The 5 Fears of the Narcissist
1. You will leave
You are our primary source of fuel, our life giver and without this precious fuel we are thrown into chaos, impending oblivion on the horizon. You signed an unwritten contract to supply us with potent and delicious fuel until we decide to the contrary. It is our decision. It is not yours. We know what we do to you, the repeated push and pull, the games, the abuse and whilst we rely on our significant powers of manipulation and your near indefatigable desire to heal, hang in there and make things work, there is always that slight doubt that perhaps this time we have gone too far? There is an iota of concern that this is the occasion where you put the pieces together and realise what you are dealing with and therefore you decide to escape us. Leaving us when we have not ensured your replacement is in place or that he or she is working to maximum efficiency places us in peril. If you leave our fuel supply has been fractured, maybe even cut off. If you leave you have wrested control away from us and this is not something that can ever countenance. If you leave you are telling us that we are not the superior being we maintain that we are, you are pouring scorn on our might and undermining our magnificence.
2. I am ignored
There are those for whom the spotlight of attention causes them to flush with embarrassment, that searing heat which makes them feel uncomfortable. That is not the case for us. Its light brings us warmth and power. We need the spotlight like plants need the sun. We bask in its brilliant blazing light and revel in the attention that comes with it as we drink deep of the fuel that is provided. Should you ever move that spotlight away from us, the icy chill of the cruel and desolate world we have been placed in becomes all too real and this wounds us. The removal of the light of attention criticises us and strikes at our core. All eyes should be directed on us, ears should be pinned back in appreciative listening of our oratory, attention should be focused on us. It is about us, not you. Whether it is just you or I, a group of friends in a bar,a family gathering or in a meeting, everyone should know that we are there and they should be reacting to our presence. We do not care how that reaction comes so long as it is laden with emotion. If you ignore us you are telling us that we are worthless and that takes us to a place that we have consigned in the depths of our minds. Never ignore us, we cannot stand for that to happen.
3. I am exposed
Whether it is the unmasking of me as a narcissist or the revelation of my abusive machinations when you do not know fully what you have become entangled with, the fear of exposure lurks within us. Of course we will react and fight against it, of course we will deny, deflect and withdraw from your treacherous behaviour in telling the world what we are. We will paint you as a liar, a crazy person and a fantasist even though, for those of us who are aware enough, the words you issue are arrows of truth that rain down upon us tearing and wounding. Whether it is exposure in terms of you, as a primary source, telling us what we are or the wider unmasking to our carefully constructed façade, we fear this happening because it hurts us, it burns and it wounds. We will fight back, we will seek our retribution against you for this most heinous act but this requires precious energy which we would much rather use in a more productive way. In the worst of cases, your revelations force us to new hunting grounds which means we must re-build our twisted empire afresh. It will rise again but we would rather not endure the agony that this entails or the effort required.
4. I grow weary
I come as a god to walk this earth, a colossus astride this planet, leading and forging ahead as my massed ranks of admirers watch on in awe and wonder. I am omnipotent, immortal and unstoppable, my power endless as I seduce, abuse and recycle. There is so much fuel to drink up and I will never stop. Yet, occasionally that scintilla of concern manifests. What if I were to lose my powers? What if the ability to seduce started to wane? What if I lost the appetite to abuse and slay? What if I said the unsayable and admitted that I am tired of this endless routine? What if I no longer had the hunger or desire to stalk my hunting grounds and wanted an end? What if I wanted to remove my demagogue’s crown and vacate the throne, my appetite diminished and senses dulled? What would I do then? I soon shake off these terrible considerations but they remain in the shadows, occasionally calling to me. I dispel them as quickly as the manifest but still they come every once in a while.
5. The creature escapes
What if as a consequence of all the above I can no longer keep the craven creature within the prison that I have constructed for it? What if one day it is able to breach the walls and emerge from the depths of is incarceration so that it surfaces, hissing and tormenting me, its once whispered threats becoming a reality. What if it takes me to the edge of the abyss and forces me to look into the great void, oblivion just a step away, the howling winds of desolation whipping around me. Sometimes and it is a rare occurrence, but when all is still and dark this thought forms in my vast mind, this awful, terrible thought as I feel the craven creature’s clawed hand against my back, ready to shove me over the edge……..
