The Narcissistic Truths – No. 55
25 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 55”
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HG,
Sorry…I couldn’t help myself with this one…
But hey… to be fair no one really likes the rules and I believe that many people would break them if they knew they wouldn’t get caught…
https://youtu.be/ABhDiXbUaBE
Thank you, Windstorm2! 🙂
How many narcs are there in your family?
It would be only me pointing anything out, and I know the denial all too well. My mother would also gang up with one or both of my sisters.
HG, does your plan involve making your mother know and own what she is?
No.
But you’re writing a book about her narcissism!
I am but not with the purposes of having her recognise it and own it, there is no point, she is a Mid-Range. It is about sharing my experience as to how I have come to realise how this has impacted on me and furthermore to enable people insight into the narcissist parent and child dynamic.
I know the last few months you have had a lot of professional obligations and your volume for consults thru this is rapidly increasing so you’ve probably taken a bit of a hiatus working on this book. When you do write for this book, do you have to do anything to mentally psyche yourself up or have an extra session with the doctors before or after? I’m sure it’s painful because you don’t like drudging up those memories of her growing up at all.
I need to be well-fuelled.
Well, thank you so much for that! 🙂
As for the mid rangers: that is so frustrating if they can never recognise it. But certainly their behaviour, without a label ….?!
Ava101
I have no idea how many narcs are in my family. A lot. I’d guess maybe one out of every three. Thinking and acting like a narcissist is considered strong, so narcissistic traits are encouraged and strengthened in children. That makes it difficult to identify the true narcs from the ones that pretend to be (if I am not around them a lot like nieces and nephews).
Ava, the more I think about it, it’s probably one out of two or even higher, if you count the married in ones. Basically every non-narc marries a narc.
Windstorm2:
Oh, my.
I don’t have such a big family. My parents isolated and alienated us from them all. My cousins are a lot older than myself.
HG:
I think I have known some narcs who seem to fit in pretty well, who are barely recognizable and helpful, etc., even in an intimate relationship. Where it is hardly recognizable that there are no loving feelings, and lack of interest in intimacy; neither shown as part of a facade nor completely denied, just … really flat.
Maybe passive-aggressive.
Do you believe that some narcs show less anti-social behaviour and show respect for general boundaries because of a favourable upbringing, or are they just camouflaging really well, hiding almost any arrogant thoughts and cruel remarks, etc.? Keeping the worst words to themselves, and never acting out abuse full-on?
Do you think that passive-aggressive personalities are always aware of their behaviour?
Is this what is meant by “covert”?
My exnarc for example didn’t care on the one hand what I made of his abusive remarks and behaviour in regard to him, he doesn’t fit the description above. But still – he also seems to have gotten some cornerstones for acceptable behaviour from his (non-narc, I believe) father, some kind of orientation which he wouldn’t overstep.
What are your thoughts on sozialisation and up-bringing in regard to narcs and psychopaths?
Those that camouflage are of a higher function and intent on creating and maintaining the facade. Mid Rangers are obsessed with the facade. They will try to keep a lid on certain matters but can only do so auto a point. The passive-aggressive ones do not recognise their behaviour at all because
1. They just do not have the awareness;
2. They truly think they are the ‘good person’
3. They are configured to see the other person always as the problem and they can articulate that to such a degree that it will muddy the waters so a third party is taken in by this
4. Their ignited fury is usually cold fury thus unaware observers just think they are perhaps over-sensitive and tend to feel sorry for them.
Thank you, HG!!
But, … but … how do you mirror that back to them when they are not aware and unable to see what they do?? Like … how do you make them see how horrible they are?
My exnarc at least knew that I was correct in pointing out his malice. So to speak. 😉
But what do you do with that frustrating passive aggressive people who really think they are good people?! Did you write something on this? I hadn’t paid so much attention to this because my exnarc is different.
But either I am becoming paranoid and seeing ghosts or my exexex-boyfriend is a very low (cerebral) mid range narcissist, too. He certainly has no normal emotions and empathy, he was the one who’s ring a threw on the street. (Though there are times when boyfriends’ lack of emotions come in handy.).
I also think he was as much misogynic as you are, but in a weird, victim-like way …
*gah*
I hate mid-rangers. Especially lower ones.
But guess what .. he deflected my matrinarc’s behaviour, she even almost kept her mouth shut. Like being in a madhouse, those two of them together (I never had that before as the rest of my family was present in the past).
Do you mean how do I mirror back at the devalued appliances how horrible they have been? If so, i do not mirror then. I mirror during seduction.
If you mean in terms of pointing out to the narcissist how horrible they are, there is no point. They either will not see it (Lesser), or see it but not own it (Mid Range) or see it,own it but not admit this to you (Greater). BY pointing it out all you do is issue Challenge Fuel.
You ignore them. You do not react to their pity plays and sympathy shots.
I’m not a misogynist. I have no prejudices. I hate everybody equally.
P.S.: but do you think that up-bringing plays a big role in how much anit-social behaviour is being shown?
I do.
Yes, I meant in terms of pointing out how horrible they are and fighting back.
I kind of get how the Greater is wired, but I can’t deal with this … this…. irrational, hazy way of mid rangers. Because of the level or the continuum they are acting on. How do I ignore non-obvious abuse?? Passive-aggressive acts that are ridiculously insignificant but create chain reactions? No real pity plays. Just … constant down-putting disguised as every day remarks / conversation.
(My mother ignored that I had ignored her since Easter, btw).
>I’m not a misogynist.
You said so in one of your books I read recently, but I guess that was written in context.
>I have no prejudices. I hate everybody equally.
Hm …. Actually, …. I think you do spend more time and energy on destroying women.
But I see your point. And it’s kind of comforting that you say so.
That is because women are my IPPSs and not men.
Ava101
I read your comments and think I understand what you are wanting to do. I have never done this, but I have often seen it done – confronting a midrange on their behavior. In my family two or more narcs will gang up on a midrange or much younger narc and taunt him. In this taunting they will address his attempts at manipulations and abuse and point out how ineffective and stupid they are. Laughing at them and pointing out how obvious and childish their control attempts are seems fairly effective.
Sorry if that’s not what you were asking.
not only do the rules not apply, like Teflon, everything seems to slide
I remember on one of the many occasions it was arrested & refused to give fingerprints, the police forcibly took them.
The rules might not apply outside of the law but even narcs have to abide by them when the enforcement agencys get involved . So not entirely true . Of course we know you avoid anything like that HG don’t we. 🙂
Hi NSS,
It made me giggle when I saw you referred to the ex as “it”. Made me think of HG’s story about his ex-“it”.
I would have loved it’s look on it’s face when they mashed his fingers into the ink pads. LOL
Hope you are doing well, NSS!
Indy
Aw thanks Indy . 🙂 Haha.
It made me smile posting the comment .
He was soo full of his own excrement that he thought he he could handle four burly police officers .
Naturally after they mashed his fingers on the ink pad they threw him in a cell for the night . The poor Dharling complained about being cold and that the sleeping accommodation ( mattress) wasn’t up to his standards. LOL.
I’m doing fine thank you Indy . You ? I hope life’s treating you well. 🙂
NNS x
Well of course not how can rules apply to you when you dont care how breaking them affects others? Narcissists ate invincible until it comes back to bite them in some form or other only then do the rules affect them.