7 Sorrows
1. I am sorry I went away.
You probably said something that I did not like, you may not have said anything at all, but you did something which criticised me and I wanted to punish you so I disappeared. I am not going to tell you what I was doing whilst I was gone but I only thought about you when I looked at your pleading texts and missed calls. The rest of the time I spent it with your predecessor who I wanted to be with because, well, she hadn’t criticised me. Of course, she spoilt it and that is why I have come back to you pretending to be sorry. I need your fuel again, so here I am with my false remorse.
2. I am sorry I didn’t listen.
I didn’t listen to you because you have nothing of importance to say. Ever. That is compared to me. You should listen to me more because I do not like it when you do not. In fact I hate it. I rarely hear the words you say anyway, you are actually wasting your breath. I am far too focussed on the emotion that is spewing from you, your hurt, your frustration, your anger and your hatred. That is what I want to listen to. That gives me the fuel that I crave. I will pretend I will listen to you in the future so you provide me with some positive fuel for a while and then I will become deaf to what you have to say once again.
3. I am sorry that I hit you.
You made me do it because you will not do what I want and you will not give me what I need. I am torn between needing you and being disgusted by the fact that I am bound to someone as pathetic as you, when I am so brilliant. I am concerned that what I did may be detected by others and consequently the façade that I have created and maintained to everyone outside these four walls will be damaged. I am concerned I may have to spend some of my precious time charming law enforcement if you are treacherous enough to report me.
4. I am sorry I was unfaithful.
If you paid me more attention I would not have to do it, or at least, perhaps not as often. It was your fault that I went elsewhere because you do not admire me like you used to do. You should do so. Everyone admires me and you should be no different. I am irritated that I got caught because I thought I had covered my tracks and been cleverer than you. I am annoyed because you have scared off the other woman with your histrionics and now I am going to have to use my time and energy to find someone else now. I had a great little set-up there and you have ruined it with your interference. Just as you always spoil everything.
5. I am sorry I wasn’t there for you.
I really cannot be bothered having to support you when you are unwell. I find it a waste of my time because everything should be about me, not you. I do not like to be reminded of weakness. I see too much of myself when I do. I need my energies and time to carry out my machinations and gather fuel, not to play nurse maid to you. I do not care that you have looked after me, that is your role. I am too great to tend to you, it is beneath me. I am concerned that my lack of caring and attentiveness has proven the last straw however and my false contrition is purely designed to stop you leaving me.
6. I am sorry I am not a better person.
I am better, way better than you and everyone else, but I know you are fixated with the idea of making me better, changing me and healing me, so I say this to make you feel sorry for me and to hint at the fact that I want to change and become someone better. I am never going to change but I do love to keep you hanging on thinking that I will as this stops you leaving me and deserting me when I need my fuel. I will keep mentioning this so you stick around until such time as I have lined up someone else and I have drained you, then you disappear for all I care. In the meanwhile I will continue to insinuate that I am capable of change and improvement so that you do not go anywhere else. I need my fuel after all.
7. I am sorry for myself.
At least this one is true. I feel very sorry for myself and with good reason. I am just trying to get through life and deal with the jealous people, the envious people and the horrible people who are trying to hurt me. I know there are hundreds of them and I have done nothing to them, yet they insist on trying to hurt me. It is a terrible burden to carry, knowing that there are so many people out there against you, especially when you are as a wonderful and as brilliant as I am. I need your pity, your sympathy and your empathy. Give it to me. It is all fuel. I do not deserve to be treated like this do I? I am human too you know.
17 thoughts on “7 Sorrows”
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Stephanie
You didnt think it had anything to do with him witnessing you having a good time on Wednesday? And when you got the screen shots from all of the people feeding off of this toxicity why would you have to act on it and call your boss endangering your job? He has family Im sure and other friends that could attend to that. Again, these are questions to ask yourself so that you can resist being sucked into his (or anyone elses) drama in future. To see what motivates you, which of his manipulations still work on you, and to see where you need to strengthen yourself. You said you were talked out of going to his house by your friend so you were initially interested in doing so. What did you think you could effect by doing that? What did your friend say that prevented you from doing so. These are all things to consider to help you moving forward. I do give you a pat on the back for recognizing the addiction to drama for what it is and taking a step back to examine it so that the heightened emotion of that night was short lived. I am also glad to hear you are in a better place than 2yrs ago. Heres to zero impact in the future. I truly hope you can acheive that.
Again, the questions are for self reflection and to build your defences. You need not answer to me or anyone else. Thats the goal as I see it.
This list triggered painful thoughts and served to reinforce why I must never, never visit Narcland again.
I really need to proof read what I post. I hate auto correct. Sorry for the grammatical errors.
