Own
I want to own you.
I want to draw you into my world. A world where my rules are the only rules that matter. When I first set eyes on you I make it my business to ascertain your suitability for ownership. You might only be owned in the sense of being a tertiary source which I interact with the once, but in that moment, I own you and I own the fuel that flows from you.
I wish to brand you as my property. My appliance. My plaything. I own you and this means that nobody else does. I have exclusive rights.
I may designate you the role of secondary source, should you make the grade and you become mine, subject to the unwritten contract that governs you and I. You are to be loyal, obedient, compliant and a provider of fuel.
If you are to be my primary source, that coveted position of supplier-in-chief of the most precious and desired fuel then you also must be owned. You must be subjected to my total and hegemonic control. Once I decide that you are the one, I will not stop. Once that light has turned green, once the first tantalising drops of your fuel have begun to be sucked up by me, there is no hope for anything else.
You must be mine. I must own you.
You at first think that I look on you with love-lorn eyes. Indeed I do as I turn my precious orbs into the mirrors which give you what you want to see. Behind their silvery gaze, my machined machinations are forming. I am absorbing how you smile, how your wrinkle your nose, how you play with your hair on the left hand side of your head, never the right. I listen to the way you say ‘scone’ – do you say it so it rhymes with tone or with gone? Every word that will come from your mouth will belong to me. I want to know everything about you. Every facet of your life must now belong to me. When my hand touches you and you feel that jolt of electricity between you and me, that is my connection with you as I begin to download your life.
It is true that I have already screened you, probed your life from a distance, made enquiries and observed before launching my take-over bid. I have done my homework but now I want to dominate, conquer and subsume. I must envelop you in my world for then I can be sure that you will respond as I require. Loyal, reliable and functional.
Steadily I drain your identity from you, consuming it for my own use. This is part of the process of owning you. I know no boundaries, I see no limits, I recognise no restraint. I have decided that you are to belong to me and thus this is what must happen with the steady and incremental accumulation of what you are. I am plugged into you, the ultimate parasite which sucks the life from you. Your money becomes my money, your house becomes my house, your friends become my appliances. There is no real me. There is no substance and thus I must steal what you are in order to give the appearance of substance.
The only way I understand to do this is to own you. Make you part of the fabricated world that I have woven. This dazzling fiction fools so readily and as I part the curtain and beckon you in to my wonder land, you accept and once inside you become mine. The real world is left behind. The real world of rules, standards, procedures and fairness is no longer applicable to you. I own you now and as a consequence you are subject to my capricious nature, the arbitrary application of my diktats and pronouncements. None of it will make any sense to you when you start to realise what it happening but it will be too late by then. Your assimilation into me will be so far gone that you may just well scream and the only voice you will hear will be mine.
My ownership means I tell you who to speak to and who to ignore. My ownership means that dress is wrong and that one is right until it is the other way around. Yesterday is tomorrow which becomes today. You think Josef K endured the Kafkaesque nightmare of nothing making sense? You ain’t seen nothing yet.
I must control everything. My space, time and the environment around you. This is why to you I seem to operate as if I have no concept of time, but that is because I do not operate to Greenwich Mean Time but rather Being Mean Time. I compartmentalise, shifting between worlds which must never connect, where the players and actors inside of them move to my direction. They dance to the tune that my invisible piper plays. I must not leave anything to chance. I do not like chance. It is the ruin of me. I want predictable and eventually you will come to realise that there are few who are as predictable as my kind. We bring excitement, we bring chaos, we bring drama but it is all so predictable. The same manipulations, just variations on a theme. Some of us have more strings to our dark cupid’s bow, but the poisoned arrows we fire all have the same effects. Control and fuel.
It is only by ensuring that we own you that we can be assured and convinced that you will do as we want you to, that you will not be disloyal or a traitor to us. We must plug you in to us and like some giant leech suck the very essence from you, taking your fuel, your confidence, your self-worth, your self-esteem and stripping you of them to ensure there is compliance and obedience.
I want to own so that I know I will win. I want to own you so I can exist.
I want to own you so that everything you do is as consequence of my decisions and my actions which ensure you provide me with my lifeblood whenever I demand it. You are on call and on demand, my primary source of salvation, the reason for my existence and I dare not allow the slightest chink of autonomy for fear of losing that control.
I want to own you to underline my superiority. I want to own you to remind myself that I am powerful. I want to own you so that it is repeatedly highlighted that I am the controller.
I want to own you to stop being the slave that I am.
