It Is All Connected

IT ISALLCONNECTED

So your break-up was hard and it left you wounded, the injuries both physical but mainly emotional and you have kept yourself locked away for months now. Seeking isolation as a means to address the upset that you have experienced and vowing never to date again. Your resolve has increased, with daily deliverances as to what he did mounting up as you hear about an accumulation of abhorrent actions. You decided to focus on what mattered to you and thus relationships were consigned to the back of your mind. Feeling stronger, the wounds healing yet not healed you face repeated invitations from your well-meaning friends, friends who have supported you through this unpleasant period of your life, to come out of hiding and let yourself shine once more. You agree and after extensive preparation you emerge,like a hibernating creature and join your friends in that bar that has been refurbished and is a honey pot for all the beautiful creatures.

I see you stood there at the bar. You are stood slightly apart from your friends as if seeking to preserve your personal space. I see conversation is directed your way and recognise that your friends are paying you what I would regard as an excessive level of attention as if they are repeatedly checking that you are okay. Occasionally hands touch your arm by way of reassurance and heads lean in as soft faces radiate kind expressions. I know you are being looked after. I know that you are being protected and that means you have been wounded. I scent the blood that has been spilled in your past and wait until the ‘phones are wielded to take various posed photographs. Time to approach.

I make my way to the bar and slightly turn to observe you and your friends as the photos continue. One catches my eye and I smile. She responds with her own smile and nudges her friend.

“Would you like me to take one of you all?” I ask as I move alongside you. Nods of appreciation follow and I am handed phone after phone as I commit your group photo to a digital memory. I engage in polite yet playful conversation with you all but remain focussed on your reactions. You are hesitant but laughing at my words, seemingly wanting to embrace them yet unsure as to whether you should. I pull out my own phone and take a picture of you all and then alter the focus so the lens homes in on you and you alone as I take a burst of pictures before wishing you an enjoyable evening and withdrawing to my waiting lieutenants. It is not long before a search of your image has given me your name and I am able to ascertain some of your interests from your Face book profile which include the fact that you are a keen dancer and have won several dance competitions. I do some research into dance competitions for young men and prepare my hook of having been a dancer in  my youth although a football injury put paid to my burgeoning progress. I absorb a few key elements of terminology and then make my move towards you. I flick the first domino and it begins to fall into the second.

We talk. We drink. We dance. I learn more about you. I impress judging by your friends’ responses. I secure your number and give you mine. I text courteously the next day. A dinner date is secured. The date goes well. I learn more about you, compiling my dossier about you as a follow-up date is readily agreed to. I surprise you with tickets to a ballet performance. You are delighted. The dominos keep tumbling. Your resistance evaporates. Date three is a pushover and then the dates become more frequent. I am in your house. I am in your bed. I am inside you. Three weeks becomes three months. The dominos keep tumbling as I know all about your past. I know all about your present too from my snooping. I engulf you in my world my lieutenants circling about you. I grab the wool and pull it over your supporters’ eyes, recruiting two of them into my fold. I raise you up. I draw you in. I flatter and charm.

Your time is with me. Your phone full of my love. Your weekends are filled by me. I stay at yours and you at mine. The toothbrush appears and then the overnight bag which remains in place. You wash the clothes for me and then I am there more than I am not. I disconnect those who serve no purpose from your network but you seem not to notice. Your eyes show me how enchanted you are as those dominos continue to tumble. The holidays are booked as I start to invade your future. I check your phone for you and relay messages. I read your post but you do not mind as I do it when you are busy to help you out. Naturally. The salami slices as I impose my world on you and you readily submit. I know all your friends, I know all about your work, your hobbies and your family. I am regarded as the ideal tonic after ‘him’ who we laugh about and who I know is one of my brethren but I never tell you. Your days are mapped out for you by me and you tell me often how lucky you feel. I do not disagree. I move in but keep my own house as ‘the market is not right to sell just now’. That bolthole is going nowhere. The social circle is established. You are elated. The world is offered to you and as the dominos clack clack clack you accept it all. The ring appears and you say yes. A date is set and plans are made as I give you the future. The tendrils are all around you, the fuel lines in place but of course you do not notice. I am with you, in you and around you. You sit at breakfast admiring the glinting ring on your finger as you remark.

“Do you know it is six months since we met in that bar? Who’d have thought it?”

I send you that special smile and you fail to notice my eyes blacken for an instant because you are still yet to discover that one thing leads to another.

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167 thoughts on “It Is All Connected”

  1. JESUS CHRIST!!! this was a tough read bc it’s so mailicious. My goodness.
    But all true.
    I wonder and am curious what made you help is a this blog???
    Why?

