The Narcissistic Truths – No. 6
64 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 6”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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LisaB
That is a very good plan for success. Continue to come here yes, and read every article in his voice to remind you why you are on this path when he returns. It may hurt you to do so, but it will not hurt as much as giving into him will and Eventually you will be at zero impact. I hope for you continued success Lisa.
NarcAngel, I did leave.
Lisa
Good to hear. Glad you left before you lost your voice.
Thank you, NarcAngel. I gave him no warning. I have given him nothing but silence. He uses different phone numbers to call me, I don’t answer. He leaves voice mails, I hear the first words, I delete them. I block the number. First he was pleading. Then angry. Then furious and now has finally stopped. He can’t believe anyone would walk away from HIM. No one ever has before, especially with no warning and no explanation, and no pleading to take them back. I know he will try again. But I’m arming myself by reading reading reading HG’s books and posts, and the comments and insights of all of you who are fighting just like me. I’m aiming for zero impact, and I’m closer than I’ve ever been. Thanks for the encouragement.
I told the ex Narc he bitched, complained held grudges like a High School girl.
I would get a history lesson or a laundry list of everything I’ve ever done to him when we argued. He is still bringing up incidents from 20 years ago like they happened yesterday. It became too much for me, I left him after 26 years of marriage. I’ve never understood why he couldn’t just forgive and move on. He said he was the most forgiving man I would ever meet. He also said his anger was as applicable today as it was 20 years ago. I was a faithful, loving wife, but that didn’t matter.
How many times I have asked, or screamed, the same thing…”Why can’t you just forgive me?? What do you want me to do, bleed??” And he always claimed to be so forgiving as well. He kept a list in his twisted mind of everything I had done wrong (in his opinion) from 20 years ago onward, exactly like your ex, and said the same thing, “It’s still just like it happened yesterday!” What miserable people they are. Nothing we did or could have done would have mattered.
Lisa B
Thats not entirely true. Nothing you could have done about his way of being, but you could have accepted more for yourself and left.
A fabricated list of wrongs.
Pamela: Yes and no, to be fair I have to wonder if Narc injury doesn’t in fact merit some consideration? They are highly sensitive to criticism, although they sometimes believe they are being criticized when they are not. Who likes to be criticized? I am definitely guilty of being insensitive to my Narc, although my punishment didn’t always fit the crime..I wasn’t always an angel 🙂 no one is perfect #foodforthought
That is a good point, Shantily, as lesser and Mid range actually seem to believe and perceive themselves to be wronged by us. Even Greaters, as exhibited by HG. Most people, normal, empath and narcissist, do not like to be criticized, agreed. HG stated it is never their fault, we are always at fault. I know I have said things that I have regretted, not knowing of narcissistic injury and being shocked by such a volatile reaction in response.
My comment was more related to the long empty list in the image, the appearance of creating wrongs and placing blame elsewhere to gain fuel.
Pamela aha ok I see what you meant !! My apologies.. and yes they do make stuff up just to start drama!
I can hear myself screaming “what are you talking about ??!!! That’s such bullshit !!” Over and over ..Lol the endless defending yes yes sorry 😐
I must have been in the middle of a guilt attack when I responded to your comment. I was inadvertently, an insensitive ass towards him and sometimes it was on purpose. But he did make a lot of stuff up ! Absolutely.
xo
Your points made me think and understand differently. I appreciate hearing all persepctuves. At least now, through HG we know better and can remove some guilt we felt.
I got that repeatedly – a catalogue of my failings. When I retaliated with equal force to wound him intentionally, he got more cautious about the way he spoke with me, knowing that more wounding would await him otherwise. I was branded toxic and mean. Well, I prefer being a meanie to being a doormat, if those are the options I am given.
I know now that you should criticise narcs in an emotionless manner to get under their skin. And I have tried with the narcs I have dealt with since, but I just cannot do it!! The rage is written all over my face, impossible to deny, and it bursts out eventually.
HG, you said that narcs were not bothered by words, just delighted with an angry response, the negative emotions caused by them. But what about sarcasm in your words, scathing sarcasm that bares the narc’s weaknesses and wounds? I know it had an effect on my Mid-Ranger.
Sarcasm is fuel, albeit challenge fuel.