74 thoughts on “Own”
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Wellll that made my skin crawl.. lol
HG – if they seek to own, but ownership is never achieved (didnt bag the prize/get into relationship) does the narc still view that person/object as theirs, regardless of time, or if theyve found a new supply?
What would happen if their new supply is good, but not great like the supply they coveted, but were unable to obtain?
There is always a sense of entitlement but ownership may not be achieved. Accordingly, the narcissist takes the view that that person should belong to them even though that ownership did not come about.
At first it would make no difference because at that juncture the old IPPS is painted black therefore is and was always terrible and then the new IPPS is wonderful as he or she is painted white. The relative differences are obscured by the narcissistic perspective which includes the split thinking.
Dear Narcissist,
I want you to want to own me and to hurt me by trying to manipulate and force me to stay . I then want you to feel the pain when I abandon you because of what you knew all along, that you are not good enough for me and never will be.
HG, do you have children?
No.
HG,
There is so much contradiction it is hard to wrap my mind around your totality of thinking at times. You make excellent descriptions of your thinking process in how you think about your fuel supply, just always keeps my mind going trying to keep up.
Here is my current confusion: you describe the deep desire to own your fuel suppliers. This is consistent with your description of them as objects. I follow you there in your description. Then, you say you are not attached to us and do not wish to be in another article. Ok, I follow as I conceptualize NPD as a form of an attachment disorder. Ok ok got it….
But how do you put these facts in one mind, in one person, with the other qualities of NPD: I own you. I am not attached to you. Yet, your kind are quite jealous types. What???? Can you clarify this? I know you are describing what is consistent with what I see too in those with narcissism, it just is hard to put together. Is this the shattering pieces of your personality make up? The separate rooms for every thing. Not just separate rooms for emotions and memories that are locked away, but thoughts, opinions, values and they never blend together make a coherent whole? That requires a TON of mental energy, I would think.
God, no wonder you never sleep 😂
Can you help me understand this better, HG?
Most grateful as always,
Indy
Hello Indy, you are correct that there is often much contradiction in what my kind do, not that of course is something which holds us back because we either do not see it (Lesser/Mid Range) or if we do, (Greater) there is no downside to it because of our sense of entitlement and lack of accountability, so it is full steam ahead to Contradiction Central.
I own you but I am not attached to you. That mind set is straight forward. You are mine, I have attached you to me, but I am not attached to you because I will use you as I see fit and then throw you to one side. I create no emotional connection with you – I do not do so because (a) I do not know how to do ; and (b) even if I did know, I would not choose to do it because to do so is madness (as explained in the article Attachment is the Seat of Misery).
Windstorm2,
I couldn’t reply directly to your comment regarding the value of emotions. I wanted to add AMEN!
Yes, “logical mind” is scientific and logical and takes its time (like Spock)….and cold and not passionate. (Pros and cons).
“Emotion mind” is hot, fast, impulsive, AND inspired, passionate, creative, of other worlds and outside the box thinking. (Like Mozart)
Now imagine the balanced blend of both, in “wise mind”. (Like Yoda, Buddha)
Life is best lived in balance and often there are sacrifices in life when we are either the Sheldons in life or the Van Goghs. We either end up socially isolated or with a missing ear 😉
Nice discussion here between you and HG. The states of mind I reference above are part of DBT philosophy and is dear to me and my practice.
Indy
Thank you! It’s a subject I feel strongly about. I highly value logic, but even more I value rationality. My exhusband was criticizing me the other day for using emotional thinking (we were at a funeral), but I felt he was critical because he can never really understand it, being a narc. He has very good cognitive empathy, which is great, but that’s a cold, logical thing – more Like Spock – and he is a very logical person.
I really like your term “wise thinking.” I had heard it long ago, but forgotten it. It is very apt, because that is what wisdom is – learning through experience how to apply logic to emotions. That has brightened my day! My new goal is wise thinking. (I can already hear my exhusband’s sarcasm!😝)
I’m going to have to google dbt philosophy and study it! You’ve mentioned it many times and i imagine I’d find it both interesting and useful.
Be thinking of my daughter and all those in labor, please. She thought she was in early labor last night (false alarm) and my little dog and I are off to Kansas first thing this morning!
The quote,” when you scream my voice is the one you hear”…chilling and true. Losing your identity and who you are is so common in this form of abuse. That imo is the most heartbreaking and the hardest part when going no contact. Who am i without the narc??? They inject themselves into every facet of your life that they do in essence “take over”. Codependants are at greatest risk bc tgey like the narc dont have a strong sense if self and cling on to others to create themselves and validate their existence. This is a toxic situation all around!
