Understanding the Fuel Matrix
*** EXPANDED AND UPDATED INFORMATION ***
All narcissists have fuel matrices and you need to understand where you fit into that fuel matrix and how that particular matrix functions as part of protecting yourself.
This Logic Bulletin takes you through :-
1. The Fuel Matrices of all sub schools of narcissist. This includes updated and expanded information about the Upper Lesser Type A and Upper Lesser Type B Narcissists, plus the Middle Mid Range Type A and Type B Narcissists.
2. What the Fuel Matrices look like, their size, the nature of the matrices and who sits in them.
3. How the relevant narcissist of each sub school relies on the individuals in the Fuel Matrix
4. What the Virtual Fuel Matrix is and how it operates.
5. How a Long Distance Appliance fits into it the narcissist fuel matrix and how that functions.
6. Detailed descriptions of each sub-school of narcissist, their behaviours and actions to increase your understanding of the different types of narcissist. This is a comprehensive expansion which will help you understand a lot more about the way different sub schools of narcissist operate.
A fascinating and educational exploration of the fuel matrix and the interaction between you and the narcissist, this is essential to know how the narcissist behaves so you can ensure your No Contact Regime is as effective as possible. It is also advanced reading for those who feel they are well-acquainted with the narcissistic dynamic from their existing reading and consultations.
This extensive Logic Bulletin is available at just US $ 10 and is a bulletin you will read several times and refer to often and can be obtained here
42 thoughts on “Understanding the Fuel Matrix”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Hi Matilda,
Well blow me over with a feather…I see the logic of keeping things on the nice gravy train with the DLS and /or IPSS. If in that dynamic the primary source is solely used for the negative fuel fix. I think I was fresh off of the articles though where HG explains a married narcissist treating his spouse as the Madonna and his secondary sources as the whores who do get the vile treatment over the course of time. Where he can let out his dark side because the IPPS holds the key to the perfect facade management. Also the article DLS had really struck a chord with me with having so many misogynistic undertones so it didn’t come across as too special of a golden period for long there either.
See….it’s up for grabs. Depends on the type of Narc, their status with society / professional life. I think it can go either way.
Hi HJ, did you ever write/post “The Loneliness of the Long Distance Empath”?
I just discovered that I was loving a Narc this week (still unclear as to what classification), and had no idea the depth of the psychology (on both our parts) or lexicon. I think we’ve made it through the whole cycle (24 months), I was the IPPS when we were in the same city, and since leaving (from exhaustion) I’ve become an opera director, which he couldn’t care less about except that it’s slowly bringing me back to the major city where he is, but he told me this week that he has “started having somebody in his life” when I asked why he wasn’t responding to me as readily. So it’s not just casual sex but a new IPPS candidate. It really hurt of course, and I went off about his lack of character, but once I found out he undeniably has NPD and found your site, I’m feeling and thinking more grounded. Our whole duration makes sense in this context. However I’m having a hard time focusing on my current project, upcoming future projects, and bright future. I’m a Magnetic Empath, peppered with beguiling character. Why can’t I just drop this guy like he dropped me? Please let me know if that article has been posted! Thank you.
– Would Like to be Grateful for the Discard
Hello Merry D, I have but it has not been published yet. As to why you cannot drop him, it asa consequence of the addiction that is created in you and the effects of the emotional infection. I suggest you read Exorcism and book a consultation so I can go into this in greater detail with you and map out a way forward to assist you.
HG, thank you for this very detailed analysis.
My online narc had some mid-range qualities. However, the way he interacts online actually goes with your 4th scenario, the Greater Somatic. He isn’t worldly like you. However, he is self-employed. Would this put him more in the Greater or Mid-range category?
He told me about an in-person affair he had with a coworker years ago. He started using an inter-office chat…he said “I had years of practice at learning how to talk to women online. I just talked to her the same way, then one day I walked into her office and kissed her.” (This was before he was self-employed.)
Does the fact that he admitted he’s “learned how to talk to women” etc. indicate he’s not a narc? Since he was open about it? These things confuse me. Are true narcs ever open with their fuel sources about their womanizing tendencies?
No that does not mean he is not a narcissist. Being open about such brilliance at seduction may well be the remark of the lacking self-awareness Lesser or just part of the considerable confidence of the Greater.
HG is a IPPS whom you disengaged from immediately shelved for future use or is she not even worthy of the shelf?
Not placed on the shelf because she has been disengaged from.
Very interesting. I see my narc and i in a lot of these scenerios. Im certain he has a virtual matrix. Hes on the computer a lot and hes triangulated me in the past with some of his supposed “friends”. I know him very well tho and suspect otherwise. I normally wouldnt give it too much thought but when he puts it in front of me and things have changed then i know the probability is he has other women on the side online and offline.
Virtual matrixes are handy for the narc to always have quick injections of fuel and validation as well as possible offline relationships. Thats where trust comes into play. You cant possibly control or know what your partners doing online so if you already dont trust them imagine the trouble they can get up to online. Lots of it! Trust is so important and trust and narcissist dont go together.
