Poll – What Would You Wish For Upon The Narcissist?
You have been granted one wish. This wish has to be applied to the narcissist (or narcissists if there was more than one) that you have entangled with in your life. Whether it was a romantic, social, familial, work or other ensnarement, what would you want the narcissist to experience? Do you wish them dead? Perhaps you want them to change and be genuinely remorseful for everything that they have done? Maybe you would prefer them to be placed in isolation and with no access to fuel? Go with your gut response. Do expand on why you chose this in the comment.
Thank you for participating.
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WS2 “No matter what aspect of the relationship you mean, they will just shrug, think “c’est la vie” and move on when it ends. They truly believe that – no matter what you’re talking about: kids, home, wife, lover, job – “eh, I can get a new one, maybe even better.”
I agree.
None of the options offered in the poll …
I would always wish him happiness and inner peace. I also hope that one day he can be accepting of the ‘imperfect’ me.
CKH
That’s how I feel about mine, too! I can understand all the feelings of bitterness and even hatred, but I’ve moved on beyond there, TBTG. I wish all mine could feel happiness and inner peace, too, but I fear those two blessings are beyond their abilities- but that doesn’t dim my hope for them! I agree with the fairy godmother in Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella,
“But the world is full of zanies and fools, who don’t believe in sensible rules, who won’t believe what sensible people say, and because these daft and dewy-eyed dolts keep building up impossible hopes, impossible things are happening every day.”
WS2 I love your Cinderella quote :). I wish I could be as purely forgiving as you are. You are the sweetest.
Wish I could be so magnanimous and forgiving too.
I don’t think I can forgive knowing his actions were deliberate, but there are moments when I feel sorry for him, in between hating him, and somewhere in there a desire to understand him specifically.
Strongerwendy
Thank you! I’ve been worrying I might have gone too far exposing my zaniness with that quote. (I could practically feel HG’s disdain of that level of emotional thinking). That’s one of my all time favorite songs!
I have learned to be very forgiving and let go of my anger for my own mental health. Forgiveness is very empowering. It has freed me from a host of negative emotions like anger, bitterness, sadness, and helplessness. Coming to terms with a narc relationship requires going thru the 5 stages of grief – and anger is one of them we all have to work thru. But once you’ve worked thru it, you can let it go.
Oooh, “Let It Go!” There’s another of my all time favorite songs! From my favorite movie! That sounds like the perfect beginning to my weekend. The dogs and I can watch Frozen and sing along. 🎶 🎶🎶
Thank you Strongerwendy! You have truly brightened my day!!
Always happy to brighten the day of those who deserve it 🙂
ha ha! Sorry HG, this is probably making you retch 😉
CKH and windstorm2
I don’t it has to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness is what I do for myself. I used to want some sort of justice, but accepted that in this society he gets to get away with what he did. But if I was to ever wish happiness and inner peace for him, I would never do it the way these rainbows and lollipop people at his church are doing. He is being pampered by everyone in his life. Looking through rose coloured glasses is what got me into this mess. What I wish for him is a hard life, and maybe some kind of tragedy for him. Something that would finally smash his ego until he hits rock bottom. What I wish for him is a heavy dose of regret and contrition, to be flat out on the floor crying for the pain he caused so many. What I wish for him is pain, pain, and more pain. Then, AND ONLY THEN, can someone so sick as these narcs finally turn their lives around.
Bodhi,
U have exactly word for word described what my ex mid-ranger went thru – tragedy (exposure), ego smashed(facade broken), hit rock bottom (depression, isolation, low fuel, suicidal thoughts), heavy (perhaps false) regret (he finally said to me ‘i know what i did was wrong’).
As an empath, u may not like seeing him in this condition when/if it finally happens. I thought i would like to see ex in this condition for the future faking and triangulation (he only triangulated 1x in 3.5 yrs otherwise v secretive, but i am v sensitive so it hurt me), but when he finally was in this condition, my heart wept for him. He reached out to me for help and i helped him as much as i could.
Bodhi, i was cautious though while helping him. I needed to be.
