How To Make Him Hoover
In the majority of cases, once you have you have realised what we are, you need to get away and stay away from us. If you have been discarded, the emphasis is on staying away from us. If you have to have some kind of interaction with us (because of children or work) then the aim is one of minimal interaction and the reduction of the provision of fuel as far as possible. I have warned you about the types of hoover we deploy, when they happen and how they happen so that you are able to look to your defences and ensure they cannot be breached. I have identified the forms of hoovers so you know them when they happen and also how to either put yourself beyond the reach of them or how to best repel them. Nevertheless, there are occasions when you want a hoover to happen. To be blunt, the reason for wanting to run the risk of being exposed to our machinations once again and possibly be drawn back into our false reality is often not a sound one. Yet, in the same way when somebody is told not to open a box or go through a door, they cannot help but do it, there will be those who will want to pre-empt a hoover from our kind. If that is the case, then on your head be it, but here are ten ways to bring about a hoover.
- Turn Up
The simplest way to ensure we hoover you is to present yourself on a plate before us. We are unlikely to turn down such an opportunity to gather fuel from you when you make it so easy. Of course, you may find that we seek negative fuel from you because we are infatuated with your replacement and therefore we want to punish you for letting us down and we remain dedicated to your replacement. Assuming you are able to find us (which should not prove especially difficult since even when we discard you, we usually do not go to huge lengths to make us impossible to contact) by turning up and seeing us we will hoover you. There is a risk if you turn up at one of our “fortresses” (home or work for instance) we may not admit you, preferring to garner Thought Fuel from your upset at being denied entry, therefore for best results approach us in public places such as a restaurant or a bar.
- Provide your contact details
You can do this as part of an apparent round robin which has been sent to all of your contacts.
“Here is my new number. Thanks. A Victim.”
The receipt of this, be it e-mail address, Skype handle or telephone number is a green light to us. You are opening the gate and we will use this information to hoover you.
- Message Us for Help
We once rode into your life as a white knight to save you from misery, loneliness and a score of different serpents which sought to hurt you. We don’t offer true support but we do enjoy being in attendance when help is required in order for us to drink in your fuel from your upset and neediness and to appear as the all-conquering hero. If you send a message requesting our help, you are playing to our sense of omnipotence and we will find it hard to resist responding by way of a hoover. The message must be specific about the type of help that is required and be something that we could help you with, if we chose to. Something straight forward which can be done in a flourish (after all we do not like to expend energy and certainly not on actually helping somebody with something arduous). We appear not because we want to help you, but because we want the fuel that will flow from us showing how omnipotent we are, for example by lending you money, tuning your television for you or explaining a letter from the authorities. Play the damsel in distress and we will appear.
- Proclaim Your Misery
As the idiom states, “misery loves company” accordingly if you announce that you are unhappy, upset, lonely and miserable and even better if you link it to the fact that you miss us, cannot be without us and similar declarations, we will appear to hoover you. This is different from the third entry. That is requesting help with something specific, something practical. This relates to your emotional state. There are two reasons why this works. First and foremost, you are providing fuel by being upset about missing us. We want that. Secondly, we regard the world as a hateful place and thus our negative outlook to that means that we want to see other people upset as well. Thus we will flock to you in such a state. Be warned however that there is a significant risk that we will perpetuate your misery in order to draw this fuel further from you.
- Post a Picture
Post a picture where we are likely to see it of you and an apparent new love interest. We will not like this. We will feel criticised and with the ignition of fury we will want to lash out at you. You are not allowed to be happy without our permission and approval. We must be the source of what you feel, not somebody else. When we see this picture we see fuel being wasted and we want it for ourselves, thus we will come hoovering. We also delight in the omnipotence felt by running someone else’s relationship.
- Involve a Friend
Send a friend to let us know how much you miss us, how our days are empty without you, how we never stop mentioning you. That alerts us to the fact that there is a tanker of fuel waiting to be sucked dry and this will certainly pique our interest to come and hoover you at the mention of this green light.
