Prayer
“I will pray for you because I know that you seek redemption at my loving hand. It is understandable. You are a lost soul. I know, hush, you need not speak for restoration hangs from my lips. Listen and allow my words to grant you the salvation that you are so desperate for. I know what you are. I know because I am everywhere, I am everyone and I am everything. I understand what has happened to you. I know how you have been let down. I know how disappointment followed you like an unshakeable shadow, no matter how you applied yourself. Oh I know beneath the sin you are a good person. Your acts and your words are like beams of white light that have punctured through the dark firmament that has wrapped itself around you, cloaking you in the venom that was placed over you so long ago. Others think that they know you, but they do not. They think that this person who moves through life, never seeking to offend or hurt, never wanting to wound or injure, a person who wishes to bring calm, bring healing and bring solace to this world, they think that this person becomes weighed down by the misery, the chaos and the injustice which rises like some ever encroaching tide. They think that it is this which causes those pure tears to trickle down that unblemished skin. They think that it is all of those things which coil like rusty chains about you, dragging you down, hauling you into the quagmire of human misery and dejection. They are mistaken. You can readily deal with those outrageous slings and arrows. You are made of stern stuff. The insults only spur you on to succeed. The recalcitrance is but a signal to you to keep trying. The rejections just symptomatic of those you wish to help not understanding their own pain. Yes, it is trying, but you are able to rise above all of this. The woes of this world are not designed to weigh heavy on one such as you. I know this. The others do not. I understand that you were sent to bring light and love to the unloved, the broken, the hurt and the despairing. No matter how poisonous the world you will breathe your purity out, ever giving and ever resourceful until you have pushed aside those toxic clouds, dissipated the polluted fogs and brought restorative blue skies and dazzling sunshine. You are someone who is able to right the wrongs of this world. I recognise all of this.
I also know that it is not these external troubles which mean that I must pray for you. It is the burden that lies deep within you. Few know of it do they? Just you and perhaps him oh and them as well but they do not want to talk about it do they? They did not back then. They did not listen and you must be heard, isn’t that right? I listen to you. The difference is though I actually hear you. I hear that silent tortured scream which emanates from you regularly. That howling wilderness that exists inside someone who appears to be so wholesome. The rest of them are too eager to avail themselves of your goodness so that they fail to notice the wounds which are riddled throughout you. The weeping sores, the festering wounds all caused by him so long ago. None of them recognise these things but I do. I am trained to do so. I am attuned to scent your agony which you mask so well but it is that pain which acts like a siren’s call to me because I am the only one that can save you. Those fools that mill about you, all they wish to do is take from you and you allow that to happen because you regard that as your role. It is admirable in the extreme. The extent of your serenity when they might sorely test you is quite the thing to behold. Yet, there is no solace for you is there? Where is your tranquillity, your place of sanctuary? That has always been denied to you has it not? Well, no longer, for I have been sent in order to redeem you. I am the bottomless receptacle into which you must pour yourself. Alleviate yourself of the leaden weight of despair and with such excellent proclamation, cast it into me. I shall absorb it all. Everything that has plagued you, pained you and seared through you with terrible agony can now be poured into me. I am your saviour. All I ask is that you allow your every emotion to be exhibited and exposed and in return I will be the one that finally cures you of those entrenched woes. Nobody understands what you have endured, but I do. I did not see what happened to you but I know what happened to you. It is etched across you, in the way you smile, the way you move, the way you love. Only I can recognise this and in turn that is why it is only me that can be your salvation. Nobody else can achieve that for you. You do not even know it but that is why you are drawn to me in this manner, with such intensity. You think that you know what I am. You do not. You will come to think that you must repair me and make me good once again. But it is you that must be mended. There is something very wrong with you, something that happened so long ago that often you forget what it is, but it will not forget you. I am the redeemer. I am your salvation. Kneel before me and with my anointed hand, let me place it on your wretched head and in so doing I shall cleanse you. You have found me now and you shall never be parted from me, for now it is only I that can save you.”
32 thoughts on “Prayer”
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HG, I have another question regarding knowing: do you happen to have a question in your inner being/mind that you would like or need to know the answer to? does such a Question exist for you?
Thank you very much, I still find it overwhelming to interact with you and your readers. A treasure and quite an “earthquake” for me.
If a Narcissist was a lion on a hunt, he would catch the slowest gazelle in the herd – the wounded one, perhaps. A Narcissist or Lion only has to catch injured prey to be successful.
In most cases I would agree with that MsSevyn, but sometimes the challenge of catching the fastest one is tempting for some of our kind, not all admittedly.
Yes
*sigh*
What is wrong with me that I can be seduced by words practiced and knowing, seemingly written just to me by a perfect stranger who sees my very soul, but how? There are many, many just like described; these deceptive words would be balm to the open wound that was our heart.
What the fuck?
Jesus
Yes VFH, Jesus is the answer. My Greater tore my wounds open & exposed them. I then gave them to the Greatest Healer there is.
Did you know about these wounds pre narc? Just wondering how they were identified if you don’t mind me asking. If you do then no worries I understand.
SVR (answering below)
Ask away! I don’t mind being asked anything & I’ll answer what I can.