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    1. What do you mean Alexis?
      Do you mean what i ask myself sometimes:
      “HG what is your real motive for wanting to help women on this blog and with your books?”

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      1. I don’t believe this was ever created as a site to help women or become a broken hearts club. From my understanding, HG wants to develop and become the most renown source on EDUCATING people on narcissism. Helping people is a by product. His doctors suggested his writing as part of his therapy because he’s excellent at it, he enjoys it, and it opens a gateway for him to interact with the types of people that would most likely be his victims in real life to assist with his gaining awareness of how his behaviors affect people when they’re in the aftermath of disengagement / discard. It works as long as he operates with honesty here.

        Liked by 7 people

      2. Yes. Just curious how and why he has turned things around for himself.
        I realize he isn’t receiving any energy from us, or maybe he is by these types of comments. Is he still a narc? If not, how did he turn things around?
        If so, why is he here?
        I’m beyond grateful for the site.

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  2. Facial recognition app on your phone, Mr. Tudor? Watch out Sherlock Holmes.
    Please don’t scare the majority of your readers from ever going out again much less taking a pic. This technology is only about a year old for phones and at best has a 70% accuracy rate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Can we lessen your readers’ fears by stating this type of behavior is not common amongst the lessers and mids (who are the majority of the narc population in the bars)? They don’t have the patience or investigative skills to go that far?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Google is enough sometimes. Yes, mid rangers certainly have the patience, etc., for lessers its easy enough, too, though – why go to the trouble.

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      2. Google is enough if you have first and last name. Not in facial recognition. Facebook is enough if you know a friend of a friend of theirs.

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      3. Yes, and other ways too. I have searched people by their email address alone to see what someone is doing online(like those I have had a couple of dates with), phone number (without name when I get an unknown caller’s ID), and other types of info. I try to vet my dates well and I know how to use Google rather well in searching for things and people. This concept of facial mapping with software though…to take a pic without a name or any other info and find out WHO they are, that is intense (I know, it is not that advanced yet, but give it a minute. There is no such thing as a private life. I am just trying to get more comfortable with this….LOL

        Liked by 1 person

      4. The Lesser would have no patience or awareness to investigate your likes and dislikes. He is impulsive and would muscle his way in, asking for your number. The Mid, being passive aggressive, would either make friends with all your friends, and play the nice guy. Or, he would enlist the help of his comrades, so they all come over and mingle with your group of friends.

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      1. Don’t be Indy. Facial recognition apps are at 70% accuracy for law enforcement. It does not work well at all for public use. The algorithm is not broad enough to capture the billions of faces out there. Interestingly enough, the race of the coders (people who built the software) determines how well it recognizes different races. So if a Caucasian wrote the code, then the app will have a very difficult time identifying other races. And vice versa.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, it makes sense. The code is written by a human, so they would have those inherent flaws, biases, etc. I am working hard to not be overly intimidated from returning to a broader social scene. Oh, Science March this weekend. Woot! Perhaps I will wear a mask or something (kidding).

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I will be representing too in my neck of the woods. ✊
        Funny enough, the code is also flawed in recognizing females. Most of the coders are male. It only works well in a controlled environment. I.e. database of mug shots compared to DMV pictures.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. ABB,
        The Heath Hutchins type will do if I had to pick from the three you listed. 🙂 But I like 6’2 to 6’4.

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      1. I know HG is a Sexy MoFo. I however can only blue dream about him. I was picturing Heath Hutchins, Jon Kortajerena or Jason Lewis or some other male supermodel. Can we start there? Do you agree love? Will we see you one day HG or is it Jam tomorrow?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Niles….I liked Niles too. The Men that I mentioned are unrealistic. I believe Mr. Tudor is a way above average looking male, who is clean, smells delicious, is neat and very polite. He is blonde 6’2 medium/slender built blue eyed. That narrows it down to half the men I’ve worked with…lol. I hope I’m not on this ride to only be disappointed and never find out if that’s true. If it’s jam tomorrow I’m going to have to stalk him and kick his 🐴 I was just reminded of the South park episode with the line ride! I declare Shenanigans!!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Forgive me sire. 6’1 is perfect. Now where’s all those male cologne samples I’ve got from Sephora….CMI must be in there…….btw I think Mr. Black needs a new scent. *Sprays CMI on sheets*

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      4. 6’1, dark hair, well built, very good looking and very well groomed I reckon. An arrogant/cocky look permanently etched on his handsome face and reflected in his deep eyes.
        That’s on a ‘non panicky’ day. When I can’t help but like HG.
        When I’m anxious when reading something HG writes his image morphs into Hannibal Lector….. “A census taker once tried to test me”….. shudder.