57 thoughts on “The 5 Fears of the Narcissist”
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What is the creature HG I’m still waiting for this book ? You never write about the creature on this blog ? Clarece do you know what the creature is ? I’ve asked HG this soooooo many times ???
My narc never wanted me to leave , he doesn’t want a replacement, he wants me there when it suits him forever , I’m so pleased I left him and ignored all hoovers since 🤗 Small justice for putting up with his shit . I think he’s furious really behind the heart broken victim act. Furious he lost control and he didn’t see it coming
As you have seen Lisa that the article Narc Truth (Expanded) Number 2 does mention the creature. I do not write a lot about the creature because that work is being covered in the book.
Hi Lisa,
The Creature is all HG’s to write about on his time frame. I have my own perception of what it is, but would want more from HG before I write about it.
Thanks though for the shout out!!
Fear !! That we will leave ? But what goes through a narcissists head when they know they caused the very thing they feared . Don’t tell me you don’t see the contradiction HG ?
Can’t we all just get along lmao?
Maybe if you just gave peace a chance yeah?
I’m all about the peace baby!! Lmao
Until pushed lmao…
✌️🤓😁
1. I escaped! You rat bastard. Ha ha ha ha ha….
2. I ignored you for 3 months, post escape, and you looked like a heroin addict. Did you miss my fuel?
3. Exposed: that Letter to the Editor was very helpful. My name was at the bottom of it and everyone knows you were my boyfriend.
4. Last time I saw you, you looked tired and old! All that alcohol, caffeine and nicotine is starting to catch up on you.
5. Let me take you to the abyss. Because it will be I who will push you right over the edge and laugh while you fall. Then I will grab the creature and kick its fucking ass, too, just for the hell of it.
*principle obvs
The story on the devil ..if thats part of your belief system, in pronciple, is that he doesnt want you to know that he exists. He is theoretically the father of Lies.
And by denial of himself existing to give therefore no credence to God also existing.
To admit to demonic actvity ..same principle.
For if the devil exists then so does God.
Notwithstanding good and evil or bad or to call either of those two things a perspective.
All food for thought.
If it turned out that it was demonic possession than that could not be admitted.
It turns out that it’s not demonic possession and so that is also denied.
It is certainly a Conundrum of a question to pose to someone suspected of being possessed.
The answer will always be no because that is the story of the devil and his minions.
We choose our individual perspectives.
HG would it be unusual for a narcissist to have several social media identities and to use one account, to like and post on their own account?
I think I see this happening like “what a beautiful baby you have” and I think it’s the same person!!!
Are they mad?
No, as Tom Jones once sang, it’s not unusual.
Now there’s a blast from the past, HG. My grandma loved Tom Jones!
Everytime i read this i come to the same thought that the problem lays within thinking of oneself too much. Thats the core of narcissism.
To lose ones power could possibly be the start to healing. No one stays on top forever. No one is a god altho many would like to think that. To be humble is to be free imo. Reading some of the other comments about how a narcissist would cease without fuel id have to agree that they wouldnt. Itd be traumatic in ways but i think it could break that wall down on oneness. Its much like going no contact it hurts like hell and is scary and anxiety provoking but it breaks your old habits and allows healing. It detoxes. Its a codependancy to fuel and if thats broken down i think a lot of these narcissist fears would subside. Maybe not entirely but enough to allow healing and change. Change is a scary thing but so is staying in a state of fear.
I agree, Narc Affair. It’s sort of like the effect of going through alcohol/drug treatment. 30 days locked away from all his fuel sources and having to face the reality of himself thru counseling and the damage he causes others made a lasting difference on my exhusband. It didn’t really show at first, but over time and continuing AA meetings, he developed a lot more cognitive empathy.
Didn’t affect his narcissism any, but it made him more aware of his mortality and he developed a more thoughtful approach in his dealings with his fuel sources. He didn’t really get kinder, but I think he came to realize that it wasn’t logical to ignore the needs of those of us who fuel him and has since been much more considerate. Like you said, it seemed to break a wall within him and let him better see reality beyond himself.
Hi windstorm…thats reassuring! Not just for narcissists but also in a way victims struggling to let go of their abusers.
I think narcissists and their victims are very similiar in the way that they are addicts to what theyre getting from each other.
My grandmother was an alocholic and followed the AA program and was sober for 30 years. I learned a lot from witnessing that. She too was a narcissist. Back then no one really knew much about narcissism.
