The Empath’s Riposte Grenades
There are occasions when you have been on the receiving end of one of our conversational narc grenades which has been thrown at you as we then walk away from the ensuing carnage, sucking up the fuel and marvelling at our own brilliance. There will of course been times when you wished that you had something which you could lob at us in order to make some kind of impact, a comment or a gesture which does not take much effort but manages to land a blow on us. The problem is, until such time as you have received the benefit of my mentoring I should imagine that your responses to your particular narcissist have been along these lines:-
Shouting and hurling insults at us as you lose your temper
Crying as you call us as many names as you can think of
Throwing something at us with a yell of frustration
Banging a door shut in annoyance
Telling us what you think about us as you bristle with anger
Of course as avid students you will know that all of these responses and more besides have no impact on us other than to provide us with fuel. You can call me as many insults as you can think of but if you do it as you scream at the top of your voice in anger or with tears spilling down your cheeks, the savage words merely fuel me. Now, for the purpose of extracting more fuel and providing me with something to go and complain about to other people (thus gaining more fuel and smearing you into the bargain) I will provoke you even further. Once you have lost yourself to emotion, we will keep pushing, prodding and provoking in order to make you deliver even more fuel to us. We will feign that we are hurt, we will pretend to be angry in response, we may even mimic being frightened of you. It is all fabricated and is just designed to draw more fuel. Accordingly, you should not respond in this fashion. Instead, when deploying these ripostes, you must do so without showing any emotion. If you do, the intended effect will fail. If you do these without expressing any emotion you will not provide and fuel and the effect will be that we will feel criticised and this will wound us. Be aware that when wounded our fury will be ignited. This may mean we withdraw, we may unleash a cold fury (silent treatment) or a heated fury (insults, violence) and therefore you should proceed with caution. You are best performing these ripostes when you are departing so you are leaving your own empathic riposte grenade behind to explode and wound us. In some instances, departure may not be possible and therefore you need to consider carefully the type of narcissist you are with and their likely reaction to criticism. Caveat out of the way, here are the ten critical ripostes for you to use against your narcissist.
- Point and Laugh
Point at us and give a hollow laugh. A slow, hollow laugh which is repeated will provide no emotion. Alternatively, point and just say “HAW ha” in an exaggerated manner, akin to the Simpsons’ character, Nelson Muntz. We will not know why you are laughing and the fact you are pointing at us but giving what is a derisory laugh will feel like a significant criticism to us.
- “You are big on emotion, low on substance.”
We like to think we are important and of considerable substance. You are the emotional one, not us, even though of course we are the ones which thrive on your emotional attention. To suggest we are emotional (when of course we have a limited range of emotions) implies that we lack control. To suggest we have no substance (which hints at our need to adopt the characteristics of others and also impugns our importance) adds to the criticism. The Lesser will be wounded by the suggestion of being emotive and unimportant, The Greater, knowing what he is will be wounded by the massive hint at knowing what we are, alongside the suggestion of lacking control and lacking importance. A double whammy.
- Feign sleep when we are talking
There is no emotion in closing your eyes and emitting a gentle snoring as you are sat down or lying down and we embark on one of our lengthy monologues. Once we realise you are not paying attention the criticism will wound.
- “I have to be elsewhere.”
If this is said without emotion you are telling us that our presence is not magnetic and commanding enough. Make your exit and leave us to our ignited fury at this wounding remark.
- “Jim has one only his is better.”
Useful for when we are crowing about some material possession. “Jim” may be somebody known to us both or you may make him up, the key thing is to point out that whatever we have, then “Jim’s” is better. It may be that his is a nicer colour, or his if larger, faster, more spacious, tougher, more durable. Whatever it is it will wound us. You can even keep rolling out the fictional Jim on repeated occasions and it will soon dent our crowing and have us wounded.
- “I wasn’t listening; can you repeat what you said please?”
You should always be listening to us. We are important. Any suggestion that you are not amounts to a criticism and if you actually tell us that you were not doing so, then it is even worse.
- Fall asleep when we are having sex with you
To impugn our Olympic sexual mastery in this way is a massive criticism. It need not be full sexual intercourse either. If you are touching us, drift off or vice versa. Best used with a Mid-Range as they tend to go off in a wounded sulk rather than erupt in a rage.
