Early Warning Detector
How much did the last narcissist cost you? Thousands in “borrowed money”? Thousands in legal fees/therapy costs? Hours of wasted time deliberating and analysing? Time lost which would have been better spent with your children, your extended family and your friends. Time away from work? Time tied up in court proceedings?
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49 thoughts on “Early Warning Detector”
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Hg can you please briefly explain why the midranger will
“answer this question quickly, as if it is something that is often at the forefront of his mind.”
Why is that? Do they subconsciously prepare their answer?
The answer is always lurking there because the Mid Range Narcissist is desperate to demonstrate that he is a winner and exaggerate his credentials in order to keep the Narcissist’s Reality Gap (see the article of the same name for more information).
# 1 worked for me. He told me about his father’s terrible behavior,. then a month and half ago he discarded me and for the first time ever I realized what was going on. Thanks to everything I have learned here I am catching on. Narcissists really are ubiquitous.
HG, I know you played with toys!!! Spill it!!
I had a love for trains when I was 8.
Everyday I get paid to play with kids (while testing), its actually fun many times (unless I am bit or spit on, or have to catch a runner….then…well, I earn my keep for sure). Your turn!
**ok, I will be polite-please?**
HG, who do Ns engage in ‘baby talk’ ?
Most of the ones I’ve come across to a greater or lesser degree seem to do this, e.g “I is doing this today”, “Nicola (as in first person) likes pink lollies”.
Is it to appeal to our empathetic nature or annoy the shit out of us! 😂😂
It is exhibiting the lack of emotional maturity. Lessers would do it to irritate. Mid-Range would do it for sympathy. Either school that is of the Victim Cadre would do it to be mothered.
Thanks HG. Yes the others have done it a little, just the odd sentence here and there. This latest one, now he’s decided to target me is doing it continuously. And telling me so much how he is a bad person and not what I think he is. Telling loads of things he’s done scheming against others. Of course he would never do that to me because I’m special and he’s loved me from afar – always.
I’m definitely not playing games with this one. He can go straight to the house of discards.
I had previously thought he was an invert.
Hi HG,
With #1, does the Greater want the non-Narcissist parent dead because of their failure to remove them from & therefore protect them from the abuse? Also, as it is likely the non-Narcissist parent is an empath, is part of the reason empaths are targeted a way of re-enacting punishing by proxy the parent that failed to protect?
Thank you in advance.
(🕶👬🐋 too funny…)
Yes alongside the fact that the narcissist will resent any manifestation of control (whether good or bad) exhibited towards the narcissist by that parent as part of their parenting of the narcissist – e.g. setting a curfew for when the teenager had to be home.
This is often suggested and I can see the force in that suggestion.
So if a UGN says to an IPPS that ‘I wish my Mother had met you, she would have liked you’. (recently deceased, non-Narcissist parent) would that be a pity play or Narc speak for ‘you remind me of the bane of my existence & I shall take great pleasure in crushing you.’?
The latter.
And when I meet people, I tell them that I hated my parents, and as a young child I wished they had both died in a violent car crash. You should see the look on their faces. It is quite amusing. Talk about cognitive dissonance.
K
I have never said my parents but my hisband died a couple of years and when asked if I have ever been married my answer has always been once, when asked what happened I just said he died and it was the best thing ever that happened to me. Lol after they get over the shock of my answer and start to question me, I then use it as a way of spreading HGs work. I usually just say read this blog and you will understand why. Some have come back and we have had some very interesting conversations.
Twilight,
my mother and father were both narcissists. They were cruel, physically violent, and sadistic. When I meet people, I want to see how they react to provocative statements. Questions, after shock, are great. If you told me your husband died and it was the best thing that ever happened, I would ask you all about it and we would become fast friends. Conversations are fuel. When I tell people I wished my parents dead, they shake their heads in disbelief and avoid me.
K
I actually wished I didn’t understand, yet I do.
Friends yes I do believe that would happen.
Twilight
Empaths usually understand; normals don’t. I prefer to hang out with empaths and provocative statements usually weed out the normals most of the time. However, they do not weed out the narcissists. That is a whole new ball game.
K
Do you see Empaths as living under any kind of illusion?
Yes narcissist are a different dance from both Empaths and normals.
Twilight,
yes, an Empath I know told me that her mother would stand in the doorway of her bedroom and watch while she was sexually assaulted by her dad. She then insisted that her mother loved her. I told her that her mother did not love her, because no mother would stand by and allow her daughter to be sexually assaulted by anyone. Talk about illusion. Turns out both her parents were narcissists.
I am catching on to how the narcissist works, hopefully there will be no more dancing with those kind anymore.
K
Sometimes when it is all you ever know it is what you believe to be love.
This is the same for people like HG, they only know one way. That is their reality. I have stated many times I do not agree with the methods used, but they are people to. Finding a way to met half way and understand the perspective I believe a solution can be found. Sadly people’s perspective and how things must look will get in the way and they will miss the positive that is happening.
When I was 8 years old, I wished my both my parents got killed in a car crash. Sadly, it never happened.
Wonderful HG. You really ought to put these together in book/guide form I think. I would definitely buy it. Paperback would suit me best so I could carry it in my bag at all times for a quick referral 😀
Although I feel more confused about which school the ex narc is now as he shows traits of all. I’m glad I used this as a question in my consult though and I look forward to the answer.