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      5. This just in…
        Nordstroms is seeing record sales around the world of Creed Millesime Imperial. With No explanation we go to our correspondent Sa Kerr.

        That’s right an unbelievable amount of sales seen not only at Nordstom but every high end retailer in the world. I’m live at Harrods and I have asked the sales consultant if she has any idea why. She says women started lining up for the fragrance outside before the store opened. Apparently a mysterious writer with the pen name HG Tudor released a statement that this was his fragrance of the day. We actually have EMS on site as this caused not only fainting but fistfights and bloodshed. Two women were seen fighting over the tester when they were told it was sold out. Display cases were smashed and clothing racks tipped over. It’s a madhouse here and pandemonium has been documented on YouTube at hundreds of locations. This HG Tudor is influencing thousands. Back to you.

        I’m wearing YSL Mon Paris or Black Opium or Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb. I know nobody cares about me…got it. Consider it gift suggestions for the victims in your life. 👠👜🛍💙💣

        Liked by 3 people

      6. 1J1 I heard there was an actual hockey fight between a woman wearing a McCarty jersey and another wearing a Lemieux jersey at Fairlane. Jerseys got pulled off, hair pulling, scratching and the management had to start spraying the Creed fragrance at them to get them to seperate. Kinda like when two dogs won’t seperate (bow chicka bow wow) and you gotta throw water on them..lol!

        Liked by 1 person

      7. My narc is hoovering me. After yesterday’s silent treatment he passed a message on to me. He picked up my phone to take the message while I was out to lunch. I couldn’t stop laughing. It’s so hard to keep a straight face …

        Liked by 2 people

      8. I know right? I’ll be there opening night. I’ll miss the joe…..many a good time there…with and without narc lovers.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Do you spray on Axe prior to the cologne, to make the scent last longer? Lol, I knew a few guys who did that. Woo! Holy 👃
        May I suggest essential oils? They work with your natural scent and enhance it. I’m sure your pheromones are very pleasant. You don’t need to mask them with fragrance.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. No worries, I have never envisioned you anywhere near a hippy (physically, spiritually, or politically) LOL

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      11. HG do you ever get curious about your readers? In any way?
        We’re all curious about you because of the mystery factor I think.
        Do you have the same curiosity about any of your readers? Or does it not matter as long as we are fuelling you?
        I’ve probably just answered my own question of course haha.

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      12. Do you psychoanalyse any of your readers? Those that are interesting to you? And if so would you share your findings if the person in question so wished?

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      13. Interesting.
        How exactly do the email consults work? I understand you get 4 questions? What if your answers result in more questions (which they frequently do in my case) would I then have to book another consult?

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      14. You provide a background and ask 4 questions and I answer them. I usually add in further observations based on the information provided to assist you and in anticipation of those additional questions which may well arise. If you have further questions, then a further consult is organised. Some people book several together in order to blitz the situation and others add on as it progresses.

        Liked by 1 person

      15. Sounds good.
        I think I’ll work on constructing my questions.
        Do you ask standard questions about the background or do we give you a general overview?

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      16. I have just managed to find the information I needed.
        Sorry for asking and wasting your time without checking for myself on your blog!
        I will book an email consult this evening.

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      17. Lol that made me think of the movie Monster inc where the monsters were storing children’s screams to power their city.
        My imagination is going in several directions on how Tudor towers is powered.

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      18. Hi Love,
        Nice!! Sounds like a cool scent, nice and complex with sweet and earthy tones! I am wearing “Root Chakra”…kind of an earthy sandalwood, frankincense mix for grounding. I love lavender, gardenia and Jasmine. My sister made me one with a combo of scents for soothing(lavender mixed with some citrus and some other oil)…I used it when I was panicked with my exes hoovers (See, related back to the blog 😉 Might be accused of running an essential oils blog next…hehe…

        Liked by 1 person

      19. No doubt! LOL

        Truly, that statement would have come out of my father’s mouth. He was a strong, stoic and very authoritarian father.

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      20. Ok, I will try to sneak this by….and then I will totally stop on scents. Helichrysum oil is AMAZING and healing too!

        Ok ok….Indy the oil peddler is done…LOL

        Liked by 1 person

      21. Color of hair matters not to me as long as there is hair!!! A full head of hair. Clarece and domes don’t mix. I’m meticulous about low, well trimmed nails too! Lol

        Liked by 1 person

      22. Haha no chrome domes for Clarece. No man feet with claws…who do you think you are Howard Hughes?? You’re Outta Here (In my best Brooklyn accent) I agree Clarece.

