I Love You (And I Always Have)
This is a well-used phrase by our kind and is wheeled out with regularity during love-bombing. At face value and of course that is how you will take it because you are in the midst of a veritable whirlwind of compliments, flattery and passion, this seems a straight forward enough comment to make. However there is far more to it than meets the eye. Just as we operate from a different perspective to you, we also utilise language in a different way and one of the key ways of tackling our kind is to understand what we are REALLY saying when we use these delicious phrases and appealing comments.
So, what do my kind really mean when we say “I love you and I always have”?
My need to seduce you is considerable and therefore I will use language which will appeal to you and be so outlandish that it will blow you away. I do not actually love you. I do not love in the way that you do. I understand that the closest I come to it is infatuation. I am not in fact infatuated with you but more precisely with what you can do for me. My needs are paramount. Yours are largely irrelevant. I write irrelevant because I do take them into account during the seduction but after that they are thrown to one side, but that is something different and not the purpose of explaining what I mean when I say the above phrase to you.
I say I love you and mean I am infatuated with you. I am infatuated with three things that you will give me through my successful seduction of you.
- Fuel, the most important item;
- Useful traits which I can apply to my construct and parade as my own achievement, characteristics and accomplishments to make me appear even more attractive to you and other people (and thus get more fuel); and
- Residual benefits such as a roof over my head or getting you to pay for things.
I want those three things. I want the fuel most of all but the other two matter as well. To get those things I need to seduce you. To seduce you I need to say things like this, grand statements which will amaze you and sweep you off your feet. Why will it have this effect? Well, because you are a love devotee. As an empathic individual one of your traits is that you are a love devotee. This means you belief very much in the concept of love, how love is wonderful, how love can conquer all, how love crosses any boundary and love is amazing, splendid and the best thing in the world. I know you are a love devotee because I have studied you before I approached you. With this knowledge I know that making a statement like the one above will resonate with you considerably for the following reasons: –
- As a believer in love you want to hear that someone loves you;
- You want this love to be grand, sweeping and extraordinary. By explaining that I have always been in love with you, I achieve this. It is a statement which conjures up images in your mind’s eye of me waiting for years before I picked my moment to tell you, of me sitting with my love burning away and how you have never noticed. It appeals to you to think in such terms. It is romantic and glorious.
- I will have plausibility on my side. I may know you already as we may be friends or colleagues. I may be a neighbour. I may be your therapist even. If I do not know you in detail, we may know each other by sight and the occasional hello from attending the same gym or such like. You may not know me but I will generate (fabricate) a back story that I have watched you from the coffee shop every day as you walk past (once I have established that you do so) and I have been in love with you. This plausibility overcomes any natural hesitance you may have. The immensity of the love factor in this statement will overcome any slight scepticism you may have, that having been eroded already by the plausibility.
Saying this statement is a direct shot at your heart and is part of the harpoon strike that we engage in when we are seducing a victim.
It is not true however. We have chased plenty of people before you. We may have only set eyes on your two days ago and we do not love in the manner that you do. Everything about this statement is false, it serves our purpose to seduce you and to do so quickly.
To learn and understand more about what the narcissist really means when he says certain things to you, read DECIPHER : WHAT THE NARCISSIST REALLY MEANS
US https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G964SI8
UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01G964SI8
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Reblogged this on Perfectlyfadeddelusions.
The love- bombing it is so intense that irritates me overwhelmingly..
Makes me feel sick actually.. because it is all words …
HG why after 2 years of hell on earth
he is intensely love bombing so dramatically and insanely???
Its actually unreal.. ( of course)
but not even in the seducing stage would he do that..
Fuel of course.
HG
for fuel?
You mean he likes it then knowing that it makes me bewildered, confused , upset and ill??
And also trying to make me hope?
😜
Correct.
I’m Schizoid. I don’t love like others but I don’t need other people at all. I play a role, act a part, and I have trouble with empathy but I am bound by my morality. I don’t hurt people unless it’s by mistake. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have so much dependence on others. Fuel? I am my own source of fuel. I cannot love.