I see! Gosh, that’s not good enough! Need to work on my narc slaying skills 😀
HG,
Well, that clarifies things rather nicely.
I was told I was “toxic” as well. LOL.
Oh and “I have been nothing but amazing to you Gabrielle. Always there for you, counseling you, giving you advice, listening to you even despite all the moments you were utterly vile to me”
He liked to use the word “utterly” a lot.
When he said you were toxic, he was projecting his traits onto you. When he said he was amazing, he was mirroring you. Recognizing their tactics is half the battle. It’s not us, it’s them.
Well said, Freebird. He frequently said I was obsessed with him too. “Utterly obsessed”. Always with the word “utterly”. I was told by HG that this is all projection too. But in what regard? He was the one obsessed with me? And just spun it around on me? Or that he was just using that as a way to put me down. As in “you’re crazy because you are obsessed with me”? Oh my head hurts again. LOL. (frequent joke I make after typing out all this shit hahaha)
“Oh and “I have been nothing but amazing to you Gabrielle”.”
That made me laugh, gabbanzobean! Mine told me something very similar, and added: “you have a huge chip on your shoulder!” (anger issues). For sure!! Guess why, my darling narc! 😀
Ahhhhh “Darling”. Did yours actually use that word? Mine used it all the time. Darling and Dear! “Yes Darling Girl?” “What is it my darling?” “Yes my dear?” and so on. Oh and he called everyone “Kiddo” too. I am 5 1/2 years younger and he called me Kiddo!
Ahhhh typo I meant he is 5 1/2 years younger than me! I am OLDER. And he called me Kiddo!!!! LOL.
“Ahhhhh “Darling”. Did yours actually use that word? Mine used it all the time. Darling and Dear!”
No, I wrote that in jest 🙂 … I was never addressed in that way… I think I would have liked that… ‘darling’ or ‘dear’… sounds lovely… but only if it is truly meant… if not, it’s just another back-handed way to mock and belittle. ‘Darling girl’ certainly is belittling.
Most of the time it was either “darling girl “or “kiddo”. Ahhhh F me, lol.
What an idiot!! Makes me wonder why we bother at all with exemplars like that? At times, I am so angry with myself that I let it happen…
Oh and all of that was always said in the sweetest most polite tone of voice ever. He would say the meanest things but he would say it in the most polite tone of voice where all I would hear would be the polite tone of voice. And then the compliments would come at the end of it. ” but I love you. You’re important to me. I won’t leave you.” 🙄
Deliver your critism with no emotion.
Yes, exactly. No emotion. I like how Narcangel says it, “Resting bitch face.”
Roll of toilet paper 📝 would not be long enough..
Off topic (sorry for that), but as a newcomer to this blog, I would like to thank you HG for the double opportunity 1) to wise up, to become informed and thus empowered by the knowledge disseminated by a self-aware albeit self-declared-empathy void narcissist. 2) to be able to share my pain and receive wise words and importantly: empathy and care from your readers. Thus you are providing here both wisdom AND empathy. Thank you HG and thank you all!.
You are welcome.
Let’s not and say we did. Hahahaha. *drags self to naughty step*
Thanks, HG, for imparting all of this information about narcissistic behaviour. Until 4 days ago, I was not aware what this personality disorder really meant. In 4 days I have read probably half of your books available on amazon, listened to your interviews on youtube and read your replies to comments. I am now armed with valuable knowledge and thanks to you, I am very happy about it. It is now clear to me which person in my life is a narcissist. Your descriptions of how narcissistic events unfold match with my observations in others and are incredibly accurate. All this knowledge helped me see my own empathetic/narcissistic traits.
Three questions, please: What will you do when you wish to get married knowing that you are not able to love, and your wife will be prone to the most horrific/sadistic of treatments from you? Do you currently have a woman in your life which you regard as “the one”? How old are you?
I look forward to reading the rest of your written work! 🙂
Hello Sniglet, thank you for reading and I hope you continue to do so.
1. At this juncture I have no desire to be married.
2. No.
3. Old enough to know and young enough to do.
HG, I realized from the contest answers that you’ve been engaged twice. One being from your past marriage. Have you, or will you write any articles on what happened with the other fiance? By chance was it Karen?
