Fuel : What Makes The Narcissist Function?
38 thoughts on “Fuel : What Makes The Narcissist Function?”
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Smitha
It’s so demonstrably untrue.
I’ve even kissed quite a few Narcissists and…..nope, still an empath with heart and mind wired for love and compassion.
HG Tudor is one of my favourite authors, I have read quite a few of his books and… nope, still an empath.
This book is evil. Stay away to save yourself.
This insight(way narcassist think) may turn you into one. If you already a narcassist but not aware of it, chances are you will soon be a sociopath/pyschopath or watsoever.
I am a victim of physical abuse(childhood), verbal abuse(through out life), emotional abuse(relations).
This book is like a virus which will corrupt you, spoil you if you are a good soul which is more damage to society .This book and this author need to be banned from publishing any books, but i dont know how to proceed and what steps to take. Anyone out there, who get my point, please take action(censor it , ban it or watsoever).
There are lot of stuff and books available to know about evil people. If you want wisdom , please refer them which are written by therapists and certified professionals. I done a big mistake reading it. Please save yourself. This society need good people , not evil to prevail.
I believe this book has potency to turn good people to bad , bad to more evil.
What utter rubbish.
Smitha,
you brought this to yourself. It’s better that you say something good, or you SHUT UP!
Plus, people never become narcissists or psychopaths because of reading a book.
Feul Book, By HG Tudor. Is the best book I have ever read about narcissists. I never ever read in any other place anything that describe the narcissist’s needs clearer than Fuel book.
I will tell you what I got out of reading fuel.
– There was a documentary that present a narcissistic criminal in a prison. The guardian of the prison noticed that this criminal enjoys talking to women. Whenever the police wanted information from him. They send him a woman. ( It was never explained in the documentary why this criminal was talking to women, they just said, “He enjoys talking to women”. Though he has killed many women in the past. I can reflect through my understanding to Fuel book that this criminal enjoyed receiving Fuel from these women. I would never know this if I didn’t read HG Tudor’s Book!)
– Another documentary, describe a psychopathic narcissist who enjoyed sex. The explanation for this in the documantry was “Because it makes him feel something!”. Through reading HG Tudor’s books I can understand that the narcissistic individual was getting Fuel out of his sexual activities.
Fuel book was the answer for a lot of confusing behaviors of narcissists in my life. In addition, it clarifies to me things that was not clarified in documentaries! Fuel book information is as valuable as any other professional health books. In my opinion, I highly regard it more than the books that is written by therapists.
If there is someone who must be banned from writing, then – unfortunately- it must be you Smitha !
This comment was some kind of shocking reaching the extreme of absurdity.
What it is implying sounds more like indoctrination of an ideology. However reading a book that thoroughly and solely explains how a process functions( namely the empath-narcissist dynamic) as the mentioned book does, is far from being an indoctrination of an ideology. There is a huge difference.
-Indoctrination implies the imposition of certain beliefs and values ( mainly through abuse of power and authority) causing people to act and think on the basis of a certain ideology. Something that the mentioned book does not do.
-This would imply a lack of critical judgement making a person susceptible to nonrational persuasion. Something that the mentioned book does not do. The mentioned book does not persuade to anything but is solely explanatory.
Moreover this book is a REAL wake up call to gain AWARENESS of the narcissist-empath dynamic and of the narcissistic society we are living in. To gain awareness of how and which narcissistic values are indoctrinated and injected in people’s minds through mass communication channels (not even consciously perceived by some ) namely mass media. We live nowadays in a narcissistic society where self-promotion and individuality seem to be essential. Leading consequently to more pronounced narcissistic traits but not even that turns a person to be a narcissist. Narcissistic traits are not the same as NPD. Either you are a narcissist/psychopath/sociopath etc ( with complete lack of emotional empathy) or not. You do not become a narcissist as much as a narcissist does not become an empath certainly not by reading a book where the empath-narcissistic dynamic is merely explained.
Dissecting this comment at its most simplistic level and the conclusions that it arrives to is akin saying that by merely admiring Rembrandt’s masterpieces will turn someone to be a….Rembrandt.
Boom!
SX-
“To gain awareness of how and which narcissistic values are indoctrinated and injected in people’s minds through mass communication channels (not even consciously perceived by some ) namely mass media. We live nowadays in a narcissistic society where self-promotion and individuality seem to be essential. Leading consequently to more pronounced narcissistic traits but not even that turns a person to be a narcissist. Narcissistic traits are not the same as NPD.”
This part perfectly explains something I’ve been terribly frustrated about but unable to fully express and was working up to in my thought process- the fact that non-NPD types are behaving more as narcissists. So that if you have a history of narcissistic abuse and are attempting to develop a healthy relationship with a more empathic sort who is acting narcissistic-ly due to influences, frustrations can be very difficult to deal with due to prior experiences.
Also great point about being explanatory rather than persuasive.
Just wanted to say it is a great comment.
