The 50 Future Fakes
The technique of future faking is a splendid device that we utilise by promising you jam tomorrow so we can have all the jam today (and oddly enough leaving you with no jam tomorrow). The ability to future fake is integral to us since it sits with our frequent and repeated lying so readily. Just like Enron did, we want the pay-out today based on the future profits and what if those future profits don’t manifest? Who the hell cares? We will just walk away and secure the pay out with someone else instead leaving you to rue all those promises of something down the line which never ever came to pass. We are persuasive, convincing and seem so genuine, such is our astonishing ability to act, that you readily believe that we will deliver on the promise, no matter how outlandish it may sound to you. We really, really mean it. Can’t you tell?
Such is our brilliance at convincing not only you as our intimate partner but also everyone else who gets caught up in our extensive fabrications. It never matters to us that we have no intention of delivering on that promise of something happening in the future because all we care about is the here and now. We are easily able to shirk accountability for our promises, avoiding liability and culpability is what we do best and if you think you can hold to us something that we have promised give it a go. All you will find is that you will be subjected to denial, deflection or another charm offensive whereby you have backed down on the strength of, yes you’ve guessed, more future faking.
Here are fifty examples of our future faking.
- I know we’ve not been together long but we really should get married.
- Of course I will go and see somebody for some help, I want to do the right thing for us.
- I will pay you back.
- I will never hurt you.
- I will never hurt you again.
- I will get tickets for that concert for us, no problem at all.
- I can’t wait to take you away somewhere exotic.
- I will bring it back for you next week.
- I promise I will call you tomorrow.
- I won’t tell a soul about this.
- We have such a bright future together.
- I can see us growing old together.
- I cannot wait until we start a family.
- Why don’t we go into business with one another, it makes perfect sense?
- Of course I will help you out when you start your new job.
- We should make plans to travel the world, just you and me.
- Let’s look at houses so we can move in and live together.
- I will always be on hand, whenever you need me.
- I cannot conceive of a day where we are not with one another.
- Come on, let’s go and look at engagement rings.
- I won’t let anything come between you and I.
- Imagine if you moved over here how brilliant that would be.
- Imagine if I moved to where you are, I think I should do that.
- If you can help me with this project, I will give you a great report for the pay review next year.
- That’s right, give the money to me now and you can look forward to a 25% return in a year’s time.
- No matter how ill you become, I will look after you.
- I swear we will move just as soon as we can afford it.
- We can’t move just yet, but we will when I have repaid this loan.
- I know the loan has been repaid but I want to secure this promotion and then we will move.
- The promotion has helped but I need to think about retirement at present and then we can move.
- I want a large family with you.
- Of course we will go there next time.
- Whatever you want, just say it next time we are here.
- We will definitely book there for dinner next time.
- My home is your home, it is just a question of when, not if, you move in.
- I want to be able to come home every night and find you there waiting for me.
- Just do it this once and I won’t ask you to do it again.
- I go to sleep safe in the knowledge that we have a future together.
- We should make plans for where we will get married.
- I want a huge wedding, all our friends and family need to be there, I want the world to know how happy I am.
- Why don’t we select a retirement home now, after all, we are going to be together then you know.
- If you do the groundwork for this project now, I will next time.
- Of course I will change, I am determined to do it.
- This is the last time, I promise, then I will stop.
- I will seek some help, now isn’t the right time, but I will do it.
- I will give you the world.
- I will give you the fairy tale you deserve.
- I know we will have a happy ever after.
- I don’t see me and you, I can only see us.
- Of course I will respect you in the morning.
61 thoughts on “The 50 Future Fakes”
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When i was just getting to know the naarc, he said that out of all the woman he dated, it never worked out because they all had past issues or indulged in future talk.I believe in living in the moment.But it must be different this time.It will be special between us.You’re amazing.
A few days later the future faking started about being together, spending more time together and I was literally clung to with a barrage of telephone calls and text messages.
One noteworthy thing about the future faking things which were said is that they were not said with conviction ( almost shaky) and i felt he wanted to check what kind of response he gets from me on hearing all that and whether i was convinced of “The show”.
