30 Shards of Ice



Words are our weapons. Easy to use, low in energy expenditure but with such potential. The capacity to charm, to flatter, to instil joy, to create desire, love and passion, to engender affection and much more besides. Words can be used to soothe, to convince, to persuade and to calm. Those words can also hurt, upset, annoy and frustrate. Cutting comments, acidic accusations and pernicious put-downs. The greater of our kind show particular ingenuity in assembling those savage sentences which cause despair and generate misery for the recipient. We adopt a considered approach in respect of the uttering of these barbed comments.

  1. They will be reserved most often for strangers and minions in order to reinforce our superiority and to show off in front of you, our primary source. We have no façade to maintain with the newspaper vendor, the waitress or the driver of another car. They will suffer the caustic words to allow the provision of fuel to us by their shocked and upset reaction and also from you by reason of your admiration at our masterful handling of the incompetent person serving us.
  2. Those who form the façade rarely receive the lash of our tongue unless they deceive us and become treacherous. For the most part those people will only ever experience the pouring of honey in their ears and the sugar-coated pleasantries which are designed to keep the loyal to us and to maintain the façade to our benefit.
  3. The worst of these comments is directed at you as our primary source of fuel. The issuing of nasty, malevolent and hurtful comments will be saved for you during devaluation for the purposes of causing the maximum provision of fuel and the assertion of our control. Slurs about your life, your appearance, your family, your interests, your job and your friends will be routinely hurled at you. This will happen repeatedly, like a machine gun firing our bilious bullets towards you. We also like to wield a show stopper of a comment, a particularly chilling comment which is designed to drive a shard of ice through your heart. The type of comment which leaves you in a stunned silence at the malice it contains. The nature of the comment leaves you horrified that somebody would say that to you, somebody who is meant to love and cherish you, somebody who once said the most wonderful things to you (and will do so again in about a week as the rollercoaster ride gets into its stride). These comments are designed to deliver maximum hurt, total upset and have that negative fuel pouring from you. They may leave you stunned, sickened, frightened and anxious, they will chill you to the core but our kind will always deliver them because words are our weapons. Here are thirty icy shards which are driven through your hearts.
  1. I will always be in your head and your heart. You will never ever escape me.
  2. I will not stop. Ever.
  3. You know, I thought about your funeral before and it troubled me. It troubled me because I would no longer be able to punish you.
  4. Nobody likes you, that is why your dad left you, you know. Nobody else will say it but I will.
  5. I hope it takes years of therapy to sort you out.
  6. You think this is bad? This is nothing. I am just getting started.
  7. I always know where you are.
  8. You are my puppet and I will never cut the strings.
  9. I know everything about you. Remember that.
  10. It’s strange what can happen when you are asleep.
  11. No matter how far you go I will always find you, because I own you.
  12. I only chose you because I felt sorry for you.
  13. You have no idea what is going through my mind right now have you? But I know exactly what you are thinking.
  14. Go on scream, nobody is listening.
  15. You are not a person to me.
  16. I’ve caressed you. Now I am going to crush you.
  17. Just think, you have already had the happiest moment in your life.
  18. You have told me all your secrets. Remember that.
  19. I’m diseased and I’ve infected every part of you.
  20. Nobody will ever believe what you say.
  21. I’m the permanent reminder of all the things you want to forget.
  22. I will teach our children to hate you.
  23. I’m going to show you what loneliness really is.
  24. This is happening because you are a bad person.
  25. I need to cleanse you and I will not stop until it is done.
  26. When you close your eyes you will only ever see my face.
  27. I will never let you go.
  28. I will never put you out of your misery.
  29. I hate her because she reminds me too much of you.
  30. This is what will happen for the rest of your life.

There are many more, but what have you been told which has stopped you in your tracks and sent a chill through you?

50 thoughts on “30 Shards of Ice

  1. Angelic says:

    what is : Compartmentalisation?
    I know you might have talked about it in an article?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This is one form

      It also applies to when we appear hypocritical of contradictory to you by behaving one way yesterday and a different way today. We are able to compartmentalise the different behaviours and see no lack on consistency in this behaviour because the need for fuel, the assertion of control etc is the constant and the underlying behaviour supports the constant. Compartmentalisation allows us to engage in behaviour which appears inconsistent you and thus support the constant of our required aims.

