In The Middle
I had a consultation with Dr O. She looked as clean and inviting as ever. I am sat across the room from her but the scent of cleanliness is discernible. I bet if I tasted her she would taste clean. Her clothes are immaculate, her hair shiny and held in a ponytail and I can see her nails are clear yet manicured. The quality of her skin reminds me of someone I knew long ago. I imagine she attends to a vigorous regime of diet, exercise and skin care to ensure that her healthy, soft looking skin remains so inviting for me. Dr O was engaged in discussing my behaviour.
“What do you think of this statement?” she began, “Your behaviour is repetitive. You draw people to you, you hurt them and then you cast them aside only to draw them in again.”
I waited as I considered this comment.
“Before I answer, I would like to add a caveat,” I remarked.
“Perhaps you could answer it without the caveat. It will keep it simpler.”
“But it is important you understand the context of my response.”
“How about you answer the question first and then you can add your caveat?” she offered.
I reflected on this. It would undoubtedly please her if I did this. By pleasing her she will feel drawn to me.
“Fair enough. That statement is accurate, although,” I answered.
She held up her hand. I would usually plough on, after all, who on earth is entitled to stop me when I am talking? I still felt that by indulging her, it would benefit me.
“Thank you. How do you feel about this statement? You are stuck in this behaviour.”
She had followed-up with a further question, when she said to me that she would allow me to add a caveat. She misled me. I did as she agreed and now she has reneged on that arrangement. I was not pleased. I could feel the anger rising inside. I knew why she had done this. She wanted me to feel small. This is what they all did, just like her. They try to make me feel small and helpless and useless and pathetic and contemptible. I could feel my grip on the situation loosening. There was a sensation of falling as I tried to reach out and grasp my surroundings, but they shifted and moved, spilling through my hands. I could sense the yawning chasm waiting to engulf me, that place of those lost emotions which I fight on a daily basis. They were rising up to haul me into the chasm. They wanted to surround me and consume me. I can hear her voice drifting up from below, echoing and distant yet somehow clear. That ghostly voice from long ago that lurks in the chasm and becomes unleashed when moments like this happen. I can hear the words, the scolding, the criticising, the demeaning words spilling from that cruel gash of a mouth. Please stop it. Please,please,please.
“Yes, I feel stuck. I am stuck with her,” I suddenly said, the words coming out in a forced and breathless manner. Was Dr O in the room any longer? I could not be sure, she seemed to have become blurred as if she had melted into the surroundings.
“I am stuck listening to the unfair and unjust criticisms of everything that I do. I try and move forward, I try each and every day, by trying to extinguish her accusing voice, by finding those who will praise me so that their words will stop her from bringing me down. I have to surround myself with those who can help me diminish and then extinguish her, they are necessary in order to help me survive. I turn to others so that their voices will drown hers out, the kind words, the adoration. I have to have it in order to stop her. Even the screaming and the tear-filled sobbing and the shouting, that is preferable to hearing that woman and her acidic tongue. Sometimes it works for a time, her voice is lost amongst the cacophony of others but she always comes back. Why? What did I do to deserve this? I cannot get rid of her. Even when I think, this time she has been silenced, she somehow surfaces. I cannot stand it. Why do you do this to me? I never did anything to you did I? I just wanted you to tell me what I had done was good, that I got your approval, but you never would would you? I didn’t hurt you, I tried my hardest for you, but you always said I could do better, I could improve, I could go higher. I just wanted to please you, was that so bad? Tell me what I have to do, please? I just want it to stop, I want to be good, I always told you that, but you said I was bad for not doing what you wanted, but I did do what you wanted, you always changed it just as I seemed to be getting closer. Please, I want you to go now and stop hurting me, why are you still doing it, have you not had enough? Stop, please stop, I want you to stop, I want it to stop, I don’t want it anymore, I don’t want to be stuck anymore, I don’t want to be stuck in the middle of this any more, I don’t want to be stuck…in the…middle….with…you.”
