Little Acons – No. 36
23 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 36”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Haha this never occurred to me, but makes a lot of their comments come to light…
I will not let myself get close to any grandkids of my 2nd son. I know that they will be used as weapons to hurt me.
His GF is a Narc and I made the mistake of sharing this site wit her (before I was sure) I know she learns from it and not in a good way. She has tried a few moves, like making noises and saying she does not hear them. Once I made my son aware of the behavior, he does not hear the noises. But still she has him convinced I never had his best interest in him. Really? Graduated from DU with a degree in Electrical Engineering NO STUDENT DEBT. Brand new car paid for. 50K cash gift. And a loan from me to start a business which sold and put him in a great position. Yeah I never had his best interest.
It is nearly a month since Last spoke to him and we use to talk three times a week minimal.
She is lazy and has become fat but she plays video games with him. Poor kid, he will have to split his wealth with her in about 15 years.
HG said one day he will wake up but the damage will be done.
Sorry for the typos. I did not proof before I pushed the send button.
THIS IS WHY WE MOVED TWO HOURS AWAY FROM HER.
My grandmother(my mothers mum) was a raging narc and alcoholic altho most of my childhood she was sober. She helped many to stay sober as well being a AA sponser. Its ironic bc she was my favorite grandmother. She spoiled me and favored me and looking back now i wonder if my mum resented me for that because she was never there for my mum. She put her in a convent for part of her childhood and when she did have her she was terribly abusive and controlling. My grandpa who i found out age 14 wasnt my bio grandpa was the one who protected my mother from her own mum.
My grandmother stopped drinking bc of my birth and was told she could never see me if she drank. She stopped and stayed sober 30 yrs.
She was a wonderful grandmother to me but very rough around the edges and at times i was scared of her she had an awful temper.
Whenever i bring her up to my mother she doesnt like to talk about her and there are wounds. I can see how my mother turned into a covert narc. She had a strongly narcissistic mother who she could never have any opinion around or voice. She could only try and survive being herself and avoiding the abuse the best she could.
UGH!!! Another one, spot on!!!!!! My Dad had a hay day with this one. He wanted to take totally control. Constantly trying to tell me what to do and that I should take his advice because I am just going to “screw them up” He and his wife Always trying to interfere. It was hell.
My mother didn’t want to have anything much to do with them. She told me when my first son was born, “Don’t ever ask me to babysit for you” and she never did.
It affected me but God has given me such resilience that I somehow managed to raise three wonderful men! Two are Chefs, one in a 5 Star hotel and the third is a Helicopter Pilot in the Army with a bachelor’s and masters degree and currently going to PA school and has a wife and two beautiful children!
I can relate to anyone who has gone through this ….
Stay strong and KEEP READING!!!!
HG,
I was wondering, My mother would babysit for my brothers kids but not mine. why? why do you think she told me that she wouldn’t babysit? I guess it goes along with me being the scapegoat child. Thank you
Triangulation, you are the scapegoat, another way of drawing fuel.
……the words ” license” and “interfere” denote per se an exertion of control. A non-narcissist would say instead?: ” grandchildren are another possibility ( instead of license) to share ( instead of interfere)?
Does “sharing” exist within the narcissist?
Typo : * licence” not license…
Only to the extent that is serves another aim or outcome for us SX.
….sometimes I think we have exactly the same concepts HG but we are describing them with two different languages( meaning the non-narcissist vs narcissist language)
What is sharing for you?
Sharing means allowing someone into my world, allowing them use of my resources or information letting them know some of my thoughts for example, but that will only happen on the basis that I know I am going to get something out of it and generally the bargain is a far better one for me than it is for them.
I understand. This is when I find interesting to learn how you think concerning certain concepts since some of them ( not all ) are very similar to mine. And by learning more about how you function, I am learning more about myself.
It is like having the same aim in certain areas but described in two different manners(languages/ perspectives as you call them).
For instance :
1. Your sharing in order to get something out of it ( fuel in your language ) could be compared to my sharing in order to get something out of it : be reciprocated and meet my needs( being loved or cared for in my language). Wouldn’t that make me as “selfish” as you are? Perhaps it is my (strong) narcissistic traits ( hopefully still remaining an empath ) that make me think like this? What I am trying to say is that I do not stay in a relationship ,being professional,intimate,friends even family if I do not feel reciprocated or fulfils some of my main needs . With the ONLY exception concerning my children with whom I share unconditionally ,without expecting “something “back.
Does this make sense to you?
2. What do you mean by ” generally the bargain is a far better one for me than it is for them.”? Does that mean that you always have the upper hand and why?
3. Why do I feel that when you open yourself a little bit you are always trying to protect yourself in some way? The same feeling I had with my ex narcissist.
Truth. I should have never let them near my son. Weird though my mother has nothing to do with my brothers children. She always was suggesting things for me to do for my niece and nephews. Why is that HG?
Façade management.
My Grandmother was the only person who ever spoke up to protect us from our abusers. God bless her beautiful soul! We knew she loved us even though she really couldn’t help us much.My own mother tried to interfere with me and my kids but I shut that down quickly.
Patricia
Me too! My grandmother was the one truly empathic person in my family and such a comfort to me. Wish I’d met her before I was 14. But at least I got to know her then.
We were so lucky to have them! She was my best friend when I was older. God I miss that woman/
Patricia
Yes, we were fortunate to have them. I still think about mine even though she’s been dead over 30 years. She was the first person to tell me that it wasnt defective to be the way we were (empathic), that the others (narcs) needed us or they wouldn’t be able to function. She was a very wise woman.
Forgot to add that many a time she has interferred in decisions about the kids. She will talk to hubby on her own then when her and i talk she says he said this and not to do that as if im not a parent as well. Shes started many disagreements between hubby and i. Many times ive given in to keep the peace bc my hubby tries to cater to her and i which causes him stress. She guilt trips him and manipulates him then stands back with a smirk when we get into conflict. The narc parent will not stop at grandchildren to cause rifts and gain their way back into control. Nothings off limits to interfere if it gets them what they want.
Narc Affair,
I’m so sorry… that totally sucks. Does your hub realize his mother is manipulative and just goes along to appease her? Or is he blind to or in denial of it?
Hi mary…ive tried explaining narcissism to him in relation to his mother and he sees it but hes very loyal too. His mothers been single most of her life and from a young age hes been taught to look after her. I can understand where he feels hes betraying her and is torn. I have had to get him to deal with her at times bc when i try she turns into the victim and cries that i disrespect her when thats the very thing shes done to me. When he goes against her she can be very mean to him saying hes a loser and other abusive comments. Ive called her out on this and she blatantly will deny it. She is definitely a victim midrange narc.
Shes helped us a lot and done things for us but theres always underlying praise wanted and a pricetag attached usually control or using it later to say ” look at all ive done for you”. When you do something to help you do it bc you want to. She is described perfectly in the blog dirty angel.
Another slam dunk! My mil thinks her grandchildren are a ticket to drop by whenever and she loves being the favorite and having the kids validate her. When they havent she sulks and gets in a pissy mood. Its not their job to praise her and boost her up but yet thats the expectation she wants them to fulfill. She did it with her son and now she wants to with her grandkids. Its hard to tell the fine line between doting loving grandmother and midrange narcissist but when she crosses it im the only one that seems to see it.