I have learnt so much from your blog,so much so that i can smell a narc from a mile away…Anyway,there is a way i have observed some suspect narc speak,he almost always refers to himself as ‘we’ rather than ‘i’ which gets me really wonder,could he be hosting some other person/spirit inside him?
It’s the royal we.
I really love this post. It feels like my narc still owns me. He actually said we owned each other, but it didn’t feel like it went both ways.
When we were sexting, he was being kind of dominant and that’s when he said the hulmiliating thing “I can cut you off the night before and have you whenever I want you the very next day.” (It felt very real and cruel because he had chosen not to get off with me the night before. And if had made me insecure, feeling like he may not want me anymore. But that was the same night he tried fantasizing about “raping his neighbor” though he described more of a seduction. And I think it was because I had sexted another guy per his request but rather than include him I just told him after the fact, because he seemed occupied anyway.)
So when he made the comment about cutting me off, I asked him if this was just a game to him. He said “This is no game. This is me OWNING you.” And he said later he only meant in fantasy, but why did it feel like he was telling the truth when he said it? Was that his true self showing through? Or did I read sinister motive where it didn’t exist.
He’s f**&king with your mind Mary. Pushing and pulling until you don’t know whether you’re coming or going, no pun intended
ANK,
I know you’re right. With each of HG’s posts and with feedback here, it sinks in more. Thank you.
Hi HG,
when you write: “I want to own you to stop being the slave that I am.” Are you referring to our fuel or having to find a new IPPS?
Great article per usual!
Thank you 🙂
Fuel.
Have you noticed a preponderance of ‘Spiritual Corruption’ in narcissists?
This can take many forms.E.g.
Acting as a medium (even as a joke)
Acting as a medium for animals (even as a joke)
Psychedelic use.
-Either regular use or the use of which happened before an increase in narcissistic behaviour.
Divination, fortune telling.
Mediation, crystals,
Putting hexes on people.
Claiming to be a ‘White Witch’.
Oops, meant to say meditation.
I have not experienced this directly but I have come across a number of people who referenced it.
Interesting thanks, I’m always asking real people for their experiences with this side of life.
HG,
Didn’t you consult with Dr. Agadagodo with regards to that nasty Jezebel curse? Maybe Imnop should get his number from you?
Always thinking of you,
Special Agent ABB
I did but he said I had bad ju ju and ran away screaming.
the narc ex once told me I was a “B”
I told him maybe I am, but I’m not YOUR “B”..
he said “who’s “B” are you then?” all jealous spit and vinegar
and I smiled sweetly and said “Wouldn’t you like to know…” and walked away
to this day this was one of my best victories in wounding him.
I don’t hate him, he’s not worth the energy expenditure. What I did in doing so is prove he never owned me and never will.
he may wish it were so, but it never will be.
expanding on why I don’t hate him: because I understand he is fighting his own demons and I was collateral damage. It does not excuse what he did to me and is now doing to others by any means, but I also understand that it opened my eyes to fighting my own demons of insecurity, self-worth and I am learning much I had no clue on while growing up.
I also understand that if not him, it would have been some other narc.
It is what it is.
HG, to add to what windstorm2 said above,
humans stand together in societies because our ancestors would never have survived unless we helped one-another, regardless of emotional input or output, it is why we thrive as a species.
Humans would have gone extinct long ago without collaboration or if we preyed on our own kind. Together we stand, divided we fall… well..perhaps… or perhaps we’ve evolved beyond that…maybe…
It is not an emotional response but a biological one: survival. It’s hardwired in *most* of us, still.
maybe your kind now thrives because there are too many of us and no predators from outside other then diseases thus we become our own predator as a survival mechanism…
who knows…
as for “life is short”, I suppose you’re right it might be based on emotional response to think so, in that for some it hurts so much to live it seems like forever while others don’t hurt like that. I hope those people who hurt find where they belong because there is a lot of happiness to be had out of life.
but knowing that most of us are not your kind, can you blame us for having those thoughts and emotional responses?
Sometimes we forget there are always 2 sides to every coin… and sometimes it seems like you do too… even though I know that it’s because your kind thinks that their side of the coin is the only correct one…
No, I do not blame you, indeed we need those emotional responses and I found your observations interesting, thanks for sharing them.
Amaria
Very good analogy and thought. Going to use it in meditation. Thanks!
You’re welcome, windstorm 2 and Mary. Thank you for saying so. We’re all struggling towards self awareness.
Delusions are made of sand. They crumble under waves of reality. Nobody owns anything but themselves. To love one’s self, warts and all, sets us free.
Amaria, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
You do not own me…never have..never will.
I was definitely his possession and not his equal or teammate.