I can no longer breathe and my words cannot surface any longer. My chest is tight and the air, the air is being stolen from my lungs now, the floor is moving and shifting. I can hear something but cannot make out what is being said, it is like a roaring. My hands are raking the air as if fighting off unseen attackers but they seem to move so slowly. Dr O comes into brief focus as she is moving across the room towards me. I am falling and the floor is coming up to greet me as the darkness takes me. The all encompassing darkness engulfs me as I hear,
“You’ve let me down again.”
Then there is nothing.
353 thoughts on “In The Middle”
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Beautifully written HG! Now I finally understand! My Narc left me with voices too, his. They are now almost completely silenced. Again, thanks to you!
Thank you.
HG
You have a gift with your writing. I remember reading on another post you would like to write full time. I hope you can do that. Your writing inspired me to start reading again so I thank you for that. Fuel was the first book I have read in a long while. I am not brown nosing you either.
When I read this post it made myself (as the reader) feel like I was disassociating with you. It is terrifying to experience disassociation especially when the triggers are a result of MatriNarc’s negligence as a mother. The way she acted with you should never have happened. You were a product of narcissistic abuse and now you continue the cycle.
You are a Greater. You have a brilliant mind and I believe you can now choose where you go from here. You have the intelligence to choose differently for yourself. Yes, Little HG grew up not feeling loved, validated or approved of. Little HG is still inside of you and still wants to be loved. YOU have the power now to love yourself HG. You have the power to self-validate yourself. You have the power to reach deep inside and love Little HG and tell him it is going to be okay. It will be very difficult to do this but with your intelligence and with the help of the good doctors, I believe you can do it! Look at what you have accomplished in this world. Can you even imagine what you could accomplish when you are not governed by the insatiable need for fuel? I can and I don’t even know you in person.
It is excruciating to not have your mother love and approve of you. I understand as I have never felt my mother’s love and approval. Although I do not have a creature residing in me, I do feel the deep, dark emptiness that is there. I chronically feel empty which I believe is a direct result of my childhood. Through Dialectal Behavioural Therapy, I have started the inevitable task of looking into myself and making long-lasting changes. It terrifies me to remember all of my childhood but it is necessary so I am able to heal. HG, you and I have something in common. We both have personality disorders. I believe we can both heal IF we do the work.
Sorry for the novel. I know you do not like hugs which I can respect however I would still love to hold Little HG in my arms and give him the love he clearly deserves. I would also love to give the adult HG a hug but possibly from a distance.
Thank you for your kind comments.
HG
You are welcome.
Apparently I need to proof read better. I wish Word Press had an edit button.
HG
I still want to know what your caveat was had you been able to air it.
Was it just to be another diversionary tactic or did you earnestly want to add something to clarify for her?
Also, stuck in the middle with her. If you are in the middle, who is on either side?
It was a genuine caveat.
Another person who you will learn about in due course.
If / when your Grand Design concerning MatriNarc comes to fruition, Will that be something you can share here?
When.
Yes.
Hello everyone,
My bell on WordPress.com (not on narcsite.com) is displaying new notifications (comments) again. I activated the WP account once again using the link WP emailed me when I first registered an account.
Subject: Activate [UserName]
“Welcome to WordPress.com. Please click the button below to confirm your email address and activate your account.”
“Confirm Now” (link) –> Click this link to activate your account once again.
I see the issue is not resolved, no worries, HG. I check replies in WP app anyways. I thought maybe notification bell would be restored. As long as all else is working well, carry on.
HG. What are your thought on the recent Uk election?
Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
Well said, HG. Of course.
HG or anyone else who can answer this,
How is it that some who experience trauma goes on to have a somewhat normal but a productive life?
I have seen how I have evolved as I mature. I, like most on here, have expirenced hell in their childhood. Let me list the ways………………..
