Promiscuous Boy
I remember the day, or more accurately that the floodgates were opened on my promiscuity. It was when I attended a particular university for the purposes of an admission interview. It was early December and this historic and beautiful university city was lit up by orange and yellow lamps as a little mist clung to the narrow alleyways and courtyards. I had concluded my two interviews (read Fury if you want to know more about how they progressed and how one interview impacted on me) and returned to the junior common room to meet up with two other candidates. They were applying to the same college but to read a different subject to me. They were both English literature students. He was from Greenock in Scotland and she was a bookbinder’s daughter from Cambridge in England. Beer was consumed, stories swapped and the fellow from Greenock retired to his room. The bookbinder’s daughter, she was called Sarah, came back to my room and we talked before we climbed into bed together. I had a girlfriend at the time and whilst there had been dalliances with other girls I had not slept with another. That changed that night. And in the morning too. Sarah wandered away across the quadrangle to her room and I rose from my bed to seek out the bathroom. She decided to stay another day at the college because she wanted to spend time with me. I was happy for her to do so as I waited around, as was customary, in case an interview arose at another college. The following day we both departed, she to the east and me to the west and once I alighted at the train station near to my girlfriend’s house I went straight round to see her. She was pleased to see me and embraced me with enthusiasm. I returned the enthusiasm. I had no sense of guilt at my infidelity. Nothing at all. Instead I revelled in the way I had taken Sarah to my bed and now strode into my then girlfriend’s bedroom with her asking with admiration how my interview had progressed and what the college was like.
Following that first time I never looked back. I cheated left, right and centre. With that girlfriend and with all subsequently. Why did I do it? Way back then I realised how good it made me feel but I had no understanding of why I actually did it. Something always drove me to do it. I realised that the relevant girlfriend would be upset if she knew what I had done but this never stopped me. I never gave it a second thought. Even as I was locked in an embrace with some relative stranger and an image of the girlfriend formed in my mind I felt no tug of conscience, remorse or guilt. All I knew was that I was able to seduce, pull, entice and ensnare everywhere I went. I would meet someone and always find something attractive about them – it might be the colour of their hair, the length of their legs, their accent, the way they rolled the letter r, the fact they drank with a straw or the size of their breasts. It might be their enthusiasm for a particular band, their recollections of travelling or the manicured nails. Each and everyone had some kind of attraction. I could not resist trying to ensnare someone in order to bring them under my spell. It was then that I realised what it was that really drew me to them, it was the promise of their attention. I realised I was able to get them hooked on me. I had convinced myself that I was drawn to them for some other reason but it dawned on me that I was just telling myself that as a reason. A reason that I required to explain this compelling desire to couple with someone. But that was not the real reason. The truth was that I wanted their attention on me and this was the way to get it.
Yes it was pleasant engaging in that first kiss and I enjoyed the sensations that arose when the embrace escalated but it was not what I actually I wanted. I wanted them to praise me. I wanted them to become transfixed by me and for them to shine their spotlight firmly on me. The promiscuity has always continued and it does not matter who with it is the fact that I am able to do seduce and by so doing gather that starry-eyed admiration, those pleasing words and the attention. This engagement does not end with behaving in a promiscuous fashion. I will engage in discussions with a stranger of my own sex,at a bar, a railway platform or in a lift. I have no desire to seduce them sexually for that is not my preference but I do cause them to like me and in so doing give me that fuel that I need.
Often I feel like admitting my repeated transgressions straight away to the relevant girlfriend of the time but I have no desire to puncture my primary source of fuel by doing this. I do find it interesting how they always react with such alarm and distress on the odd occasion I do make such a confession. If I tell them how well I got on with a random male in an exchange at a bar, someone with whom I have swapped views, thoughts and opinions, I receive a smile and a comment of,
“Always good to make new friends.”
Yet an admission of coupling with a stranger results in hysteria even though to me these interactions are similar. Yes, one might yield greater fuel than the other but in terms of intimacy they are equally redundant. That is not why I do it. I do not do it because I want to savour the sensation of another’s mouth against me. I do it because I want them to give me fuel. I can understand how you may be aghast if in a normal relationship a partner behaves with infidelity but to our kind it just about the attention, the admiration, the fuel. You have such a great hang up because sex is involved. That is just the gateway device to me. If I could get the attention another way so that it provides such fuel then believe me I will do it. However, in your world, on the whole, the act of a sexual union accords a greater connection between two people which means you yield more fuel and are more inclined to keep providing it as you seek more from the liaison.
Our promiscuity arises to enable us to achieve fuel. From the new target who is seduced by us and from you should we alert you in some way (either in whole or in part) to our new interest. The condemnation that is attached to promiscuity when in a relationship means that your reaction just provides us with even more fuel. There is a risk of your supply being punctured by this revelation but it is a calculated risk and is often done when the quality of your supply generally has started to wane.
To us promiscuity when in a relationship is merely a means to an end. To you, well, you behave as if it is the end of the world. It really isn’t.