Also, he writes short pieces ,quotes and poetry regularly wherein he had posted that it has not worked out with women before because they wee all diluted whisky full of lies,games and tricks whereas he wanted magnetic woman.Classic projection.
So future faking,lying and projection are a part of their dysfunctional makeup.
This a a very nice post from you HG.You summarize the lines the ones of your kind use rather well.
Keep up the nice work!
Amy S
Old enough to be his mother
🙂
How old are you Maria? is he older than you? Just curious.
“Maria
APRIL 22, 2017 AT 11:25 PM
Ursula Rys- Corell
i understand.
i feel a lot like you.
I want to know, i will never give up until i find .. what i am looking for..
I want the truth from his own mouth..
i will never stop demanding that from him.. never ever.. he knows that..”
Maria,
You will never get the truth from him. They do not work like that. You are better off purging him from your mind and getting on with your life. Remember, happiness and success are the best revenge.
Yes thats absolutely right.
Amy S
yes you are right..
in the meantime i will continue to harrass him… and keep on telling him that i will never go back as before if he doesn’ t.
it sounds stupid.. but at least the few times i agree to meet him i am not silence.
And i will never be.
The pathetic thibg is thst he keep on reapeating that he will .. ( NEXT TIME)
its amusing at times.
😂
No, don’t harras him because that’s what he wants. That’s what mine wants too. I’m still working out what to do with my N. He works with me so that’s difficult. For me. He is in my face constantly.
Ursula Tys- Corell
That would be unaccepatable for me, if i knew it.
No way that i could cope with it.
How can you accept that?
You must be a strong mind.
I don’t know positively, but I can see when he is online at whatsapp.
How can I bear that?
I don’t think I am strong, I am weak, on the contrary.
Too weak to leave forever.
Addicted to the positive moments…
Addicted to the hope of returning to the Golden Period…
Driven by the desire to KNOW, to find things out, to look behind, to get to know….
I am the sort of empath who wants to know…
I want to catch him in flagranti…
I want to tell his primary source…
All described in one of HG’S Blog posts…
😪😪😪😪
Ursula Rys- Corell
i understand.
i feel a lot like you.
I want to know, i will never give up until i find .. what i am looking for..
I want the truth from his own mouth..
i will never stop demanding that from him.. never ever.. he knows that..
Maria, I am very very grateful for your understanding!
Imagine, I even prayed to God “Please, please, let me catch him in flagranti!”
I WANT to see it with my own eyes!
Sick as it is. I WANT to see it. Because he is hiding it so slyfully and yet triangulating me with it.
Thank you Ursula Tys- Corell
❤
Maria and Angelic! Be informed that right at this very moment my (ex)-narcissistic-lover is future faking and empty-promising the shit out of me!!!
He is on holiday at Lanzarote, together with his primary source who is trying to recover from a serious disease, promising to visit and provide me with lovely souvenir gifts right after his return…
He keeps me waiting for his holiday fotos, sending none, but begging me to provide him with erotic selfies every day. (“I need it!!!!”)
And is happily chatting along with some other secondary sources in the early morning hours…
You are not alone!
I ve learned a lot and gained much insight. But it’s an enormous struggle to break the chains of codepenency!!!
Thank you Ursula Tys- Corell
❤
Thank Ursula Rys-Corell
wow! this blog is reaching far and wide .
I live in England for many years, but I am Italian born and grew up in the enchanting region of Tuscany.
Yes, i will keep reading this blog.
I know it is helping many people.
With me though is different, although i am now greatful to finally have found the reasons of all the chaos. deceit and fakery of the ladt 10 years.. i still have a lot of questions for my situation, from which i will not find answers here.
Why won’t you find answers here?
Findinglife11
i have found more precicely what it is with his behaviour through HG writings.. which i am very greatful..
But it is more complicated for me .. it is too long to tell it here.