      1. Angelic says:

        Thank you for explaining HG

        yeah… then .. i am familiar with this ” compartmentlisation”

  2. Victory says:

    MatriNarc’s favorite “you’re not as smart as you think you are.” This one started after I was tested and found to be gifted, including eccelarating my education. She used it again just last Thanksgiving. I’ve finally taken away its power.

  3. Angelic says:

    The death threaths which used to send me would make even Satan blush.
    And now is declaring his immense love again… what the hell? 😜

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Compartmentalisation and split thinking.

      1. indiglowsky says:

        I need to remind myself of that. Compartmentalizing and splitting help me understand a few more things better. Thanks for the reminder.

        And, you can use these skills to deal with your intense anger (when it is triggered into rage form). In a healthy manner as well as unhealthy manner.

        Have your Good Docs considered DBT for emotional regulation at all? Just curious.

      2. maruscatoscana says:

        i do not understand : “Compartmentalisation”

      3. Angelic says:

        Split thinking?
        I would say: demonic thinking.

  4. giulia says:

    I’ve been told many evil things just to hurt me but I fight back.
    I am good with words as well and I have no fear. I shoot to kill, not to wound.
    So the nasty war turns out even…sort of.
    Once my ex told me that I just don’t shut up, I keep pounding and pounding. He said that with some sort of satisfaction, like he got something from it.
    I doubt he understood, he just enjoyed it, I guess.

  5. A.R. says:

    “You know she only treats you the way she does because you trained her that way.”
    In the last year I have been called an enabler, a monster, an abuser….This all rolls off my back because I knew what loneliness was long before I ever met him.
    The other one was when I said to him it’s not working out & when I should leave…his response was “Today is as good a day as any.”
    That ran chills through me. I was terrified of winding up sleeping in a storage unit. I’m grateful that’s not how it turned out.

  6. imayeoman says:

    In front of his one friend and while laughing he says, “All those things I liked when we started dating….were a lie. I just told you those things to get you. I got you now so I don’t have to pretend to have the sane interests anymore”
    I thought he was joking. He was not.

    1. windstorm2 says:

      One of mine said almost the same to me when I asked why he never said that he loved me or did any romantic things anymore. He said that all those things were just words with no meaning, just “pleasantries” you’re supposed to say to women in the beginning of a relationship. There was no need to ever say he loved me or be romantic anymore bc we were together now.

      1. imayeoman says:

        Since he said it in front of people and while laughing…..I brushed it off. Just trying to look tough in front of his friends.
        I was naive. Young. In love. So……No way he would lie about who he was and what he was about just to trick me into a relationship!! It didn’t make sense. Eventually I’d figure it out and leave him. So, it seemed it would be counterproductive.
        Eventually I realized he was much worse than I could ever imagine. a liar to the core of his being. I doubt he even knows who he is because he’s not smart enough to be on the same level with HG.

      2. imayeoman says:

        They had us so they didn’t need to pretend to be good men anymore.

      3. imayeoman says:

        The man I fell in love with, never existed. Figuring that out really helped me Knowing who he was, us all he will ever be…..makes me grateful for not wasting another moment in his soul sucking presence.

  7. SJS says:

    Mine likes to make spelling mistakes in her texts in an attempt to break me down. She blames it on spellcheck.

  8. ‘I will kill you’. That was her, his narcissist wife. And I knew she meant it. I felt a deep chill down my spine. One of her many threats, two assaults in public cafe, slashed tires.
    I relocated.

  9. KDB says:


  10. KDB says:

    I won’t go to far into this camp as my ex-narc had been attempting amgry hoovers recently hoping I’d bite back. But it seems his play at words hasn’t changed much in many years.

    But this one came out: “It makes me salivate when I think of the misfortunes of others. Are your misfortunes worth salivating over too?” Stuck with me when he randomly uttered it out of the blue. I knew he had something dark inside but it was truly like watching a villian come alive.

    Thought about using that line in a book but he’d probably want credit somehow.

  11. Ruth says:

    “Let’s kill your parents”. I guess he thought he was in their will…..silly arse

  12. karen1303 says:

    ‘Narc catnip’ 😅 Love it!