Disgusting to take advantage of troubled souls…
Have you never been worried that one of your IPSSs or DLSs might lose it, ruining your façade, when you keep them hanging on? What excuses do you bring forward to placate them?
Not worried. There have been occasional instances where they have wanted more, complained they do not get to see me as much as they like, that they want ‘the world to know about us’ and such like. I do not use excuses – using some charm and providing some assurances about what will happen usually works and if not, then a Corrective Devaluation will be used.
I see, HG. Corrective Devaluation such as telling her she’s putting you under too much pressure or she’s embarrassing you, followed by an absent Silent Treatment. Or a row which ends with her apologising.
There are two types of women: those who can separate the physical from the emotional and want some fun without strings attached, and those who cannot do that and will suffer at the hands of someone like you! 😠
You should take that into consideration when you are picking your ‘appliances’, HG, and only pursue those from the former category: none of you would care, fuel would be just as good, and no one gets hurt.
Hi Matilda you know what…many of us can actually do that seperating emotions from physical when communicated or agreed upon before hand. Or if given a choice. Thats what pisses me off… why didnt he just say he loves variety and doesnt want to be exclusive. I would then have made an informed decision. But these fkers are sly. They lie to you..pretend they want a relationship. Court you love bomb you intentionally…. you know the drill. No transparency. Then once you are in love it changes to I never told you that I wanted a relationship. It doesn’t serve their need if you dont fall in love with them, they don’t want you to separate emotions from physical. They want that emotions…that fuel…they want that hurt. No fun for them without emotion.
I don’t think so Matilda. If the other party did not care, HG would never get the potent negative fuel from someone craving him more and wanting him all to herself and move a relationship to the next level. With the other, the positive fuel would get stale and the relationship itself would just go stagnant. HG would just move on.
Matilda,
If he could, that would be awesome for everyone. I’m of the understanding he isn’t having sex for the fun of it. It’s a performance to cause an emotional reaction and addiction in his source. He needs to be able to cause suffering to derive negative fuel as well. Is this an accurate understanding, HG?
Are narcs ever actually addicted to the sex too though? Can they get hooked on it with just one particular partner if she’s the right match? If they can obtain both positive and negative fuel from this person and she will let them worship or degrade her?
It is the fuel that is addictive, the sex just happens to be the conduit for it.
Continued from my above message to Matilda and HG:
Or would the fuel, in such a scenario of having such a partner, still become stale, no matter what she does?
The fuel would eventually become stale if that individual is the IPPS.
Clarece,
Keep in mind that we are talking about IPSSs and DLSs here, people who generally are not in his proximity often or for long. That’s why their positive fuel does not get stale as it would if he saw them daily like the IPPS.
As far as I understand the dynamics, IPSSs and DLSs enjoy a prolonged golden period, and HG is not primarily interested in harvesting negative fuel from them. That’s what the IPPS is for! He can get more potent negative fuel from the primary source, more readily and more often.
It does not make any sense to upset an IPSS (drawing negative fuel) when he’s away from his IPPS and in urgent need of fuel! The row would not last long as she would leave and he would be left high and dry. So, I suppose HG keeps it sweet with his secondary sources, and disruptions are not welcome.
Any thoughts on that, HG? I’m curious.
Your analysis is entirely correct Matilda, gold star for you!
Thank you, HG, you have been an excellent teacher.
You are most welcome Matilda.
If you have an IPPS in place and also a recently accuired new appliance who you have just embedded, do you still continue your hunt on dating sites if you are prone to having only one IPSS? Or does this mean that your new toy is not shiny enough?
PofW, correct me if I am wrong (if you dare!), I understand the proposed scenario to be:-
1. IPPS who will be in the Devaluation Stage;
2. Candidate IPSS
If the narcissist only operates with one IPSS in this fuel matrix then the likelihood of use of dating sites will be low (but not extinguished) as the narcissist (dependent on school) may still use it for gathering fuel. It is more likely however in this scenario that he will stay off the dating site and concentrate on the IPSS because this person is a candidate to become the new IPPS.
Then in this case the future is not completely faked. Why is he only targetting married victims?
See the article The Narcissist and Marriage.
If we went NC are we still considered as shelved appliances? Or do we fall into a different category since I am definitely not coming off the shelf ever again and I truely think that he is fully aware of that.
No Sarah, if you go no contact and escape we consider you as the same appliance as we had been engaging with. Thus you will still be an IPPS from our perspective. If we dis0engaged from you we regard you as a former IPPS. If we hoover you back in and do so on the basis of being a friend, we then demote you from Former IPPS to NISS. If you escape us however, although you will not consider yourself to have any Formal Relationship with us (e.g. girlfriend, husband, friend etc) we will still see you in the same light until we halt attempts to hoover you.
Thus, you are the IPPS. You escape us. We still see you as the IPPS (albeit a treacherous one of course). We apply an Initial Grand Hoover to recommence the Formal Relationship. You resist and stay no contact. We still see you as the IPPS and we may turn to an IPSS and NISSs for fuel. There may be FUHs applied against you as the IPPS but you resist them.