Plus a lot of tactics to gain freedom are too alien for me…
i am too naive, hopeful, unrealistic, too friendly and too depended on interactions.. and i am also an “addict” prone…
However i have distanced myself a lot… because the 2 years of sudden shocking hell has hurt me beyond belief… and that it has change my perception of him.. and therefore nothing will ever be as the
“heavenly dream” we lived for years.. before his devaluation etc…
Although now he is bombarding me with intense declarations of love.. i do not expect anything.. and i do not “feel” those words..
they are just words… beautiful to hear.. but hard to digest when suddenly ” heaven” has disappeared and hell its the reality.. 😢
I feel ya girl. Much luck to ya. U van do it
Dear Maria, perhaps you could try to change little things and then go step by step?
Give yourself time to unterstand and gain distance slowly?
Perhaps you could try one of HG’S email consultations if your story is so complicated to relate?
Good luck!
Can
HG,
Another brilliant article-the way you write is such you just can’t stop reading. . . .both books and articles.
So grateful for your time!
Remember the very beautiful song by Waylon Jennings:
Some day I’ll get over you.
Some day I’ll see it all through.
But I’ll always dream dreaming my dreams with you.
Perfect formulation of the difficulty to make your way out of a narcissistic relationship.
Thank you Ursula Rys-Corell
Hi ladies
i would actually like to hear if anyone one else has so much naivety as me.. to keep believing for 8 years that those promises will be eventually fulfilled .. . it is record braking!!
Well… i am now very skeptical …
and i’ ve actually lost interest in them..
I would rather actually he’d change
tune.
😜
Dear Maria! As I already knew before discovering HG’s blog, future faking is an integral part of the narcisisstic pathology. It will never stop. The narcissistic personality is dependent on it.
I for my part, try to appreciate every promise fullfilled. Sometimes it happens… after a long wait and many dissappointing experiences.
I am living as the Dirty little secret of a narcissistically disturbed man since Summer 2014 and suffered through many many broken promises since then. Don’t know if I will make it for another five years…
Good luck. Keep reading HG’S Blog… it is very very helpful to see it all through…
Thank you Ursula Rys-Corell
It’s too overwhelming to actually witness the same intense ” love- declarations”… without any visible reality to it..
yes, i suppose it’ s an insult..
but i feel more and humiliation and yes like: ” mate, you really think that i still believe those bs? .i guess he swear that are still effective.
Maybe.. deep inside is what i hope?
But i feel disgusted now.. considering the 2 years of hell on earth.. and his attitude is “ohhhhh.. everything its going to be heavenly..”
I am actually getting ill physically as well.
😜
Ursula Rys-Corell
where are you from?
Dear Maria, I live in Southern Germany. I studied English Literture. I am happy to be able to communicate my experiences in this forum because in Germany the subject of narcisisstic relationships is discussed with sentimentality and shyness, in the Style of what HG relates as the advices of the ignorants…
I am blogging about my experiences in german language. As I am a literary scientist, the form of my writing is a literary one. I try to pay respect to the dark destiny behind the narcissism and the personality disorder my ex-lover suffers from.
Reading HG’S Blog has a tremendous influence on my thinking and writing.
I recommend to follow his Blog and to read his books. It will change your perspective and heighten your chance to act cooler towards your narcissistic partner.
Good luck. Lets stay in touch here if you like!
Hi Maria. I was dumb enough to think he was just forgetful!! Silly me!!! In the end I didnt pay too much mind to it. I decided he was just full of s**t!! Just made me angry listening to the promises….although, he never did use the word ‘promise’. I felt it was just insulting my intelligence in the end. Pfft!!!
Dont beat yourself up. We’ve all lived in hope. Thats our problem!!
Maria, I for my part enjoyed bathing in those compliments and promises … I was addicted to them although I knew he wouldn’t follow through. I loved the fantasy world he created. I’m the sort of woman who likes to live in fantasy relationships and dreamt to be chosen by a rockstar as a teenager… HG describes this type of victim in “Sex and the Narcissist” …
As long as you know it’s a dream world, it’s okay… But the awakening is harsh and brutal.
