You Were Warned
“You know you really shouldn’t get involved with me you know, I am damaged.”
“Well, it is a little bit late for that isn’t it? I am already involved.”
“I know and I am glad to hear you tell me that, really I am, because I want you more than anything. I have not wanted anybody else in the way I want you but it is because of that I think you would be better off without me.”
“Don’t be silly, what do you mean by that?”
“You are so wonderful, so perfect. I truly have not met anyone like you. It is as if everything I have ever wanted and needed in somebody has been put together and rolled into one.”
“That is lovely of you to say, but I am not perfect, far from it.”
“To me you are.”
“Bless you, that is so sweet. I think you are wonderful too, not at all damaged. I cannot believe you said that.”
“Well I am.”
“Not from where I am sitting. You are incredible. Thoughtful, loving, attentive, interesting, sensual and so passionate. Those are just a few of the things that spring to mind when I think about you.”
“What else?”
“Oh let me see. Generous, yes generous and kind, considerate and successful. Entertaining as well. I don’t think I know anybody who can light up a room like you do. I love to watch you when you have everyone’s attention, I can see how much they love to listen to you.”
“Oh you are just saying those things to make me feel better.”
“No not at all, I mean every word, I really do. I have not met anyone as special as you and that is why I love you as I do.”
“You shouldn’t, I don’t mean to be rude, but you will only get hurt.”
“How? By you?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“I don’t know; I just always seem to mess things up. It may sound strange but somehow I want to think, I mean, I kind of know it should work with you, with you more than anybody else, I suppose I am just terrified that what we have is so wonderful, so perfect that I might do something to ruin it and then you would be hurt and I could not stand for that to happen.”
“You see, there you are again, considerate and kind.”
“I could not live with myself if I hurt you and I just do not want to run that risk of that happening. You do not deserve to be hurt.”
“That won’t happen, I can feel it. What you and I have is something out of the ordinary.”
“Yes we have haven’t we?”
“Absolutely. I love you and you love me and nobody is going to change that.”
“I know, I know, but what if, you know I do something?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, it is just that well, previous relationships have not exactly been successful have they? My track record is not great.”
“No but that wasn’t your fault was it? Look, you told me all about what has happened in the past. Not many men would be so honest as you to admit to what you have gone through. That takes real courage and is typical of the honesty and decency you exude. You are a good man and you have been treated abhorrently by some wicked people. Oooh, if I ever met them, I don’t know what I would do.”
“I knew you would understand. You always do. You get me. They never did you see. I tried you know. I always tried to make it work. I just wanted both of us to be happy but you know when whatever you do is not enough? When no matter how hard you try to please somebody but they always find some kind of fault? That was them. They made me feel like it was my fault a lot of the time. They had that way of twisting everything around so I was made out to be the villain. It is hard to explain it, but that is what they did.”
“I understand. There are some people who just delight in the misery of other people but that is not going to happen with you and me.”
“No?”
“No. We have both suffered previously.”
“I know. That is why I do not want to hurt you, you have had enough from the past and you deserve to be treated properly.”
“Well that is what you do. I could not ask for a better boyfriend, I really could not. You put me first, ahead of everything and you do so much for me. I really do appreciate it and each day I feel more in love with you because of what you do for me.”
“Thank you. That is all I want. Both of us to be happy. I think it must just be because of what has happened in the past, I am worried that this time, having found you, it will go wrong again and you will be hurt and I could not live with that.”
“Honestly, there is nothing to worry about. You have just been made to feel like this because of what they have done to you. It is understandable. I know you won’t hurt me. How could anyone who says the things you say to me ever hurt me? I have never had someone say the wonderful and beautiful things you say to me before. You leave me in tears. Tears of happiness admittedly because you just know what to say, you understand me.”
“Yes. There is a connection and it is deep and meaningful and I do not want that ever to be severed. I will fight to my dying breath to stay connected to you. I want to become you.”
“See, there you go again, saying the most wonderful things.”
“You bring it out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would do.”
“Well you don’t have to wonder do you? You’ve got me and you always will have.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Absolutely.”
“You see I am really in heaven every time we kiss. I don’t ever want to hurt you or lose you.”
“That will never happen. You have me forever.”
“I hope so, I really do.”
“You do. Now, let’s not have any more talk about you hurting me, that isn’t going to happen. We have the rest of our lives to be together and be happy. Let me get another bottle of wine, no, it is my turn, you stay there. You do enough running around after me, let me do something for you for a change.”
“Okay, same again please.”
“Coming right up. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
45 thoughts on “You Were Warned”
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OMG HG I swear you were eves dropping on me 7 years ago!
More than likely.
I had to giggle when at the beginning shes telling him all the wonderful things about him and and he says “what else?” Lmaooo 📣📣📣 narc alert …narc alert!!!
This strikes me as a midranger.
Ive had a conversation similiar to this but with a coworker/ friend. He keeps telling me how every relationship he messes up and he cant understand bc he tries to do everything right. He then goes on to say hes flawed and no woman will ever want him blah blah…hes very friendly but something doesnt sit right and after readjng this article months ago i knew right away. Its a narc tactic to make it look like theyre being honest and also crying the blues when in actuality they are “exactly” what theyre crying about and thats dysfunctional. They of course expect us to think that theyre being too hard on themselves and we pick up their ego further! Lol now i actually question him what he thinks he may be doing wrong and he doesnt like it. He can see i see right thru his facade of the victim narcissist. Its hilarious when you can spot it.
