Ten Ways To Cause A Hoover
In the majority of cases, once you have have realised what we are, you need to get away and stay away from us. If you have been discarded, the emphasis is on staying away from us. If you have to have some kind of interaction with us (because of children or work) then the aim is one of minimal interaction and the reduction of the provision of fuel as far as possible. I have warned you about the types of hoover we deploy, when they happen and how they happen so that you are able to look to your defences and ensure they cannot be breached. I have identified the forms of hoovers so you know them when they happen and also how to either put yourself beyond the reach of them or how to best repel them. Nevertheless, there are occasions when you want a hoover to happen. To be blunt, the reason for wanting to run the risk of being exposed to our machinations once again and possibly be drawn back into our false reality is often not a sound one. Yet, in the same way when somebody is told not to open a box or go through a door, they cannot help but do it, there will be those who will want to pre-empt a hoover from our kind. If that is the case, then on your head be it, but here are ten ways to bring about a hoover.
- Turn Up
The simplest way to ensure we hoover you is to present yourself on a plate before us. We are unlikely to turn down such an opportunity to gather fuel from you when you make it so easy. Of course, you may find that we seek negative fuel from you because we are infatuated with your replacement and therefore we want to punish you for letting us down and we remain dedicated to your replacement. Assuming you are able to find us (which should not prove especially difficult since even when we discard you, we usually do not go to huge lengths to make us impossible to contact) by turning up and seeing us we will hoover you. There is a risk if you turn up at one of our “fortresses” (home or work for instance) we may not admit you, preferring to garner Thought Fuel from your upset at being denied entry, therefore for best results approach us in public places such as a restaurant or a bar.
- Provide your contact details
You can do this as part of an apparent round robin which has been sent to all of your contacts.
“Here is my new number. Thanks. A Victim.”
The receipt of this, be it e-mail address, Skype handle or telephone number is a green light to us. You are opening the gate and we will use this information to hoover you.
- Message Us for Help
We once rode into your life as a white knight to save you from misery, loneliness and a score of different serpents which sought to hurt you. We don’t offer true support but we do enjoy being in attendance when help is required in order for us to drink in your fuel from your upset and neediness and to appear as the all-conquering hero. If you send a message requesting our help, you are playing to our sense of omnipotence and we will find it hard to resist responding by way of a hoover. The message must be specific about the type of help that is required and be something that we could help you with, if we chose to. Something straight forward which can be done in a flourish (after all we do not like to expend energy and certainly not on actually helping somebody with something arduous). We appear not because we want to help you, but because we want the fuel that will flow from us showing how omnipotent we are, for example by lending you money, tuning your television for you or explaining a letter from the authorities. Play the damsel in distress and we will appear.
- Proclaim Your Misery
As the idiom states, “misery loves company” accordingly if you announce that you are unhappy, upset, lonely and miserable and even better if you link it to the fact that you miss us, cannot be without us and similar declarations, we will appear to hoover you. This is different from the third entry. That is requesting help with something specific, something practical. This relates to your emotional state. There are two reasons why this works. First and foremost, you are providing fuel by being upset about missing us. We want that. Secondly, we regard the world as a hateful place and thus our negative outlook to that means that we want to see other people upset as well. Thus we will flock to you in such a state. Be warned however that there is a significant risk that we will perpetuate your misery in order to draw this fuel further from you.
- Post a Picture
Post a picture where we are likely to see it of you and an apparent new love interest. We will not like this. We will feel criticised and with the ignition of fury we will want to lash out at you. You are not allowed to be happy without our permission and approval. We must be the source of what you feel, not somebody else. When we see this picture we see fuel being wasted and we want it for ourselves, thus we will come hoovering. We also delight in the omnipotence felt by running someone else’s relationship.
- Involve a Friend
Send a friend to let us know how much you miss us, how your days are empty without us, how you never stop mentioning us. That alerts us to the fact that there is a tanker of fuel waiting to be sucked dry and this will certainly pique our interest to come and hoover you at the mention of this green light.