Following the failed hoovers, we promote an IPSS to become the new IPPS. You are then the former IPPS. Months later we hoover you – at that point we have an IPPS (the new one who is in devaluation), a Candidate IPSS (who we want to become the new IPPS), a Shelf IPPS and we choose to just be friends with you through our hoovers and you are now seen not as the former IPPS but a NISS.
HG,
What if we went no contact and we were never a primary source, but def an intimate, frequent and fairly long term online appliance? Maybe the DLS since he shared extremely twisted fantasies with me and I engaged him. I did meet him once but we didn’t have sex in person.
If he was hoovering and in serious attention and pursuit mode about meeting again, and I said we’d talk about it but then never ever returned, what would that make me to him? Shelved DLS? Would he consider me the one who got away? I’d like him to, but it’s prob hoping for too much. For a week, I just didn’t log onto Kik, but after that I deleted the app altogether. If he’s made any efforts to reach out, he can see I’m no longer there.
This… all of this… each scenario with the different types, absolutely staggering. Not only for the triggers it produced in me but I thought how many thousands of people are doing this exact thing with a fuel source while I’m reading this? And all of the relationship articles and gurus would lump the Narcissist as just someone afraid of commitment. Afraid of intimacy. There would be more rules to follow to make you try to be more patient, more accommodating, more willing to compromise in order to prove your trust worthiness. Honestly, everyone is on the narcissistic spectrum to some degree. I think this is the new normal. It seems rampant with what dating apps have evolved into. People will treat their mailman with more respect than the person they swiped right on Tinder with and sexted and learned about each other biblically on Skype. You may as well create an HG Box Set and call it The Rules 2017 Edition.
Brilliant piece!
Thank you Clarece, you are correct about the observations of the gurus.
Clarece, yes, and it’s hard to know the difference. Many who fear intimacy and commitment will never change. However, there ARE some who just need a little extra understanding and patience. We want to be the one they finally feel safe enough with to overcome their fears and that feeds into a narc’s game.
If HG released a Box Set, I’d def be first in line at Barnes & Noble. Too bad he is anonymous and won’t appear at any book signings.
He won’t appear…yet…I can still see Relationship Life Coach in his future especially in the U.S.
I love the States.
Very enlightening, thank you.
You are welcome.
Once again you accurately describe my mid range cerebral Narc.
HG, is “one off” a N term? I never heard it until I heard my N say it after I caught him cheating. Thank you.
Not exclusively no, but it will be bandied around for the purposes of dismissing your attacks against us for our behaviour.
You have me in suspense, HG! My Moron in Munich is a #5. That is the relationship he wanted us to have, but that’s impossible for me. I refused outright to Skype – I am too paranoid to send any images of myself thru media. Talking on the phone was very disappointing. He was so obviously condescending and lacking empathy. It came thru so clearly when I could hear his voice.
Having never had good sex, sexting and phone sex have no real meaning for me. He would say things that I could not even imagine happening or how it would feel. I couldn’t respond to him at all. It just all seemed sick to me and perverse. I felt like he just wanted a fantasy – not a relationship.
At first I thought he just had some bad social problems. I thought, “Eh, I can deal with crazy.” The one time I actually met him 40 years ago he was pathologically shy. I offered to fly to Munich to meet him again (This worried my 3 sons, they chose my empathic former marine son to go with me if I tried this. God has blessed me with wonderful children!). But he refused to even discuss actually meeting me. By this time some of his comments began to remind me of my mother’s sarcasm, and all my mental alarms were going off. Maybe I could have ignored them except for reminding me of Mama. There’s no way in hell Im going to be in a relationship with a man who reminds me of my mother!
If anything he said could be believed-and that’s a big if with a narc – this was the type of relationship he usually had with women. He had never married or lived with any woman besides his mother.
I look forward to seeing your continuation about this type of narc!
HG, thank you for this very detailed analysis.
My online narc had some mid-range qualities. However, the way he interacts online actually goes with your 4th scenario, the Greater Somatic. He isn’t worldly like you. However, he is self-employed. Would this put him more in the Greater or Mid-range category?
He told me about an in-person affair he had with a coworker years ago. He started using an inter-office chat…he said “I had years of practice at learning how to talk to women online. I just talked to her the same way, then one day I walked into her office and kissed her.” (This was before he was self-employed.)
Does the fact that he admitted he’s “learned how to talk to women” etc. indicate he’s not a narc? Since he was open about it? These things confuse me. Are true narcs ever open with their fuel sources about their womanizing tendencies?
Such an admission does not indicate he is not a narcissist, indeed, such a boast may very well indicate that he is.
HG my ex MMRN somatic ( as “diagnosed” by you) often acts like a greater. His behavior is exactly like you describe above under Greater somatic. Does this mean he is more to the UMMRN side? Also when he is away on trips and engaging with other women how will his interaction with the empath be while waiting for him? I noticed that when I went away I was subjected to silent treatment