Here He Comes Again?
The hoover. A tried and trusted method of gaining fuel and exerting control over a victim once again. Whether they are benign or malign the hoover is an integral part of our repertoire. They are often part of a concerted action which is designed to break down your defences and suck you back in so we are able to exert control over you once again. Sometimes it is to con you into resuming the relationship again, sometimes it is purely to hurt you further and draw negative fuel. We may devise a particular scenario, use other people to effect the hoover by proxy and plan an effective way of establishing contact and then unleashing the hoover. For the hoover to be effective it must have two constituent parts: –
- A method of contact;
- A method of causing a reaction (positive or negative)
We may have devised a delightful scenario which will cause you to come running back to us oozing sympathy-based fuel but if we cannot establish contact with you it is pointless. This is why I often mention how it may seem that we have left you alone but all it is, is that we are waiting for a moment to establish contact so we can then cause the reaction. We are of course mindful that if you escaped us you have no doubt instigated no contact and that your defences remain high, you are on a state of alert and wary about what we are doing. Sometimes sheer force of the hoover and our magnetic personalities prove enough to surmount these defences but this can take time and in particular energy and as you know we prefer to conserve our energy. There is a particular hoover which I call the Seduction Shuffle. It is invariably a benign hoover and relies on you thinking we will do something and you are wrong-footed when we do not, only for us to then make our move.
The circumstances are such that we allow you to know that we are in the vicinity. This may be through somebody else. It might be by walking past where you live or work. We do not make any approach to you. We do not look towards where you might be watching us from, we do not reach out. All we do is want you to know that we are nearby and then we do nothing.
You have been expecting us to get in touch. When we first re-appear or you get news of us being nearby you will raise your defences again expecting an approach but then when it does not happen you are taken aback and confused. Why has he not tried to get in touch? He walked past your window the other day but did not even look towards you? He passed the office but acted as if he did not realise? Perhaps he is interested in me anymore? Why would that be the case? You almost feel insulted by the fact that we are back in town and have not looked you up. You wonder what is wrong and in that usual way of yours you start to question yourself. This failure to act when we show up leaves you somewhat bewildered, possibly relieved and your defences come down. Maybe we have moved on, perhaps we are no longer interested in you although you cannot help but want to know why this is. Your curiosity is piqued and you are torn between knowing you should stay away but also wanting to find out why we have not approached you. Is it the case that we are no longer interested? Could this really be true? You need to know. Part of you wants the confirmation that it is over, part of you wants to know why you are not good enough for us to approach again and your desire to know proves difficult to control. Words reaches you from a third party that they were talking to us, but no, we did not mention you or ask about you. This troubles you although you know you should not care, but you do. Admittedly, there may be some of you who will not react to this method but they are in the minority. The desire to achieve some kind of understanding as to what happened, some kind of closure, perhaps the chance to get a few things off your chest still churns inside of you. The fact we looked well has drawn your interest again, rekindling thoughts and feelings from that first seduction, but overall you want to know why the shark is swimming nearby again but has not come hunting for you. We know these thoughts will be going through your head. We know you saw us. We know that you showed disappointment when a member of our coterie said they had spoken to us and not mentioned you. Already you have begun to provide fuel to us and we are content to wait for that delicious hoover fuel. Hoover fuel is always enjoyable, whether relief, joy, loving or upset, it all empowers us but it is especially rewarding when you come into our sphere of influence again. With defences lowered as you think that you are abler to handle our machinations and manipulations now you decide that you want to find out what we are doing back, who we are with and most of all the reason why we have not been in touch with you. The temptation proves too great and after all, one text message or a telephone conversation cannot do any harm can it? Once we see that message from you or your name appears on the mobile ‘phone screen, or we don’t recognise the number but recognise your voice when we answer we can scent even more fuel. You have made the contact and this tells us that you have opened yourself up to provide us with the sought after reaction and this waiting game has once again proven successful. We can now strike and finish the hoover.
20 thoughts on “Here He Comes Again?”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Just like chess he moves I move (in the opposite direction). I hold no anger towards him for what he is doing, he is being true to himself and his beliefs. I just don’t have to agree with them. I am not even here to speak ill of him. He showed me many things. I never wanted to “save” him, that isn’t my job.