- Spread a Rumour
Use your supporters to spread a rumour about us. Make it detrimental without straying into the realms of defamation otherwise you won’t be hoovered and instead you will receive a letter from a lawyer instead. Suggest that you got rid of us first even though we discarded you and you did so because our performance in bed was below bar, or that we never changed our underwear, or that we said our mother’s name a lot in our sleep. It is sufficiently petty that it will irk us and we will come looking for you in order to set you straight and to draw some fuel from you by way of recompense for your criticism.
- Anniversary Pop-Up
We imagine that you remember that it was so long since we first met you, first kissed you, first took you away for the weekend and so on. Often you do because that is the extent to which we infect you so that you reminisce a lot. If you remind us of a forthcoming anniversary and thus by implication that it remains special to you, there is a good chance that we will use that anniversary to hoover you because we will regard you as more susceptible on that special date and likely to provide more fuel through your heightened emotional state.
- The Bootie Call/Text
If you get in touch with a suggestive call or text, then this will attract a hoover from us. Nothing says “game on” than sexual content in a message. The Somatic of our kind see a chance to rekindle those passionate couplings. The Cerebral will relish the chance to exhibit his seduction techniques even if there is no actual consummation. The Elite will see both as entirely appetising. Even the Victim will respond since it is easy to do so and if framed in a way that appeals to his submissive sexual outlook. Dangle such a text in front of us and the hoover will follow.
- Unleash a Rant
You know by now that fuel, whether positive or negative is what we need. If you want to provoke a hoover, show off some of that emotion through a rant in a voicemail message to us, a vitriolic e-mail, a series of hate-filled messages or just a hysterical monologue on your Facebook page. We will be attracted by this outpouring of emotion and want more of it, so we will come hoover in hand to draw more of the same.
36 thoughts on “How To Make Him Hoover”
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can you do an article about how they always block and unblock you
You should not be bothered about the narcissist blocking and unblocking you. If you are dealing with a narcissist, you should obey the first golden rule of freedom and impose no contact. Do that and you have no knowledge about whether you are blocked or not and therefore it will not concern you.
HG has provided you with the ultimate key to being free of the narcissist – no contact.
On that basis, his blocking and unblocking would have no effect. You wouldn’t even know.
I think you will find some of your answers here:
https://youtu.be/6sCrNRPFj0A
And I would also recommend “The Three Assertions of Control” from the Knowledge Vault (see link at top of page).
Whatever the narcissist does relates to the Prime Aims which HG talks about and these include Fuel and Control.
I blocked my narcissist on social media before he could block me and before I ever got here. Everything I have learned since being here has confirmed me in the decision I made, including a couple of recent hoover attempts. ‘Tis the season! From my perspective, the narc blocking you actually provides an element of relief as it is another means of keeping you safe. Take it for what it is and while he has you at arms length make good your escape. You will be far better for it in the long run.
Maybe this question has already been asked before, but would sharing happy information about my life on social media (other than those concerning relationships) or political opinions trigger a hoover? Academic success or recovery from some kind of illness, for example?
I thought he had left me alone but on fb I’ve stumbled on both a personal and a professional fb account of his. He used to get information from his couterie’s fb accounts but I hunted them all down and I guess asking them to create fake accounts to stalk me would be too much, so he took it in his own hands. I blocked both and shortly after found others (he didn’t even bother changing his name. I can’t be sure, but I guess that having a new account with the same name and no other information other than that pop up every once in a while is weird), which I guess is a malignant way of making me anxious by letting me know that he’s keeping an eye on me.
I don’t want to cause a hoover but I would like to make my writing and other content public (I’m a SJW) and it annoys me to constantly check my privacy to make sure nothing is leaking. I don’t want to risk my fb account getting removed for privacy issues by using a fake name.
What do you think?
If you share material about you which the narcissist is likely to read then this will amount to a hoover trigger.
Would a narc still hoover after being terribly wounded?
Potentially yes dependent on the type of narcissist, ease of contact with the victim, the victim’s fuel quality, lack of obstacles, fuel needs, alternative sources and so forth. Wounding will raise the hoover bar considerably but other factors may also lower it.