Its reassuring how your ex modified his behaviour and thats all we can really hope from a narcissist is behaviour modification. Im not sure a cure exists but better ways to behave towards others and control urges are a huge improvement. Also changing their inner belief system.
Forgot to add that i think dispproving maladaptive or false thoughts can go a long way in treating disorders.
Being away from fuel for an uncomfortable amount of time would dispel the belief of perishing from lack of fuel.
In my situation if i were to go no contact a certain length of time itd dispel my fear that i cant get past the emotional pain of being without him. That im not able to move on.
Facing your fears and disproving them is the most freeing thing but its the scariest too.
Number 3 happened. I exposed him. After 35 years of abuse, I happened upon narcissism and its characteristics. The traits fit him like a glove the covert narc that he is. I automatically began to shut off his supply. The more I learned, the more I shut down. I began talking of my new discovery after 35 long years and started to rid my body of the shame that was never mine to begin with. As you can imagine he did not like this at all and turned up the heat on his covert, psychological abuse. Oh yes, he revels in the notorious silent treatment claiming “he can never win so why bother talking”. “Win”, I say, “like in a spectator sport where someone wins and someone else loses?” “Who wants to win?” “Not I”, I say. “I just wanted a relationship on an adult level based on communication and trust with a strong presence of emotional intimacy.” (Throw in 35 years of lying, gaslighting, physical abuse, alcoholism and a suspected STD in 1989). I know all about narcissism now and all the terms connected with it. I believe I am now in final discard. It is painful, knowing what and who I loved never really existed and all the years I wasted believing his lies each and every time.
YOU can discard – FINAL.
Sherri, you are not alone! I spent my youth and 15 years married to a Narc, but still did not recognize him as such until 15 more years later. I suffered his abuse too, until I realized it would never end and he would never change so I moved half-way across the country from him to eventually encounter my 2nd, possibly 3rd Narc. He decimated me for awhile, until I discovered what he is. I then triggered a hoover, wounded and exposed him. The revenge was sweet! No contact now for about 6 months and none is expected. I am seeing someone new now and it is slow and lovely! I’ve never know anything but the Narc envelopement so I feel as if I’m dating for the very first time at 55 years old.
Life can get better Sherri!
That is wonderful to hear for you Kimi!
Thank you for sharing, Kimi. I’ll be double nickels also in a few weeks. I feel this ensatiable need for closure – to retell an incident to him and have him acknowledge his behavior. Instead he either rages, stares into the distance – emotionless or walks out of the room leaving me like a dog shackled to a tree on a hot summer day. Then I remember – he just wants to “win”. Good Lord, how can anyone be so hollow ?? Thank God I am an empathic codependent who is capable of recovering – Narcs / sociopaths never can.
Clarece, thank you!
Sherri, Happy early Birthday!🌸💗🌸 We can indeed escape the Narcissist, however the Narcissist cannot escape him/herself! Nor can you expect any closure except the kind you find for yourself, but it is enough! You have already proved your strength! I also found the illusion of a relationship to be most heart-breaking. I’m finding love now, slowly and peacefully; it’s so different!
Mhm, mine is on the prowl again. His new supply kicked him out already. She only lasted about 4 or 5 months. I’ve been free 8 as of tomorrow but he is hoovering hard now. Too many injuries in a short span I suspect. He actually got me to break no contact he was so pathetic with his begging. I am now regretting it, of course. I let him back in my head. He was just the same as I remembered him. I hadn’t seen his face in almost 8 months. That same self assured smile, same laugh, same smooth lines and sad stories. The difference is, I now know the monster that lies beneath. Thanks, HG. Without you I would probably have fallen prey again by now. I too am teetering at the edge of the abyss. Going back means death. Must get to that Island.
KEEP BUILDING YOUR LOGIC BOAT. It will keep you afloat. Stay, The. Course.
katanon666….swim fast and watch out for the sharks along the way!
I know most people are angered by who/what they have entangled themselves with,and rightly so because you can certainly do a number on people..however, when you show aglimpse of your inner self, how much you despise that inner self is so sad and makes me feel sorry for you..
HG are you sure there is not demonic possession?
Absolutely.
If only I believed in demons.