So nice living in the pain free bubble I’m in . Tomorrow I’m deleting all photos of my phone . I don’t look at them but just hadn’t been ready to delete , now I am . I follow no contact to a t . No social media , no looking , no asking , no answering any no caller ID calls , emails straight to junk never check . I’m in my safe little bubble now and have no intention of coming out .
Bel, congrats on following no contact. This is awesome that you are deleting the photos from your phone. I have not been able to summon the ability to delete my narc’s pics. I still have screen shots of conversations where he manipulated, as a reminder of how twisted he is. Of course, at times I look at them and wonder if he was manipulating at all and I just took it the wrong way. But either way, I’m still very much wrapped in wanting to think he was real, so NOT ready to delete the pics. You saying you are, it gives me hope that this readiness will come in time. Here’s to your bubble! 🙂
I understand your need to control. If you control, you aren’t vulnerable, to loss.
Loss of love, is your greatest fear.
“Your are mine!” he said.
great skills you have there, I dare say…. but at the expense of your chosen one… like a parasite, you need a living host in order to survive
My narc does not appear to return to his ex’s (that I know of). I classify him as a lesser somatic… He does find victims on social media and use it A LOT. Lots of silent treatment. Rages. I have not heard/seen him in 1.5 year. Is there a reason, a narc would not be returning or contacting exes?
Hello Elle, there may be a number of reasons why this has not happened, chief amongst them would be the narcissist has a long golden period with a new IPPS and has no need to return or he is unable to contact those exes.
By the way, HG, you gave me a few more words to look up… Thank you 😘
Pleasure.
It’s been nine months and I don’t think he gives a flying fuck about me anymore and that is very OK with me!!
9 months is not long.
RS,
He probably never did. Only pretended to.
A week since I last heard from Narchole I have resisted all temptation to reach out and and text him. Just because it feels like he doesn’t give a fuck about me anymore either as he is busy working on a new source and has the IPPS still. In a way that is a weapon and catapult to not caring about them anymore.
Had a wife, number 1,
found a another supply (me,number 2),
started on number 3, discarded number 1, kept number 2, me
has started to seduce number 4, still got number 3 so can discard number 2
A chain of supply.
Demons are really bad at philosophy…
“It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not”
– André Gide
Your world IS fabricated. I found him out and he knows I found him out and I have not heard a peep since. He will never fool me again!!
So what happens when they realize they can no longer control you, when they realize you have them figured out and you no longer comply to there manipulations. No longer are the primary source because you refuse. They no your happy and you have your shine back that they once tried to destroy. Do they finally give up and find a new primary or do they just switch up manipulations until they find something else that works. Eerily written HG. He has reminded me time and time again he will never give up so your input would be appreciated.
HG,
This is BS, and you know it!!
A loved one was hospitalised today, and I cannot sleep. It took all my strength today not to burst into tears in front of her.
Life is fragile, HG. And life is short! DO NOT WASTE YOURS! Get your revenge, educate others, grow, overcome, heal, be the one you were meant to be!
Not at all. Your response is the product of emotional thinking.
“Not at all. Your response is the product of emotional thinking.”
Of course, it is… just being human…
Much good in this world is accomplished because of emotional thinking. It’s an important part of being human. I wouldn’t want to live on Vulcan.
Please do expand.
It is our emotional thinking that prompts us to reach out to others in pain. It is often what prompts people to help one another in times of need. It causes the sharing of joy and happiness that brightens up other people’s days. Or the sharing of sorrow that helps grieving people recover from loss. It inspires the creation of art and music….these are just a few ways emotional thinking is important in the world. As to the Star Trek reference – if you are unfamiliar, google would explain it better than I.
Thank you WS2. I understand the Vulcan reference.
As ever it is about perspective and of course there is no final and ultimate arbiter of what is right and what is wrong. I accept that emotional thinking can cause good to happen, it also results in poor outcomes as well. The application of logic achieves better outcomes and avoids poor ones.
True, but there are many times logic would not cause a person to step in and help another when emotion will. I believe we evolved emotions because they help bond people and encourage actions that improve survival of the group. For just logic alone to be enough, people would need a higher level of altruism than I fear we have. What’s best for society and others may not easily be recognized by logic alone.
HG, I have learned that narcissism is caused by the Jezebel spirit. There are prayers to break it and free yourself. You are one of the few who understand what you are. Time is short. The good doctors don’t know crap. This is a spiritual condition, not a mental disorder. You realize something is wrong, you must break the Jezebel curse and get deliverance. I pray you are able to do this, or find someone to help you.