59 thoughts on “Promiscuous Boy”
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Not a comfortable read for me.. I have no sex since he discarded me ( August 2016!) and I have never been in situation where I had no one to have a sex with in my life! I’m not interested meeting someone new, I am not a one night stand person and I think I’m still under his spell cos I can’t imagine someone else touching me.. It feels like i still belong to him.. What am I supposed to do..? He moved on easily , got his new IPPS ( according to Mr Tudor anyway..) and I’m in the middle of nowhere! My frustration is growing.. can you tell.. Sorry if ‘too much information ‘.. 🍷
same boat, abrokenwing….. and remember, you WILL always being to him. That glass of wine looks like just what I need right now…
you WILL always BELONG to him….
Well,unfortunately there’s no bottle of wine emoji Ms brown..
Let me help you guys out with this one drinks on me. I will drink to that…hahaha who am I kidding I will drink to anything 😉🍷🍷🍾🍸🍹
A Broken Wing,
I feel the same. I can’t imagine anyone else touching me either. I’ve been trying to make new friends and hopefully eventually get into a relationship again. But I feel so stuck. Like I want to build a wall around myself but I also don’t. I find myself comparing him to everyone. 🙁
Very sad for empaths
I understand the part where one wants noone else and compares with everyone else. It took me years to get over that. 🙁 But you will, too, give it time.
And I’m stuck, too, because I’ve had enough of feeling like a toy and being used, and at the same time, I cannot let anybody near me who would be showing real emotions and who would be able to have real intimacy. I let neither one nor the other near me. Last time I got intimate with a guy, my emotions were numb, and it was completely meaningless to me.
Hi ABW!!
I understand what you wrote completely. It’s been one year for me and intimacy and just touching are still hard for me. I don’t want any part of it.
My ex used the word “mine” all the time and I did tell my counselor that I sometimes felt that I still belonged to my ex.
It’s hard for me to explain how I feel to anyone about this. It is very much sensory and the brainwashing of belonging to someone toxic.
I feel for you and just wanted you to know I know how it feels.
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Snow White!😊
Haha, extraordinarily deep friendly affection, that one is really good.
Ava101, the “like” button is not working but 1,000 likes for your comment. I know right? Really “good” right? And I fell for it like an idiot. 🙁
He’s f**ked like 30 people. At least that is what he said when I asked him how many he has been with….he said “I don’t know….like 30 or so?” He didn’t even know. I bet it’s like 50 or 60. Or more. And I let him have me anyway. Another notch on his wall.
How old is he? I bet more than that. When I was with my lower-narc-like-lover, I thought it was only me. And I couldn’t see him that often because I was working in another city at that time. So one day he says to me, that three times a week worked great for him for the time being. While I never saw him more than once a week ….
Ava, he is 32. I am 38 (yeah I ended up with a youngin lol). I am curious about the age dynamic though. Are most of them older, younger or is it varied? He “claimed” he did not lose his virginity until he was 23. Oh he’s married too. Been married for almost 9 years. So LOL at the math of that IF he really was 23. Serial cheater and serial sex addict. We wer in an LDR. He is an MMRN (middle range) based on the descriptions I have read from HG’s postings. And I was his “intermittent appliance”. 🙁
Im astounded that in this day in age people still sleep around without using protection.
In my line of work ive come across aids patients that have developed cancers as a result of their weakened immune systems. Its devastating seeing their constant struggles with their health. Your health is everything without it your quality of life is greatly compromised.
There are some diseases you cant shake.
I see what you did with the name change.
Trojan, I also like your name 😁
I think what empaths have a hard time accepting is most socio/psychopaths are extremely reckless and have low impulse control. They are unconcerned about diseases because their need for stimulation is far greater.
Interestingly enough, a recent study has shown that there is no correlation between narcissism and risk taking. So it seems amongst the different cadre of narcs, it is the Greaters you have to watch out for the most. Since Greater = socio/psychopath. Yes, given their intelligence and needs, they’ll most likely select a safe/clean IP. Yet, their need for fuel will probably lead them to risky behavior with various secondary and tertiary sources.
“I had no sense of guilt at my infidelity. Nothing at all.” HG, if your gf cheated on you, you would feel angry, would you not? Is that not enough to stop you from doing it? My ex said he would never want his gf cheating on him, though he was promiscuous. This was after we were no longer ‘together.’
It would ignite my fury but no it would not be enough to stop me doing it because if the fuel demands it, it will be done.
Interesting. So you do acknowledge that it is wrong to cheat, since it would ignite your fury if your gf did it?
I have never said anything to the country. I know I do things which are viewed as wrong, but I do not care.
So you know the difference btwn right and wrong but just don’t care? My ex is religious and views sex outside of marriage as wrong. However, he used to engage in it without regret, until recently.
That is the same logic as when my ecnarc got indescribleby furious when I met my lover three weeks after he had broken up with me and ascertained that he never wanted to have sex again. Didn’t keep him from expecting me to stay faithful to him.
