The Carrier Empath

the-carrier-empath

The Carrier Empath. A particular type of empathetic individual who naturally gains the attention of our kind. As I have explained before, our kind are drawn to empathetic individuals who fall within one of the classes of empath. Those classes consist of The Empath, The Super Empath and The Co-Dependent. The Carrier Empath is a particular division of those classes and therefore can be found amidst any of those classes. The Carrier Empath is not a stand-alone form of empath but rather is embodied by exhibiting Carrier tendencies which “bolt on” to the relevant class of empathic individual.

The Carrier Empath shoulders, more than others, the emotional burden. This person rarely talks about themselves, although they have much they could talk about, either as a consequence of their natural intelligence which lends itself to considerable discourse, their ability to connect with people and engage in what could be termed as small talk so people are put at ease or because of their extensive experiences they have much they could share with other people. The Carrier Empath does not see it as necessary to talk about themselves. All empaths are good listeners, it is one of the empathic traits which our kind look for, but the Carrier Empath is a superlative listener. Exhibiting considerable patience, he or she will sit and listen to the woes and problems of others. They do not jump to conclusions, as many people would, instinctively forming a view of the person they are engaging with, within moments of meeting. Instead, the Carrier Empath is able to resist making an early judgement about this person and will listen to what they have to say, so they can best work out how to assist. The Carrier Empath knows full well that sometimes just being listened to is the best thing for another person.

Those with Carrier tendencies are work-like in their approach, reliable, organised and effective when facing pressure. They regard it as their role to take on responsibility for others and struggle to determine the boundary of when they should not do so. They are unable to avoid taking on other people’s issues and problems and feel a need to assist but to do so through actions and a practical application of their compassion, honesty, decency and understanding.

The Carrier Empath is not a person who overflows with emotion but is certainly not devoid of it. Their emotion does not appear in surges and spikes, histrionic reactions as a consequence of the situation which they find themselves in but rather as a steady and reliable provider of fuel through their evident compassion and supportive nature. Whilst caught in the dizzying devaluation, some empaths will find themselves despairing and having up days and down days whilst they experience the push and pull behaviours, the Carrier Empath adopts a stoic approach. Inside he or she may be churning but they do their best to maintain a brave face as they seek to remain dependable and forging forward. This person is solid and dependable. They are not a dullard, but they do not shine and glow like other empathic individuals. They are grounded, practical, pragmatic and excellent problem solvers.

The Carrier Empath is unable to leave responsibility with others. They regard it as their task to be responsible for other people and they rarely judge the flaws of others, but rather see it as an opportunity for them to shoulder the burden. They will remain with those who suffer from addictions, seeing it as part of their obligation to remain and fight the fight on behalf of the afflicted. The Carrier Empath readily takes on the problems of others and will do so even when this becomes a drain on his or her resources, such as time and money. They may have somewhere they need to be but if the telephone call is continuing because the caller needs help and assistance, the Carrier Empath will continue to listen.

There is a strong sense of obligation on the part of the Carrier Empath. Whilst empaths as whole feel obligation, the empath will assist because they feel good about doing so, in a way, they gain a form of their own fuel from helping others. The Co-Dependent will usually help because he or she has to do so, being of a  giving nature in order to find validation for themselves in terms of their place in the order of things. The Super Empath relished the challenge that is presented and regards it as an opportunity to exhibit their powers. Layer the Carrier Empath onto any of those classes and you add a complexion of obligation – the relevant class of empath does it because that is what should be done, that is the right thing to do and they have an obligation to care. They will recognise that the task in hand may be difficult, they will note that it will drain them but their fearsome sense of duty causes them to be the first to volunteer and the last to give up.

This division of empathic individual is certainly compassionate but approaches matters in a practical manner rather than “hearts and flowers” and whilst they will certainly use words to comfort, to support and to show empathy they prefer to rely on actions. If someone is suffering, rather than hand out tea and sympathy, the Carrier Empath will assume the mantle of the problem themselves and tackle it head on. They are especially apt at standing in the shoes of somebody in order to absorb the blast on behalf of someone who is struggling or wants their help. They are the proverbial person who would take a bullet.