Yes Ursula Rys- Corell
it is just as you said for me too.
we were both living an intense “surreality” for years… until ( 2 years ago) he ‘changed” almost overnight.. which it was a real shock..
I am already living a lot in my immaginary realities.. .. which, i think, it has more meaning than his meanigless blah.. blah.. blah.. of nowadays…
Many more flattering words and promises.. in the last few days.. and every day..
beautiful words and love declarations.. but only words… 😢
We never lived together… or anything…
“Mio amore meraviglioso, it is
unbearableto think of how you have been hurt. Ohh, you are the most amazing miracle in my life: we deserve to be together, and we are going to be. ”
“Oh, I want more than anything for us to be together in happiness, joy and love – we are made for each other. Yesterday I was reflecting again on the beauty of our union: we are not only a couple, we are the most amazing team and partnership; we have a wonderful mission that we share together. We are made to flourish as one…”
“Ohh, mio miracolo, the past few months have been so wonderful: I can feel our union being transformed and reborn so beautifully. I will do what I should so that we can be together properly and openly and lovingly in peace, joy and love.
Ohh, we are made for each other, mio amore miracoloso…”
HG what do you make up of this?
HG
as you can see above he says:
” .. the past few months have been so wonderful…”
When actually has been horrendous…
Does he likes hell on earth then?
😢
Maria,
They all say about the same things although when said in Italian it has a more melodic ring. They don’t mean anything they say in terms of the future-just the now and always more fuel.
Hahahahaha.. Victoria
” melodic ring..”
sure it does.. is my mother language.. and just as i am typing this.. messenger just sent me a caption of his just sent message starting with:
” ohh mio amore miracoloso..”
( ohh my miraculous love)
another one just now:
” ohh mio angelo… ”
( ohh my angel..)
he is killing me softly..
😢
Hi Maria,
His actions do not match his words. May I ask you if you are your boyfriend’s IPPS? or IPSS? How long has this been going on? 8 years?? I have not read all your posts but only some of them. Some Italian men have an unhealthy relationship with their mother (emotional incest) and they are unable to build a healthy relationship with a woman.
Hi EB
I have some clues… but I dunno exactely what i was…
he lives with his parents .. we used to spend lots of time together .. until the devaluation 2 years ago.. which desyroyed everything good and pure between us. ( our realtionship was very child- like- fable- unrealistic- dreamy- adventurous.. exciting.. dreamlike ..)
2 years of unrecognizable behaviour which i am still shoked about it.. (and i think that must be the timevwhen he got another Source?)
i went to a semi no contact.. and a drastic cut… that is when at first he was outreaged.. then i agreed to talk… but i perceive that all the sweetness and remorse is fake..
i have distanced myself a lot..
i had suffer beyond belief..
now he is trying hard to win me back to his own ways… ( i resumed minimal contact to talk)
but i cannot.
although i feel deeply for him ( but not as before- and my perception has changed) because i know him for 10 years.
I wish now that he could learn to face seriousely what happened and move on and grow..
but although he is very intelligent.. i do not know if he will be capable of doing so.
His ego it is too strong.
He call himself The Great and Magnificient One.
So you can imagine…
Hi Maria,
Does the self-proclaimed “Il Grande e Magnifico” write you all those texts in Italian?? If he wants to compete with HG, he has already lost. 🙂 Haha
I can understand that it is painful for you to realize that your *relationship* with your narcissist was not real. If it helps, please think that you cannot lose something you never had. It is not possible to have a healthy relationship with people with a Cluster B disorder. The same applies to narcissistic friends, work colleagues or family members. Once you learn about the manipulations narcissistic people use, you will detect mind games and you will be able to protect yourself from being ensnared by a narcissist again. I think you will find the answers here. I can recommend Manipulated, Red Flag, Black Flag and Danger. Most important of all, consider yourself lucky if you do not have any commitments like marriage, children, business, sharing a house or other financial commitments. You are free, Maria.
EB
By the way, following my other post to you: I am Italian, he is English. I live in England.