- Spread a Rumour
Use your supporters to spread a rumour about us. Make it detrimental without straying into the realms of defamation otherwise you won’t be hoovered and instead you will receive a letter from a lawyer instead. Suggest that you got rid of us first even though we discarded you and you did so because our performance in bed was below bar, or that we never changed our underwear, or that we said our mother’s name a lot in our sleep. It is sufficiently petty that it will irk us and we will come looking for you in order to set you straight and to draw some fuel from you by way of recompense for your criticism.
- Anniversary Pop-Up
We imagine that you remember that it was so long since we first met you, first kissed you, first took you away for the weekend and so on. Often you do because that is the extent to which we infect you so that you reminisce a lot. If you remind us of a forthcoming anniversary and thus by implication that it remains special to you, there is a good chance that we will use that anniversary to hoover you because we will regard you as more susceptible on that special date and likely to provide more fuel through your heightened emotional state.
- The Bootie Call/Text
If you get in touch with a suggestive call or text, then this will attract a hoover from us. Nothing says “game on” than sexual content in a message. The Somatic of our kind see a chance to rekindle those passionate couplings. The Cerebral will relish the chance to exhibit his seduction techniques even if there is no actual consummation. The Elite will see both as entirely appetising. Even the Victim will respond since it is easy to do so and if framed in a way that appeals to his submissive sexual outlook. Dangle such a text in front of us and the hoover will follow.
- Unleash a Rant
You know by now that fuel, whether positive or negative is what we need. If you want to provoke a hoover, show off some of that emotion through a rant in a voicemail message to us, a vitriolic e-mail, a series of hate-filled messages or just a hysterical monologue on your Facebook page. We will be attracted by this outpouring of emotion and want more of it, so we will come hoover in hand to draw more of the same.
72 thoughts on “Ten Ways To Cause A Hoover”
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ABB 💙…??🤔
It seems that he is thriving on my vitriolic messagges..
and the freaky part is that he’ s answers me with love- bombing messages..
which irritates me even more..
I AM SO FURIOUS .
Something tells me if HG posted a picture of his latest number 2, it would echo comments of how exquisite it looked.
Tudor’s Angels will inevitably be sniffing Charlie
Great second sentence.
I know his favourite pub. He seems to go there every Saturday night recently and by himself.. strange. I haven’t seen him for so long now and it’s tempting…but I have to resist it.
*Images of you in some low-lit smokey pub scene, swinging narcissists around by their feet and then throwing them; the sound of smashed glass behind the bar as they land. Staying Alive by the BeeGees plays in the background*
We need “HG The Movie” now. Maybe collaborate with the writers of Doctor Who – Neil Gaiman/Stephen Moffat. They’re also after a new Doctor… I love the idea that HG could reign for a few series’.
“Earth is being jeopardised by a fleet of giant radioactive spunk spiders? Are they capable of giving me fuel?
River Song: “Forget all that, Doctor Who… were you screwing last night??”
I like Neil Gaiman’s work.
Spunk spider? What is one of those?
Me too.
I suppose a Spunk Spider could be reference to a narcissist – what, with all the women and testosterone flying about (although it’s not all about the sex, I know). And they do trap and play with us like flies trapped in a web of confusion
Thank you for explaining. I shall have to update the Grimoire of Narcissism with that one!
Indy probably knows.
YES! And Neil Gaiman’s Coraline (especially the film), with the “Other Mother” and her fabricated Other Reality is priceless. A must in my opinion. Filled with the relevant imagery..
“Coraline” has been one of my daughter’s favorite movies since she was 5 (about 6 years now). We watch it every year about 2 or 3 times. The “Other Mother” has all those children with their button eyes and sewn up mouths. Her own version of an asylum of the grotesque.