Wow I figured death would rank high up. I guess people are way more sympathetic than I am. Yes it would be nice for them to feel the pain they cause but they feel nothing so why bother with wishing for golden periods that were just an illusion or lighter punishments such as that when you have the option to send them straight to hell where they belong and can finally feel something for the first time. Cruel? Maybe…but so deserving!
HG, why would it be more violent than it already is?
Think about it.
hmmmm, silent and deadly…. got it!
I think I know why. If they can’t take their anger out on you verbally, they will take it out on you physically.
RS… good Point…Yikes, guess my brain was not engaged before i wrote!
If they would never be able to lie any more. Haha.
I mean I wish that they would never be able to lie any more. Haha 🙂
Dontmentionthewar
That made me laugh!! Imagining a world full of silent narcissists!! 😂
It would be a more violent place.
I agree. They’d have to resort to more physical ways of getting their fuel. Be a lot more frustration based anger. And we’d miss out on all that charm (definitely a verb). A lot of the color would disappear from human society and culture. And I have to admit – after my initial laugh – I’d feel sorry for them all, deprived of their main source of pleasure and what what passes as happiness.
I agree with your observations WS2, although balls to the sorrow and pity, that’s for the ball-washing Mid Rangers.
Yes. But there would be so many of them, HG, all desperate for fuel…they’ll lap up my pity like cats with sweet cream. You know us empaths. If we feed and care for stay cats and dogs, you know we will pity those pathetic fuel-starved midrangers.
Ha, ha! He’s not a midranger but while I was typing this my exhusband called for his daily fuel-fix from me. Luckily I have plenty to spread around – as long as they’re content with positive!
I would love to see that. Every time they open their mouth, the truth comes out instead of their lies and manipulation. And let’s add that they can’t control it at will. Just like the movie Liar with Jim Carey.
I have been reflecting on this poll and this is what I wish for upon my narcissist:
1. Isolation till he is a moaning, writhing heap on the floor.
2. Then I want to water board him with Starbuck’s coffee. (he made sure his IPSS had breakfast and a cup of Starbucks coffee everyday)
3. Isolation again.
4. Then I want to strap him to a chair and hook his balls up to a car battery and zap the shit out of him.
5. Isolation again.
6. This was difficult; it was a toss-up between crucifixion or hanged, drawn and quartered. The thought of his head on a spike was too good to pass up, so hanged, drawn and quartered won out.
This is more than satisfactory and will help me sleep like a baby tonight.
Thanks!
I wish I could get to the angry stage..but maybe I won’t. It could be my acceptance of things and the learning experience brought along with it..
Fuck it…wish I could get to the angry stage..
May be being angry helps purge, may be it doesn’t. Ive been angry but I don’t feel any better. It’s merry-go-round of feelings – pain, anger, anxiety, fear, panic, numbness, hate, want… 😖
Jody Allen & ANK
Feelings come and go like the tide and some are stronger than others. And everybody is different. Sometimes I feel a deep sadness and I use my anger and humor to pull me out of that abyss. It really is a merry-go-round. ANK I like your comment about being a “Loser empath” on June 19th,The Magnet Empath; it made me laugh! Whatever you feel, just go with it! Let it all out.
K,
I’m glad I made you laugh.
Love it, love it, LOVE IT! It’s the LEAST of what these fuckers deserve! Well done you, sleep well for the rest of your beautiful Narc free life xo
This was a reply to ‘K’ on 3rd August, not sure why it didn’t connect as a reply to her message?
Ali
I love a kindred spirit! Thank you so much!!! And I will sleep well for the rest of my beautiful narc free life! XO
I wish my ex narc wud no longer b a narcissist. I wish he cud feel love, empathy, joy, sadness (for others), guilt, remorse, attachment. I wish we cud live happily ever after.
Hey Jenna!
I would wish my narcs healed as well. How are you doing? Hope all is going well in your world.
Hi windstorm. I’ve been going through a rough patch with mr. Gas tank. But with all of your support, i know i’ll get through it. Thank you for asking. It means alot to me. How are you?
Hey Jenna!
I’m fine. Tired and a little stressed. I’m in Kansas at my daughter’s helping out with her new baby girl. She’s got a 5, 3, 1 and newborn. Probably be here another couple weeks. I like to help out and feel useful, but I miss being home, freedom and privacy!