Yes, I knew about these wounds pre-narcissist but just to clarify, did you mean how did I identify my wounds or how did the narcissist?
My stuff up! Answering SVR above. 😬
How did you find your wounds? Thanks for answering.
SVR
My wounds began in childhood. My father was mentally ill, had schizo-effective disorder & was empathic & my mother is a narcissist. He was domestically & emotionally abusive & my mother provoking. I have many wounds from growing up like that & most of them masochistic. I am happy to tell you what they are but specific to the wounds my Greater honed in on was the death of my first 3 children 17 years ago & the guilt I was carrying from that. The other was the guilt I felt getting involved with my daughters father 12 years ago. He is a lower mid- range victim narcissist. (Code for major loser!!) The guilt with that one was that I chose him at the time over God & it crushed me spiritually. These wounds were obvious. As you allow to God heal you, He reveals as you are ready the root of other wounds for healing. In the last fortnight I have learnt that I have Avoidance Personality Disorder sub-type Exploitable Avoidant with OCD. ( I of course knew about the OCD) This is the wound currently being healed. My Greater missed out big time. I learnt early on with him that he was not safe with my emotions & I shut down on him which would have driven him nuts! His loss. If he had invested in me a little more there was a geyser to be had which manifested last weekend.
SVR, it sounds like you are unsure where your wounds are. I can’t tell you your journey but I can suggest looking at distorted thinking patterns as that is the basis for all of our issues. Maybe a therapist that does CBT. Keep reading HG. Pray.
Interesting, my ex was the opposite…never wanted to help me. She had the black eyes and the tormented soul. Even though she denied it, you could see it written all over her face…behind the false beauty.
However, this “superior, special, entitled” human(deserve was her favorite word) had the power to overrule God’s standards of right and wrong with her own. Even to the point of telling me that God was ok with us having sex, because she made a deal with Him to be “committed and exclusive” to one man, ha. And of course this statement was prefaced by acknowledging her belief that her religion forbade it. The blatant, characteristic contradictions and hypocrisy, constantly confounded me.
Was she seriously expecting me to buy this B.S.? I couldn’t help but chuckle at the audacity of all.
Amen.
Exactly, this comes painfully close to the words I’d like to hear.
But I’m confused, H.G. If I understand correctly: you cannot sympathize (emotionally) with me, you do have the ability to understand me on a cognitive level with excellent accuracy, BUT there is an additional ingredient: an additional form of understanding (neither cognitive nor emotional): the thing you call “knowing”. “I know your pain”. This knowledge is a process that involves deep parts of self, it has to do with something elusive: an intuition, a dreamlike state of perception, some kind of faith-oriented understanding process (sorry for the blurred terminology). Is this knowledge of yours of my void a true, deep understanding (that you use for your advantage) or is this deep understanding an empty construct? a mirroring device?
The knowing is a product of my observation arising from extensive interaction with your kind and their experiences and my high cognitive function.
I read in a different place about the balance why a narcissist hates the empath
Wouldn’t this just fall with in the same concept of balance?
We love you with the same intensity as you hate us, yet find salvation in one another or better put we look for salvation in one other, yet possibly through a balance things can change for each
Thank you very much, HG.
So if I understand correctly, my interpretation of your “knowing me” , the type of knowing that led me to believe that in spite of the destructiveness and havoc there IS a deep connection – is wrong.
If I understand your words correctly, your knowing resembles the craft of a caricaturist (capturing with a few pen strokes the complexity of a face), or the work of a physicist- finding a set of laws and parameters to determine what is the best way to seduce, manipulate and hurt the target. And you always get it right.
HG, “Knowing the Narcissist” .. do you think that an (empowered)empath way of knowing is indeed different from an (empowering) HG way of knowing? Do you think it’s possible or believe or wish someone could Know you -the Narcissist- in a way you do not know yourself?
I suspect some people do think they know me in a way that I do not know myself.
I know you are having a ball writing these things…
This is exactly how you exploit
painful events happened in the past. You find a scar, put some drugged balm on it that’s going to feel great, act like a healer so you gain trust, then you dig your knife as deep as you can.
And that first stab is the deepest.
Is this the inner Empath’s voice?
“I am attuned to scent your agony which you mask so well but it is that pain which acts like a siren’s call to me because I am the only one that can save you.”
And there’s the spark that ignites the fateful dance.
You do want that rush to “save” because it fuels you with power. It makes the supply feel validated and heard. This piece reminds me of so much of what I initially researched right before finding you on how these relationships are energy based between the two parties. They are drawn to each other propelled by unresolved issues buried in grief or trauma in their subconscious begging for release.
Can there ever be enough red flags when all of that is going on underneath?
Outstanding piece, H.G. That quote above is going to resonate for quite some time.
Thank you Clarece.
And back to therapy I go….
Indy,
you made me laugh.
Thank you!
Me too, Indy. 🙁
You really are an insightful man.
I smell brimstone. Will the fire accompany or is that extra?
I have a pretty fucked up zealot mother narc. Every year she sends a birthday card that says, “I’m still praying for your soul.” It of course has the fireball attached to go off upon opening.
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
Hozier
Right??? LOL
I love that song! ❤ gives me goosebumps when i hear it!
Where do I sign up? You sound perfect for me. *puts on dunce cap*