I do understand it is therapeutic for some to speak of them in the way they do and hold no judgement, we all handle our experience differently and here we have a voice to speak our thoughts and emotions, here we have one that validates what we went through and shows us how to “fight” back, here we have the support from others that truly understand.
The information and insight you provide HG is amazing, Impressive and so needed. You are changing so many lives and bringing understanding for so many to what has happened to them. Your approach is easy to understand and you answer so many questions and give so much of your time. Every brilliant leader and/or teacher does. They understand the value of the time devote to a cause.
You have create a wind of change…..
Peace, love and light to all
Excellent article, HG. The image, brought three words to mind: hook, line and sinker. Narcs are excellent at reeling them in and casting nets off ensnarement. Knowing that resolution is Important to us.
I am one of the lucky ones. My Lesser is now 2000 miles away from me physically. He cannot Hoover me in a traditional sense and hasn’t …finally, there are no more nightmares.
“we don’t recognise the number but recognise your voice when we answer we can scent even more fuel.”
Why is this, HG? Do you actually delete our number knowing we will call you eventually or do you just pretend to not recognize our phone number when we call and you answer? I ask because you have described, in perfect detail, exactly what happened the last time I spoke to my mid-ranger about 3 months ago. I called him and he answered and when he heard my voice he “pretended” he did not recognize my number and “acted” surprised to hear from me. I use term pretended in quotes because only later on did I suspect he was lying. When I questioned why he would answer the phone from a number he did not recognize he said he recognized the “area code” and said he only knew one person from that “area”. Then came the story about how his phone broke and he lost all of his numbers.
Am I to assume this is all part of the Narc textbook?
If he really deleted my number then I guess I never have to worry about a phone call or text hoover.
We act as if we do not recognise the number so as to make you think that you are of no importance to us. We expect you to contact us.
Yes, his behaviours were all part of the manipulation.
And yet after that, he told me NOT to contact him. Yet he expects it anyway.
So much for thinking I would escape a call or texting hoover. I know you say to “never say never”. Silly of me to think his manipulations were actually true.
I have a question regarding the faking of knowing the number and the stories of “my phone broke”….I know you’ve said this stuff is said for fuel and it is not true. Are careful precautions always taken to ensure the contents of your mobile devices remain intact? I mean God forbid that excuse actually prove true and your phone were to break! Do you know what I mean?
Some of us will indeed make sure the contents of Operations HQ are protected, others are less rigorous.
What if the person doesn’t contact you first? How will you finish your hoover HG?
If they do not do so and I deem it appropriate to contact them, I will do so and there are many different ways of doing so.
Having been the DLS four years, and now no contact for four months with no hoovering attempts…I am confident the only time I will see him will be accidental as we live in the same town.
That leads me to my question, what is the best way to react when I do run into him someday…What would hurt his ego the most? My happy friendly non chalant hello,? Or, Ignoring him as if we never knew each other?
I would kill for a Hoover because, like most of us, it’s hard to accept I’ve been erased. However, I don’t want him back. And I also don’t want him to feel as though he won in any way when he sees me again.
Thank you in advance for your response HG.
For years, not four..damn auto correct!
Ignore him.
Five months no contact, unexpectedly saw him in a restaurant across the room. He stared at me and there was nothing in his eyes. I ignored him. Turned around and walked out.and now I’m back to square one. He’s all I can think of. I just want this pain to end. I’m so grateful I had your words, ignore him, in the back of my mind the entire time. They gave me strength.
I just hope he and she never come near me again. So toxic.
I know you say they will try again eventually. I am not waiting. I am back out living my life. It’s what I want now. If they do materialise to save me I will ignore.
Thanks HG for all this information. I know it’s not to help us but plays to your thoughts. All the same, good job.
You are welcome SVR.
Hello HG, please can I ask a question?
You just did. But you may ask another.
Ha! Ha! Thank you…
What does the Greater narc think or do if he sees the escaped ex ‘girlfriend’ with another man, particularly an ex the narc is trying to hoover?
Double fuel. See the article Derailed.
Hey! Sense of humour 😂