Sorry to hear you’ve been in a rough patch. Hope it gets better soon. Hang in there!
Windstorm, congratulations on your new granddaughter! I’m sure you must be enjoying the little ones! My best to your daughter as well!
Congratulations Wnidstorm:)
Thank you, Star! Rocking a newborn is a wonderful feeling.
Thanks, Jenna! I do enjoy them, especially the newborn, but they can really be a handful! Yesterday the 5 year old (who has shown signs of narcissism from birth) said, “when are you going home? I think you’ve been here long enough!” We’re all working hard to teach him empathy. I sure hope we succeed.
Have a great week.
I hope you succeed too windstorm. Sending you positive energy! Hang in there! I have a feeling you will succeed!
I wish for the narcissist to live in constant fear of exposure, rather than be exposed.
Cherished Charm.. I think they already fear that the most.. non HG? Reckon you can do better CC.
Ali..
I think most of them do fear exposure but the ones who don’t are very dangerous in my opinion. The Greater I encountered did not seem to fear exposure (unless he just hid it well in order to appear convincing and counter any attempt one would make to expose him). He was clearly a Sociopath though and his abusive behaviors severely escalated once he was exposed.
The Mid Ranger I know well shows her fear of exposure in her body language and tries the pre-emptive smear campaign which most fall for.
H.G.
I can understand why the percentage would be so high for #1…although it is truly staggering to see that number glaring at me..
Perhaps it has something to do with the fear of the unknown and the addiction to the sick and toxic love affair that we have together…? Rather then the false sense of the relationship?
After all, when you’ve been programmed and know the steps to the dance it’s much easier to dance with the devil you already know.
I cannot ever see mine trying to hoover me back to the formal relationship , he is having too much fun playing cat and mouse and creating more misery and panic for me.
I’m not dumb enough to think he wouldn’t try. We all know if I would follow through with No Contact the percentage would go further down, but I seriously fear the repercussions if I do. I don’t feel strong enough for a bigger smear campaign than what I’ve already endured or any other tricks he may have up his sleeve..Any advice?
HG
Would you hazard a guess at what percentage of Empaths who are now aware they were ensnared and vow never again, actually would be ensnared again due to their ingrained traits and beliefs?
Hi NarcAngel. It seems to me that there are the following scenarios
1. Those who know they have been ensnared, vow never again, but are caught by the same narc again – I would say this would be 75%
2. Those who know they have been ensnared, vow never again, but are caught by a different narc – I would say 50-60%
3. Those of the above 1 or 2 who have read my material, know they have been ensnared and have either been ensnared again by the same narc or a different one – 20%
Of course there is no empirical study and is anecdotal in nature.
That’s rather ominous.
Except #3. Thanks to you for greatly reducing our ex-narcs’ odds, HG!
Interesting numbers, HG. Just my opinion, but I think the numbers are so high because people are often quick to swear “never again” but unwilling to keep up the effort and vigilance success requires. I think this is true with all kinds of things, not just narcs. May just be part of human nature.
Hmmm…very interesting perspective HG:) your articles are definitely knowledgeable and empowering. But I do remember when I first started reading them how triggered I was. Knowing that this is how your kind really thinks and feels and does kind of made me feel horrible and raw all over again. At the same time I almost think of your articles like exposure type therapy. The more I read the more weaponized I felt and the lesser the emotional impact, until the emotions and anxiety pretty much disappeared.I can honestly say your insight and wisdom has cured me of whatever sick obsession I had and has helped on a wider scale as well. You are the only narcissist I will ever follow around HG:)
HG
Thank you for your reply and for expanding. I wondered if the numbers would be high despite the assertions of never again from many. Time tends to alter or diminish memories and the traits of the Empath such as forgiveness and second chances are deeply ingrained. I do think however that those percentages can be greatly reduced if one continues to read here to reinforce the memory with facts, and the experiences and support of others.
Valid points NA.
