The Revision of History
You are no doubt familiar with the quotation
“History is written by the victors”
to explain that those who triumph then re-write what has happen to accord with their new-found supremacy. We bastardise that quotation. We re-write history in order to ensure that we are the victors. We love to win. We hate to lose. It goes further than that. It is not just about wanting to win, loving the fact that we are winners but we need to win. It is imperative. This need to win manifests in numerous ways, which include:-
Always being in receipt of fuel;
Being the centre of attention;
Having our say first and for longest;
Making sure we are heard above all others;
Getting the latest gadget or piece of technology ahead of our friends, family and neighbours;
Having the most attractive spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, partner amongst our social groups;
Having the best suit and tie;
Being the most senior at a meeting;
Earning the most out of our peers;
Having secured the best career out of those we went to school with;
Being the best at running, football, archery, chess;
Knowing the most about a particular subject;
Offering the best wine at a dinner party;
Securing the best seats at a theatre or a restaurant;
Being acknowledged first in a group;
Bench pressing the heaviest weight in the gym;
Having the best sound system;
Knowing more famous people than our friends;
Securing tickets to a sold-out performance;
Winning the argument with anybody who tries to challenge us;
Ensuring our partner puts our needs ahead of theirs;
Getting served before anybody else;
Being able to drink the most at a party;
Ensuring everybody respects our “quiet time” when we are watching a film;
Having the most exuberant birthday bashes.
There are of course so many more. Not all of these are always applicable as for instance a Cerebral Narcissist will have little interest in ensuring that he can bench press the most weight at the gym and the Somatic Narcissist is not at all bothered about being the local expert on the history of the town in which he lives, but each and everyone one of our kind will want to and need to, secure the win.
This need manifests in the lengths we will go to so that we achieve the win. We will boast, brag, manipulate, blackmail, coerce, cajole, sabotage, nobble and bribe our way to the win. Nothing is off limits. If I can emotionally blackmail a friend into ensuring I sit in the lead funeral car with the family ahead of any other friend of the family, then I will do it. If I need to delete the files from a competitor’s computer at work, so be it. If I need to ensure that I have control over you in our relationship, so I win repeatedly, then I will unleash all manner of manipulations form my Devil’s Toolkit in order to make sure I win, win and win again.
The revision of history is one such tool that our kind deploys on a regular basis to bring about the win. Let’s look at some examples of how that appears.
Imagine I am at the bar with some of my inner circle friends. One of my friends, someone who has served a purpose from school, brings up the occasion of the 100 metre sprint from the school athletics championships.
“Hey HG, you ran a great time that day and you were only just pipped to the gold medal by that dude from LRG weren’t you?”
“I think, Michael, you will find that I pipped him to the title.”
“Really? Are you sure? I thought he beat you.”
“No, I beat him.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely, I was actually looking back through my results at the weekend when I was clearing some boxes from the loft and I was remembering how close the race had been but how I had overtaken that dude and beat him, narrowly true, but I beat him all the same.”
“I could have sworn it was the other way around.”
“No, you are wrong. I checked the times. I beat him by 0.2 of a second.”
“Oh I see.”
“Yes, he was gracious in defeat but I suppose you have to be when you don’t win, eh Michael?”
Michael nods and accepts my point since it was said with authority and the backing of a recent review of the result.
I actually did come second but I am not going to allow Michael to point that out in front of these inner circle friends. I rewrote history to ensure that I proved a point to him and ensured that I was held in the proper regard by those listening which in turn provided me with fuel.
2. Now consider a conversation between a primary source and me.
“Where have you been?” asks the primary source.
“What do you mean, where have I been? You know where I have been.”
“No I don’t.”
“Yes you do, I told you last week.”
“No you did not. I have been wondering where you have been, I was getting worried.”
“Well that is your own fault, I told you last week that I was going out this evening.”
“No you did not.”
“I did, I remember specifically. I was searching for my shirt that I wanted to wear, you know the blue one which I bought recently, but you wouldn’t help me look as you were watching some television programme. You asked why I wanted the shirt and I said I wanted to make sure it was clean and ironed because I was going out with Nathan and Paul.”
“I dont remember that.”
“Well I do.”