My Mid-Ranger told me that he started to feel different around the age of 12/13 (puberty). He said he had dissociation issues, and would, up until his mid thirties, be found passed out occasionally, in various locations. He also told me he’d been dumped by all his exes – which looking back, makes me think he’s a mongrel narcissist, and has some ‘victim’ in him too.
Being an empath, AND having a great fascination towards the so-called evil of this world, AND watching tons upon tons of serial killer documentaries and reading alot about the criminal psyche has not only fed my curiosity and broadened my outlook, but has also tainted my sense of purity. I always felt cheated by the fairytales I read and watched. That is not truth, nor is it something I should be using as measuring stick for my fulfillment.
We share similar interests SarahJane1977.
I wonder if HG is behind some of these I.Ds. You know, for schizophrenic triangulation purposes of the third kind. Or something.
Oh, hello Hg. May I say what a smashing shirt you have on
Partly, genetics too. I believe it’s a nurture and nature thing. Criminal psychology is an addictive topic.
We work with what nature has given to us, but certain series of events, when done in a certain order, can have more dramatic outcomes than others.
We all have the potential to be murderers, thieves, thugs – and in thinking so, I like to believe that we possess the means to reverse that process too.
Perhaps an early childhood trauma, where a close family member’s ‘position’ in life came to light that they would not always be there for them, and that people have the freedom to leave, or they can have accidents or die. Such findings could have a dramatic impact to a young naive child, if they thought their views had already been instilled. As a defense mechanism, it would be easier to to view others around them as ‘objects’ or ‘appliances’, to ensure they get what they need… which in exchange becomes a want. In doing so, their world expands, as opposed to shrinking, with the endless supply of fuel (needed in order to help them survive).
We all deserve a comfort zone.
Rosenkavalier?
J’adore!
I have only only been with Narcs so each time I fell in love with just an illusion and no one ever truly loved me.
abrokenwing,
That is exactly how I feel! All we got was an ass kickin’ (devaluation) and some ersatz love.
HG he messaged me to say he loved me but immediately I replied don’t ever say that again. I have no idea why I said that except that I have identified since that is have felt worthless in my life until now as things have changed dramatically. Do you think what I said could be for any other reason? How would my reply affected him? Also at one point when talking I said it’s infatuation and he said yes that is what it is (he a lesser) so he does not know really why I presume. I also called him a leech and a habitual liar, this through the so called love stage. Would this have caused wounding? One time I gave him a right talking to about unprotected sex and stds and he never looked at me, sat away from me and when went back to his car he was straight on his phone. I think I know why now, he needed fuel urgently. I did get a sorry out of him for not collecting his IPPS to come to this meeting up as I found out about her, he never told me. Can you help answer these please?
They love you so much… they never go away. Even after doing everything to try to destroy you.
HG, hi!
are your blogs mostly coming from the greater N unless you note otherwise?
Also, would a greater take on diff personalities and act in diff ways, one way at work, another with woman A, and then be the victim in another situation, then sometimes purely react?
So this is what I read following watching La La Land with my daughter tonight and balling during the ending dream montage of Mia’s. Oh yes, still a blazing Love Devotee right here.
I was weeping out loud at the cinema Clarece !
… but then even some of The John Lewis Christmas adverts made me cry.. 😉
I know I will tear up every time I watch it. What floored me was my daughter loved it and her perception was it was a very happy ending. Her take was Mia has a beautiful life that he guided her to have and stood back. She was content with that. Everyone’s perception is different.
Your daughter might be just too small to fully appreciate Ryan Gosling Clarece 😁
In the end, they both smiled at each other. It saddened me so much: that scene will never happen with a narc..
That… AND… how about the scene before she leaves for Paris? Mia tells him she will always love him and HE reciprocates and says it back to her. I started crying there too. I was thinking to myself, “right there is a form of closure she can keep close to her heart knowing he truly loved her no matter what”. How I wished and hung on for so long even thru Hoovers earlier this year from JN hoping for that exact face-to-face conversation. Nope, can’t have that with a Narc apparently because of the whole lack of bonding issue they have. Ugh!