HG I agree 100% with what you just wrote. The more one is educated the more that we read your books , articles and participate in your live stream question and answers the higher percentage we have of staying away from future narcs. There is no shortcut there is in my opinion no way to prevent being in snared unless we continue to become informed. I think the mistake of some people make is the read a few articles they read a couple of bags and they think their set and they think that they can prevent becoming in snared that is not the case because as you have stated and so many articles and books we as empaths will always be in danger of being in snared because we are just as attracted to the narcissist as they are to us so the only sure way to preventing that is to keep getting informed on a daily basis thank you so much for providing that instrument for all of us.
my deepest gratitude always 🌺
Actually, I just thought of something better: the worse thing for a narc would be similar to Dante’s inferno except that they would be alone in a room full of empaths who were deaf and interested in the opposite sex. Wouldn’t that be hell for them HG? Terrible thought 🙂
I wish for them to feel the pain of betrayal alone in an isolated cabin for about a month without a phone or access to any social media.
That he doesn’t do what he did to me with the next person
Live in isolation in jail where he gets raped so he can lose all control and scared and speechless
Depending on the level of abuse, I agree.
I chose “experience the misery/pain” I felt because I haven’t evolved past my anger enough to wish my online narc the best. Right now I want him to feel as lost and confused and betrayed as his women have felt by his mind-fucking. I want that for him.
That said, the online narc has two daughters. The best thing for THEM would be if their dad stopped being a narc and treated them and their mother with respect.
HG: Are there some narcs who manage to only play games and mind-fuck their secondary sources, but they never do it to their spouse and kids? (I mean they cheat, but is it possible they don’t devalue their spouse in any way and the twisted stuff is ONLY seen by mistresses?)
I wish they could genuinely feel the full spectrum of emotional connection and have the wounds they placated upon others felt fully within.
Yet more to the source I wish they couldn’t bare children so the generational pattern can cease and pain irretrievably be ended for all generations to come.
If narcs can’t heal and become decent human beings, then I would love to see all the “humans” in this Cluster B disorder rounded up and put on a top security island surrounded by an electrified barbed wire fence with 24-hr armed guards. They would all have to live forever with each other. And if one did happen to escape, the shore around the island would have to be populated by extremely hungry great whites. No TV, no exercise rooms, no books, no entertainment of any kind permitted, ever. All they have is each other’s evil company. I can think of tons of things I’d wish for them. I think Ali’s suggestion is brilliant.
Veritas
Wow. Im a bitch but youre mean lol.
Hey, NarcAngel,
I laughed at your comment. But I have to say that I liken narcs to cancer, the ONLY exception being cancer really doesn’t know what it’s doing. It’s just cancer. And I can’t wait for the day when cancer is eradicated. Narcs are like cancer in that they continue to grow malignantly and kill you slowly in the process. They take over every aspect of your life, leave you confused, weak, terrified and, in my case, LITERALLY fighting for my life. A counselor at the crisis center told me many, many people like me end up in crisis, she is very familiar with the disorder and that these people just simply do not care. THEY DON’T CARE. They enjoy what they do. There is no cure. And…..she said, “There is not one reason for these people to exist.” Sometimes when I read some of the comments it disturbs me because I don’t really think some people grasp fully what they are dealing with. You are dealing with 100% evil walking around in human bodies. I don’t care how they got that way. On some level I believe we all choose how we are going to be at an early age; we just don’t realize consciously that we have made a choice.
I thought my idea was pretty tame if you look at it from my point of view. I don’t believe in the death penalty or torture or any of that. However, they should never, under any circumstances whatsoever, ever, ever, ever be allowed to live among the decent. Think of this: My story ALMOST ended in my death and my family was terrified for me. If this happened to your daughter, how would you feel about my suggestion then?
All that said, I know you were kidding. I just felt the need to expand on my suggestion. It’s all good. 🙂
I look at it like a scientist now. I don’t hate them. I just see them for what they are. HG’s writings really drove the point home to me. Maybe HG would agree with me; I don’t really know. I wouldn’t speak for him, but I don’t think he would take any offense — BECAUSE HE DOESN’T CARE!!! Peace out.
I still can’t fully accept that they just dont care. I think they do care and all this smoke and mirrors (abuse) is all about control because they care so much that they are not worthy of anyone’s love
Lisa
I understand what you mean. I felt that way for decades myself. I mean it just doesn’t make sense that they could really not love us at all. But, unfortunately, they really don’t.