Thank you for your good wishes Imnop. I don’t share your outlook but appreciate your sentiment nevertheless.
Mr. Tudor, you are perfect as you are. You are not broken or diseased or possessed.
I know most people mean well by trying to help you ‘fix’ yourself with prayers, potions, and therapy. Why can’t we appreciate you for who you are and all that you have taught us?
Because of their inherent belief in ‘goodness’ and the ‘desire to fix’. It is ingrained as is my need for fuel. We are all addicts here.
Very true. We all have a drug of choice.
Roxy Music had something to sing about that.
Yes Love is the Drug ❤
Windstorm – your comment about good coming from emotional thinking was well said and got me thinking. Do you agree that HGs writings inspire alot of emotion? We can read the comment section alone and see the overwhelming emotion from all of us readers. That type of writing has to come from somewhere and I have a hard time believing it’s from logic alone. In my opinion anyone can state logical facts but it takes emotion to inspire emotion.
Mercy
Certainly there is a ton of emotion expressed here in the comments. And certainly emotional thinking inspires emotions in others. HG does have emotions, just not as many as we do, and he is a gifted emotion mimic and highly skilled at drawing emotions from others for fuel.
Unemotional logic can inspire emotions though. If I hear the cold, unemotional statement, “ten thousand people were displaced by the tsunami and the death toll continues to rise” that will trigger a strong emotional reaction in me. Often hearing cold, unfeeling logic in a tragic situation kicks our emotional responses into overdrive.
Posts like these are the hardest ones to stomach.
HG, I don’t understand the last sentence ?
yes, but you do not kill a beast by feeding it…
“I want to own you to stop being the slave that I am.”
you do not stop being a slave to narcissism by indulging that side of you.. but rather by fighting it and defeating it…
just fyi…
yes, I know you are not listening, I know you see no reason to change, I am wrong even when I am right, blah blah, it still needed to be said.
to kill a beast you have to own it… so maybe your fight and grievances with empaths is more symbolically a fight with your own demons by proxy…
I hope you defeat your beast… after having made a huge difference in the world.
Then in a way you will own empathy as a whole, not just individuals with the gift but it within yourself…
well I can hope – grin –
Agree with your comment that a narc’s fight with empaths is probably a fight with his/her own demons. It does make sense even if it can’t be confirmed.
Ali
IMHO I agree with everything you have written. But it is a dark journey to confront the beast within. Years and years of life to get you close enough to confront it and i is a dark horrendous battle, one that when you are in it you do not think you will make it through another day. You curl up in the fetal position and move from this only out of necessity and look forward to return to this position and sleep. Many do not come out or when they do the creature has gained more strength and you are lost to it forever. But some have something or someone that gets them pushing to fight and fight until you control the creature. Again it can be years, if you are lucky. Once you do this, then you have the long journey of climbing out of the dark dungeon of where the creature has lived as long as you can remember. But the light draws you to do this. When the sun hits your face for the first time in what seems like a lifetime, you are truly reborn.
You now control the creature and you can never ever forget that you must always control the creature. This does not mean you can feel certain emotions but it does control how you behave and interact with others.
I can hope HG can get to this point with his good doctors.
I hope I made some sense here.
agreed, AH OH. and that’s *when* they decide to try and change…which most never do… especially if they know what they are and what they do. I’ve heard of one that didn’t care for what he was doing once he found out and sought help, wanting to change, but he would have been a rare beast indeed.
not thinking the ex I left will ever change, even if he ever knew what he is he seemed to actually enjoy what he was doing to me and our child… even if HG says Sadism is rare and they don’t enjoy it, he sure did.
I only spoke from expirence. I am not sadistic. Wait, I do bite and leave marks or break the skin if need be. Just loved to bite as long as I can remember.
Wow wow wowwww
I really love this post. It feels like my narc still owns me. He actually said we owned each other, but it didn’t feel like it went both ways.
When we were sexting, he was being kind of dominant and that’s when he said the hulmiliating thing “I can cut you off the night before and have you whenever I want you the very next day.” (It felt very real and cruel because he had chosen not to get off with me the night before. And if had made me insecure, feeling like he may not want me anymore. But that was the same night he tried fantasizing about “raping his neighbor” though he described more of a seduction. And I think it was because I had sexted another guy per his request but rather than include him I just told him after the fact, because he seemed occupied anyway.)
So when he made the comment about cutting me off, I asked him if this was just a game to him. He said “This is no game. This is me OWNING you.” And he said later he only meant in fantasy, but why did it feel like he was telling the truth when he said it? Was that his true self showing through? Or did I read sinister motive where it didn’t exist.