Well HG I really screwed up. While I did get through having to sit at a table with him unscathed and emotionless , tie aftermath was awful. He must have been enraged that I had a great time at the dinner and acted like he didn’t exist because he left abruptly and took one of our friends with him. He went to the restaurant down the street with him, posted it live on Facebook while at our original spot he gave the host the cold shoulder. He proceeded to say horrendous things about me to Mark the friend that left with him. This was on Wed. By Saturday night he posted a fake suicide attempt while I was at work. I had at least 5 people send me a screen shot of it. He kept another mutual friend of our’s on the phone while he played Russian roulette. I was busy at work and was horrified when I looked at my phone. I am blocked from his phone and vice Versa so I called him from the restaurant phone. No answer. I emailed him. Nothing. Everyone and their mom capped texted him and he only answered for the one person who he knows I oak still in contact with. I had to call my boss who is also my friend and the same woman who held the get together last Wed. As you can imagine this caused major problems as I am not even supposed to have my cell on the floor at work. She tried him and he didn’t answer for her too. I still may not have a job once her husband gets a hold of me. Madness and Mayhem he caused !!!! All that being said my friend Mariano takes me out of going to his house and I was fine the next day. He continues to lift me up and send me messages so that I keep no contact. Oh….Btw that Asshole is perfectly living and breathing as well. I think I may need another Skype session !! Lol
Stephanie
He did not cause the madness and mayhem. You did, when you fell for that pathetic ruse. Tell the truth- you loved the drama because it reinforced to you that he really did love you right? Dont answer me-just to yourself. Hes a narc-he wont kill himself because he loves himself too much. And if he did? Why would that be your concern when youve been told repeatedly by HG that he is not able to love, so you really couldnt have been the reason. If youre honest you know that you wanted the drama to prove that he loved you and to show others your love for him in being concerned and trying to save him. An epic love story. Not. Ask yourself why you had the cell on you when youre not supposed to and why so many people texted you screenshots. They all know and are addicted to the drama too. You set it up to wound him and wanted proof that he loved you. He doesnt. Now your job may be in jeopardy and hes laughing his balls off that youre still under his control. Please do have another session with HG. You need it.
I didn’t go to his house which was his true end game. I am good . It didn’t take me long to see the situation for what it was and never once at anytime ever did I think he did it cause loves me. That is a joke. I know he doesn’t.
And as far as my cell being on me . I always check my phone to see if my kids are ok about an hour before we close. We all do it because we all have kid’s. My daughter was sick and I wanted to be sure her dad picked her up. Where I fucked up was panicking when I saw those messages and calling my boss which I then had to tell her I was on my cell. The next day I left my cell home. As far as my caring if he hurt himself I have no problem saying that yes I do care and I do still love him. The fact that he does not move me and I love him has no bearing on me as a person. I love everyone. The next day was odd in that what ever anxiety I felt tat night was very short lived and nothing the next day. Now that is new for me. At dinner same thing. Nothing. Meaning zero emotion. Maybe I am still addicted to drama but I know when I see it happening and take a step back. No more paying attention to texts of that nature. Btw this entire dynamic is an addiction stronger than any drug. I am still a human being. Do I deserve a pat on the back for at least not going there. I think so. I am a million times better than 2 years ago. Thank you for your candid response. I welcome constructive criticism.
Lies lies lies yeah! Thompson Twins had that right. Make that your ex narcs ringtone.
Che drama infernale.
What an infernal drama.
Un giorno tutto sara’ nella luce.
One day everything will be in the light.
Vivro’ abbastanza a lungo per vedere..
I will live long enough to see…
#6 and #7 I have heard repeatedly.
#5 I will probably hear if I am ever hoovered.
I am sure his wife heard #4.
I never heard #1, #2 or #3 but I did hear a variation
“I am sorry for coming into your life the way that I did”
You may get empathy, here and there but trust is something else.
No actually, you are not human. You are just a simulation, missing all the vital components. The casing is right, but the operating system is all off. It’s been corrupted. And I don’t care anymore that you were abused and are broken now, your behavior only elicits disgust in me. You’re not worth my time or energy. I am too good for you. And I have no room for addicts in my life. Narc, be gone!
He is human and we cannot forget the horrible abuse he endured as a helpless child.
That’s what I told him before leaving,
“I am too good for you”, thank you for remembering me.
I’m going to print this out and lay it under the glass in the center of my desk. No.More.Narcissists.
When people say, “Here’s your sign…”. I just found mine. Boom! This is the depiction of pure evil.
My mother. Never wrong. Does not say sorry. It’s what she wants. All the same she will buy presents etc but I believe that’s what narcs do. A conversation with her on telephone was draining. Now I limit the time on the phone and if she starts spouting of, you guessed it I am suddenly busy and have to go. Now in control of my life.
Take it this the best course of action HG? She only texts me once a week now so the fuel has depleted from me so I gather she has to get it else where.
Thanks again. Very good information.
ha ha haa! My narc sister and bro are the perpetual vicitms, always spouting off #7. Always being hurt by xyz, always a victim. Lol. Always accusing someone of doing wrong to them, yet they stay be these people…they dont let these people go. Nope!