The 10 Laws of Narcissistic Possession
1. You belong to me.
I own you. From the moment I first engaged with you, you became mine. That is the unwritten contract that forms between you and me. I engulf you, I possess you and I subsume your identity into mine. I do not recognise you as someone who is separate and distinct from me, with your own hopes, fears and desires. You have been plugged into me from the start, my appliance which is there to provide me with fuel, obey me and accede to my commands. This mind set is what governs the entirety of our relationship and is what is behind so much of what I do and say to you. By understanding that this is how I view you in relation to me you will realise that once I have begun to entangle you, the concept of you evaporates and you become part of me.
2. What is yours is mine
As part of this unwritten contract I immediately take power, custody and control of everything which you own. Your money is mine to spend. Your friends become my friends and ripe for recruitment into the ranks of my lieutenants. Your house is my house where I shall install myself before you know it, using your utilities freely although never paying for them. It is not your car, it is my car now. I recognise no boundaries and therefore you will find that your possessions will always be sequestrated for my use. You are not allowed to own anything in your own right. From the cake you have saved for later to your shower gel, I will take it and use it. This sense of entitlement extends beyond the material. I will take your dignity, your sanity and your self-esteem too. I have no use for those things, they cannot serve me in any way but I will take them all the same. I am an asset stripper and you will be stripped.
3. Blame belongs to you
I am never at fault. I am never responsible and I am never accountable. Culpability and I are not bedfellows. I escape liability for anything and everything that I do and instead the blame will always rest with you. Even if you have done nothing wrong I will pin the blame on you as this serves my purposes to draw fuel from you, control you and denigrate you. If I forget to remove something from the cooker, it is your fault. If I forget to pay a parking ticket on time, it is your fault. If I forget an anniversary, it is your fault. Each and every mishap, failure and problem which arises will always be attributed to you because I cannot be held to account.
4. I take what I want from whomsoever that I choose
I walk this world as a colossus and it is my right to do as I please. I will take whatever my eye rests on as I am entitled to do so. I will steal because I can. If I want something then I will take it. I will take the credit for achievements when they belong to someone else. I will pinch the partner of a friend because I want her in my bed and not his. I will park my car where I like and I am not to suffer any consequence. I will borrow from neighbours and never return anything. It is my right to take and you must never challenge or criticise me as I exercise this right.
6. What is mine stays mine
All resources that are mine remain mine and are for my exclusive use. I will not lend anything to anybody, they should go and buy their own. I will not share. I will stockpile money secretly, notwithstanding that we apparently have a joint account. I have my own shelf inside the fridge for my food which nobody else is to touch. Nobody is allowed to sit in my favourite chair, not even when I am not there. Nobody is to play my CDs or read my books. They are not for you, they are for me. My friends are my friends, yes they will pretend to like you, purely for the sake of appearance but they will never actually be your friends. Anything that is mine remains as mine.
7. I go where I please
I own the right to go anywhere that I like. I am not to be stopped or questioned as to where I am going or where I have been. I move in between and through, an unstoppable force in light of my vast sense of entitlement. I walk through doorways marked private, I attend meetings to which I have not been invited, I will turn up at your social occasions even though I was not asked to attend. I will step over the threshold, vault the red rope and penetrate all areas because I must always know what is going on. Besides, my presence is such that I am always welcome, who would not want someone as brilliant as I with them? I am access all areas.
8. I own the spotlight
The spotlight must be trained on me at all times as it belongs to me. It is for my use to highlight how interesting, witty and successful I am. It lights up my podium where I stand elevated and superior and woe betide you should you try to point it anywhere else. You must never interfere with my ownership of the spotlight for to do so will invite my fury at your transgression. It is a device that must be aimed at me so that the world is always to see me, so that I can receive the adoration which I am entitled to.
9. I owe you nothing
I owe you nothing because in the beginning I gave you everything. It does not matter that since then you have given me your all, your love, your affection, your time, your money, your dignity and your will to live. You can festoon me with gifts, run around after me, nurse me, pleasure me, support and soothe me but this is what you ought to be doing as I am entitled to be treated in this manner. I have no sense of needing to reciprocate, someone as high born as me need not deign to fawn over you, not any more, not once I have captured you and bound you tight to me. You are nothing without me, worthless and pathetic and therefore I owe you nothing, despite the fact you gave me everything.
10. You belong to me.
I thought I would remind you of this fact. It would not do to forget that now, would it?