Me too Clarece. It’s something I am not truly able to grasp, emotionally. Even now, after all of this material, analysis, understanding, something in me still hopes for loving words of closure. It amazes me: I am confident that I’m able to write a lengthy essay explaining why this closure could not be possible. And still there is hope. Which makes me wonder in confusion: maybe, paradoxically, we of all people are lacking in some EMOTIONAL component: we rationally understand why hearing true loving words of closure is impossible, but the understanding is not backed up, not rooted in an emotional understanding of the situation. Aren’t we like the Ns in this sense? I mean, their empathy and understanding of us, for instance is rational, they cannot emotionally bond or empathize. And we, the empaths can rationally understand their lack of emotion, but we cannot emotionally grasp it, we still fantasize and hope. They don’t feel (love, true connection) and we don’t feel (even if we understand) that this can apply to a person that loves them wholeheartedly. Am I making any sense here?
Narseeker, i like your explanation.
I do relate and understand a lot with what you said above. I go back and forth now with being able to logically settle with the understanding of it all but then have some days where the emotional side of me can still get bummed or raging mad about how it all went down. It’s part of the healing. Unfortunately, I just feel more numb in general now.
Clarece, i haven’t watched this movie you’re referring to, but the closure scene sounds nice. Just today, i was remembering how my ex and i used to cuddle for 3 hrs every time we met. We would just hold each other, rub noses (lol), i would bat my eyelashes against his cheek, he would put his leg around mine, play with my hair ever so gently etc. It would sometimes get sexual, but not usually. It was the closeness to him that i craved. Today, i texted him due to this memory. (Usually i don’t text him. I wait for him to text me, which he does regularly). I told him i missed the cuddling, and he said i can create an improvement towards a better future. I said “you were so gentle and sweet” and he replies “well it’s over now.” How i would have loved him to just tell me that he enjoyed the cuddling too, that he liked being close to me too. But that’s what you get for getting involved with a sociopath i guess. 😢
I thought i was close to being over him but a few commenters here triggered some memories for me. 😔
Again, your Narc and JN were very similar in their communication responses. Did you notice since you initiated the texting conversation, you got a very cold response to your sentimental memory? Almost as if to punish you for reaching out before he had you scheduled for your next “check-in”? That right there is bs. That Mr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde persona. For me, that would taint that memory. And JN tainted lots of what could have remained pleasant memories doing that same exact thing.
Thank you clarece. Your words are definitely starting to taint the memory for me now. But i’m borderline, so that can change anytime, but i hope not.
I shouldn’t have tainted the memory. Homeboy did the honors all on his own. Don’t be too eager to be all friendly and available when he checks-in via text next time on his timetable. He has basically set you on the friend shelf and doles out little friend kernels when he needs a hit.
Very true clarece, ” homeboy” (lol) tainted the memories for me. You just brought light to that fact. Because he’s a narc and doesn’t feel love or empathy, i tend to feel sorry for him rather than for myself though. Wish i could change that.
And believe me, when he texts me, i delay in my reply, not to be mean, but simply because i’m busy at the time. Sometimes i reply the next day. Busy with what? Busy with life, reading this blog, sharing comments with you lovely pple and HG lol. His text appears as a banner at the top of my phone, but i’ll just be too engaged with reading HG’s articles that i don’t bother to look at his text until hours or a day later lol.
Heyyyy Jenna! Guess who I just got a Happy Mother’s Day text from? Yup! I do realize he’s taking the temp. His last text was to leave him alone about a month ago. See, they control the timetable. So annoyed at the moment.
Why not blocked?
Because after the last “wounding” I doled out that prompted him telling me to leave him alone, I wanted to know if he went on the move again.
Indeed I do Clarece.
I know you go on the move, even if it’s 12 years later. Lol I wasn’t sure about him. But I know enough anything will have a malign angle at this point in time.