Hi EB
Yes he can speak and write in Italian.. in fact he’ s an excellent writer.
I know it well, after all these years!
He it is at HG level, trust me.
Actually he is very educate and as i said is an excellent writer.
He should get in leaugue with HG.
But i guess being a Narc himself wouldn’t appreciate the competition.
😂
EB
I know all this talk about ” it was never real”.. ” you cannot loose what you never had”.. .
I have never ” wanted” it in that way.. i like to give and receive freedom.. freedom to be our own selves .. ( in honesty of course) and therefore it was real in that sense.. i was me.. and he was him.. infact i appreciated that way.. is when he yelded to the negative side of narcissistic traits and desires….that all changed into hell..
I believe that even a Narc ( if he/she realise the advantages) can concentrates in the good traits… and eventually he/ she could lead a life free of deceits and hurts.
And learn to be honest and genuine even though a narc.
As i said in another post: they can change, they are not handicaps.
Plus I believe in a God that help people to improve their behaviour, one need to want it of course.
All we human experience similar challenges , i believe that we blow out of proportion the narcissistic personality.
It is not true that they cannot change.
If they don’t is because they are in a horrible behavioural rut.
But if they could accept guidance, they could benefit it.
I do have a children.
Maria, I am sorry he has hurt you so badly. It takes time to heal. I know you did not choose to be with someone who cannot reciprocate your feelings. I know you did not want it that way. Glad you are here now and you know the truth. Next time you meet someone, you will be able to make a better choice. If we do not see narcissists for who they really are, we may convince ourselves that we are not good enough for anyone or worthless. After all, we are social beings. Gaslighting and other kinds of emotional abuse are insidious and can erode our self-esteem.
I believe it is possible for anybody (including narcissists) to change (at least part of) our *behaviour* but not what we *feel*. After reading here about the few emotions/feelings people with a NPD have like feeling powerful, fury and envy, I try to put myself in their shoes. If someone told me I need to change and that would mean that I should develop *loving feelings* for my house appliances because they have feelings for me, I would tell them that I can’t. I will never be able to have *loving feelings* for my laptop, my coffee machine or my car, no matter how hard I try. If I were told that I should change the way I use them because I am hurting their feelings, then yes, it would be possible to change my behaviour and learn to use them without hurting them. Maybe this is what narcissists would be able to change, to stop abusing people emotionally, to stop ruining and destroying other people’s lives and to find other ways to get positive fuel. IMO, changing part of our behaviour is possible but not our feelings.
Is your narcissist the father of any of your children? Do you mean he is a Greater Elite? If so, why does he still live with his parents??
Hi EB
No my children are not his children.
Why he lives with his parents ?
I do not know.
Is funny that many time i had talked on the phone with his father .. ( when things started to escalate towards hell) and after i explained about his son bahaviour.. one time he told me: Maria, ******* ( son’ s name) is a bad person.. he uses people..
Why would a father speak of his own son in that ill way?
I was surprised.
Why couldn’t he explain intelligently, because they ( parents) must then know about their son condition?
Anyway.
EB when you say ” their feelings ” cannot be changed.. well perhaps not..
but God can .
I have proof.
Maria,
My narcissistic mother used to call her family and other people to tell them lies about me. They believed her because they asked themselves the same question you ask yourself (Why would a mother/father say that about their own son/daughter?). She used to play the victim to get fuel. I am not saying that your father’s boyfriend did it for the same reason. I don’t know why he did it.
You mentioned you talked to his father on the phone. Have you met your boyfriend’s parents? Unless your boyfriend has cut off contact with his own family (I know he hasn’t), if you are in a serious relationship with him and he has not introduced you to his family yet, this would be a big red flag.
Some of the late fake future frases
which i have been hearing for the last 8 years. Many times he just copy and paste. And some are extraordinary amazing promises…
the thing is astonish is that he must not realise that they do not have the same effects anymore..??.. as i hear them now too many times.. and it is actually annoying me.. because either he does it in a purpose in humiliation.. or he thinks that i still like to hear it.. as a broken record??