In the Asylum of the Grotesque
I have a feeling this book will be the size of Margaret Mitchell’s “Gone With the Wind” by the time you’re through with it.
It has that potential Clarece but I am distilling it down to the essence of each one to exhibit the prime and salient points.
Well then, I think a future contest prize should be the unedited, non-watered down version of that book when it happens.
HG. You have been engaged twice? You little devil you. You know you are not meant to be married?! You had no intentions of ever getting married. You sly devil you.
Hahhaha you always crack me up you’re the best dear
I wanted to get a more meaty response to question 1. Hmm… What will do you when you want to get married knowing your sadistic nature?That will help me too….
So?!
I was a real answer HG. Nobody knows you on here so you could dig deeper and do the honors.
I have no plans to get married but if I did, it is not going to be something that is stopped by my sadistic nature. How are you looking for help in this regard?
one of those same questions and you’re give me those same answers.
I’m tired of typing so I am speaking my text. Apparently my last speech-to-text did not take accurately. I am sorry. I have not even remember what I said though it was quite brilliant I assure you. But I just wanted to say that I asked many of those same questions of you. How old you were if you were married blah blah blah. At that time I figured you to be an old stodgy Englishman. Slightly overweight yet in reading the blog though we have no real way to tell I have changed my perspective of you to be a more Charming handsome blond fellow of about 6-1 in height. And most Charming. How about that? You handsome devil you.
Oops! My previous comment was intended for a different post. 😳 Has been added to the proper one. Sorry HG
That’s hilarious! I sat through many of those talks, all the while thinking “God he’s hot!” and trying to look as if I was seriously focusing. I really really liked this man — a lot, but the theatrics were just over the top. Don’t miss that at all.
What plug-in do you use to schedule your Word Press posts?
I don’t SW, why do you ask?
you actually publish posts in the middle of the night/painfully early UK time? I figured you had scheduled them so you could sleep.
I do. I do not sleep much.
Apparently not Mr. Tudor!
I’m sure you are already aware, but there are tools that will pre-schedule your posts on all of your social media accounts if you have them ready ahead of time. Would free up more of your time to secure supply channels 😉
Indeed there are and that is how the posts are scheduled on here, FB, Twitter and YouTube, but not the comments.
but you said you didn’t schedule your WordPress posts. It makes sense that you can’t schedule comments. I’m sure I must have misunderstood you and that you are right though (she said like a good empath while not igniting any fury….) 🙂
I thought you referred to comments. I schedule most of the posts, not all. I do not of course schedule the comments and address them at repeated occasions.
Omg. Hg . I have to say I still just feel so bad that you narcissists do not appreciate a good night’s sleep. I remember one time when I was sleeping and my now ex narc husband came in about midnight and woke me up and said and I needed to help him plant tulips in the front yard. So of course I went because at that time I was trained to do what he wanted me to do regardless of any intelligent counter thought or rationale. And so I held the flashlight for him at midnight so he could Garden in our front yard. But honestly oh my gosh-the years of sleep that I missed with him. I am still catching up to this day. But I do feel so bad for you. You really seem like a lovely chap. Though i know that you are just an effective unit. I cannot help myself. I just feel so bad for you. I know you don’t want me to because you think you are superior but I don’t know. Everybody needs to sleep.
But I do. Once I am asleep that is me asleep until it is time to rise. I do not need a lot of sleep but I sleep the sleep of the righteous of course.
Me 2. Now that I’m away from him. 🙂
The one I was with hardly ever slept (so he told me). Says he would sleep for a few hours at a clip, cat napping basically. He also told me he needed to drug himself to sleep longer than a few hours at a time. Does your kind always sleep so soundly or does it depend on the type of narcissist you are? I wonder if he said that stuff for pity, about his sleeping habits that is.
@findinglife … I can’t stop laughing reading your tulip story. Amazing how blinded we become and how we rationalize the most grotesque behavior without blinking.
Total deviation normalisation on our part.
For me, I think all of them applied. Once I picked myself up and dusted his evil off, number 5 was my weapon and I’ve been told by subsequent victims that he’s actually afraid of me because of what I’ve done to him. He’s a laughingstock of many of his previous minions.
I like your little quick and clever narcissist truths….