Exactly. They do what they want when THEY want. Leave him alone? That thought only applies for one day, like you stated in a previous post. In the past, my ex said we should not speak anymore. I replied “ok as you wish.” Three days later he texted me, forgetting about what he said. When i asked him about it, he replies “oh ya that was a bad idea.” 🙆
Are you going to reply to JN? As HG said, you’re a super tanker of fuel, so i’m sure he’ll be waiting for it!
Happy Mother’s Day from me as well! 😄
Thank you Jenna! I have lots of fun stuff planned with my daughter.
No need to release Super Tanker Fuel on this Hoover. Lol
You’re so right about remembering to add “for today” following their actions. I just found out his pack of ISU alums are hanging out in Chicago this weekend which includes my best friend’s son. Her and her dad (my boss) have liked and commented on social media pics which JN responded back. I’m sure it somehow triggered the 6th sphere.
Aha! There is your answer! Or you could have simply come into his sphere of influence because it’s “mother’s” day and you’re a “mother.” Correct me if i’m wrong, but it doesn’t seem to take much for JN to eventually reach out to you. I think he is projecting when he says “leave me alone.” He seems to be the one who’s unable to leave you alone!
Hope you are enjoying mother’s day!
H.G., have you watched LaLa Land?
No, it didn’t appeal to me. Have you seen it?
Yes, Smarty Pituty, I have. You’ve already moderated a few of my comments in this thread about it. Lol
I believe he is a key architect of LaLa Land (not the movie) 🙂
Very good, HG approves.
I also have a question regarding your use of the word “infatuation”. I know you said you do not feel emotions? But is your kind essentially “obsessed” with us while “infatuated” when you begin targeting/love bombing us? The reason I ask is because I had “you are obsessed with me and need to get over it” thrown at me repeatedly further down the line. And I know you said this is projection. Does that mean that you are really the obsessed one and just throwing it back at us? As a way of making it our fault?
No Gabrielle, I did not say we do not feel emotions, I explained we have a limited emotional repertoire. Yes, we are obsessed with you (or more accurately your fuel and other elements of the Prime Aims) during the infatuation.
Yep. I heard all of that. All of it!
A residual benefit indeed as I paid for nearly everything all the time.
He copied what I said. The stories I told. He would periodically make reference to things I said in future conversation and make them his own. I did not mind, I loved it and found it adorable.
He began copying expressions I used. Like I would say things like “I am ASS tired” (another way to saying “I am very tired”). He began talking like me. Adopting my mannerisms. And I did the same for him as well (well I am thinking now that was probably NOT him and was stuff he stole from others).
I will never know what was real. Or what was borrowed. Was he just a blank page with nothing on it? Surely something he said or something how he presented himself must have been true right?
The one thing he did not have in common with me was super heroes. Loved Batman and Superman and all of that. Loved to talk about it all the time. I listened and gave interest as it seemed to mean so much to him.
I guess I wonder if that was really true. If so it is probably the only memory I have that was not fake.
Oops. Meant to say thank you. I’m a proud empath. Are all comments moderated? Mine are.
Unraveling my chaos, HG. This one helped. A lot. As well as did “The Goodbye Letter.”
“God made you just for me and I have waited all my life for you”
how do i know this is really you
If you have money and a decent job, why do you want us to pay for things?
Because of our sense of entitlement and it signals a degree of control over you.
Thank you for the response, HG
You are welcome.
Lykke Li – Gunshot
What to do if the greater lives across the street from you and always surprises you by doing yard work you didn’t ask for? But you don’t have even a weed eater (I use a sling blade which entertains the whole neighborhood) so you are indebted to him all summer long. Should one run outside and beg him to stop or ignore it completely?
Sue him for trespass.
HG, do you really require number two and three, number one I understand, as fuel is essential to you. Surely, a worldly, sophisticated, educated, wealthy, charming and highly intelligent man such as yourself, does not need to acquire others personality traits, life experiences and a roof over your head. I can understand a lesser, possibly a mid range, but not a Greater elite, such as yourself. You are so skilled and able and shrewd.
Pam, even i cannot understand why some narcs would need #2 and #3. He says it’s to make him look better, but he already has so many desirable traits that you mentioned.