Oh my God what a comedy!
“Oh, there is so much wonder for us to experience, and there are so many amazing things that we can accomplish together, mio amore miracoloso – that is what we are made to do.”
“Ohh, it would be such a joy, such an ecstasy to be there with you now…”
“I will show you, Maria: I love you; we are made to be together; we will be together. I want that more than anything!!!”
I will take black current or black raspberry jam, please.
Just so I’m clear HG, is the narc aware as he’s stating the future fake that he has absolutely no intention of honoring it? If so, is he getting any sort of high off the fact that he’s pulling the wool over another empath’s eyes as he moves forward toward his present moment cash out?
At the moment it is stated it is said as a matter of expedience, whether it comes to pass is not the concern.
I thought he would leave me alone if I ignore him …
Yes. So many vacuous promises and so many were believed. But they do wear thin and only added to my becoming sceptical. False promises aren’t clever. They are deceit. I cannot imagine a life where I knowingly make false promises to people I care about and love. And all so I can benefit by manipulating them for the here-and-now. What a waste of time and energy! Your kind really do live lives of quiet desperation if it’s all based on lies. Talk about empty vessels. Pathetic.
My favorite along these lines of future faking was gift giving….. he would essentially pretend to give me elaborate gifts. One time for mother’s day he cut out an ad for the Kohler Spa in our area. He was like here you go -this is going to be so perfect for you. A wonderful day at the spa where you can kick back and relax look at this awesome package that they have. That is just for you. and of course it never came. After a few years of this sort of thing I kind of caught on and then I had a lot of fun pretending to give him elaborate gifts as well.
1. I will treat your two children so much better if you will just give me one of my own.
2. If you’ll let me move in, I will work myself to death for you.
3. Just try it with another couple once and I’ll never bring it up again.
Lots more of these promises were made and none came true, especially about treating my children better. That was the reason I moved to another state while he was gone.
Number 20 no. He gave me the most beautiful engagement ring. It was simple. I received so many compliments. Many of them were how he knew me so well because I wouldn’t accept anything huge. He only propsed bc he didn’t want to lose me. Future fake? Most likely. But did I future fake him bc I wouldn’t schedule a wedding date? Or was I listening to jadeds voice in my head. Yah..that makes me sound like a case study and maybe I am. The wedding band that would have completed it was beautiful. The relationship was not.
1jaded1….I also got ‘a ring’. Beautiful…and it also came with lots of compliments from others. Until…..
I needed to take it to get cleaned and was told IT WAS FAKE!!!! Hmmmm. Typical cheap skate narc! (He always was). Not happy!!! Sooo (enter narcissistic Lisa)….. we went shopping AGAIN!! This time I chose the ring!! And oh boy, did it cost him a pretty packet?!?! Thousands!! Yes I did actually feel guilty, but in my head it was HIS punishment for once.
After the divorce, he DEMANDED both my Engagement and Wedding rings back. God, the harrassment I got over them!! Had we have not been married then sure, thats the rule, but not after marriage. So, did I give them???
HELL NO!!!! And I had it as part of the Intervention Order, that he was not to ask/expect/manipulate ANYTHING of mine from me.
In the end….I gave them to my sister.
Good for you Lisa.
As long as you operate putting the phrase (“for today”) in your head after any of those or similar remarks are said to you. They mean it that moment on that day. When they wake up tomorrow, they change their mind with the wind. For example, “Of course I will change. I’m determined to do it. FOR TODAY.
It’s kind of like that game to add “in bed” after reading any fortune out of a fortune cookie. Unfortunately this one isn’t nearly as funny and cute.
It’s become so easy and transparent to read these feeble attempts now from someone, and disappointing.
Ditto clarece! He means it for today only.
For the moment he says it only!!!
Today? A whole day long?
Very optimistic!!!
Thats a really great suggestion, thank you, TODAY!
Enjoy when they say, do, or you have a nice time together, for TODAY. When you wake up the next day, hit reset and start off with no expectations.
Brilliant.