Why does someone like HG becomes the dark heart and someone like me becomes one who has some color in my heart. (I am using Heart as a metaphor for emotions)
I can pinpoint times in my life where I made choices to evolve. Is it HG does not have this ability?
There are times I am cold and those around me know when to just let me be.
There was this one day I made a CHOICE to like me. Then there was this one day I made a CHOICE to work at always waking up on the right side of the bed.
I understand this is hearing my family and friends talk about how I have “mellowed out”. It was talked about this week on my vacation as we sat around the table with our shipmates who are doctors and in the mental health field and one working on her PHD.
Everyday I understand more why my Therapist does not want me to engage with HG. She knows I can step back to the abyss and soar along the chasm walls. I understand now what Dr. R. meant when he said “You have the ability to make it an inferno and you also can put it out as fast as you started the flames.” or my family stating “you are not hurt, your heart is not broken, you are just pissed you did not win.” Scott (Dr. R.) told me this would stop when I made the choice to make it stop.
I understand when HG says it suits him to not have the emotions as it is a burden. For me I think I do want the burden, but it is limited.
The mind is such a powerful machine of mother nature. I made a choice to try to harness mine.
From fear of the ocean my entire life to being able to snorkeled with white and black tip sharks in the open ocean. Amazing experience for me. It has taken nearly 16 years to get to this place. The ability to be able to overcome roadblocks, it all starts with the choice of wanting it bad enough.
Are you on a self-hosted WordPress site now (WordPress.org), HG?
Some feedback about the Like Buttons:
I can see that your articles have two different “Like Buttons”: the old one (white background) and the new one with a black background.
The comments have the new Like Button. It does not show who liked the comments and it does not send any notifications to my notifications panel on WP.com. I do not receive any emails either.
About the notification icon and panel missing on your website:
The notification icon (bell) appears when I log in to the WP website only but it has not been *integrated* into your own website narcsite.com yet. After the migration, old comments and likes are gone.
Is it possible that the “Happiness Engineers” at WP *integrate* a notification feature (an icon like a bell or something else to open a notification panel showing comments and likes) into your website “narcsite.com”? Of course, only as long as the new plug-in does not compromise your website security.
I like all your other additions and improvements to your website very much, especially the possibility to translate your articles into other languages and the buttons to buy your consultations.
Hello EB,
No, I remain on .com
Thank you for your observations. I understand your point about the notification bell not being integrated. It appears that the migration meant that the likes etc in your old notification bar vanished although of course the comments and likes remain on the blog.
I am pleased you like the changes.
I have activated today a plug-in (after consulting with WP) which should mean that e-mail notifications when someone comments on your comment, start again. This will also allow you to click on a click to reply yourself. It would be helpful if you could confirm that this is working.
Hello HG,
Thank you so much for activating the email notification plug-in. It works!!
I received an email with your reply and I will use the “Reply” link to send you this comment.
Yes, I can see that all comments remain on your blog, too!
New Comments and Likes on the notification panel (bell) still do not show in the WordPress app for desktop (*) installed on my PC or at the WordPress.com website. The bell does not seem to work yet.
My browser is supported by WP (IE v.11).
(*) https://apps.wordpress.com/d/windows/
My settings:
“Notification Settings – Comments” – All four boxes are selected.
Likes on comments (bell and email)
Replies on comments (bell and email)
The only disadvantage of not having the bell working is that it will take longer to acknowledge and respond to comments from you and other readers because I have to open and read all the emails I receive first.
Thank you once again for your help, HG.
*Site* typo.
Plus takes ages to accept the post on submit.
🐌
Hi all…
I access the blog on a mobile phone.
The sire format changed and I havnt been able to view comments in full.
Loading slow or halfway. Plus comments box is different format and really tiny. Ive turned off javascript and finally all will load up..although comments box still tiny and no like buttons with java off.