- “It is just not that interesting to me.”
Any suggestion that we are dull or boring when we are demonstrating something to you or regaling you with our latest tale of brilliance will constitute a wounding criticism.
- “Let me know when you have finished.”
This can be applied to so many different activities. We expect you to either be a willing and enthusiastic participant or a delighted spectator. If you make this remark when we are showing off about something and then walk away we will be wounded by this criticism.
- “No that does not make sense.”
Remember how frustrated you become at our circular conversations and inability to understand the point you are making? Well, this is your chance to turn the tables. You probably do understand but by suggesting we are not articulating ourselves clearly when delivered without emotion will amount to a criticism. We may try and explain again. If so repeat the comment. You can then walk away as our fury ignites and no doubt we insult you for being stupid and thick but who is the one who has just been wounded?
41 thoughts on “The Empath’s Riposte Grenades”
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It’s funny I see the empath grenades seem to be just to simply saying the same things they say, back to them. Interesting.
This might be my favorite post so far. Thanks for the “fuel” HG!
Ahhhh I just love this post! 🙂
Well Ive never fallen asleep but I have tapped them on the shoulder, given a weak sad smile,and said thank you for your effort.
HG
You are a great teacher and have taught me so much. I have used a few of these granades on my ex and they have worked exactly as you said they would. I loved it. Thank you for giving us these wonderful tools every day. I am so grateful 😊
I always fall asleep during sex. I’m celibate now but maybe that’s why it’s so easy. Lol! !
Instinctively I used a lot of these grenades.But what for? The last big battle? Who of us won in the end? At least I know now, that I wounded him a lot, I did not realise it in the past. That is a great gree. Am I the narc wounder? The one who shows the narcissist all his hidden fears? The dark mirror of his own? I think so. Yes, in the end I was his dark mirror. I reflected his dark side.
In the heat of battle, it was hard to stop lobbying grenades. But that was my conclusion at th end, too. We were a dead match for each other and in the end, no one won. It became such an epic battle of wills. We both walked away bleeding and bruised.
Our wound and theirs would never be equal.. how being lied to, lead on, making u fall for them that hard for an illusion and/or financial gain be equal to wounding them with a sour laugh, pointing fingers or turning tables??!!
It’s NEVER equal to the sleepless tearful nights we spend feeling utterly worthless and guilty..
No it’s never equal to the shame after looking absolutely idiotic, horny and pathetic..
What “wounding” they go through in comparison to feeling like a piece of worn our rag… now u have no use that’s why the devaluation started to provoke u worse anyways..
They were leaving anyways, what “wounding” do they have feelings at all???!!
He simply is with someone else younger (way younger) and richer and more naive..
What “wounding” is comparable to being miserable and wasted ur best years in love with an illusion? ?!!
What wounding that ever would be equal to thinking you’re dead, you’re done every single minute??!!
You know what’s really funny.. he was never yours anyway.. u lost someone who never wanted u and never was with u in the first place
Lots of pain there, B. I wasn’t ever ‘with’ mine long enough to have lost years of my life. I started fighting him and trying to go NC before he did more damage than he had done though what he did was bad enough. I totally caught him off guard when started in to Super Nova mode. No, it was never equal but they do wound for different reasons and by different things. And that is where I got him once I gave up that there was anything to salvage and I needed to hold back. I got a revenge on one of his relationships and I like to think he took that as a wake up as he no longer uses social media to so blatantly triangulate others with.
I am sorry he took so much from you. They steal so, so much.
Did he leave for good? Or did he hoover back after all this wounding?
HG I have one of those types of faces that everything shows. When I’m hurt, sad ,happy etc… How do I do any of that ?
Do what I do. Wear a mask.
But I’m not a narcissist that would be hard for me to do 🙂
Would a narcissist recognize it if the mask is fake (like I’m really angry so faking indifference)?
A Greater is more likely to do so, yes.
Practice in the mirror! My narc sister did this in her preteen/teen years.
She would give herself compliments that seemed to come from a person in her head, then she would practice her verbal, facial and body response to it in the mirror.
It wasn’t only compliments. While she pulling in a new fuel source, she would practice conversations to have with them based on what she knew about them.