Yes, and after-Narc and through this blog, I feel like I understand the depths of this book. For example, the way the Other Mother lures Coraline (using to her own advantage Coraline’s feelings of loneliness, of being unheard by her parents) to enter her world; the way that this “marvelous” world created by the Other Mother disintegrates to dust and it is bound, confined in space (beyond it, there is absolutely nothing). Now that I think about it, Clarece, could the mysterious cat (the nameless black cat, Coraline’s mentor through her journey) be HG (as he travels between one Word to the Other World )?
Hmmm…off the cuff, I would say the black cat represents one’s intuition. The internal warning system signaling red flags and to look for a way out.
I remember last time I watched the movie around Halloween, the Other Mother’s black button eyes reminded me of HG’s articles when be talks about when the eyes stop mirroring and go black with the window to the void within. And how Coraline tricked her into playing a game at the end. The Other Mother needing to win being her ultimate weakness.
Such a good movie. I pick something up every time I still watch it.
HG, I had/have my narc blocked on whatsapp. I’ve known him 8 years. He love-bombed me via text and then discarded me after I started an argument. “You’ve ruined it now – take care of thyself”…
I ignored that text, but he hasn’t blocked me on WhatsApp (leaving himself open when he usually blocks)…why hasn’t he blocked me there please?
I’ve kept my block in place but he hasn’t tried to ‘hoover’ for a month. I do love these hoover posts of yours – they’re fascinating.
To keep open the channel to hoover and to keep you on your toes.
oh yes, i learned to become “invisible” in almost everything and to remain outside the scopes of his areas of interest while online.
I put an end to the cyber stalking, to the phone calls he had his mother do – she was convinced she was being helpful… but not figuring out she was guilty of harassment and later assault… she should be glad I reacted in fight or flight and didn’t press charges… she would not be so lucky anymore – to become the unlucky collateral-damage-flying-monkey while he gets away with it all…
It may be that at some point he will come across narcissistic info, or his mother will, and see this but by the time they do, I will be long gone from here.
Hahaha I love HG. “Spread a rumor that we never changed our underwear.” Gold.
I’ve tried.. didn’t work. I guess it’s too unsafe, eh.. being married and not being able to trust me anymore and all.
And HG, can I ask why he would lower his taxable income to a measly child support of $114 a month (down from nearly $800 when it was first set last year) then proceed to pay $1250 instead of the $114????? Why is he paying so much more than he is supposed to? Like – x 10? That part is really doing my head in and the only thing I can think of is 1), he’s playing the hero and thus demoting me to pauper and The One Who Must Be Thankful and 2) because the future will be here one day, and nothing is for free. Could you take a guess at what is in it for him? Thanks.
As mentioned earlier today in another answer, this is done for the following reasons
That act of payment is because :-
1. Compartmentalisation and split thinking – from black to white in a moment.
2. Facade maintenance – “She betrayed me I still help her out, yeah, I guess I am just a good guy when all is said and done.”
3. Debt creation – he paid your bill but it will cost you all the same.
4. Control – he is exercising it over part of your affairs
5. Ever presence reinforcement – this act reminds you of him
6. Confusion creation – hence you questioned it and designed to try to stop you move forward
7. Planting a seed – because it will grow into an Obligation Tree and he will bring it up in due course and remind you of his generosity and your lack of gratitude
HG, can you define what ‘challenge fuel’ is please. thanks in advance.
Please see the article Fuel,Fight or Flight
Aha…. I knew I’d seen it somewhere before. Revision now done! Thank you 🙂
How does your kind feel after a successful Hoover?
Fuelled.
And how long would this fuelled state last? Is this infatuation?
How does fueled feel? Internally in your body. Sensations?
Powerful.
I soooo knew you would say that!!!! (You may recall my debate on the feeling of power lol)
What does this feel like to you internally as in physical?
For example, when I feel fear I feel right in my throat.
It is a feeling of wrath, of invincibility, a bursting and soaring sensation.