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      23. Does cuck mean cockhold? Ok, ok, I will spell it right, since this is a spelling and grammar class as well. 😁
        Don’t talk about my Niles! I used to wish I was Daphne so I could seduce him. 😍

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      24. Stronger Wendy….look up those other guys I suggested. If he looks like one of them, you will not be disappointed. I’m sure we all have a virtual HG in our minds eye. I’m just trying to get to my animated version of him kinda like the movie Tron. Or I might go real old school and steal the idea from the movie Mannequin. I think I will go watch Frankenthumb as it’s a cute version of how to bring it to life. Then Young Frankenstein because it’s funny. Let us know Wendy when you decide on your personal HGs look. It’s interesting to know what others “see”.

        Liked by 1 person

      25. Agreed, though Niles was sweet in his way…lol. Though, Niles isn’t as tough as I think HG must be (under that designer/tailored suit of course.)

        Liked by 2 people

      26. Each scent smells unique on each individual person. If you smell it on one man – on Mr. Tudor’s neck, a little bit below his ear, for example – it would smell differently on another man. It’s all chemistry.

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  3. HG it’s as if you are writing exactly how my last relationship went ! Engaged and all … charming , my family loved him , the ultimate ” soul mate” and must have recognized as you described wounded by a prior Narc… as I read this I felt angry and yet smh at the similarities! Mines was a grater mid ranger aka covert Narc , passive aggressive and yet charming and conniving . Still can’t believe that this really happened to me! 😠😕😞

    Liked by 1 person

  4. In this case The Fixx is read this blog, definitely read ALL of HG Tudors books and Don’t think you’d never fall for this again. There is one born every minute. 🍭

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Red flag #1: Some creepy stranger at the bar takes a photo of me and my friends with his own phone.

    P.S. Where are the stories of the women that take a hike as soon as they observe your odd emotional behavior and tire of your schmaltzy cliched words? Oh right, that never happens, I’m sure. You’re just too smooth.

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    1. Thank you for pointing out that Red Flag. Exactly! I had an experience similar except man used his phone to start taking pics and then wanted our phone numbers (my gf and mine) to text “pic” to us for a rememberence. The uber creepy part, he texted pic right then and there and asked to check phone to make sure pic came thru on my end. I was busted out because I gave him wrong number. I played dumb that bar was loud and he heard my number wrong.
      It was a group of hockey dads for their boys tournament at a hotel bar. He was a cop, with a bad knee needing surgery, and him and his wife had an “understanding” and just lived like roommates and no longer have sex. Nice! You’re exactly what I went thru my painful divorce for to find the likes of you. Ewww. I ended up having to block his number a few weeks after that night. Could not believe his overconfidence and he made my skin crawl.

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      1. I got this trick down pat. Give a fake number and tell them your phone has no signal. So they should text you instead. And of course your name is Jenny and your number is 867-5309… 😁

        Liked by 3 people

  6. I would have taken the theater, the restaurants, the nights, but moving in….I would have waited a little more, I would have wanted to know your family, and the stories of your exes, and the vision of your life, goals….ambitions…plans…what is important to you.
    For my ex, beyond the literature, the arts and the wounds of the past he was most concentrated on….money, as the thing that would have unlocked his life. He had many talents but wasn’t cultivating any. And if he was, it was only to show them off, no real interests, on anything.
    You can’t fake everything. Most of the time we stay because we hope you will understand, not because we can’t see the truth.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. talking about moving….I just remembered something…
    He talked to me about leaving everything to come and stay with me and I (scared) was trying to be rational about it, I was pointing out all the problems he should have solved before he could do something like that and more than anything all the emotional ties he had with his familiy, which was the real issue on the table. All he said was that he knew already all the things I was talking about and that I had to realize that whatever I was thinking he had thought of already, and that he was ten steps ahead of me.
    I couldn’t make sense of his words. Ten steps ahead of…what..? If he knew how to solve the problems why didn’t he tell me, but that really wasn’t the case, he didn’t know…so where was he, ten steps ahead…where?!
    Now I know. He was ten steps ahead in keeping me hanging and worried and on the constant verge of heving my relationship complete.
    Then the devaluation came….because I didn’t have faith in him…and bla bla bla….blah….I could have had the greatest love of my life but I didn’t recognize it..so he was too hurt…because I am not was he thought I was…and blah blah blah blah….never a fucking confrontation on what the fuck he was talking about..only whining from somewhere in the cyberspace, then silence…days…weeks…then the signs he found the perfect woman…to shove in my face…and so on with the protocol….
    Was it because I was not willing to let him move with me?…or because I was too rational about his desire to get closer…and the fuel stopped…so the amount of fuel you can get from us is proportional to the depth of our belief in you.
    Basically, we stop seing you as the best thing of our life and the desire of our heart and you drop it all and move elsewhere.
    As soon as you start assuming the shape of a real human being you cease to exhist.
    It’s like you want to stay in a permanent dream phase of the love relationship. And if you can’t have your dream, you will get your nightmare.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. This describes how my ex entangled me perfectly sans the photo taking and he moved much quicker. I still miss the golden period on my bad days but 3 months no contact tomorrow is helping. I recently made the mistake of going to the bar we met at (on a night I knew he would not be there) but miscalculated and his lieutenant was there. As luck (or pure passive aggressive bitchcraft) would have it I had an ex paramour with me who my ex narc despises. His lieutenant and I had words and he tried to tell me “well, you did stuff too” to which I replied by showing him the text string between me and my narc’s ex gf where she tells me they were together our entire relationship. His jaw dropped. Score one for the good guys. 😀 Predictably about 2 weeks later a malignant hoover consisting of him circling the bar I work at two different times during my shift and going to another bar I worked at that same day. I didn’t take the bait so I go to the gas station the next morning and there he is…putting air in his tires. I drove on to the next gas station. Not today, Satan.