Number 5? Of course there is a fifth rule – You are imagining things. Again.
29 thoughts on “The 10 Laws of Narcissistic Possession”
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It would be nice to be able to have the option to share these posts.
You can.
I owe you nothing.
Bros sang that and look where it got them in the end.
Do the angry replies give you fuel, Mr. Tudor?
I guess I missed the blog posts about your childhood upbringing that shaped you to be like this. Please direct me, if you may.
Most interesting reads which explain the behaviors of some of the most charming men I have known. Simply fascinating.
Thank you for your sincerity and quite vivid examples.
Yes they do Katie, a dollop.
You are welcome.
HG excuse the angry people in here. They are yet to start understanding you
Thank you Hurt, I understand their anger.
You narcissists,
take selfishly and give falsely …
all those who know the real you, hate you
And all those who don’t know you, love you
We own ourselves, no one can own anyone, EVER!
You lot, a just a right little law unto yourselves, aren’t you? Pity you weren’t all drowned at birth!
Many of us here like the real him. Please dont insult the man on his own blog. What are you doing here if you hate him anyway?!
I most sincerely, respectfully and from the bottom of my heart apologise. I didn’t realise it came across that way. I thought I was making a “general” statement and was looking at it from my experience! I guess I’m still extremely raw from my damage as I can relate so much. Please forgive me and to you Mr Tudor! I certainly don’t hate him as I look forward to his articles immensely. I shall not comment again and it was wrong of me! Again, my deepest apologies to you “Hurt” , Mr Tudor and for offending anyone else, it was certainly not intentional! Thankyou for bringing it to my attention! Most humbly! 😔
There is a reason why narcissist become these evil individuals…
The overconfidence of the narc is what cripples him in the end. Yes, I belonged to my narc, and willingly!! The sex was palpable; it was like a seven course dinner — here taste that! Savor this! Now a little of those! Now try it together! Delicious!
We fought (him hurling venom, me, like a little armored soldier resisting the sting and hurt) then did the dirty! The blood hot in both our bodies. I salivate.
Narc, meet the borderline with self-esteem! You couldn’t get that anymore than my parents could. They taught me with their abusive ways that I could mix love and abuse and still come out on top! He needed me and I craved him like a drug. I belonged to him (emphasis here) willingly. He chased and I was slow enough for him to ensnare me.
This was a way of life I’d been taught well, enabling my narc and me to mix it up real juicy-like. The ups/the downs. The highs/the depths of misery. The depraved indulgence/the cruel depravation. What a damn ride! In the end, it proved too much for him. Discard was his only healing balm.
I shiver. Let’s have another go!
Sounds like the perfect match for a narcissist
He saw abuse written all over me. That’s why I was chosen, apart from being empathic.
He disengaged. I’ve learned from reading HG that I’m a Super Empath and he (hegemonic, dominant) was a greater.
We both moved hundreds of miles apart from where we met, and that’s fine with me. I never want to be engaged with another narc if it can be avoided and I will try to avoid it at all costs. Don’t be fooled by my bravado in this particular post. I’m no match for a narc.
HG, does this apply only to the current ipps or to intimate secondary as well? During formal relationship only or after discard as well?
That’s it ! I get it now. Once a girl called Kattie came to the office and wanted to see me and have a chat with me. After she left he staged a situation where he asked around who that girl was. One person said I do not know, but that Amy knows (to my horror). That person then asked me in front of everyone who is that girl. That was to embarrass me. And, because he thinks that whoever is my friend is his friend. Now he is, APPARENTLY, obsessed with her. But that is just a show, I think. Everyday I figure out something new about him. Thanks, HG!
You are welcome.
What happened to number 5?
Law unto itself. Just like us.
There you go, deflecting shame again…
And with no emotion ‘goodbye’
HG, I posted your book FUEL on my instagram. I hope that is ok.
Indeed and thank you.
Hi H.G,
I escaped my mid-ranger about four months ago. He has tried to Hoover me (we work in the same office), but each time I ignore him. I walk past him as if he was just a puff of air going by. I thought from reading your books and articles that being ignored is the worst. So, I’m not sure why he would continue to put himself in that position time and time again. Does being ignored ignite his fury more than it causes a wounding? I guess I’m trying to understand why he doesn’t just give up. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you!!
Lydia
Do most narcissists like gifts? Is it rare for a narcissist not to like gifts?
Yes because the act of giving is a form of fuel but they ca also be used for the purposes of triangulation.