I have bumped into my ex narc far more than I have wanted. I believe there is some sort of psychic connection or something. He never speaks to me. Nonetheless, I understand wanting to invoke a hoover. I just want an apology and have realized I will never get one. I also feel I count the days before he discards his latest IPPS as I feel it will help bring me some resolve that it wasn’t me. (although I’ve met the women before me and know I am not alone).
I’ve learned a lot about myself through my battles. The hardest part of being replaced and cheated on is fighting the “what was wrong with me?” questions that arise. I often wondered why I wasn’t ENOUGH for him. I’m smart, witty, attractive, athletic, giving, etc. He would often say “you check all the boxes” and would list out all my good qualities. I grew a lot during our relationship. The confidence that had been damaged from my divorce started to come back. I began to feel comfortable in my own skin again. As I got strong, I believe he felt threatened. This is when he began to secure a replacement.
Here is what I have come to understand. It isn’t what the replacement has that is better than what I have. I see her as a weak woman, much more plain, naïve and far less attractive. I heard she is very kind and I am sure she is a good person. What matters to the narc are qualities they can control and garnish more fuel from. That’s what is attractive to them. A confident, attractive, strong woman is of no use to a narc. They may visually be appealing and they may be okay with a one night stand with this kind, but those who don’t provide constant fuel are useless. I can finally say that I AM too good for this man. He saw my weakness and preyed on it and when I became strong, I was useless to him.
Ladies and gentlemen, weakness is their favorite meal. You’re better than that! Walk confident, get your power back and you won’t be a narc magnet anymore! I look forward to a non narc relationship with a man who values my strengths and wants to show me off, not himself!
Sorry this is so lengthy, but I’m a writer processor like HG. Maybe I should start a blog for empaths 😉
Me again lol.. Its worth mentioning that I truly see my narcissistic relationship as something I needed to go through, not in the raging co dependent way that sounds. Ha!! The first time I opened my heart to love was with my best friend and he died, that was it for me I shut down to the point where I’d rage inside when my sisters cuddled me, I couldn’t express myself, I couldn’t break it after a time it grew stronger than I was, I’d bury hurt on top of hurt, I was trapped and I needed something stronger than me to break it.. She was it.. A narcissist in my opinion comes to us as a lesson, & the cruellest of blessings, they will show you your insides, the truths you can’t face in the most brutal of fashions, but I’ve never seen a comment on here yet where a woman hasn’t learnt to love herself more, be more patient with herself, or found her self worth amongst the most awful of messes. Either way we don’t come out of it the same person we went in.. We can make it a second chance to be as happy as we always deserved…
Before I understood what he was and everything thing it entailed, I employed many of these techniques. Really makes me mad at myself now.
passiel,
as someone said today, don’t feel bad, you are human. I forgive myself for it all pretty much these days. All of those ‘techniques’ are also valid things that work in normal relationships (unless all were manipulations done deliberately). But with a narc they get so twisted to become sort of obsene making us feel all the more badly and US the really disturbed ones.
Very handsome sociopathic eyes
What if you run into them randomly and give no apparent reaction ?? Will that provoke a Hoover ?
If you run into us that is a hoover trigger. It is highly likely we will engage with you and thus that is the hoover. If you do not react, we may seek to draw fuel (dependent on various factors) or disengage. Your lack of reaction will raise the hoover bar on the Hoover Execution Criteria with regard to potential future hoovers.
Thanks HG. Your insight is fascinating.
‘Highly likely to engage’ even after telling you to die and go to hell?? I assume they will forget they ever said this and pretend they never hurt you.
Correct.
I will not attempt anything that could end in failure.
I did all of them on some level and he always replied on some level. Now I just want to forget his existence. I want to put the memory of it all. behind me.