Also to add shortcut to home screen the icon of the heart has vanished and it is showing a white empty box instead. 😕
P.s . HG . If you respond I have no way of seeing it 🙁
We won’t get the email notifications anymore for direct responses? Remind me again why WP thinks this is better and safer? It’s going to cause disconnect if there can’t be any conversation flow. 😡
No, the bell has gone as explained previously.
I understood that part of the change with the bell. To clarify, I meant the option to select email notifications of any comment on an article regardless of who the reader was replying to (you or someone else) . Through the email link, you were always given a direct option to reply that way too. Since the change, I have to keep going back into your article in WordPress to see if comments have been added rather than them popping automatically in my email. For example, on POTUS that you had 400 comments over a 3 week period, it’s so much simpler when newer comments come to you rather than having to scroll back through many articles and recollect ones you may want to check for updates.
You replied to me on a comment yesterday from an article in August 2015. For the first time, I did not get an email notification you did that to trigger me to check. I had to do that on my own this morning and realized you did. I could have missed your answer.
I understand. That is indeed unwieldy. FM1T has stated she receives e-mail notifications. I wonder if it is a necessity to register again, the recent migration having caused a disconnect in the e-mail arrangement. Should not happen in my view and I have made my views plainly to WP. Let me know if the problem persists or if you have been able to overcome it.
I did everything over again! Signed up on HGs site. Registered again on wp. If it was there for me to redo, I did!! Hope this works for you!! 😘
Reminds me of Pawlow ….
Seriously, when I am interested in a dialogue, I just come back …
As do I Ava. But it gets cumbersome remembering every article that I am keeping track of comments and then having to scroll through weeks worth of articles when there had been a very user friendly feature of having everything new immediately bounced to my email. That was my point. But thanks for sharing.
FM1T has explained her e-mail notifications work.
Hi MLA .. 🙂
I think you still can get email responses? tbh I’ve kinda given up for now until I find some more time to look at the changes .
Pamela mentioned that you can see all responses if you log into your WP account as I have with yours . Means having two tabs open at the same time ( I think ) Fine if you know what’s happening but new users? as I say I’m unclear .. though I have to say it’s a pain if that’s they way it has to be from now on .
Hope you’re keeping well lovely .
NNS x
Clarece I’m getting my email responses again. Maybe you should log into everything again? That’s what I did.
Hi NSS! You are so thoughtful. Hope your summer is starting off well. I’m in between costume changes for my daughter’s dance rehearsal and her yearly recital is tonight. She’s in 6 numbers. Always a favorite, happy day for us!
Hi MLA.
How was last night ? I really hope you & your daughter had am amazing time )
Summer here in the UK is unpredictable especially where I live . Rain/sun/sun/rain .. no guarantees . I wish I could tell you where I live but I can’t . I’m sure you would love it X
Hi NSS and MLA,
I miss the old message notifications too:( NSS, you summer sounds like ours right now in GA. Rain has been frequent lately here, though today is lovely! MLA, your daughter is a dancer!! How cool! I hope your evenings went splendid!
Just heard sun “thunder”, always love a weird storm 😉
Indy ! Hi 🙂
Happy to hear from you my lovely my ” virtual ” Friend 🙂
Our weather has picked up a a bit , not exactly the Bahamas but when the suns out not bad . Happy to say .
I love to kick my shoes off if it’s hot & raining and dance . If I get soaked all the better 🙂
Where is GA ? Indy ?
So sorry I didn’t reply earlier . x
Hi NSS,
Warm summer rains, with thunder and lightening! I love to keep the windows open to listen….and to listen for Tornado sirens (LOL).
The state of Georgia (GA), in the US. It is located on the south-eastern coast of the US, just north of Florida. I am land logged though, as I live in Atlanta.
Where are you located? England, right? I think I recall talking about gardens.
Wishing you well and a lovely summer 🙂
Indy
Hi Indy,
So sorry for the late reply .