The Carrier Empath has significant reserves of inner strength but is unable to regulate the use of this strength, since they tend to be blinded by their need to resolve the problem (often expecting no assistance at all from the person being helped) and therefore they will keep going until they have depleted their resources and a sudden collapse ensues.

Such individuals are prized by our kind, but by certain narcissists in particular. There is the provision of fuel, that has to always be there, but it does not always fountain from the Carrier Empath. Greaters tend not to choose those with Carrier Empath tendencies as a primary source because the gushing appreciation is not the style of the Carrier Empath, furthermore, the Greater tends to be more resourceful and therefore has less need of this element of the Carrier Empath. Instead, the Carrier Empath is desired by the Lesser and Mid-Range schools and especially so by the Victim Narcissist.

The Victim Narcissist derives fuel from the provision of care and compassion. His less impressive countenance is not one which results in gushing praise and over-the-top appreciation. Accordingly, the exhibition of care and compassion gives him the fuel he wants plus the residual benefits he requires and this is always preferable to the empath who gushes with praise but does little in the way of practical care. Thus those with Carrier tendencies are more suited to the Victim Narcissist.

Furthermore, the Carrier Empath comes with considerable residual benefits in terms of the provision of caring for someone with poor health, dealing with chores and problems on that person’s behalf, providing food, shelter, money and such like and therefore this raft of residual benefits appeals to Lesser Narcissists in particular and naturally the Victim Narcissist from the Lesser School.

The Carrier’s capacity for “taking the bullet” results in them also having appeal to the Mid-Range Narcissist. The passive aggressive Mid-Range Narcissist who finds that he is not able to get his way with a third party will invariably turn to the Carrier Empath to step up on his or her behalf and get the problem sorted. If weakened from a lack of fuel and potential criticism from this third party, the Mid-Range will turn to the Carrier Empath to make everything alright again and the Carrier Empath will dutifully attend to his.

During devaluation the Carrier Empath is wounded and confused by the manipulations used against him or her, but their sense of duty carries them forward and they will often fall victim to the narcissist’s capacity to blame others. Accordingly, if the narcissist blames his outburst on being overworked, the Carrier Empath will accept this explanation and will look at ways of alleviating the load on the narcissist, by taking more on him or herself or even going so far as to challenge the boss of the narcissist to secure a reduction in workload. The narcissist knows that with a Carrier Empath he can in effect point that person in the direction of a problem and the Carrier Empath will march into battle on his behalf. Again, this is why the Greater has less of a need for those with Carrier tendencies and why those of a Lesser or Mid-Range school have more reliance on the Carrier.

Devaluation causes those with Carrier tendencies to battle on in the hope of resolving the narcissist’s problems. The Carrier is less inclined to blame themselves. They do not see themselves as the cause of the problems which the narcissist alludes to during devaluation, but rather only blame themselves for not resolving those problems. The Carrier is blinded to understanding that there is no fix, but regards every problem as having a solution which will, with the right application of energy and resource, eventually present itself. The worse the narcissist becomes during devaluation, the more those with the Carrier tendency will apply themselves to trying to sort the problem out and usually identifies an external source (wrongly) as the source of the problem and is ultimately sent on a wild goose chase trying to tackle this external source whilst the problems continue unabated.

If the relevant narcissist does not have a primary source with Carrier tendencies it is likely that one will be recruited as a secondary source. This is more likely with the Greater who will prefer the primary source to be fountaining with fuel (rather than providing a host of residual benefits) and to have a secondary source who can be turned to as and when required, perhaps at moments of crisis, to be utilised for their Carrier traits. Whilst the Lesser and Mid-Range narcissist and especially the Victim Narcissist cadre of those two schools will want a Carrier Empath as a primary source, the Greater will position one as a secondary source since they make excellent Lieutenants.