HG can you help me understand something.. I was hoovered after three weeks, on her birthday!! I know, you’ve taught us all better than that.. Ugh. 🙁 Didn’t even occur to me to keep my guard up for her special days!! Anyway, at that point I was okay emotionally, I don’t know if it just hadn’t hit me, but I felt free mostly, there wasn’t anything to yearn for as she’d taken everything away it was the happiest I’d felt in a long time. But I stupidly take a phonecall from her, & everything was how it used to be, & there was phone sex no point lying.. It was after that one call that I fell apart, delayed PTSD, I’d try to go no contact but the emotional pain would be so intense I’d disassociate after a day of so & watch my own life like a movie, I couldn’t do it & I’d give up eventually & run to her again, I was destroyed. Why? I’ve wondered that this whole time. If I hadn’t taken the call would this still have happened? Why did it affect me like that? Hope its not to much to ask here, I am working towards a telephone consultation now I’m getting ‘unstuck’ Thank you so much.. 🌹
It is your emotional thinking governing your responses. It is a detailed subject and one which is better suited to a telephone consultation so you can be given the full understanding.
I did invoke a hoover. It wasn’t a premeditated hoover where I planned and schemed to find the most effective way to do it. I was going through old photographs last month and came across a photo of myself in high school during the time I was being groomed by my boss. It triggered me and I was furious about so much loss. I texted the picture to him in a flash of anger after one year of no contact. Was this stupid? I have no doubt it was. Was it risky? I have no doubt it was. Could I have gotten sucked back in? I sure could’ve.
But I didn’t. I messaged HG and told him what I had done. I knew it was stupid and that it went against so much of the advice HG has given me. I didn’t ignite a hoover because I’m co-dependent. It happened because I’m human.
While stupid, it also turned out to be the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I had imagined for a solid year that I would fall to pieces upon even hearing his voice. I didn’t. It made me genuinely sick. I could finally see him for exactly what he was thanks to HG and have never been more relieved to realize I had come across the emotional sea. I was free. I got lucky. Igniting a hoover could’ve ended very badly for me and put me right back in the cycle of self sabotage.
I no longer feel his power over me and I no longer believe he can take me down. There is no shame in wanting a hoover or even weakening to the point of instigating one. Yes, some are far stronger and never do such a thing but don’t be ashamed if you do and don’t chalk it up to your class of empath whether it be supernova, super empath or co-dependent. Just keep seizing the power you do have and reading here. You will absolutely get there.
Hi.. Fellow survivors.. 💜 I’m proud to say, after spending the last year since my discard completely frozen & unable to do anything apart from get out of bed, get dressed, read every word Mr HG ever wrote and try to finish the day still alive, I’m finally finding my voice again & I made it to my first therapy appointment to get some help with the issues from my past that lead me into my narcissist living hell. Yeyee me!! I still don’t believe there’s a future for me but I’m going through the motions and maybe in time my head and heart will catch up..
Your authenticity and humility are to be applauded Some One. I hope you can be proud of yourself. Most victims of narcissists are NEVER able to stay away, much less for a year. When people like you are honest about how incredibly hard it has been it causes others to realize that they’re not alone and that there is no hard and fast time allowance for healing.
Oh.. Wow.. Thank you so much 12345 .. I’m by no means perfect though, I fell for a hoover a few weeks after I’d left and it cost me dearly.. During the devaluation I googled something along the lines of ‘partner dropped me from a great height why’ and that’s when I learnt about narcissists.. I still didn’t walk away.. She discarded me, because I talked to someone she told me not to & found out she had future faked her to the point where she gave up her home & moved to her hometown ready for her divorcing me which would happen ‘any day now’ I confronted her & she ended it with me for defying her & literally less than a minute later she was in a new relationship.. I still let her hoover me.. So I battle too.. But I’m stronger than I give myself credit for and I am hella determined & my heart is so full of love and forgiveness.. What’s made the difference for me was taking all of that, that I was wasting on her, and giving it to myself finally… Anyone who is struggling to stay away, ask yourself honestly.. Are you still hiding in plain sight? Is your focus truly on your healing? Your heart? Your future? Because I’m guessing you haven’t quite made that change.. Much love..
I wish he would hoover me so I could show him my indifference in his face. But I will absolutely do nothing to evoke this hoover.