Warned hmmm yes in a dream, the look on his face when he asked me what was bothering me…..he knew I spoke truth….talk about a total mindfuckry…..I am prepared for this the next time
lol, word for word
HG, I have a question about the narc in this dialogue when he/she says “I want to become you”. Can you elaborate more on why that is said? My interpretation is that the Narc (knowing or not knowing what they are) wishes they didn’t feel that way? They want to be someone else? Or does it mean something entirely different? Thank you!
When is it being said? Seduction or devaluation?
Either or I suppose. It is not so much about when it is being said I was more curious more as to why it is said and what it means? Why would a narc say “I want to become you” ?
It depends on when it is said, because it will mean different things dependent on when it is said, hence why I asked.
In that case, can you share both perspectives of both seduction and devaluation and what it means? Thank you much!
Seduction – It is said because it sounds romantic, wanting to become the other person, be a part of them. What is really being said is I want to become you by absorbing you into me.
Devaluation – I want to destroy you.
Wow creepy AF. I kind of had a feeling that’s what the seduction part meant but the devaluation meaning surprised me. So creepy.
See how they are? We give them our best and they want to destroy us!🙄
I’d like to buy some of your books, HG, but from Italy it seems impossible. Could you help me please?
Better if ebook version, but paper will be welcome as well. TY
Certainly Deborah, you can find them on Amazon.it but if you are having problems please e-mail at narcissist1909@gmail.com and I will resolve the issue for you.
Umm yeah, pretty much one of our many conversations. Ugh. Hurts.
I couldn’t even even read all of this !
Last night ..I realised he had said these kinda things …maybe once or twice at the begining . EG: you you still feel the same if you knew all the ugliness I have hidden .
One of the first things my ex said to me in person, seriously, was “I’m a bad person.” I of course pressed for more details and he gave them, described how yeah, he was a pretty dark and selfish person. I could fix him, that’s all I knew or cared about. I wasn’t at all worried.
But he feared losing me a lot, for many years. When he would drive me up the wall with some verbal debate over some bullshit topic and I would dismiss him he could sense I thought he was a pain in the ass. He’d rush over and bear hug me, annoying me further, and say how he’s never letting me go. “You’ll never get away from me” in a cheeky funny tone, then smother me with kisses and I’d often jokingly protest back and say “oh yes, yep I will. Keep this up and I’m outta here!” And he would just hug harder and say “nope never.”
I very much think the dark turning point in our relationship was when I wanted him more, or started to show it. All that power (I guess) just felt way too good so he began constantly putting me on edge or a place where I could be dropped or discarded for the slightest of thing.
Is that you in the pic? 😉
Clearly.
🙂
Matrinarc is clearly younger with such a young handsome son.
Yes I have been warned. Duly noted.
I am surprised that you didn’t state that you were much better looking than him!!!!
That is a given.
clearly not
I somehow pictured you being a larger man because you have such a deep voice. Hmmm
The guy in the pic is hot! I hope he’s not a narc in real life and is just posing for a meme! His facial expression is funny though. The “I told you so” smirk!
Yikes!
I disagree with you when you say narcissism chose you. I watched too many grow all around me.
They all simply believed they were better than everyone.
There was a pain it’s true. But a failure to see the parent as imperfect and resolve to forgive.
I grew up with my sister at the hands of the same narc parent. We are both severely disordered.. She turned into a narcissist, as I turned into something else. You telling me we chose our disorders, is ridiculous & a slap in the face. Genetic coding & brain structure chose how our brains would react to the same abuse in order to survive as children.
HG, would you be so kind as to write about Emotional Annihilation and how your machinations work on the victim’s fear of it?
Thank you for your consideration.
Noted
If you didn’t laugh, you’d cry. Hahaha So far away from it that I can laugh, now. It always felt contrite and like a movie script. Still, I believe most women want ,at least one relationship, like this. Once we battle our way out : we realize Hollywood is full of shit. LMAO
“You leave me in tears. Tears of happiness admittedly because you just know what to say, you understand me.”
Good grief. I think I have actually said that exact quote verbatim. To my middle ranger! Ughhhhh. This shit really is like it’s out of a narc textbook. Or in this case an empath textbook. Creepy HG!
They never act like they feel bad for hurting you. Why do they warn you? To test how eager you are to not question them or to get more satisfaction out of the hurt tgey warned you about Or do they just not realize they are telling on themselves?
The end. Not.
I can relate to this article almost word for word with a man I thought was a mid range type…….however not so much with a man I thought was a greater. Maybe I have not really got the narc types worked out accurately. The two narcs I have known well did not drink alcohol at all……they frowned on me doing so……why is that……..is it because they do not want to lose control or that they need to keep a clear mind to remember all of the lies and remember the right name at the right time!!!!!…….is it more the lesser types that drink alcohol to excess…….I once asked the man that I think is a greater narc why he did not drink alcohol…….he bizarrely answered……”I don’t want to miss anything.” Do you drink alcohol HG??????
Yes
The Greater I was seeing drank, yet he never once appeared to be intoxicated 😵, it didn’t seem to affect him the same way alcohol did me.
HG does alcohol affect you the same as it does your girlfriends?
No. They all drink Mickey Finns.
Oh …. never experienced that, that is very wrong on many levels my dear HG.
Did they ever know? I am going this wasn’t a beer they were sipping on.
I am guessing that they drink them voluntarily…..it’s probably helpful as a coping mechanism……..
I got the warning too, “I am the devil, you should stay away.”
The one I was with never drank with me because he had to drive home and since he was an Apria driver, if he was pulled over he would lose his license. He drank at home though. Of course, if their mouth is moving, they’re lying!
I always warn them but….. they never listen or believe me lol.