It is common to find that the scape-goated child of a narcissist, if they avoid becoming a narcissist  themselves, tends to exhibit strong Carrier tendencies because they realise that by getting things done, having to attend to their own needs because the narcissistic parent has abandoned their duties at an early stage and also having to parent the narcissistic parent, is the most effective method of surviving. They care but do so without “showiness” and deliver in a practical and dependable manner.

It is also worth noting that as some narcissists age they will gravitate more to securing a primary source who is a Carrier Empath. Though fuel remains important, the need for the residual benefits becomes increasingly important for those narcissists who see their looks fading, their mobility decreasing and therefore suffer a reduction in their ability to charm and attract. Of course, this is not applicable to all of our kind, since many become distinguished with age, have the magnetism that comes from financial power and their innate charisma and sharp mind remain undulled. However, for those that see the waning of their powers, the Carrier Empath becomes more attractive to them.

 

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54 thoughts on “The Carrier Empath”

  1. I’m definitely not a Carrier Empath. Small talk makes me cry on the inside and kills my soul.

    “since many become distinguished with age, have the magnetism that comes from financial power and their innate charisma and sharp mind remain undulled” – that is definitely not what I read elsewhere. Are you sure this is the case, or is that just how you want it to be? Be objective, HG. What I heard is that with age, it gets harder to find sources of fuel. This makes sense to me and many of your kind end up forever alone. It would also make sense considering that with age, my kind also gets wiser, we have our experiences, hear the experiences of others, and become more cautious. So unless you end up being super rich and look good, well no, if you’re super rich it doesn’t matter much what you look like, I guess, but anyway, if you don’t end up being super rich, I doubt it’s going to be that easy to find fuel and just how good can fuel be that comes from a gold-digging slapper?

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      1. I don’t believe that. If they have to solely rely on fuel from gold-digging slappers, I doubt that will be satisfying in the long-term. I don’t necessarily mean the fuel that comes from the person itself, but the fuel that will come from onlookers. My ex would never make anyone his primary source unless she is highly educated and holds a degree to prove that. It’s all about prestige for him.

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  2. Beautifully written HG!! ⚡ I definitely have more carrier traits than codependent!! I don’t gain fuel from helping, & I don’t need/want anything back, I’ve been through a lot so I’ll relate to my own experiences if someone opens up to me & I see they’re being held back by fear, guilt, anger, pain I seem to have a gift for helping them see a way through it & back into the light. That’s as natural to me as breathing.. But I was a an emotional puppet to my Greater she had me so out of control due to C-PTSD from childhood abuse I can’t control regulate intense emotions & I spent the whole time blaming myself for being too intense & going on and off meds trying to be less volatile so she’d want me again!! Ha!!! I had no idea she needed me to erupt emotionally & all she had to do was prod me a little & I’d be off on one, & for me it was addictive & intense & I won’t lie I miss it every day, I loved the power play, its sick but I felt almost like it was love for her to do what she did to me.. The pain fueled me, and that’s the truth of it, and if that isn’t twisted codependent traits I don’t know what are!! Thank you once again Mr Tudor.. 🌹

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  3. HG
    Just to be very clear. An Individual is either a co-dependent, an empath or a super empath. And the Carrier empath can be an additional layer to any of the three aforementioned classes. To wit, a co-dependent carrier?

    “Layer the Carrier Empath onto any of those classes and you add a complexion of obligation – “

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    1. Ali, I am sorry to say, that she was no empath. She was cruel to a lot of people (the nearest and the weaker ones) and has had a great facade. Nevertheless she did something good for mankind.