  13. indiglowsky says:

    Yes, I remember one telling me I was “soulsick”. This is an ex narcissist I’ve never spoke of, he was verbally cruel and left me with a very sour taste. We were only together for 10 months and I had been proposed to by him at 2 months (red flag) and I broke up with him at 6 months and reunited (and another ring lol) and then he ghosted me one week prior my mothers death. He had this thing about having to be married by 40. I didn’t have that same need. He came back for funeral and then ghosted again after a week. Two weeks after my mother died he called and said, “you are not over it yet? You are Soulsick” then we didn’t talk for a month. He knew that statement would hurt hard. He had seduced me because he knew I liked spiritual deep types and I thought he was truly spiritual. He said he was both shaman and UU combo. I was intrigued and dated him. That was not entirely true. He was UU, but for position, not spiritual. No shaman at all either. Then a Hoover attempt at one month where he left a message making sure i was “ok”. I never called him back. I was done with that jackazz. Never heard or seen him since. I also change my number and have since moved. Good riddance. He was not one of the stalker types.

    I must have empath-blood all over me, or “narcissist “catnip” smell…four in my past dating exp. can you all see why I’m reluctant to get back out in dating world? 🤣🤣

    1. I empathize says:

      The “magical/spiritual” “community” is teeming with them. Evil. They go where the energy is. And energy workers have the good stuff. It’s also easy to find followers that way. And they can call themselves godlike but still sound spiritual. “Power. I have it. They don’t. This bothers them.” -Buffy the vampire slayer. Just remember their power is borrowed power. It was always yours, you just gave it away. They make themselves look big by making others look small. That’s borrowed power. It’s not real and it’s not sustainable.

      1. karen1303 says:

        “Just remember their power is borrowed power. It was always yours, you just gave it away.”
        Oh how I LOVE that!

      2. indiglowsky says:

        Mmmmm beautiful words and truthful insights, IEmpathize. 🙂
        Love the quote!
        ~Warm vibes~

  14. K says:

    HG, This post is an absolute nightmare! What is the average life span of your intimate partner primary sources. Surely, they must flee in terror at an expeditious rate.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I don’t know K, most of the are still alive.
      If you mean what is the average relationship span of my IPPSs, I have not worked it out.

      1. K says:

        To clarify, yes, average relationship span. We all know you wouldn’t literally dispatch any of your IPPSs. You are far too charming to behave in such a barbarous manner.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are most kind K. I have not worked it out, I would suggest somewhere around 10-14 months. I will have to work it out.

  15. Lisa says:


    Amongst the words used for weapons, are most narc’s bullies or per say talk shit out of their pie hole? I know mine did.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes they are bullies. Some of us of course can deliver on what is threatened, others cannot but the threat remains effective.

  16. superxena says:

    HG, Are the greaters the ones that use words as a weapon the most?

    I will add some ohter comments he used to say to me:
    “I am not done with you yet, I never will”.
    “I am the worst of your nightmares and I will always be”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Greaters and Mid-Range use words as weapons extensively. Greaters also use action although you often do not realise it is linked to the Greater.

      1. superxena says:

        Yes …I was also subject to ” actions ” from my ex greater. Do you mean ” covert” actions that could not be directly linked to him?
        His actions were often calculated and came usually when not expected, usually after a period of ” us being happy” ( reestablished mini golden period)

        Do the examples below would fit in the type of actions you mean:
        1. Broken items that meant much to me.
        2. Hidden items that I appreciated very much that I found later on or were completely lost( i.ex. presents from my prior relationships/ ex husband)
        3. Marks ( the same shape..like some sort of ” signature”)on some of my favourite furniture.
        4. Vandalising of my new car: like marks or destroying the wipers by cutting some ” hoses”

        And many,many other examples of ” odd” things. I asked him several times about this and his reaction gave me a really ” shard of ice”. It
        was NOT A NORMAL reaction like: ” oh how bad,or too sad, or how did it happen?” but his reaction was : COMPLETE SILENCE…no comment,nothing. THAT really shocked me and gave me a HUGE RED FLAG.

        Do these actions speak of a sadistic streak? Malice? Is this associated with sociopathy?

  17. Maria says:


    But with too much repetition, it looses its charm .
    I am getting immune to it.
    I am playing the game because of course i also want to win.


    1. Free Bird says:

      The only way to win with them is not to play. Disengage. No contact ever again. NCEA. Easier said than done though.

      1. cherrylin says:

        I’ve been using an app I found on the play store to help me keep track, block calls, journal, etc. It’s been a pretty good accompaniment to reading all the material and comments here. Sometimes just seeing the number of days I’ve been n/c so far is enough for me to not break it.