I’m so grateful to have had my sister in my life.
She taught me how to ditch my emotions when in the presence of a predator.
It annoys them to no end!
Again, brilliant. I’ve also wanted to say “Seriously, is that who you replaced me with?” and then laugh. He would often comment on how his ex wife was probably so jealous of me because of my looks. He knows I’m more attractive than all the others, but he seems to pick plain girls. I’m guessing he doesn’t want to be outshined. When I would get dressed up, he didn’t really like it. I’m 5’9 thin and blonde. I stand out in a crowd, especially in heels 🙂 He’d be consumed with other people “checking me out”. He preferred when I looked plain, less makeup, baggy clothes etc which I found strange. You’d think he’d want a hot woman on his arm to show off. He was obviously not a somatic.
When my dad saw them out together, he asked me if the new girlfriend had ever met me. When I said no, my dad said “Well he better hope she doesn’t, because when she sees you she’s gonna wonder why the hell he broke up with you!!” *this is coming from my dad who never compliments me. Thanks dad 🙂
The narc is sooo sensitive to critism. If I told him he looked terrible, put on a few pounds etc I’m sure he would just die!!! I’m definitely going to employ the point and laugh next time I see him out. LOVE IT!!!!
Haha perfect!! Thank you
Regarding #5, I’d like to tell my ex that he has the smallest penis I’ve ever encountered. This is the absolute truth and I’m hoping it will stop the hoovering attempts. Will this do it HG?
Depends how it is delivered. If done free of fuel, it will wound. Will it stop the hoovering? It depends on how that wounding fits with the other relevant criteria.
@ Cindy, I asked an ex narcissist if he was a narcissist, he just answered by saying no. I then told him he surely has all the symptoms. I also told him that I am no longer interested in him because his penis doesn’t get hard enough for me. He went silent and I blocked him. Last week after 6 or so months he hoovered from a different number being all nicey nicey. I tasked him have you forgotten about what I said about your penis? He just ignored this question and went on complimenting. This was such a lame and predictable hoover, it was actually nauseating. I told him sorry I dont deal with narcs anymore. Then I blocked him again. I cant wait to reach this head space with recent ex narc. This was all done emotionless via whatsapp but yet he hoovered. So you can’t be sure that he wont be back trying his luck
The ones you want you to hoover you doesn’t and the ones that annoy you hoover.
@KT Thanks for the input. I was with this guy for 12 years and could never bring myself to be so cruel to tell him he had a little penis. So even if I did, the best I can hope for is wounding him. Then of course there will be the selective hearing on his part when he attempts another hoover 3 months from now. I’ve remained silent for 4 months and thru numerous hoover’s. I will continue my silence. Only choice I have.
This guy’s so funny!
Fall asleep when we’re having sex with you.
😀😆😁😃😄
Falling asleep while having sex that one would be very cruel 😂😄
Didn’t even know that was possible!
I did once.
Its not possible in my case unless i faked sleeping maybe throw a couple snores in lol but the orgasms are too good 😄
Now were talking lol i love these 😂
all these grenades are dope, and well, №⑤, has my mind in the gutter…
LOL I went there too.
Thanks C now my mind is in the gutter. But at least it put a smile on my face haven’t done that in weeks.
Thank you! I finally get to go get my things. I understand they may not be as they should and I need to be emotionless. This will help with his hoovering!!
Probably on Sam’s blog 😂😂😂
I liked this and even had a laugh at some of the things to do without emotion. Good article.
Thank you.
He would get extremely angry if I said that doesn’t make sense, i never realized why back then. Another thing that wounded him was when I told him do not make your issues mine, not my monkeys not my circus. Oh and when I commented on an attractive rugby player. All hell broke loose in these 3 instances.
This is fabulous. For those of us who are forced to interact, this provides real life examples of how handle situations. The laugh and point will be exceptionally helpful as he constantly follows us taking pictures and glaring. Historically we have ducked and ran. It felt so timid and fearful. This will be empowering for my adult children and myself
I absolutely love every single one of these! Will definitely be using them.
Thank you!!!
Pleasure.
LOL. You reference the Simpsons In #1. That alone makes my day. Gabrielle approves. 🙂