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      1. Yes – Mother T was a sadistic woman. She took in millions of dollars, brushed shoulders with billionaires and never once provided morphine for thousands of dying and suffering people. She believed in “faith-healing”. You want to know what faith-healing does? Study what’s going on in Idaho right now where kids are dying left and right while parents pray instead of seek medical care. Like Anna the Highing Saint, the Pope, and every other cult leader, “Mother” T was a cruel illusion.

        http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/9470988

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      2. Vennie
        Interesting article. I never gave her any thought and didnt even know she was dead. I assumed her to be religious propaganda. I just wondered how Mona had formed this opinion and you have provided some insight, so thank you. This is another reason why this blog is valuable-the exchanging of information it fosters despite ones view. As an added bonus, now I can slight someone I care little for by calling them Mother Theresa and they will be bewildered at my ‘compliment”.

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    1. passiel
      Empaths can dim their empath traits but we never lose them. We do get tired but we can regenerate or self-repair after a respite.

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  4. Okay……I did not complain about the changing format or missing a bell or any of that other nonsense, but what fresh hell is this new like button?

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    1. At least you have fresh hell, NarcAngel. My new like buttons disappeared!! I’m a big believer in feedback and I really loved liking and being liked! I’m trying to suck it up and be a big girl…….

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      1. Windstorm2
        I never could like previously-it would send me straight to WordPress where they did not recognize my email and it looked like I had to sign up for a blog or something. Too much red tape, so I would comment instead. Then for about a minute and a half I had a like button and used it. Next day-some other button that took me to another website that wanted to charge me for my likes. I just laughed and crawled back into my anti-tech shelter until it all gets sorted, so youre stuck with my comments. I did like the original one as it showed you who was like-minded in the comments and helped you to learn about the other commenters. I never had the pleasure of a bell notifying me to direct responses as others have described. That would have been helpful, but then not having it caused me to read more. I love that theres lots of information but sometimes I wish there were only 1 igniters of fury, 1 narc truth, and maybe 1 or 2 posts per day. Then I could keep up better with all of the info and discussions. But (heavy sigh) I shall have to accept that it is not all about me lol.

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      2. Narcangel
        Seems like we both had similar experiences. I was on here reading for nearly a year before I ever commented or tried to like a comment. When I did try to like comments, WordPress wouldn’t accept my email address either. I ended up resigning up with a new email and had to add the 2 to my name (which annoys the crap out of me!- odd how we can let such trivial little things annoy us).
        Never knew there was a bell till it was gone. I really liked seeing who liked different comments too. It gave insights into personalities and character. I do get emails of new comments, but since the “Great WP Upheaval of ’17,” I only get some and not others. It’s practically a full time job to keep up with all the new comments by constantly scanning all comments for each article for new ones. No way to reliably pick up new comments for old posts. ☹️
        But, like you say, it’s not about us. Im sure HG is doing all he can to keep things running as well as possible. But like that blasted 2 after my name, that doesn’t keep things from being frustrating at times.

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      3. I like you too, Clarece. I don’t know what “follow your comments” means but it sounds positive. I try to read everyone’s but it’s almost a full time job!

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      1. I especially like your comment FM1T!
        Hi NA. I am still reading and liking all of your posts too!
        Guess HG will just have more to moderate thanks to WP’s new and improved format!

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      2. Hi Clarece! I always enjoy reading your comments even though I can’t like them anymore!👍🏼

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  5. Ever met an Embodied Empath; the one who has basically every empathic trait, from sentient to clairvoyant abilities, yet also can have narcissistic, protective traits and is able to switch between them at will, depending on perceived need?

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      1. No to the former. With regard to the latter, I have never met any but I have interacted with a handful through the blog. I find the concept strange but evidently there are those who accord with what that is.

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  6. I recognise myself only in the second paragraph. I used to listen to people’s stories thinking I could draw my own conclusions and learn more about this “human comedy”. Now I don’t do it as much as I used to. I have this blog 😉

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  7. How would you behave if no one read your writings, you lost all of your followers, no one clicked like or commented on anything anymore and you had no audience? Overnight. (Hypothetical) what would be your first move?