The desirable traits are a facade.
Sarahjane, the desirable traits are a facade if they are not real or made up. But in HG’s case, they are real, evident from his writing- his intelligence, articulate manner, artistry, creativity etc.
He’s clearly intelligent and a fantastic writer, yes – but they’re not desirable traits for all. Some women like beer drinking louts who set light to their farts. If HG was a complete arsehole during the love-bombing stage, he wouldn’t get very far would he? In comes the fakery to achieve what he wants (women wetter than an otter’s pocket and so forth). Certain traits can be learned by pretending, if done long enough.
Sarahjane, thank you for your comment. I just remembered a commenter (may have been indy or anna belle black but i could be wrong) posted something some time ago that made sense. The narcs DO have specific traits. They just need those traits to be validated frm outside sources, since they have no sense of self. So it’s not about having or not having the traits. It’s about believing in themselves, in their identity. But since they don’t know who they are (under developed sense of self arising from childhood), they need the outside validation.
Stop triangulating me with other empaths. It doesn’t make something ‘right’ just because someone else once said something similar. And I don’t appreciate your smarmy ‘thanks for your comment’ line – you make it sound like you’re HG’s P.A.
Silent treatment for you. If you haven’t replied within 3 days, expect a hoover.
Sarahjane, my intent was simply to thank you because your comment showed as a direct response to my comment. I did not mean it in any other way. Also, the theory proposed to me when we were discussing this a few months back helped me to understand a little better, though i still cannot completely grasp the concept. I did not want to take credit for it, because it was not my theory. Therefore i tried to reference, from memory, who had explained it to me in this manner. I certainly don’t like taking credit for other people’s thoughts/theories/rationale. And like you said, it doesn’t make it right just because somebody else said it. It just provided me with a different perspective to allow me to understand better, and i wanted to share that here, as the discussion was similar. However, anna belle black states that she was higher on the empath to narcissist spectrum, but chose to grasp empathy, so she speaks from personal experience. I thus find her comments to be valuable. Indy is a therapist, so i place much value on her comments as well. Triangulation was not my intent. Your last line was funny! Shall i expect no hoover now? Shucks, i was hoping for one 😉
Hope you have a great day!
Apology accepted.
Let’s play Mums and Dads, my eyeballs hurt.
Yes, Jenna, HG is overflowing with desirable traits. It is quite evident to all here and must be even more so to those in his private life.
But I thought the whole point was that he doesn’t know who he truly is (well, we don’t anyway)… the ‘creature’ has to be kept hidden, because that is the normalcy that they can’t bare to face – they are face value ‘better’ than we are. He is an amalgam of all his sources – he had to look outside of himself to feel gratification.
Thank you Sarah Jane 1977, a very applicable explanation.
Pamela
that it is a very good obsarvation .
Is like the narcs i know.
i am puzzled why he needs to control and needs “adoration” ..
Sounds to me more like a satanic trait,
Satan wants to control and be adored.
He is gathering fuel and power through control and adoration. That desire seems limitless to them.
HG, I believe I asked this question before but I’m unable to locate where I posted it (my WordPress is a bit hit and miss).
If I have I’d be grateful if you could point me to where it was I asked it or just answer it again 😊
So I’ve recently had a lot of interest from a friend I’ve known for a number of years. I’d always suspected he was an invert.
Just recently he was texting and emailing and calling me a lot. Incessantly in fact. Mainly talking about himself with a few compliments snuck in there.
He said that phrase, “I’ve always loved you from afar”.
With your advise as to how to rebuff an N without backlash appears to have worked and we’re still on friendly terms but he has significantly reduced his odd behaviour. So thank you.
My questikn is simply is it only an N who would utter such words ?
You are welcome and yes.
Thank you. Yes that became apparent. I forgot about this question. Shortly after and after I turned him down he decided to confide in me that he was an N. I find this quite unusual to be honest ? We are still ‘friends’ and I joke with him when he tries anything or says certain things and predict his behaviour which I find amusing and intriguing but odd nonetheless. Why would he want to confide in me ?