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  9. I don’t feel like going out yet.. Most often I don’t reply to invitations and I don’t return phone calls unless necessary. But if I go to the bar one day and some stranger approaches me I will know what to do…..👊💥💥 ha!

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      1. Hi ABB! Kitties are fine. Still got issues with son number 2 but nothing insurmountable. Otherwise all shipshape and Bristol fashion! And by that I mean I’m roughly the size and shape of a ship. 😂😮😮😮

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi Love,
    I couldn’t get past the face recognition software reference. Both the GPS tracking devices on cars referenced in Evil and face recognition software here… yeah, um, thank god my exes were not that advanced/resourceful.

    HG, you have officially freaked me out. Please tell me that software is not readily available to the mainstream public and it is just because you are “connected” to higher level stuff. Please. Ignorance is bliss sometimes **covers face**

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Look what you done did there Mr. Tudor!
      You have nothing to worry about Indy. Go out and enjoy yourself. If you stop your life for fear of narcs, you’ve already let them win.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Love,
        Thank you for your kind encouragement. No worries, I have not and will not stop living and enjoying life. You have my word 🙂 Plus, I have been stalked ferociously and did not give up, I am a survivor. Just noticed my hairs on my neck with the idea of technology making it even easier these days. Oy vey.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The facial recognition technology is not up to par yet. Plus most people in bars are bolder now and will just straight up ask you for your number. 💜

        Like

  11. I never go where I know they may be. Ever… Why would i re open that wound that is still healing?? I like my techniques they work for me. I would never go back to the pain and the heartache. She should be avoiding at all costs.

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      1. I meant “giving us a silent treatment?” Also, I’m new and having only commented once or twice. Does every comment await moderation? Or is there a day when we become approved and therefore bypass moderation?

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  12. Where I work there a plenty of them, floating around the corridor like vampires. In fact, I think I my office there may be 3 narcs, including my Mid-Ranger. I feel like Bella from Twilight hah! Feeling drained, though…

    Liked by 1 person

  13. All you have to do is have a name, google it, and he already has a photo to help recognize you and then read your social networks or google your name then look cuz you LET him take a pic! A real first and last name and a pic, that’s it… Doesn’t require a face recognition app…. anyone can do this, even US! 📸📲

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  14. Evening HG, can you tell me which book would be best suited to teach me how to recognise and avoid future narcs?
    I know the red flags to watch out for but they don’t necessarily emerge until after the initial love bombing.
    It worries me.
    Thanks in advance.

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  15. Ok so today, he has changed his tactic. He hardly talks to any girls. Only chats to guys and seems really jolly. Oh and goes for a smoke passing my desk. The smoking area is in fact at the other end.

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  16. And here we go again … the triangulation process starts. He got fuel from me earlier. I hate this drama, constant drama … I need to completely ignore him. it’s so hard in the office.

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  17. 6.1″, blonde…. doesn’t like smoking, smells nice…. polite….
    Interesting. I’m forming a way different visual of you. That is not how i had pictured u. It is a preferable image to what i had initially… nice.

    Also….. that is very interesting that you take such an interest in your readers and learning more about them. 😉

    Like

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