  18. karen1303 says:

    “You think this is bad? This is nothing. I am just getting started.”
    “I always know where you are.”
    LITERALLY word for word!
    He did and said plenty of sick and horrible things but the thing that chilled me to the bone most actually doesn’t ‘sound’ that bad but that was the moment when I realised. Realised there was something seriously wrong with him. It was during the smear campaign and I had gone no contact but still had him on FB and messenger etc. He messaged to say
    “How are we going to anounce to the world what a bad mother you are?”
    No reply from me.
    10 mins later “you’ve read my message so you had better answer me”
    No reply.
    10 mins later “I will just stick to hard facts (bullshit) then if you don’t want to stop me doing this”
    No reply.
    10 mins later ” you have 5 minutes and then I’m announcing it on FB”
    No reply.
    5 mins later “I can’t believe you actually want me to tell everyone”
    No reply.
    5 mins. “Why are you making me do this you horrible bitch?!”
    He then procedes to post on FB “I have no idea why Karen wants this but she wants you to all know the truth that she is a shit mother. She is making me tell you all this which just goes to show how she’s still controlling me”
    I couldn’t believe it. I watched that monster try to manipulate me and at the same time convince himself that it was genuinely MY fault that he was posting on FB. No responsibility for his own actions. He genuinely believed in his own head that I had forced him to do that!
    He also quoted me and used it as his own words. It was when he was using my son as a pawn and emotionally abusing him to turn him against me. I had text him saying “leave ****** out of this, he is a child! I have told ****** to concentrate on having fun and leave the adult stuff to the adults”
    He then word for word put it on FB that HE had said that to me because I was using my son as a pawn!
    That’s when my research really began and I ended up here 3 months later. Thank God I did end up here!

    1. giulia says:

      Jesus Karen…..ever thought about a healthy FUCK YOU…?

      1. karen1303 says:

        Hi Giulia, haha yes of course. I sent him plenty of fuck yous in the beginning and plenty of ‘please don’t do this to me’ too.
        In the end though I learnt that the biggest Fuck You is SILENCE. I stand by that. The rage that came from my silence was immense! And yes it wasn’t easy for me to watch him ruin everything that I am and it did lead to my first nervous breakdown but I played it absolutely right. I believe my ex is somewhere between lesser and mid so he struggled to keep his rage under wraps on social media which actually played into my hands as he made an absolute tit of himself in front of his FB friends by contradicting himself and allowing his temper to get the better of him. All the time I stayed quiet which escalated his fury. Normal people aren’t stupid- they saw through his words and saw him for what I was. He instigated and executed his own exposure and downfall.
        I maintain – the biggest Fuck You is SILENCE 😊

    2. imayeoman says:

      Mine would always take what I said and pass it off as his own. then repeat it over & over. Sucking the meaning out of it making it annoying. More and more as time went on he mimicked my personality when “friends” were around. Except he could never genuinely laugh. It was a weird obvious fake laugh and look.

      I agree with Giulia….you should get a standing ovation for even an unhealthy “fuck you” 🙂
      I’m sorry you and your son are having to deal with this.

  19. I empathize says:

    “You’re going to die a spinster.”

  20. Gabrielle says:

    Again, this is where I am confused, yet again. I have heard none of these. None. I think I have heard more manipulative mind fucking quotes rather than these icy shards you depict. Here is some of the crap I have heard.

    “I hope you find the richest truest happiness you can find because you deserve it”

    “I am sorry that I cannot love you the way you love me. But I care about you so much”

    “I am trying to destroy my presence in your life. I cannot be this important to you”

    “I am am sorry that I came into your life the way I did”

    “I am sorry you are suffering”

    Are these icy shards dependent on the type of Narc? It seems to not apply to the one I was caught up with. I am just trying to make sense of this. This article does not make sense to me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes it will be dependent on the type of narc, as ever, there will be variations on a theme.

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        Oh but of course! A theme. “Pretend apologies, aura of politeness and fake guilt” seems to fit then.

    2. karen1303 says:

      Hi Gabrielle, sounds like he was a victim narc playing on your empathy.

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        I had him pegged as a cerebral. Can he be a little of both? HG can you care to clarify?

        1. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

          Oh please dont take what I say as true Gabba. It was simply my first thought on what you said in your post. (The ex was a victim narc so I recognise the similarities) though from what I believe all narcs have the victim element in them.
          I’m no expert though so over to TH

        2. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

          TH =HG obvs.

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