They can enjoy our company and the life we build together, they can want to keep us and fear us leaving, they can be proud of the family we build with them and not want it to end – but they never really love us. No matter what aspect of the relationship you mean, they will just shrug, think “c’est la vie” and move on when it ends. They truly believe that – no matter what you’re talking about: kids, home, wife, lover, job – “eh, I can get a new one, maybe even better.”
It’s so hard to believe, since we’re so different, but it’s true. I’ve personally seen too many examples to not believe it any more.
Yes I suppose your right but I know my ex has suffered when his exes have finally had enough of him . Whether that’s down to lack of control or loss of attention or being rejected which they do not like , I don’t know , but it does bother them but maybe not for the same reasons it bothers us . Mine is suffering at the moment due to me not responding to hoovers but when I say suffering he’s suffering for himself without a thought of how any of this has ever affected me
I don’t know if I’m completely wrong about this and still struggling with the “they never cared at all” or maybe it is this and I just never grasped it.
I am trying to understand why they take it so badly and never want us to leave despite all their abuse . Yes I know we are replaced by another object but they don’t like it . You can not suffer injury if you don’t care about something. So much is talked about the golden period but always from the victims point of view, of course when the mask slips then the cycle goes on , but I think the narcissist cannot stand the fact that we no longer see them in the way that we did during the golden period and when we really see the true them underneath the act they cannot stand our reaction to that . The mirror is then our disgust of the disgust they feel about themselves (creature) they say victims are always chasing the golden period back but I think the narcissist is as well because they want us to see them that way and then when we finally don’t and leave they feel hatred towards themselves , they want us to always remember them as the golden period but we don’t and they hate that because they hate themselves . I believe what Sam Vaknin says all narcissists are thespians just some are better actors than others that is the only real difference when it really comes down to the disorder. Obviously you have individual intelligence and personality but the actual illness is all down to the level of acting but they are all the same underneath they hate themselves . Is any of this correct HG ?
veritas
I want to gas all my narcs with Zyklon-B and I think we should round up all the remaining narcissists (cluster-Bs), sterilize them, send them to another planet and let them die off. They are horrible, evil people!
Tell me more.
Lol, fuckin A!
Thanks veritas, I think your wish is just as brilliant… they all deserve each other in eternal hell, tis only fair.
Thank you, Ali. The only thing I could add to your wish is that after they heal and become empaths while they are being tortured they must have full knowledge that they were once that way and this is what they did to others. 🙂
Lol veritas…youve got this well thought out!
Narcotraz 🤗
Hahahahahaha!!
Veritas i just read your rely to narcangel. So sorry this happened to you. My situation is very tame compared to so many ive come across. It still hurts like hell but i can see where other people have suffered way worse. It puts things in perspective. It really is no laughing matter.
veritas
can I be your friend?
HG
Hmmmmm… my mind is in a dark place, but since you are the ONLY narcissist I know that has been helpful; I will grant you quarter, but all the rest gotta go.
To heal & feel and then be eternally Narc’d without respite.
Wish the two narcs I cared for would no
longer be narcissists. Would be good as I will continue to have contact with them but main reason is I genuinely want them to feel happiness and be content with simple things in life. Tthey never are. I can usually feel what they feel, the resentment, craving for power, control, jealousy, anger, never content and never happy, to me it’s such an awful existence. I normally block those out but for some reason I was so charmed by the greater narc that I allowed too much of him to be absorbed and sometimes those feelings became mine. so I know and I wish they could feel differently, not be narcs anymore.
Branded with Narcissist to warn others – in an ideal world (because I care about genuine empaths and don’t think they deserve the lies/mask).
The moral is, though, make your own luck. The narc is nothing to be envious or jealous of, as they can love nobody. It’s just a perpetual circle of games and fakeness. Stay in it if you want constant pointless drama, or get out and stay out.
I wish You a free of charge , one minute ad slot during the Super Bowl to advertise your books 😊
I like you.
Abrokenwing
The impact that wish would have!!!!!
Your wish Would be the most life changing for so many!