Enter the Sphere of Influence
Few people are unfamiliar with the Star Wars franchise. In the first film, A New Hope, Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Luke Skywalker and Chewbacca have emerged from hyperspace in the millennium falcon only to find an imperial tie fighter and an absence of the planet that they had hope to reach. Instead as a perplexed Han Solo tries to figure out what is going on, the tie fighter is seen racing towards a small moon that Luke has identified. As the sphere comes into view, Obi-Wan states with a calm dread,
“That’s no moon.”
Indeed it is not. It is in fact a space station and specifically the machine of mass destruction that is the death star. Once recognition has dawned on the quartet along with the fearful consequence of being near to such a powerful weapon, they try to escape but it is too late. The millennium falcon has been caught in the death star’s tractor beam and they hare slowly dragged towards the waiting death star.
We are that death star. We glide along appearing at first to be something benign or at least neutral, our true purpose masked to those we seek to pull into our sphere of influence. Our tractor beam is powerful, unceasing and almost impossible to resist as it attaches to our victims and with our legendary seductive ability hauls them into our world. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights you are unable to escape as we pull you closer and closer to us. By the time you realise what has happened and that we are indeed ‘no moon’ it is too late, you have been caught and escape is extremely difficult. Our true purpose is hidden from and if you ever do realise that is a ‘death star’ you are sailing towards you will find it so very difficult to escape the iron hold we have over you.
There are those, through the intervention of others and the application of learned knowledge, who do manage to free themselves from the tractor beam’s hold. It is rarely immediate. The escape that might occur usually only takes place after a long period of time subjected to our burning lasers of hurt and our photon torpedoes of misery. If you manage to escape you know by now that you must stay away and keep away. We will continue to drift along, like that death star cruising through space as we take hold of fresh victims along our route and drag them towards us. Occasionally we will shift our path and make towards you once again. You remain in one place at your peril as we will approach you and once more seek to suck you in with our mighty tractor beam. We may plot a course which takes us to pastures new where we busy ourselves with fresh and shiny new victims who provide us with delicious and exciting fuel. This will occupy us but we will never forget about you. You will similarly never forget about us because of what we have done to you and the way we have conditioned you. This conditioning engenders a sense of curiousity in you. You need to know what we are doing, you want to know who we are interacting with now and thus you decide to fly past our death star, just for a distant view of the edifice that once nearly destroyed you. You feel safe watching from a distance as you fly by but be warned. Fly too close and that tractor beam will take hold of you again. If you give us any opportunity to hoover you back in once again we will seize it. You appear on our sensors and we will increase the power of the tractor beam in a bid to capture you once again. It may have been years since there was any interaction between us but if you fly too close to our death star then you will be sucked back into it and subjected to our machinations once again.
When you first try and escape we apply the tractor beam to keep you where we want you, but if you are determined and manage to depart then we set a course for new horizons and new fuel. We may at a later date decide to alter our trajectory again and move back to your solar system in the hope of grabbing you once more. Should you see us coming you need to jump in your space ship and fly somewhere else quick. If you wish to flirt with danger, feel free to follow us to the new galaxy where we are destroying new planets, but if you come too close, we will detect you and we will apply that tractor beam once again. The passage of time does not matter. It might just be a few months since you made your escape or it could be a decade, either way, if you come close to our sphere of influence our tractor beam will take a hold of you and pull you back towards us. You will always be of interest to us, it may be in a week’s time, a year or ten years but if there is a window of opportunity to take hold of you again we will gladly take it because the fuel to be gained is exquisite.
So, if you manage to escape our grip, fly to the other side of space from us and keep that distance otherwise our tractor beam will draw you in once again. That is the only hope you have to remain free of our grip. Unless of course you somehow manage to fire that photon torpedo down that exhaust chute but we both know you are never going to be able to manage that, right?
24 thoughts on “Enter the Sphere of Influence”
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“Have I injured him sufficiently to have him leave me alone now? Or will he be dormantly seething at my temerity….”
Please could you shed some light HG?
Depends on the context of what has gone before and the situation surrounding the wounding, alongwith current fuel needs and a host of other factors. Such a bespoke situation is better suited to a private consultation.
OK thank you HG, I will have a think about doing that.
Hoover and fuel. What’s the relationship between the two in the different schools?
Could you be more specific Kitty?
I realised what mine was and called him out on it during the time he was still bothering to go through the motions of seeing our children. He fannied about for a bit, humouring me by acknowledging it (presumably whilst trying to determine how hard he should try to keep his options open for a potential future hoover) then flat denial (presumably spanning the same period that he was securely embedding the new victim ) and then the mask truly came off but still mixed with acting perfectly normal at times as if nothing at all had happened.
I spelt it out in no uncertain terms via text which predictably resulted in the anticipated Silent Treatment and Gaslighting Show. Despite the thorough smear campaign i know he will have done on me, I think he is more concerned with protecting his new environment and fuel provider so therefore has left me alone since. Nearly eight months now of glorious silence apart from one very transparent attempt to goad me via text around a key event date. I did respond but in a very short and nonplussed way.
Have I injured him sufficiently to have him leave me alone now? Or will he be dormantly seething at my temerity ( in calling him out and not rising to him etc) just waiting for the right opportunity to try and bring me down?