Yes I’m in England & summers finally arrived in the last few days !! 🙂
In saying that ” summer”here is very unpredictable, we don’t get weeks & weeks of wall to wall sunshine,in fact if we can get a few days of a couple of weeks without cloud its a bonus. 🙂
I love the summer rain & it looks like there’s some on it’s way tomorrow.. nothing better than standing outside in it & getting completely soaked .
I’ll be happy to swap my garden for your bedroom window & the tornado siren lol . Wow.. it sounds incredible.. !
Thanks for your lovely wishes, you too Indy .
Not So Sad.xx
Hi NSS! Our weekend was chaotic and so fun rolled into one! Hope your weekend was nice and relaxing!
I’m located in the Midwest a couple of hours from Chicago. Getting hit with a heat wave in the 90’s all week long. That’s bearable if you live by a beach, not so much surrounded by corn and soybean fields. Meh!
Hi MLA.
Sorry for the late reply .
You getting hit by a heatwave. wow. The closest we get is when the jet stream moves to the North of the UK .. ( Not that often) .. At the moment where I live we’ve had just four days of hot sun with rain forecast ( again lol) Go to the beach MLA ! It’s gotta be done xx
🙂
xx NNS xx
A beach requires a major driving trip when you’re stuck in the Prairie lands… lol
Yeah, I complained to our gracious Host, and he said to get use to it, lol… haha
HG .I tried to tell you yesterday somethings wrong 🙂
My WP bell and notifications remain intact, not compromised. It was only directly on HGs blog where I couldn’t like comments. I see now on the blog that there is another like option. Yes, sometimes technical changes are not for the Greater good of all, but just for the good of one Greater. Just kidding HG. As you fixed it for us all.
Great news on increasing blog stats and new followers HG
Mine are definitely not fixed . Pam . No worries though . x
HI , Not So Sad
If you log into WP you can still see comments and likes and can visit blog through there. Mind, once in blog reading and replying, the notifications are still not visible. You need to return to WP to get them. A bit of a hassle, but can still view your likes and comments made to your blog comments by other followers. Not sure if that is helpful.
I’m logged in to ” WP now . 🙂 I appreciate your reply . Thanks Pamela 🙂
If we like something now, will it end up on facebook? That’s not preferable.
No, only if you choose to share it, otherwise it just appears as like here.
No Wendy . It won’t thankfully . Not on the site .
I’m honestly not keen on the changes, but HGs site & his rules . Hope this helps you .
NNS x
In fairness NSS, it is was comes with the relevant platform which is as a consequence of the need to move to such a platform because of the other benefits conferred.
Hi SW . 🙂
No I don’t think so, you can still ” Like a post, then choose to share .
Sorry for the late reply .
NNS x
Hi Pamela,
Can you see who liked your comment?
Hi, abrokenwing,
I am on WP now and it showed your comment to me and Not so sad comment, but it doesn’t show any likes on my Reader since two days ago now and when I look here in blog, because HGs like button system is a plug in, I cannot see who has liked my comments here or on WP.
I’m going to have to comment with the thumbs up emoji now when I like people’s comments so they know it’s me. Lol 👍
Yeah , that’s what I was doing at the beginning before I opened WP account. 👍
( or 👎 for ED )
👍🏼
Great idea mla! 👍🏼
👍😜
🤜🏼🤛🏼
Sounds an excellent idea, MLA Clarece.
Thank you Pamela. I thought it was something on my end and was going to make it right as those little things annoying me and distracting from what’s most important here.
I haven’t been online for several days, hope things have sorted themselves better now in the blog with comments and likes.
Ms Brown ,
a bit unfair on Mr.Tudor’s fingers tho ! Imagine all those emojis in the moderation..
😆😁😄😃🤣😂😅😝😋😚😘😍🙂👍💅🏻😜
👍🏼Ha ha, well serves him right, i dare say 😬
Hi Pamela,
“My WP bell and notifications remain intact, not compromised.”
Do you mean you have the notification feature on narcsite.com? Or do you mean on WordPress.com?