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    1. I would be wounded. This would ignite my fury and I would seek fuel from my various sources to address the wound. I would then ascertain why this had happened and since it could only ever be as a consequence as an act of sabotage I would deal with the offenders, re-instate my works and carry on.

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      1. you would assume you were sabatoged? Would it be because you would not be able to ever believe anyone would ever make a decisions to not be interested in you? (Curiosity questions – not intended to attack) I find it fascinating that self identified Empaths look to you for advise. That’s like a deer asking a hungry lion the best way to get to town. 😉 And they can’t seem to see that. Interesting.

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      2. It is the most logical outcome. People are interested in me and rightly so.

        No, my readers are well aware of what I am. I make that perfectly clear (which is more than the others of the brethren who populate and administer supposed support sites do) and my readers recognise that it takes a wrong doer to show you when you are doing wrong. For instance, who might you consult about home security – a police officer or a burglar? One is likely to be far more effective than the other. I am unlocking matters so people can finally understand, the comments demonstrate that. The majority appreciate the knowledge they are gaining but would never want to come near me.

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      3. Is there a reason you won’t approve my explanation of the Embodied Empath is you your reader to be educated on varying points of view?

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      4. Because it is still in moderation – along with many other comments that people have posted – I get to them in due course.

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      5. Excellent – just noticed that some intermittent comments I made were approved but not the others. So was curious if there was a rhyme or reason to you hand picking which to approve.

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      6. No, I generally push through those which are short and don’t ask question (or ones which require long answers) and then deal with the longer posts and those with questions in due course and not in any particular order.

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      7. That was a really honest, genuine answer HG! I’m sure you don’t like to admit what could directly wound you. It’s brave when you can do that whether on a big or small scale.

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      8. HG, can you see who “likes” your comments with the new icon?
        The other issue for WP to address is notifying the reader who likes their comments otherwise we’re still in the dark and readers are right when they say they felt validated and connected to others here when their comments were liked and learned who they have rapport with. Just a thought.

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      9. WP dont do anything about that. I am the one that has to find a plug in that allows you to like the comments.

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      10. I’m sorry you’re bogged with this added stressor. WP shouldn’t have taken that away. But I know… you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit! 😊

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      11. Ha, ha, Clarece!! That’s definitely empath thinking. Don’t know any narcissists that abide by that motto! That’s always our role – well, until they want us to throw a fit for negative fuel…

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      12. Lol, I know right? I just thought he’s been very considerate listening to our complaints in so much we all obviously want to focus on content here rather than the functionality issues of WP.

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      13. Haha, a mug with “keep calm and carry on” on it gets a whole new meaning with you. 😉

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  8. WOW, you got me straight on with this one HG. My ex was the midrange victim. All the sad stories of his life, and I wanted to heal all hurts and injustices. Thought I lost me in a dark empty plane of existence he kept me trying so hard to earn his love and appreciation. Been out almost a year now and I feel my spirit healing. Starting to paint and create things again. I am grateful for your insight and instruction HG. Between you, Richard Gannon and a few others, I now know I still have time to live a happy full life. Your words forced me to accept what I could not believe which kept me bound in darkness thinking I must not be worthy. Only your words opened the doors of understanding the insanity of being stuck on that crazy wheel of perpetual hopelessness.

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  9. I think that some traits you describe are more likely aquired skills and also simply a degree of maturity and also experience. Also knowledge that other reactions and showing annoyance lead to nothing.

    Exhibiting calmness in the middle of the storm is also a spiritual skill, but it’s from inside out, not put on like a mask. That is learned.

    I for my part had to learn how to listen to other people, e.g. through my training as a coach, and I hate when people go on and on and on about the same thing without solving the problem _themselves_. I don’t try to solve problems for others. I give knowledge and information. It annoys me when information is not applied.

    I never carry weights for others, if that is, what “carrier” is supposed to mean in this context, not familiar with the word.

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