SuperXena
I had somehow missed Smitha’s ridiculous and inaccurate comment until I saw your excellent analysis. I fear however that your response will be lost on Smitha due to their assertion that by reading it, they will have turned into a sociopath/psychopath, or alternatively, is out beheading chickens for tomorrows ritual. The rest of us who have read it and remain quite sane and enlightened by the books content thoroughly enjoyed your setting the record straight however, so all is not lost.
Have a wonderful holiday season SuperXena
NA
Superxena
Your response was perfect!!!
@Twilight
Thank you Twilight.
Sending you my warmest Season’s Greetings.
@NarcAngel
Ha,ha NarcAngel. I really like your sharp humorous comments. You really made me laugh with that one. Well, yes some of us have survived it with sanity(?)
I wonder how the rest feels… “You are what your mind dictates”.
Thank you NarcAngel.
I wish you as well a wonderful Christmas season !
Let’s keep reading!
@nunya biz
I have not received notifications from WordPress lately. So I answer here.
Thank you nunya biz. Exactly , trying to establish a healthy relationship with a person with more pronounced narcissistic traits can be distressful and somehow frustrating( even more if you have a history of narcissistic abuse).
On the one hand we are receiving the message by mass media that being “more narcissistic “,individualistic , extraordinary and self-promoted is essential but on the other hand ( in our hearts, at least those who have one) we want to be part of a community, we want to be supported when needed, we want a sense of belonging ,of bonding.This causes a sense of disconnection.
Being “extraordinary “ is not a necessary component to being loved. That is a very narcissistic value.
Season’s Greetings!
A book written by a therapist lacks one crucial element. What is that element ? Wait for it ….. PERSPECTIVE. What is clinically happening in a Narcissists mind and What he believes about his thoughts and behavior is vastly different from his perspective
This is demonstrably untrue and illogical
Smitha
I understand your revulsion at narcissism.
However if a good person is a good person they don’t turn evil just because they read a book.
Psychopathy itself has something to do with the brain there is a part of the brain that isn’t as large as in a normal person shall we say and it creates a psychopath.
I’m not a doctor by any means.
But I’ve read about that.
Only people with a propensity for evil regardless of psychopathy will act out in bad ways they will do this regardless of whatever is out there just because that’s who they are.
A truly good person has a backbone.
You don’t just go turning evil like it’s something you bought at the shop.
You buy a book and turn evil?
No Smitha.
It’s perfectly natural to feel like you want to run away from horrible things.
But this is an instance where you are shooting the messenger.
This whole thing is educational it is to teach and protect by gaining knowledge.
Let’s put it this way… Take any book.. the secrets to successful joinery… Does that turn everyone into a carpenter..
I know that sounds simplistic but let’s just be simple about it .
People are what they are good bad or indifferent… if a person has a propensity to do bad things they may get bad ideas from books and films etc but a book isn’t going to turn somebody into something that they are not.
Your comment sounded more like you are afraid and repulsed..
Of course you are and rightly so.
Try to think out-of-the-box on this and understand that the information here is a tool.. not a personality transplant manual.
I do not wish to sound patronising or unkind.
Smitha
I understand your revulsion at narcissism.
However if a good person is a good person they don’t turn evil just because they read a book.
Psychopathy itself has something to do with the brain there is a part of the brain that isn’t as large as in a normal person shall we say and it creates a psychopath.
I’m not a doctor by any means.
But I’ve read about that.
Only people with a propensity for evil regardless of psychopathy will act out in bad ways they will do this regardless of whatever is out there just because that’s who they are.
A truly good person has a backbone.
You don’t just go turning evil like it’s something you bought at the shop.
You buy a book and turn evil?
No Smitha.
It’s perfectly natural to feel like you want to run away from horrible things.
But this is an instance where you are shooting the messenger.
This whole thing is educational it is to teach and protect by gaining knowledge.
Let’s put it this way… Take any book.. the secrets to successful joinery… Does that turn everyone into a carpenter..
I know that sounds simplistic but let’s just be simple about it .
People are what they are good bad or indifferent… if a person has a propensity to do bad things they may get bad ideas from books and films etc but a book isn’t going to turn somebody into something that they are not.
Your comment sounded more like you are afraid and repulsed..
Of course you are and rightly so.
Try to think out-of-the-box on this and understand that the information here is a tool.. not a personality transplant manual.
I do not wish to sound patronising or unkind.
I was reading a review in the paper about a honeymoon survivor story titled Ruthless River and I think this quote is a fantastic example of thought fuel. “Facing death Holly comes to know she wants to have a baby. It’s one of the things that fuels their will to keep living.” It worked. They both survived their ordeal on the Rio Madre de Dios.
Ha. Are some of these comments in support of narcissistic tactics / abuse? I’m new here. Trying to catch on. So yes, on the topic, I wiped out on my bicycle once when I was in about grade 3 ….on a sharp corner, with lots of gravel. Didn’t know. Road rash. A block from my house. Hurt bad. Walked the bike home, crying, so much pain and blood on my bare skin, summer time……got home, found “Mom” for hopefuy comfort…crying my eyes out in pain. She promptly slapped me rigidly right across the face as hard as she could.