It takes being on the receiving end of the narcs black eyes staring back at you to realize they’re demons at their core. Makes me wonder if as kids, their soul left their bodies as their brains formed npd and demons took over their body.. An empty vessel. What else could cause a face to transition into a demonic creature when pissed off. I’m not even religious.. At all, actually. I think churches/religion are modern day cults for sheeple.. Followers desperate to be lead. There’s no denying what they are, if you’ve ever seen them morph.
You asking the devil if he’s in fact the devil, will only get you a handsome smile & a ‘no’ from him.
I’ve left! You’re exposed, ignored, dethroned and left to your own machinations. Yet, you still have back-up fuel… don’t you? I don’t want to destroy you, for you are what you are and I am what I am, until I no longer chose to participate!
My Narcs’ greatest fears have come true. Only because he created them. The empath can only handle so much abuse, till staying away is the only way to survive. Start healing, and understanding what NPD is. The part where one of us has to die, kind of scares me, because when I start to become happy it will make him mad.
HI HG Tudor do you ever fear the truth???
No. Truth is all about perspective.
HG…opinion is about perspective. Truth exists, as do lies.
Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.
Huh?
The date of my birth is a fact, not opinion.
Your graduation date and receiving your degree in your field from your University is a fact, not an opinion.
Clarece loves Krispy Kreme donuts. I can’t imagine ever turning one down. Not an opinion. Not a perspective. It’s a Clarece fun fact.
HG loves Depeche Mode and has attended 3 concerts this year. That is a fact. Not an opinion.
I get that there are the opposing world views that brings all these wonderful discussions together here full of opinions and perceptions, but there is plenty of truths backed up by science and data for those truths.
Tastes like word salad to me.
Eat it up Nin, it’s good for you.
That is some philosophical shit right there lol.
I am just reading HGs train of thought on what we hear and what we see…..reminds me of the quotation by Edgar Allan Poe…. “Believe nothing you hear and only one half that you see.” Did he live with a narc??????
I was quoting Marcus Aurelius
I will have to investigate Marcus Aurelius this evening…….you see this is exactly why I am attracted to older greater narcs!!!!!!!……I will also have to read more on Edgar Allan Poe.
Less of the older thank you.
Thank you for the “introduction” to Marcus Aurelius……..brilliant quotations that I had not read before………and won’t forget………I could not help but smile while reading one of them…..I will post it on the relevant article on your blog shortly…….
In that case, there can be no “logic boat”. Best to work on our appetite and tolerance for semantics! Can’t find that article for trying.
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
Hey, that is what New Agers say. I stay away from them now. Yes, nice word salad there. Funny to watch the media spin so much wasted energy on Trump’s lies. Why? Because truth exists. Like the truth that your mother never loved you at all. That is the core truth of this all. That is the truth of what shaped your world… to escape the painful reality that love and warmth was not for you from her. Just the sad perspective of a little boy? I think not. Truth. Like my own mother…
Hi HG. Is the Creature your wounded ego starved of affection?
No Fears Sir HG Tudor. You won’t ‘Escape’ Me. All Mine’! Love You…Extremely ‘Short’ Leash on ‘You’! I Promise!…
Miss Terri
Jesus fucking Christ, you are a bit much with your ridiculous posts. IMHO
Is this all you write? You do it also when he has live sessions on YouTube.
What short leash? The one you should be on? Does it not let you reach the medication?
I know your admiration for him, trust me on this, but can you profess it and not be so fucking creepy? UGH
Who are you to tell anyone what to do on this blog AH?
Last time I checked, this blog belongs to HG Tudor.
Speaking of creepy, have you looked in the mirror lately, your evil.
I have an endless love, and admiration for ,HG Tudor
I don’t blame you Miss T.
AH OH and HG Tudor fan.
Please be gentle with each other. Seriously! We are all anonymous here but we have no idea what tragedy is behind each of us. I remember when I was in bed for months and drugged beyond recognition that I also could write emails or texts that I don’t even remember or recognize. HG is the moderator and he decides what posts will appear here.
No need to be mean or evil with each other… that was Ns job right?
So let whom ever, that HG moderates, rant or be ‘crazy’… we all have been there at one point.
I simply ignore the posts that don’t appeal to me … and there are many here …
ME
It is your choice to read what appeals to you and I believe I have the same choice. I am kind most times but I also will call a spade a spade. I do not pull punches and when I do I am called Veneer.
I do appreciate pointing out what you feel is being unkind. I call it the truth and sometimes it hurts.
Are you insane? Lol!’