I have opened narcsite.com with 4 different browsers and devices (computers, phone, tablet) and I cannot see it. It is a plug-in and it does not seem to be installed on this website.
For anyone having issues, I recommend downloading the WP app on your phone or tablet. Then your bell will be back and ready to be rung 😀
In regards to being alerted of new comments, check the box “Notify me of new comments via email”
It is directly under your comment box when on the website. It will email you to Confirm via email. Do so, and life will be good again.
Hi Love! That is my hang up at the moment. I figured out how to still access bell notifications. The option to check the box for “notify via email or new comments” is gone. It’s not a Pavlov situation at all. I will just have to know keep a running track of the blogs I am commenting on it following conversations because they won’t automatically come to my email. My issue. Rant over. Lol
Clarece, Indy, All,
To get instant emails, try to subscribe through WP BUT THROUGH the browser (NOT through the app)
http://www.wordpress.com and log in
1.Go to reader tab (icon near W on top)
2.Bottom of the page your followed sites display. There should only be HG naturally. ( You’ve got no business following any other sites!!!)
3. To the right of “Knowing the Narcissist” click on the setting icon (looks like a little screw)
4. Check both options to get instant emails for new posts and new comments. Voilà.
5. You may get an email to confirm your subscription. Keep it in your inbox. There is a link option “manage your subscription” which will take you right back to that page if you want to make sure you’re still subscribed. It is handy. Especially when HG goes MIA and you wonder where are the comments… aka… WTF?!
Again for me I can only access it through WP.com on browser. Not through the app.
But I see the bell through the app and it displays a “W” in the left corner of my phone when someone has sent me a comment.
Does that help?
👍🏻👍🏻 Love!!
Responses from regular email is getting better. My WP bell is not consistent though when you check both boxes below you comment EACH time, you will get emails.
I may miss some conversations and responses to me ( I’m sorry if I have) so definitely title your messages to the recipient 😊
Hi Love,
Thank you for your help. I downloaded and installed a WP desktop app for Windows. The problem persists. For example, your reply to my comment does not appear in my WP notifications panel so I am replying to your comment using the email “Reply” link.
I do receive email notifications but I will have to read all emails to know who has answered.
*Sent from my Sinclair ZX Spectrum*
No EB no notication bell on the narc site, just on WP. I had the bell when I was spontaneously unsubscribed from site, then when I resubcribed it disappeared.
Sorry don’t know where to post this.Anyone out there having issues with word press?? A notification warning me of a virus popped on my screen and now , even though I can read comments and reply there is no longer a ” like” option. It says I am logged in🙁
Star
Yes I have been getting that scam virus warning, and only when Im on WordPress.
Every time I click on one of the posts for the past two weeks I’ve been getting the scam notice about a virus in my phone! All of my stuff is missing also.
I have had repeated conversations with the ‘Happiness Engineers’ at WordPress. This is the position.
1. Yesterday the site migrated to a different plan to allow greater flexibility in the provision of information, more space for media, greater security and for other reasons.
2. The migration resulted in some issues at my end mainly with statistical information as data migrated across. Those issues are now resolved.
3. People have explained they can no longer like a comment. WP have explained this feature is no longer available with the new plan. I don’t know why that is, but that’s why you cannot like the comments. You can say as such in a comment instead.
4. People have explained that the notification bell has disappeared. WP have explained that this feature is no longer available with the new plan. I do not know why that is but you can sign-up via e-mail to receive notifications when someone has responded to your comment etc. The bell remains on my toolbar however. Again, other than the fact that I am special, I do not know why the bell remains for me and not for you, but that is why it has gone.
5. Those who have stated “all their stuff has gone” or they have “lost their comments to reference and go back to”. This is little difficult as it is unclear what people actually mean because of course what you see is different from what I see. It is evident that this must be a consequence of the migration. I assume that since this “vanishing” the problem has not persisted? I know the comments remain on the blog for all to see.
