I Vow To Thee
You will recall saying this when we got married. You said this as a vow. A binding contract witnessed by God. You agreed to it. So, when it all goes wrong (as it will invariably will) what will happen? I won’t divorce you. You can be sure of that. That will take too much of my time and energy and I also want to keep you connected to me (see Fantastic Elastic) . If you decide to divorce me then you will face my full wrath. How dare you have the audacity to take such a step? You are alleging that I have done something wrong when we all know the reason was that you imagined we had problems in our marriage. Admittedly, I had the grounds to divorce you, based on your unreasonable behaviour in moaning, questioning and nagging me, but I persevered. I would not let the institution of marriage be sullied by your behaviour and I ploughed on. Now you have chosen, on false grounds, to divorce me. How could you? I have done nothing wrong. I gave you everything (in the beginning) and now you suggest that I am inferior in some way that you wish to part from me. Not a chance in hell.
If you thought being married to me was torture, try divorcing me. I will evade service of papers repeatedly so the process is slowed down. I will repeatedly change lawyers (because they don’t say what I want to hear and thus they are incompetent) and seek adjournments (continuances) based on those changes. I will reach an agreement with you and then deny I ever did. I will reach an agreement then breach it. I will dig up every and I mean EVERY sleight you cast in my direction and use it against you. You will be staggered at my recall of such (imagined) events which I will list and detail. I will up my charm offensive over your lawyer (who clearly fancies me by the way – he or she) and also over the judge. I will pay lip service in court to orders and soft soap the judge who will be taken in by my façade of calm, pleasant reasonableness (seen this before perhaps?) and you will be the one churning with rage as another hearing is delayed or goes against you. My assets will be hidden. I will not make support payments. I will deny the existence of assets. I will hound you. I will harass you and if you involve the police I shall switch to my charming self again in an effort to paint you as the aggressor. I will strain every sinew and muster every brain cell to outflank you in the hope that you will give up or concede ground to what I want. Divorce me and you will understand the concept of TOTAL war.
11 thoughts on “I Vow To Thee”
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This is unfortunately very accurate. I was seventeen when I met my future husband and he was my first boyfriend. I filled for the divorce after just over 20 years of being together. He was encouraging me to do it but when he actually received divorce papers this came as a big shock to him. He never thought I will find the courage . He tried everything he could to stop me.He threaten me, he made unrealistic demands,untrue allegations , he was seeking revenge on me, he deliberately slow down the process which significantly increased the costs.I am financially independent but he even refused to support the children. Nightmare. Very, very nasty. I never thought he would be able to do things he did.Then there was a love bombing, crying, begging, manipulating kids ( he promised that he will buy them a puppy if they try to convince me to let him come back). He said he is very merciful and will forgive me everything if I only resign from divorce.I actually lost hope that he will ever get over it. His most recent message:” You will always be my wife and some papers from the court will not change it.”
Total war mode experienced during divorce. It was a hellish time, and yes I intitiated the divorce. I’d rather not look back on it. The Smearing, cop calling, changing of his mind, lies, lies and more lies and oh, let’s not forget the backstabbing… so glad that is behind me. Grey rock it is now unfortunately as I’d rather never see his face again.
Ollie, I tried the divorce route (couple years ago in USA) and I ended it because of all you describe above, it was insane!!!! (didn’t know what I know now from HG)… fast forward, going through all this again, and his “Fury” except this time, HE can file. He won’t because I have been smeared already and it would make HIM out to be what he said I am…until then, I sit gray rock and N/C, no emotion no response… I have nothing left to loose, but now its on him….. CHECK MATE!
Interesting Ms. Brown. I went through the divorce in the US as well, but opted to push through the gates of hell because he changed his mind so often I was afraid it was only going to get worse and I needed some things to be set in court orders so he had to abide… it took 2 years. Grey Rock only because there is kids involved… keep your head up and your sanity… HG’s articles have been a life saver, I only wished I had found them sooner…:)
I’m the one who will now refuse to divorce the narcAllister. Here in BC Canada, I filed the divorce papers first after getting legal advice. This is known as a “kitchen sink” application, which ties his hands legally. Since the narcAllister refused to come to the first hearing, as he was too busy with his newly installed freak, it sits until reactivated. Boy will he get a shock if he tries to re start the process. I will get half of his pension, spousal support now as he destroyed my career and I will even get half of his WCB workers compensation (faked disability) payment, if they don’t send him to jail for defrauding them first. Seems fair to me.
Go get him, Nadine!
A funny side note, when you referred to WCB, I immediately thought, OMG, you are getting his White Blood Cells legally!!!! (I mixed it up with WBC lol).
I can say marriage is impossible with them and so is divorce…. i am living this shit storm… i am remaining N/C and he can figure it out because I have nothing left for him except a gray rock….
Self isolation is my friend right now and this blog….
I give thanks, where thanks is due and today it is for the blog’s creator and author..
Yes, we know WHOM 😎 TY HG
Pleasure.
Reminded me of Bugs Bunny…”of course ya know, this means war!”
I fear for my sister on this going down like this at some point. I’m grateful I didn’t marry my only child’s father (I was 18 and basically a kid). He stalked me but had no legal leg to stand on and was a rough, tough lesser type. Moving across country got rid of him from my life. Sure, never got a dime in child support but thus was the price and sacrifice I was willing to take for safety.
The man I did marry and divorce, I left him everything. I didn’t need the headache or the fight. He stalked across state lines and though he never engaged in the gaslighting or typical narcissist abuses. I still wonder if he was one as his true colors only really showed when I left (fear tactics and such). My recent ex-narcissist, thank GOD I never married. I escaped, with your help, with that darned engagement ring on hand, nearly going down that aisle. Thank you HG for this! However, lord only knows when he decides to Hoover again.