This is in hand Karen.
I’m curious HG, how do you find the Co-dependents and Super Empaths to answer those same questions? Along the answers of the “normals” typically? Or are there certain flags that would trigger you that you that they are freshly wounded? Especially about parents and last time they cried?
I guess I’m trying to ask if we are forthcoming with too much information and detail when asked these types of questions?
No.
Oh my goodness you have described my Mid-Ranger’s reactions to all 5 perfectly. As always. If only you’d written this 3 years ago….. amazing. And funny.
Pleasure.
Omg HG , I am at work and I started reading this and got to ” blind gay whales find their way !” I am howling with laughter !! I actually have tears streaming down my face. I need that.
Humour is important.
I did the same Stephanie! Hg is so good with the written word. That was the phrase that had me laughing too.
I used to be petrified of reading what he wrote because it scared me far more than any Dean Koontz novel. It was at the beginning when I’d just realised what my ex was. It really did scare me but I knew I had to keep reading. Then one day he wrote an article ‘remorse’ and all it said was “nope, can’t help with that one” it had me howling! And the ice was broken so to speak. I still get scared sometimes now when something triggers me but for the most part as soon as I read something funny HG slots into his articles then the fear dissipates.
Laughter is the best therapy they say and I believe HG has that covered too.
“campaign to help blind gay whales find their parents” LOL
You may be 😈 but you are funny.
Holy crap!!!! My middle ranger with #5. Took me to dinner one time and chatted with the waitress for damn near 10 minutes!!!!
So true, right! Mine with #3 told me that he shed a tear when Han Solo was killed in The Force Awakens!
If I was someone who cried, I would have wept at that abomination of a movie from start to finish.
“If I were someone that cried”
That really saddened me. 😕
Ha! I would expect you to be on Kylo Ren’s side Mr. Tudor😁. To be fair, it was heartbreaking to see the coolest guy in the galaxy and one of beloved characters dying from the hand of his son .
Indeed. It was vexing to see such a lame reboot and such howlers. A storm trooper develops a conscience? Huh?!
Even a storm trooper have the potential to change ..😇
Well actually, they shouldn’t have because they are all cloned and brainwashed.
What one believes to be impossible can always be possible 😉
Hope!
Fairly standard behaviour for their kind 🙂
Sorry lady… But you’re just spouting nonsense at this point. If you had a bad parent, you had a bad parent. Speaking the truth doesn’t make someone a narcissist. It’s far worse to “smile and deny” the truth than it is to express your anger, pain, hurt, sadness. There are more emotions than just happiness. I don’t even understand how anyone could be happy right now living in this grotesque world. You’ve got predators and prey and NO ONE seems to understand that the whole situation is f***ed.
What you’re labeling as “normal” is EXACTLY WHAT’S WRONG WITH EVERYONE!
DENIAL OF EMOTIONS.
Oh my gosh…was he triangulating me with his mother?!?!?! I think I’m gonna be sick.
You are not the only one if that makes you feel better..
I’ve been triangulated with dear mom, whom he hates because ungrateful of all the things he does for her. According to him he is his mother’s servant so he can’t answer the phone etc. He takes care of his mother regardless of how bad she treats him, he’s a good and generous soul.
He’s always listening to his sister…chatting with her on whazap…all afternoon….she needs him…lots of health problems.
So present in everyone’s life. Everybody needs him, he can’t ignore one single cry for help, how could he? He hates cruel and egoistic people and he doesn’t care if he gets nothing in return. He does it because it’s the right thing. Meanwhile he can ignore me for days after not showing up for an appointment, with no warning, no explanation, nothing.
See, it’s my fault. I am too needy.
#3 : “The Greater will say that he does not cry.”
Would this be a lie then, or is he sincere?
It is sincere.
Sadly by the end of my relationship with my ex N, I couldn’t cry either. It was Very weird. Even when one of my parents (who I had a close relationship with) died during the midst of his discard, I couldn’t cry. I was just numb. The closest I got to feeling anything was a sensation like I was about to be unable to breathe…hard to explain….then it would pass again. Or I’d feel at a complete loss and just kind of howl from somewhere inside that I didn’t know existed before (into a pillow so as not to wake my sleeping children) but again no tears. Just empty.
And now tears well up and pour at things unrelated directly to me but still awful or during a *sad* moment in a film whilst for me personally they do not fall. My face kind of gets ready, crumples a bit, then the moment passes and it’s gone.
What is that? The result of my emotions being denied for so long whilst with him? Have my tears gone to the same place my dreams went?
What a great bedtime read! Too good and too funny! 😄
Question HG, my ex narc fit the greater in every category except parents. All he would say about his father is that his temper was bad. Now his mother, that’s a different story. He talked about her like he wished he could duplicate her and date or marry her. He constantly sent me pictures of her where our ages matched. When I was 16 he sent me pictures of when she was 16 and so on throughout my aging. He seemingly adored her and said he was lying with her in her hospital bed when she died but, interestingly enough he said he did not cry when she passed. What is that about? He was the second of 5 boys. When one of his brothers shot himself all he said was “hmm, he had on a new shirt.”