6. With regard to those who have been getting the scam notice about a virus – a phishing ping back has been identified by the blog’s security and this has been removed. It is unclear if that is what was responsible. Repeated scans have found no other issues. WP have suggested this is likely to be a virus on your device as opposed to anything to do with the blogsite and recommend you take steps on your relevant device to get rid of it.
Thank you HG for clarifying. It is most appreciated.
You are welcome.
Yes! I cannot like any comments and I lost my notification bell that shows comments that were directly responded to. Plus I lost all those comments to reference and go back to. I thought HG said it is a glitch Word Press is working on, not a virus?!?!
I have had repeated conversations with the ‘Happiness Engineers’ at WordPress. This is the position.
1. Yesterday the site migrated to a different plan to allow greater flexibility in the provision of information, more space for media, greater security and for other reasons.
2. The migration resulted in some issues at my end mainly with statistical information as data migrated across. Those issues are now resolved.
3. People have explained they can no longer like a comment. WP have explained this feature is no longer available with the new plan. I don’t know why that is, but that’s why you cannot like the comments. You can say as such in a comment instead.
4. People have explained that the notification bell has disappeared. WP have explained that this feature is no longer available with the new plan. I do not know why that is but you can sign-up via e-mail to receive notifications when someone has responded to your comment etc. The bell remains on my toolbar however. Again, other than the fact that I am special, I do not know why the bell remains for me and not for you, but that is why it has gone.
5. Those who have stated “all their stuff has gone” or they have “lost their comments to reference and go back to”. This is little difficult as it is unclear what people actually mean because of course what you see is different from what I see. It is evident that this must be a consequence of the migration. I assume that since this “vanishing” the problem has not persisted? I know the comments remain on the blog for all to see.
6. With regard to those who have been getting the scam notice about a virus – a phishing ping back has been identified by the blog’s security and this has been removed. It is unclear if that is what was responsible. Repeated scans have found no other issues. WP have suggested this is likely to be a virus on your device as opposed to anything to do with the blogsite and recommend you take steps on your relevant device to get rid of it.
Hi HG!
Thank you for the detailed update on WP. To help clarify for you on what that vital little bell symbolized for all of us… there was this handy dandy bell icon on the top right of our screen upon opening up your website. For example, if you, or other readers commented on a post I made to one of your articles, an orange notification light appeared next to the bell. Then when you click on the bell, the list of notifications would appear in chronological order and by name of who responded to you.
So on a day where, like yesterday you are catching up on a few days worth of posts and my email is exploding with tons of comments posted, I would just go click immediately on your website to my “bell” to see what comments of mine, if any, you or anyone commented on so I could quickly write back. Now I will just have to sort through the emails and hopefully I don’t miss any.
But for instance, Jenna replied to a few comments that I was thinking about how to answer and we’ve gone back and forth on a few of your articles and now I don’t remember which ones to go back to and search for since my personal notification list is now wiped out. Aaarrrggghh.
It sounds like you had to spend substantial time with WP yesterday clearing all of this up and figuring out your side that was different as well as helping us figure out what’s different and why, so thank you for being so thorough and investing the time to get answers for all of us.
I just have to get this off my chest, direct to WP, a double fisted F-You (as Clarece flicks the bird to the screen) for making it that much more difficult to efficiently respond and post. The saying don’t fix what isn’t broken, again leads to a great system being tampered with all in the name of better security…blah, blah, blah. My co-worker and I say all the time, mediocrity is the status quo. All. The. Time.
Rant over.
Thanks again HG.
I also forwarded an email consult, as something came up this week. I want to make sure you got that.
Thanks for expanding Clarece, that makes sense. Yes I have a bell also which lights up when there is a comment or a like and similarly clicking on it, brings up the list of what the relevant notifications are – new post, like, comment, marriage proposal, fuel and so forth.
