you leaving. You are such an awful person, to leave me like this, especially when I am ill. Who on earth does that to someone? You should think of others and not just yourself you selfish cow”. OF course that was not articulated, however loud and clear.