An understandable desire and should it happen, then you can do so, but you are correct, you ought not to do anything to invoke the hoover.
There is a sad point when you did all these, not realizing what was going on, even why you did them, but thinking his responses meant it was hard for him, too, but then you realize none of it mattered. The actual phase of dancing around a return to the formal relationship really IS gone.
In my case, I did not ever have one with him, a formal relationship, but I was something very powerful to him because of the energy levels and cause I know. It almost felt like a virtual primary. But I was demoted 100% to lalala land by him because my Super Nova mode was brutal on my part. Truly brutal and I see that now. The depth and power of the Nova matched the depth of soul and heart wrenching hurt he felt entitled to deliver with no consequences. But we went well beyond the dynamic where my indifference or picking a fight does a thing. If I had learned what I know now when the dynamic was going strong, I could have seized much power and left him trying to pull me back. But he stopped pulling at me a long time ago as the Nova blitzed it all. He said as much. I was destructive but I don’t take blame for it anymore. He knows what he did, there were so many tells.
I am guilty of still looking, but I am on 14 weeks of no such efforts as above and ni interactions. I am working on a full true NC. I never thought I would have to cut him out of my heart twice in life.
Ladies, when HG says they can hoover after a very, very long time, believe him. Even if it still hurts, do all you can to resist provoking one or responding to his own hoover unprovoked by you. I am older than his first mind fuckery of me happened and its been so much harder to erase him this second time. It is something else to have been hoovered at a later age as it brings up deep, difficult questions about life, your whole life and more for some reason. Maybe it is because you see how much of your life was always affected by narcs (in family) and you have to grieve so many other accumulated loses about what if you hadn’t been raised with narc family dynamics, how would life have been? I think mine would have been so, so much easier. It feels as if everything I relied on to view life and cope is gone. Its alot of rebuilding.
And yes, it is very hard. I still want him to hoover on his own but only because my erroneous thinking that it would indicate that I maybe did mean something and a hoover would fix the hurt abd reality that I meant nothing abd was simply conned. But I don’t want one in reality. I can’t do the abuse dance anymore as I know too much now. Its just an internal conflict that will fade with time healing and a so so over due commitment to no longer lurk his social media to see how he is doing.
Lol these make me laugh bc in almost all cases you dont want a hoover! It starts the abuse cycle again. In the case of revenge i can see this being useful. Itd be satisfying to reject a hoover in the harshest way. Thats seizing your power! 🤗
I noticed with my narc if i live life like nothings happened and im on my social media posting things and my usual self this speeds up the hoover time. I think bc hes afraid im unaffected and escaping his clutches. Narcs are smart they know the longer were away the stronger we become and less brainwashed/conditioned. I used to think by disappearing offline this would speed up a hoover but it didnt. Acting indifferent sped it up. Every situation is so unique tho.
Nothing wrong besides plotting against him….but that’s the game right? I don’t know what I’m doing…yet.
Anyhow, I did nothing to provoke this hoover. Actually I was feeling free. I felt like he had let me go and I was ok with that.
He said he had been thinking about me. Little more each day so finally he decided to contact me. I gave him my number….that I did…yes..yes.
So far so good. But you are a secret now. I don’t have secrets. Never had! I feel guilty. No reason right? But still.
We are not back together anyways. We just talked. I’m doing nothing wrong.
I think you may be my dirty little secret. So weird.
I’m going to leave this one to the co-dependents… ok next…
Us co-dependents may have taken a while to learn what we have been dealing with but when we finally do we have the capacity to show great strength and leave our toxic behaviors with the narc behind for good.
There are so many reasons why each one of us in every class of empath were manipulated and deceived by narcissists and each one of us believed their game at one point or another. We’re all at different stages of growth. So glad HG has provided a place where we can learn from each other no matter what our empath make-up is. So many have posted here that regardless of what kind of empath they are there have been times they have truly missed having the desire of the narcissist and have secretly wished for a hoover.
I agree, 12345. There is no shame in being what you are, it’s not a competition. 🙂
I don’t know what I am but I agree with you 12345 and Matilda.
👍