I have a bank of comments now awaiting your moderation….hopefully I’ll see something of them soon….I am beginning to suspect that your knowing I’m waiting patiently is itself providing you with a delightful new source of fuel. Your blog is great however, so you are welcome to it if so.
Excellent analogy HG! Somehow I got lost on the last paragraph :
” Unless of course you somehow manage to fire that photon torpedo down that exhaust chute but we both know you are never going to be able to manage that, right?”
Do you mean by firing that “photon torpedo ” implementing from a distance a Revenge Campaign against you ? If that is the case..what do you mean by ” you are never going to be able to manage that”? Is it because you consider that the empath will NOT succeed on this revenge campaign or the empath won’t have the ” guts” to implement it?
No it means you will realise what we are and scupper our control over you, but you are never going to be able to manage that because our control is too great and you invariably do not know what we are.
HG! I usually agree with your statements…based on my own experience and observations during my relationship with my ex Greater . Either it is because part of my neurones are by the moment on ” recovery mode” or it is because I am completely missing the point here!
If the empath escapes the narc because she finally REALISES and KNOWS what the narc is then:
I can agree that the empath cannot control the narcs FEELINGS of entitlement although he has been abandoned but that DOES NOT mean that he can continue controlling the empath!!! How could the narc continue controlling if he has been completely abandoned by the empath and the empath knows what he is? Could you please give an example?
Entering the Sphere Of Influence is about seducing you. You do not abandon us during the seduction because of the extent of the control and the fact you do not know what we are. It is almost unheard of for someone to break away from a narcissist during seduction if they do not know beforehand what we are.
Certainly, once you have gained knowledge you may do it in the future, but beforehand? No.
Thank you HG! It makes sense now….
****** crickets *******
In my case, I broke free of contact immediately, once the mask came off. It was not intended by the Greater to come across as a complete self-unmasking, but it did come across that way to me. He mixed his direct malice with a demeanor that suggested, “I just can’t help it, as intellectually I am error prone.” But the pattern of this hapless “error prone” demeanor had done me so much damage in the past, that I had to treat it as a punishable offence, despite my natural inclinations to forgive and to explain why errors of that sort were indeed errors in every sort of way.
I disciplined myself and broke off contact.
By the way,
The black hole, it is possible to destroy it. But I cannot explain it because it goes beyond your knowledge HG.
Appreantly there is a formula explaining how to make a demon. Your parents did it well. Take a child, let this child to live in the basement , without love, without protection , in the dark …
There is a formula called escape velocity, that gives us the minimum speed to scape from gravity. Once the object achieve this speed, it will never,never,never return. The gravity will not manage to pull it back.
The only way we can reach this speed is through love. By loving our family, our friends …by loving ourself.
Narcissists are flawed people , everybody knows it. They are the only ones that don’t know it. If we get involved with one is because we also have problem. But they are cowards, they are not handsome and it is much better to have sex with love and passion then to have sex with a shallow , empty person. Go out, find a Latino black hair, green eyes with aa loooot of love, get drunk with tequila and you can also achieve the scape velocity plus multiple orgasms.
Full speed ahead, I mean away; max warp.
Do you have an example of what that photon torpedo might look like? Besides no contact/ ignoring how do you defeat a narcissist?
HG, I was discarded a month ago, saw him(Greater middle narcissist) a week ago in passing vehicles, he didn’t hoover. I assume he’s busy with his loyal harem and new primary, correct?
I agree Carroll.
When you say at the end about shooting the torpedo into the chute- is this a metaphor for delivering a fatal wounding blow to the narc? I remember reading that a Super Empath has a way of delivering these types of blows to the narc. As a shelf IPSS, to a Mid-Ranger, that has gone no contact for about a month now, I finally had the expensive gifts from the golden period delivered back to the narc via an Uber driver yesterday. I received confirmation that the delivery was made but resisted asking about the reaction. It felt like great closure to me and like taking off the ball and chain, but would this also be a wounding blow to the narc, and if so to what extent? I read this suggested in one of your books and surprised it is not considered as making contact, but there was no message, just the items returned by a stranger.
Your step of returning the goods was a good move and will have wounded because there was no emotion in the act and thus it is criticism.
The metaphor is for destroying out approach during seduction.
Just discovered 3 emails sent from him the day after the TV was delivered back to him.
1) sent 9:06am – Saying how odd it is that I returned the TV and how I didn’t include the stand so it’s laying on the floor. 🙁
2) sent 9:07am – Saying he is not upset with me in the least, just wanted me to know that.
3) sent 7:06 pm – saying am I going to return my car too? Because that makes about as much sense.
So I would say that he was definitely wounded by me returning his gifts to him. Hoover attempt #1= FAILED.
Oh , this Star Wars analogy brings so many memories….. 😔 “May the force be with you ” dear empaths!
N.A funfact:
To this day I have never watched Star Wars, Jaws, or Raiders of the Lost Ark. People think I am joking when these films come up in discussion, and their rapid blinking eyes tell me they are approaching full tilt with this information. Oh, and I fell asleep early on in the first Harry Potter and have never seen the others.
But such is the writing that I understand the analogy.