No real relevant place to put this, but thank you HG, for what you said about a Narc parent who didn’t discharge what they ought to have as a parent and therefore, there is no familial relationship … and thus, a child has no obligation to a parent despite the sense of obligation.
I have been struggling with this one as she ALWAYS guilt tripped my resentments for her failure as a nurturing, loving mother. Our problems were ALWAYS my fault and picked up on by my siblings.
I just don’t want to care anymore for her and what she did to all of us, her children. I couldn’t figure out how to phrase it without it echoing that resentment I was not entitled to according to her. So I liked the actual words you used.
I am just listening to your interview about when one tells a lesser it’s over. And it just hit me….
If a narc blocks you from communication in a fight.. is this almost as if he is Blocking you from leaving because he feels in control this way by doing so?! As an empath, my experience was to feel cut off and the message to me is that yes, it’s really over, but in your world, by blocking US, is this a way of conveying, “No, you do not leave on your terms, but mine.”
And is a reflection not actually of indifference but really, the depth of the wound by our fighting and how you feel threatened that we are leaving? Is it just a way to have a sense of control over who leaves?
If so, is this why I started to instinctively know that if I started new accounts, and never contacted him again, then I have actually taken away that control by saying, “I am still here, and no, I am no longer talking to YOU.” It really is over and here is proof of MY indifference? Its like taking away his sense of the upper hand?
He used those words, too once, to describe how I should be in relationships. “Be the one doing to, don’t be done to”. Think like a man. You mean a narc?
HG
This is an interesting take on the blocking. Do you think this is accurate ?
I find this interesting bevause I feel that I have gotten the fake profile requests because he wants me to come to him. I was thinking why bother with this nonsense when he could unblock me anytime he wants and then after reading this comment, I thought is it because if he unblocks me and I have either blocked him or block him right away he then lost control? This way he passively tests the water to get me to contact and he has not put any of his control at risk
Correct.
Thank you HG. You’re so moreish.
HG, when you fell over or had accidents as a child, did you cry?
How did your mother react if so?
Were you comforted?
“I do recall once catching my hand on the edge of the grill and instantly a sore red weal appeared. I presented myself to my nearby mother as I felt the tears forming in my eyes.
“No tears HG,” she announced firmly, “tears show fears, be fearless,” she instructed me as she cast a cursory glance over my injury and directed me to the cold water tap. Tears came from physical hurt but it was not to be for me.”
https://narcsite.com/2017/04/06/the-crying-game-part-one-2/
My mother did the same to me. I endured alot of pain silently because there was no compassion. I began to pride myself on how tough I was to endure pain and I had alot due to an injury. Pain and fear were not allowed. Once, later in life when i was doubled over in pain from a cyst, she said in her condescending arrogant voice, “I think you make much to much pain.”
Imagine how that played nicely into the hands of a narc once one is so numbed out from ever connecting to one’s own real experience pain?
“I can take this!” Bam! “No really, I am strong, no problem here.” Bam! and on and on.
When I look back on his first most twisted devalue, I felt the pain all through my body like a cold searing pain. I WANTED to slam my computer shut and never speak to him again. Then the voices started ringing “You are too sensitive, you take things too seriously, you take things too personally, you and your shit, this is not happening …” So I ignored my gut intuitive reaction and my mind clicked to phase 2… what can I do to fix that pain that I must have caused that I am too weak for having felt. Then the narc really picked up his puppet strings…..
But get this… when she would experience pain… everyone needed to offer sympathy and compassion and fawn all over her. Center of attention. Poor me. Oh, so much pain….
Thank God HG carried on! The interview was sublime and it seemed like Bree and Athena gained a great deal of insight regarding the narcissistic dynamic. Of course, all of us here have been well schooled; now if the experts would care to join us, then Mr. Tudor, and many of his students, would be more than happy to disabuse them of their misplaced ignorance straightaway.
hahah, nobody talks over HG… only HG talks over people. God, what a nightmare that was when the psycho spewed talking over me with horrific things. He really needs to rot. Sorry, your comment just caused a flashback.
It is good to see you are back, HG! I enjoyed the WNAAD interview very much. I am sure it was a great surprise for the hostesses to speak to you and to have precise and honest answers to their questions. They did not know about the different schools and cadres of narcissists and they also seemed to be speechless at times! 🙂
I am sure this interview has surpassed all their expectations. It would be nice if they would let you include it on your YouTube channel.
I hope more and more people realize that the knowledge you provide is accurate, easy to understand and extremely helpful and that they come to this blog to educate themselves on narcissism.
Thank you EB. Yes I will be ascertaining if it can be posted to my YouTube channel once the week is over.
Post interview they both explained how they had wanted to speak for far longer as they had so many questions. I expect there will be more to follow.
Did you notice the interview length?
I did! Haha – 01:10:09 !! 🙂
My internet connection is slow but I was able to download the *.mp3 file.
Just as I promised!
I did not have any doubt about it.
I enjoyed the part where one of them tried to talk over HG but he carried on regardless. How rude 😉
Nobody talks over HG.
I have read the book and I have one question. Is there a average fuel points intake that a narcissist needs in order to function?
It depends on the school of narcissist.