“I really do not remember you telling me you were going out.”
“You probably didn’t take it in, after all you were pretty engrossed in your programme.”
“Hmmm.”
“Anyway, what’s to eat, I am famished.”
I never said anything about going out but I will re-write history to make it appear that I did so because this frustrates you, avoids your attempt to blame me and allows me to maintain superiority by being right.
3. I am sat with a primary source in a restaurant.
“Isn’t that that woman who was obsessed with you?”
“Where?” I answer.
“There, coming through the doors, what is her name again, beings with an A I am sure.”
“Who? The lady with the short brown bob?”
“No, next to her, the one with long blonde hair.”
“Never seen her before.”
“Are you sure, she looks like that woman you pointed out to me.”
“No, I don’t know her.”
“It is a damn good likeness if it is not her. It is her, she is coming over.”
The blonde woman comes to our table.
“Hello,” she smiles at me ignoring the primary source, “fancy seeing you here.”
“Sorry are you talking to me?”
“Yes, hi HG, how are you?”
“I am sorry do I know you?”
“Yes we worked together.”
“No I am sorry, I don’t remember you.”
Her downcast expression provides me with fuel.
“I was in the team that worked alongside yours. We went to Singapore, do you not remember?”
“You might have worked where I worked but I don’t know you, sorry, but if you wouldn’t mind, we are about to order. Waiter!?”
Puzzled and upset she slowly walks away and I savour her fuel.
“She definitely knew you,” presses the primary source.
“Seems that way, but then I am well known aren’t I?” I answer with a self-congratulatory grin. I am pleased to have rebuffed Samantha who I know full well but it suited my purpose to rebuff her. I know she will try and contact me again to prove she knows me and then I just may re-write history again to confirm that I do. Of course, when I do, I may re-write that I had forgotten who she was.
We engage in this manipulation in order to exert control. It allows us to confuse, bewilder, upset, brag and thus maintain fuel. We will re-write history so that we avoid blame, gain kudos, claim achievements that are not our own, make us sound better at what we have accomplished, to evade liability and ensure you are confused and puzzled. It comes within gas-lighting as you start to find your memory is fallible. We have no hesitation in confirming something happened when it did not, we will change events, add things and take them away so long as it suits our purposes. If you present us with some independent evidence that contradicts us we will not shift our position in terms of maintaining history is how we decree it. Instead, we will unleash an alternative manipulation in order to deflect and deny your attempt to challenge our version.
Even the most obvious of events will be erased, amended and added to. Nothing is safe from our treatment of how things were. If it serves a purpose for us to alter history one way or another then we shall do so.
How do you deal with this?
As ever, state you position the once so you know you have stated it and then move on. The re-writing of history is designed to draw you in to an argument, make you try to convince us that you are right and we are wrong (although you will fail), to make you erupt in frustration or anger or tears, to bewilder you so that you keep accepting we are correct, so little by little you eventually always accept what we say and submit to this particular mind game.
Conversations will be recalled in a different manner. People who did not attend will have attended whilst others vanish. Events play out in a different manner once they have been subjected to this treatment.
It is all part of securing the win.
We change history. That’s how powerful we consider ourselves to be.
36 thoughts on “The Revision of History”
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I came to this blog because of my exnarc and ended up learning so much more. I always thought my parents and some other family members were just passive aggressive and delusional. I’ve learned that I grew up in a sea of narcs.
Not all lies and rewrites are believed. Once I hit a certain age, I decided that I didn’t want to waste my time listening to BS anymore. I’m sure they believe that their history rewrites are successful but I know the truth. Pointing it out and providing them with fuel just isn’t worth my time.
I also understand what I am and why I’m a target. I’ve accomplished zero impact with the exnarc and am working hard on myself so that I don’t become ensnared by another narc. If I ever enter into another relationship it will be with someone who is honest, caring, and who doesn’t feel the need to rewrite history in any way. For now, I’m good with being by myself.
Crazymaking at its best. I didn’t know what the silent treatments were but I did whatever I could to provoke the lesser into leaving. The lies, sudden amnesia was driving me nuts.