It is evident that the migration has caused the loss of liking comment (although I have found plug in to remedy that), the loss of the bell notifier and accordingly you lost all of your notifications – it was this last part I was not clear on, so thank you.
I have no idea why WP remove those items on migration to this particular package but they do. As ever, it was not my fault.
It was legitimately not your fault HG! lol
Actually a “like” button has just appeared and now gives the reader an option to share the comment on social media or email. That’s big. It could really spread your blog out more!!
That it wasn’t your fault made me laugh as well as the comment you made regarding being better than us bc you could see your bell even though we couldn’t. So typical.
oh…we have facebook “likes” instead… that would breach my anonymity to an extent I don’t care to go.
Thank you for enlightening us on the site changes HG.
I have also not been redirected in a few days so that must have gone with the virus warnings. Glad they cleaned that up!
No problem. You can like without sending it to FB.
I have had repeated conversations with the ‘Happiness Engineers’ at WordPress. This is the position.
1. Yesterday the site migrated to a different plan to allow greater flexibility in the provision of information, more space for media, greater security and for other reasons.
2. The migration resulted in some issues at my end mainly with statistical information as data migrated across. Those issues are now resolved.
3. People have explained they can no longer like a comment. WP have explained this feature is no longer available with the new plan. I don’t know why that is, but that’s why you cannot like the comments. You can say as such in a comment instead.
4. People have explained that the notification bell has disappeared. WP have explained that this feature is no longer available with the new plan. I do not know why that is but you can sign-up via e-mail to receive notifications when someone has responded to your comment etc. The bell remains on my toolbar however. Again, other than the fact that I am special, I do not know why the bell remains for me and not for you, but that is why it has gone.
5. Those who have stated “all their stuff has gone” or they have “lost their comments to reference and go back to”. This is little difficult as it is unclear what people actually mean because of course what you see is different from what I see. It is evident that this must be a consequence of the migration. I assume that since this “vanishing” the problem has not persisted? I know the comments remain on the blog for all to see.
6. With regard to those who have been getting the scam notice about a virus – a phishing ping back has been identified by the blog’s security and this has been removed. It is unclear if that is what was responsible. Repeated scans have found no other issues. WP have suggested this is likely to be a virus on your device as opposed to anything to do with the blogsite and recommend you take steps on your relevant device to get rid of it.
Thank you for explaining HG, I wondered why the changes had occurred with your blog specifically within WordPress. I also received a virus alert, when I checked this specific blog article, stating my battery may be comprised, I was able to avert any damage and returned unconcerned to your blog.
Wonderful news for your site with better security for your blog and access as well for other options. The not being able to like each others comments is a small concession, as it validated us readers, not you, HG.
We can still log in, read and reply to the blog, the old fashioned way by scrolling through them to read and find comments. I never received email notifications anyways of articles or comments. The most important thing is that the new blog platform works for you HG and your desired agenda.
HG, what feedback have you received from others outside of this blog on your WNAAD interview, have you noticed an influx of new followers?
Your standard of excellence is unparelled. Keep up the wonderful and informative work HG.
Thank you Pamela. There have been new arrivals – the statistics bear that out over the last few days – I have also received a lot of e-mails from people who were unknown to me expressing their thanks, huge interest and enlightenment following the interview.
Happiness engineers indeed…
HG
You are most certainly special darling, but I believe the bell has remained because it is largely believed that toolbars in your special classification deserve to have their bell rung repeatedly.
No bells for the little people.
Hope that clears the mystery.
NA
Lol. NarcAngel, my bell can still be rung 😉
Hello HG and everyone,
re: How to find the bell icon with notifications (replies and likes).
I am speaking about Internet Explorer 11 and Firefox.
It seems it is not possible (at least for us readers) to see the bell icon on narcsite.com anymore. We will find it on the first screen we see when we log into WordPress.com:
Open WordPress.com in your browser. Log in. The bell is on the upper right corner as usual.
The old comments and likes seem to be lost but it is possible to see the new ones.
Hope this helps.