Most people view the capacity to be physical with more than one person as taboo. Yet some are open to the idea of exploring with their partners in an honest way. (Strong emphasis on honest.) It is possible to love more than one person, but the design of marriage, relationships, and bonding with one person for life is how society views companionship.
That is just one way of loving.
In most relationships the love that two people exchange is through the heart and through a bond of common interests, goals, and wants. Which is a beautiful feeling and some people can keep that going for a very long time. If it’s a deeper connection based on honesty, it can last a lifetime. But in unhappy and unfulfilling relationships there is always the pervasive need to ‘spice things up’ or an affair can occur if either partner isn’t satisfied. Selfish? Maybe. But it depends on the integrity or strength of the relationship if it falls apart.
One might equate that hit of attention that you get from promiscuity as the same exciting thrill those get from an affair that provides them with external validation they aren’t getting from their partner. Not to such a severe degree of course, but is an interesting concept to explore nonetheless. But my brain will see many different possibilities here.
It saddens me to know that feeling of pumping, exciting, warm and livened emotion of connecting with someone through the heart isn’t on the menu for you. It is tragic and the victims left in the wake will often be left scratching their heads or corrupted quite potently; and that feeling is all too strong for both parties. Or in this case, many parties.
Yes, Maria, it’s absolutely worth purchasing!
He recently cleared things up…he was playing the others but he meant it with me. OH!…now I get it. Something must be wrong with me since I won’t take him back. LOL
Yes, the hoover is still happening…
I think “Exorcism” is a fanatastic book.
One of HG’s best. I highly recommend it. The information sticks with you.
I will use tips from that book for a long time.
These admissions sound similiar to the ones my ex made but he was not eloquent and could not articulate the way you did. He mentioned sex with previous partners and strangers in the same manner one does a handshake. He did state that he was molested by a female at a young age which I thought triggered it but now I see it was merely fuel
Natalie,
Mine used to give excuses as to why he had so many sexual partners. And he added bullshit faux-eloquent articulation to it as well.
“Sex is my way of expressing friendly affection for someone, I have had sex with many ‘friends’ and I see nothing wrong with it. My friendly affection is ‘extraordinarily deep’….” (insert eye roll here). I can totally see him using the handshake explanation too.
Gabrielle…we clearly dated the same guy lol! The ex said the same thing about sex with friends and when I was repulsed he called me judgemental lol!! The similarities are astounding!
Do you not concern yourself with the potential acquisition of HIV?
P.S. I am looking forward to reading your books. I appreciate your frank answers/explanations, H.G.
I have no concerns i that regard 9L36. Thank you and you are welcome.
Why not? Do you use protection?
I ensure I am protected.
Oh, come on. Yes or no?
I answered you.
Sigh.
I had not thought of it as fuel. I think it is more fun, but I’ll ponder it and see what pops up as I blithely continue on my way!
HG
You talked about a book ” Exorcism”. did you write it?
Will i find it on Amazon?
Yes I did. It is on Amazon as a paperback and also as an e-book.
Thank you
I hope worth purchasing.
Maria, I read it and I recommend reading it.
in essence, you are asexual…. This is a whole new admission of truth from you.
Ms. Brown
LOL, Asexual I doubt it. The book is good sad that no matter how intimate it’s seems it’s just another way to manipulate us and it’s all fuel. Who would have guessed.
HG, care to jump in here? Did my comment have any foundation? I see similarities, a lot of them, to asexuality. You don’t have sex because you enjoy it or for intimacy or because of sexual attraction (not unlike an asexual) One can be asexual and have an aesthetic attraction, but not sexual. I understand asexuality covers a large spectrum. Could you elaborate your views here, regarding my comment of asexuality, as it applies to you… Thank you!
I will order the book. Could you pretty please just answer one of the above questions meanwhile?
I would not want to spoil your enjoyment of the book in securing the answers.
1) does sex make you feel equally good no matter who its with? 2) Or is it better with the ipps, ipss etc? 3) Also do you compare the sex you have with the various girls? 4)Do you have a favorite one to sleep with? 5) if so what makes her your favorite?
Thanks Mr HG
Please see Sex and the Narcissist.
My curiosity is killing me..
Please can I ask … I can’t order the books ..
Is sex a function to your type?
Do you enjoy the intimacy?
Or power and fuel solely?
Sex is a weapon of seduction.
It is the power and the fuel Overthinker.
Why is disease not a concern?
Because one can always shake the disease.
Have you had to “shake a disease?”
Chickenpox.
Disease is not a concern at all from my experience. My ex greater gave me two STD’s. I was so young that I went to him immediately and told him after seeing my doctor…you know because my Greater loved me so much and we’d work it out together😂 He promptly called me a whore and punished me for months. I had no other sexual partners. I knew intellectually that I couldn’t have given it to him but I was so consumed with the thought of him being angry with me. I didn’t have the strength or boundaries to tell him to go to hell. Yet another mind fuck.