Narc Affair, my mother seems to be getting worse as she ages as well. She tried today, she called ready to rant about a family member. I was like hold on let me call her I dont deliver messages.”No she’s not answering” I called the family member her whole tone changed and she politely ask her question. If i had allowed the rant and called the family member afterwards to relay message she would have denied every word. She didnt get an ounce of fuel from me. I had workers in the house so I tended to them I didn’t evem stay on to listen. Geesh….
Yolo…i was watching a u tube the other day where the topic of extinguishing the narcs gaslighting/ranting etc came up. She said she just says “thats interesting” lol and leaves it at that. It totally deflates and confuses. Im going to try it out 😄
Narc Affair,
Her magic words “that’s interesting ” I say it as well when I am confused. Of course the drama did not end there. It has trickle down to my younger socio/psyco/narc sister. She doesn’t do revisions at all, she starts from scratch with a whole different story time, century, people the event changes.
After i left my place of worship. No not Baptist or Catholic😊 a add on from bingo convo. I go to this new age church (non denominational) I am sure a narc create the concept to escape commitment and broaden the audience.
I turn my phone on and there’s 5 texts complaining about my son. I asked her did she remember he paid for her son acting classes and her other son football he’s played father role and hes under 30 with his own family.
Her response was ridiculous and crazy. She denied all events and to deflect she said her boys arent disrespectful towards family. She call him cursing stating he doesnt visit trashing his wife he told her not to call him anymore.
I would never disrespect my nieces or nephew so of course i would not see that side.
No harm meant on religions, i believe in a higher power and heaven and hell. I believe that if your life is full of sin when you die your spirit will come back again.
a stupid wendy
I recently confronted a narcissist about gaslighting. I said, ‘I don’t expect you to stop lying. I just want you to know that I know.’
That stumped her.
Robert….ive done this with my mother in law indirectly thru talking about narcissism. I can see the wheels turning when i bring up narc tactics bc she knows she does them.
The one good thing about Trump is he really spills every narc’s beans. You can indirectly confront a narcissist by simply mentioning something Trump did that day!
This is a real tweet from today.
“HillaryClinton can illegally get the questions to the Debate & delete 33,000 emails but my son Don is being scorned by the Fake News Media?”
I mean…It’s almost as if God got so sick of narcissists he sent the worst one to shame the rest of them.
Goldstein,
I concur, hence the awakening. Once of house representative have read HG blog the potus. In my prior field I befriended several of the reps. I was responsible for coordinating community events with them. Either you for him or against him. He could tweet i pissed in there cereal this morning those for him will either ignore or ridiculously try to defend. ( its hard to defend stupid).
Those against him are becoming more and more frustrated at the deflecting, blameshifting, lies and denial of his and his lieutenants behaviour. He’s exhibited every trait H.G has mentioned no loyalty towards anyone although he demands it. Friend one day foe the next.
They show clips and tweets of prior comments and he vehemently denied any wrongdoing or mistakes. Fake news ok, but those were and your worlds. He’s his worst enemy if the rep can get the tax reform and heath reform done. I think things will shift quickly. I think he knows that and is using it as leverage.
Having this knowledge has been a real eye opener for me. I have lesser anxiety and less reactive.
i like that, may I borrow it?
Oh sure! It worked. I was calm throughout It was a real treatment breakthrough.
I said this as well. I just want him to know that he’s not fooling me. I may not be able to pick apart what is a lie or what is truth but I know NOTHING is what it seems. Now he knows I know.
Yes. It’s healing for us because it takes back control of our autonomy.
So this is what you’re up to in your life.. I can imagine it very clearly. Especially the gas lighting with the blue shirt. Life is good.
Oh, HG…
Ah yes, I remember it well. Everything was a competition to him. I sent him a picture of my Christmas tree, he immediately sent one back
and said “this is mine”! Of course it was 10 feet taller and wider than mine. He has a bigger house, the best cabinets, top-of-the-line of everything. He always reminded me of that little kid in the school yard trying to prove himself to be better than anyone else. He told me once that people had commented on him acting like a kid to which I told him there’s a difference between being childlike and childish!