Beautifully described HG, I really appreciate you humoring my question on power and fuel experience .one of the reasons I ask You this is also for me to know so I can further understand it by comparing it to my inner experiences and see your draw to it. It feels, I imagine, like a stimulant drug though perhaps even more given the emotions mixed in the fuel. Just imagining…this is how I understand others. Through feeling them. *not in a pervy way*. I’ve tasted it during times of academic achievement though I suspect not to the level you sense it or experience it. Negative situations do not do this to me. You probably know that though
Indeed it is similar and that is why some of our number have issues with alcohol, gambling, substance abuse and such like as it generates a similar but not as potent response as fuel.
Yes this makes so much more sense to me. Thank you! 😊
Pleasure.
A pretruding penis vein kind of Powerful?
I don’t get a boner every time I am fuelled, if that is what you are asking!
Your mind is plenty enough to cause a carnal explosion, please don’t make me picture your boner
This made me snort laugh! 🙂
It’s getting hot in here!
“To be blunt, the reason for wanting to run the risk of being exposed to our machinations once again and possibly be drawn back into our false reality is often not a sound one. Yet, in the same way when somebody is told not to open a box or go through a door, they cannot help but do it, there will be those who will want to pre-empt a hoover from our kind. If that is the case, then on your head be it”
LOL this is me…I have to make the same mistake 9 times instead of once or twice just to be sure in no uncertain terms that it is indeed a mistake…!
You and me both haha
I passed my ex narc while driving on opposite sides of the road today, and eye contact was made. My first thought was “Oh shit! Now I have entered a sphere of influence, I don’t want to be hoovered!!!” (We have been no contact for over 2 months now, and I havent seen her since) But my concerns were alleviated once she flipped me the bird. I realize this gesture may be considered a malign hoover, but as long as this is all shes got to give, then I can live with that! Wasn’t as bad as I thought, and didn’t bother me a bit! So pathetic… 😂
Yep. Relapsed and answered. Hopefully no more. I have an inappropriate comment futher but willl keep it to myself.
Regarding turning up, the only place i’d feel comfortable turning up is his home. How would i know which restaurant or bar he will be in on a certain date? So i guess that one’s out.
Regarding messaging for help – brad browning, a relationship coach on youtube, said to show need by stating ‘i want etc. etc. …’ because supposedly men love to fulfill your wants. Well i tried it, b4 i knew he was a narc. His response: ‘don’t try to control me.’ I am so thankful i eventually found HG and figured out i was dealing with a narcissist.
Fast forward, i escaped, he hoovered, i resisted for 2 months, then finally gave in. Upon his request, we are now friends. He texts me every wk or every 2 wks to find out if i am fine. I’m hoping to reach zero impact at some time. I don’t know if it’s possible though because i’m co-dependent.
HG, I know you have explained this to me before, but i just can’t seem to understand it. When i unleash a rant (through text), he wants to block me, not hoover me. I am giving negative fuel i guess, so why is he so averse to it?
He has no need to hoover you, it has already happened and he has gained fuel from you. Him blocking you is his reaction to your provision of Challenge Fuel as he asserts his superiority. He is not averse to it, he has you conned into thinking that this is the case.
So to follow on that, Jenna is basically put on the shelf and stuck there until he chooses to return. She couldn’t initiate another Hoover if he is fueled enough from her and getting it elsewhere?
HG, thank you for your reply. Though i will have to look up “challenge fuel.”
My ex texted me today, so i finally decided to ask him once and for all.
Note: I refer to you as my consultant, because i would not willingly give away your name, books, or your blog. I don’t want him finding me here.
Note 2: he knows he’s a narc. He finally accepted it after a few months of me confronting him.
From whatsapp:
Me: do you like arguing? My consultant said narcs like it.
Him: lol. I don’t know. It depends.
Me: i don’t like it. It scares me.
Him: good to know
Me: so do u want me to argue with you sometimes? You will like it?
Him: it’s not necessary. It won’t end up good. Lol.
Me: ok. But does it make you feel good?
Him: i believe you have your own perspectives and i have my own- don’t match.
Me: my consultant says it makes narcs feel good
Him: no point of arguing. When you give out decent reasoning, sometimes you’ll learn other aspects.