My mother does this continually especially when shes in a narky mood. I will bring up a childhood memory and she will say it didnt happen or it happened differently. I swear narcs get worse with age bc she never did that years ago. Now she does it all the time and its a superiority thing. She wants to have the last say and have me back down. I know it goes against the whole fuel process but i dont agree with her. I dont prolong the arguement but i let her know i dont agree with her version of it. That way she can have the last say but she didnt take my power and voice away. Its so frusterating and irritating. It ruins a potentially decent visit. As my mother gets older she is getting worse in a lot of ways but thankfully i have limited my contact greatly. This is also a gaslighting tactic to make you second guess yourself.
My monster too narc affair. I switched to only communicating through email so I’d have her words in black and white. She’d still deny saying I misunderstood. History is fluid to them. It’s changing all the time.
Yesterday, my mum told me how she called the pet crematorium to ask them to be nice to my cat after he had to put down. I thought she was kidding and said “ummm I’m the one who called and said that”. She said “no, it was me!!!!!!!”. Then she started to argue with me that it was indeed her – which is absolute bullshit and I know for sure she was never in touch with the pet crematorium at all. I let it go because I didn’t feel like arguing about it. It was me who called to ask if my cat had already been delivered and/or cremated and to ask them to engrave his urn with his name. Then I started to cry and said “can you please make sure you’re nice to him?”. I then told my mother about the phone call and now she claims it was her. This was not even two years ago and mum’s not demented yet so what the actual fuck!
Carbon copy my mother anonymous! She does exactly what you described in your post.
12345…if i didnt have kids wed probably visit twice a yr if that. Her and i dont share any closeness. I dont hate her but i feel very distant from her.
You know, Narc affair, this makes me questions so much about my childhood because I can’t remember a lot of things and many of my memories are based on what mum and my siblings tell me. I guess I shouldn’t rely on the stories mum tells me :-/
Also, while we’re on this topic: when it was clear I’d have to put my cat down I said I’d call the vet to do it at home because I didn’t want to take my very old and very ill cat outside and then go home in all tears. Mum gave me shit for months, saying the vet doesn’t do that and it’s ridiculous and that my home would always remind me of his death. I am not exaggerating when I say that we argued about this for months. Even my sister got involved and told her it’s none of her business. I didn’t care about mum’s opinion, it was done in my home. She was there, too. A few weeks later, I overheard her talking to my aunt on the phone and she said “I’m so glad it wasn’t done at the vet’s office because it was so peaceful”. With no word did she mention that she was totally against it, neither did she ever tell me that it was a good idea, let alone apologise to me.
Anonymous your second post reminded more of my mother in law! She will argue about something then take credit for the very thing she argued over. Ive been left many times with my jaw open. It seems unbelievable but these people are disordered and think this is ok to do. It makes them look ridiculous tho to those directly involved.
This is one thing that drives me crazy. Another is i can come up with an idea and 2 min later she will repeat my idea back to me as if she came up with it grrr!
So it’s like the book, 1984…or the Trump administration.
War is Peace.
Just don’t send me to room 101…
Wendy,
Room 101😶😶🙄. OH NO, not a good place to go.
That comment alone makes me like you strongerwendy😊
I haven’t seen Room 101. Good show?
I was thinking of room 1408.
Yes! Exactly like the Trump administration!
Trumps kicking your liberal ass. This is about narcs. I despise them. Did that get you off HG? 😉
No.
Hi Linda,
And Trump is a narcissist. Simple fact. Lots of word salad, gas lighting and lies. And everything is covered in gold and he has arm candy. Classic, actually.
Ask HG himself, Trump is a Upper Lesser. So, Misty’s comment is actually appropriate for the blog and on topic too.
I do not deny that there are many narcissists in ALL of politics, democrats, republicans, libertarians and such…all of them have at minimum the traits of a narcissism.
Though…… I do love the fact that the Clintons’ are rated as Greater Narcs.
(Ok. ok. Back to the naughty step I go)
Indy
Run back to those steps. I would hate to see stupid Indy. I bit my fingers when i read stupid Wendy.
I will admit, I am not the nicest person but that was rude.
Fomo Yolo? sorry, couldn’t resist 😉
Trump has no effect on me whatsoever. And NO ONE kicks my ass.
Yep, it’s EXACTLY like Trump’s “alternate facts.” “Believe me.”