Me: true
Towards end of conversation-
Me: you want me to argue with you before i go? Lol.
Him: is there need for it? No. Right?
Me: no
Him: then no point of arguing. Right? I don’t want to argue with you. It leads me into stress.
Me: ok
Him: Talk nice, if you have anything to say. We talk like decent human beings, after all this. Aren’t we?
Me: yes
Him: sorry abt it
Me: abt what?
Him: nothing
What do you make of this HG? Not to challenge your authority, but he sounds pretty convincing, no?
He does it as part of his ongoing manipulations, you just are unable to see it.
But it really sounds so sincere and convincing.
It’s meant to otherwise it wouldn’t work
Thank you. It will take me time to register this.
Jenna, he did not take that conversation seriously at all.
Are you serious clarece?!!
My God, yes.
Can you explain why you think so, when you have time? I’m trying to process all this…
Jenna, he tells you early on that your interests don’t align, just as HG has said it all comes down to that. Truly hear this –
Him: “i believe you have your own perspectives and i have my own- don’t match.”
He basically checked out and was placating you the rest of the conversation.
I saw the patterns with JN taking the same tone and it was always right before a fight would erupt with him getting copious amounts of fuel. I would get furious at his flip, arrogant, insincere comments, adding lol to everything.
It’s hard for you to see because you are being so genuine and sincere while trying to have a serious conversation. Someone drifting in and out every few weeks thru text only, doesn’t want any serious conversations.
Oh 😔
Thank you.
Jennaaaaa, turn that frown upside down…
Only for you clarece!☺️
“I would get furious at his flip, arrogant, insincere comments, adding lol to everything.” – are you referring to my ex’s comments or JN’s in this statement? Thx again.
In that paragraph, I’m referring to JN’s conversational style which is very close to your guy’s. In fact it triggered me and I could easily go off on yours, JN, or both of them just for the hell of it.
Lol! Be my guest! Shall i pass you his number?😄
I mean because he’s always trying to avoid an argument with me, in the last 3 yrs.
Jenna, you are projecting your sincerity in that conversation and you are the only one being sincere. I get it. I was there, that girl. He is 1/2 checked out of that entire conversation.
Oh, #10 is my biggest temptation. The vitriolic email. I have it written already and I’ve been adding to it and editing it for about a month now but I have not sent it yet. Here’s hoping I continue to not send it. Although I’m very tempted to send it on his birthday and ruin his birthday the way he ruined my birthday. Repeats to self: do not stoop to his level. Do not stoop to his level. Do not stoop to his level.
it won’t hurt him, they can’t “hurt”, but you WILL give him fuel. its a no win for YOU if you send it…. just sayin
I know. 🙁 Everyday is a struggle. I do not want to fuel him but oh how I would love to unload my thoughts. But I know you are right, it won’t change anything. Now to continue repeating that over and over and over forever.
Oh boy. This is so hard. I had finally had enough last week and replied to a horrible email because I couldn’t keep it inside anymore even though I KNEW it would just unleash a torrent of abuse , which it did . I didn’t even really say what I wanted to but I just couldn’t help myself. Of course this was after a horrible week of abusive texts and emails , where of course he was accusing ME of being th abusive one , quite laughable really , and textbook. It was my birthday early April and he actually bought me a present and wrote (oh how he loves to write ! ) a long card. I thanked him , but of course not effusively enough. And I knew the onslaught was coming. I said to my boyfriend and my best friend , just wait , in about a week or so he will be absolutely horrible , and sure enough , it came. And it will come time and time again. Now he is back to being nice , but soon that will turn.
And it doesn’t really matter what I say or do , it will happen. Until he turns his attention to someone else . I pray he gets a girlfriend but I don’t see that happening soon.
Actually he would enjoy the vitiolic email. Please DON’T SEND!
Please don’t sent it!!! Please don’t!!!!
I have written a letter too because it makes me feel good but I do understand that it only will give him fuel. Imagine you have send it and keep it for future amusement (Believe me, one day you will laugh with the whole situation!)