Pet
“Sexpot”
“Angel”
“Babe”
“Honey”
“Princess”
“Babygirl”
“Penguin”
“Corky”
“Glow worm”
From the obvious and well-used to the corruptions and bastardisation of your first name through to the downright bizarre, pet names are a standard feature of relationships. Parents may have a nickname or pet name for their child, we use nicknames for our friends but most often they are used in the context of an intimate relationship. Their use is to denote endearment and to highlight something special and unique (although using babe is not going to win awards in that category) between that person and their significant other. When used in the context of a non-narcissistic relationship they are relatively harmless, perhaps hinting at something which teases and might be mildly embarrassing (e.g. calling someone glow worm because they go red and become embarrassed easily) but generally they are used as a fond and kind epitaph. That situation becomes corrupted and entirely different in our hands. We regularly use pet names for our primary sources, but our motives for doing so are not about being genuinely endearing but for a host of more nefarious reasons.
- It is done to appear to endearing to you so that you think you are special to us. You merit being given a pet name and therefore you are led to think that we naturally care and love you since we have taken this step. This is done because it is a standard step in many intimate relationships and all we are doing is mimicking that for the purposes of making you think that the relationship between you and us is wonderful, special and marvellous.
- You are our possession. By giving you a label in this manner we are branding you and stamping on you that you belong to us. It enables us to exert control over you.
- We objectify all of our appliances and by giving you a pet name we are reinforcing that. We may call you “angel” but in our minds you are just an angel, one of hundreds no thousands out there. In the way that those who find themselves in a perilous situation might use their name with an aggressor of kidnapper in order to humanise themselves and the other person, we utilise pet names to dehumanise you. It is our stand point that you are an object to us and it is far easier to control and abuse an object.
- We use the same pet names for many of our appliances. There will be differences when for example the pet name plays on your name, so if you are called, Rebecca, we may call you Beccipops, but if it is a pet name which is nothing to do with your actual name or a distinct attribute of yours then you should be aware that several primary sources before you all got the same name and the ones that comes after you will as well.
- By using a pet name and keeping it the same for all our primary sources we minimise the risk of calling you, accidentally, by the wrong name and bringing about questioning and a challenge. Thus, if we call you “Sugarbumps” and we are having an affair, the other person will also be called “Sugarbumps”. If you were ever granted access to a narcissist’s phone, do not be surprised to see Sugarbumps1 and Sugarbumps2 in the directory.
- As with many things narc, what we grant we then take away in order to upset you and exert control over you. Thus if we always referred to you as “Hot stuff” you can expect that come devaluation you would be referred to by your actual name instead of there may even be a corruption of the pet name, for instance calling you “Cold stuff” instead. This is done to make you react and feel hurt by this change in the affectionate pet name.
- In some instances, the pet name may actually seem like a compliment to you but actually has a hidden meaning to our kind and whilst you smile when you hear this name being used, we are actually laughing at you on the inside because you do not realise that you are being insulted. One example might be by jokingly referring to you as the boss. Thus in front of you and our coterie we may say,
“Thanks for asking, I will have to run it by the boss.”
You smile at this affectionate deference to your authority oblivious to the fact that my coterie and I know is means Best Of Seven Sluts, being a reference to how we regard you sexually.
- In some cases, we forget who you actually are (because we regard you as an object) but if we call all objects “Munchkin” then we can fall back on that and refer to you by this name without appearing stupid for forgetting what you are called.
- We may invent new and different pet names which are insulting, disrespectful and unpleasant when we embark on our devaluation of you. We may call you The Rash because you keep appearing everywhere when we do not want to see you. We may call you The Pirate because you have small breasts, e.g. a sunken chest. We may label you as The Thorn because you are a pain in our side or we may just go for It as regular readers will know from my treatment of Lesley.
- We will also insist that you use a pet name for us but we will choose it. Nobody normal chooses their nickname and then tells people to use it. Nicknames and pet names evolve from characteristics witnessed by those around the recipient of the name. The fact that we appear and tell you to call us “Goldenballs” is evidence of our sense of entitlement and grandiosity.
The use of a pet name by our kind is never to be regarded as pleasant and complimentary. It is a device for demeaning you, upsetting you and exerting our control over you, in the same way that one keeps a pet animal, that is how you are regarded as we keep you in one of our gilded cages.
151 thoughts on “Pet”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Thanks, yet again H.G,! You solved another mystery about my narc ex husband– (Nex) that has been bothering me for years. The pet names.
When I first married my now Nex, back in the early 80’s in our mid 20’s, he started calling me a silly name that he used for everyone he was fond of (past or present). It was a well-worn term of endearment. I told him that I didn’t want the generic name how about a special nickname just for me.
He came up with an abbreviation, a four letter word for a silly, lovey longer nickname. Let’s call it Bunn). I ended up calling him the same nickname back and it seemed affectionate, although rather bland.
For 26 years of marriage, I was called “Bunn”. I barely ever heard him use my given name to address me, although I called him by his real name quite often. He also called me the generic “Babe or “Hun.” I now see it as a way to devalue me since it was almost the same as calling me “toaster.”
What really got me was when he was devaluing me throughout the years he would throw a snarky, sing, song, “Hey Fish Lips” or “Hey Chicken Lips” insult my way (my kisser is rather under-defined). Those insults would sting, and as an empath scapegoat, brought up by two narcs, I would kind of cower in shame over my perceived negative physical attribute. That along with my constant small chest-devaluation by my dad and my tirades from my mom about my being physically slow and socially backward when I was a teenager really helped keep me humble (projection anyone).
As soon as we divorced, he only used my given name in the few phone conversations we had, except for one occasion. He was giving me a very lazy hoover about a year and a half after our divorce. He sounded like he accidentally forgot himself and fake endearingly called me “Bunn” again. I saw through his bad acting.
I would love to send him a card now that I feel empowered by my many hours of educating myself on the subject of narcissism. I would address the anonymous little card to Vienna Sausage Dick, tell him happy birthday or something and not sign my name. I’d do a similar card for my parents using a fitting description, but I shall remain no contact.
Alas, we remain appliances to our Nex until one of us dies. I am no longer his outdated, but still functional kitchen gadget in a cardboard box in the basement. I can only get thought revenge!
Just to clarify my above rant: I feel it is wrong to degrade a person about their physical attributes, especially when they have no control over them. However, instead of cowering in shame about my perceived imperfections, maybe I should have slung some garbage right back at my narc ex.
My N ex was a ladies’ man, but perhaps calling attention to his undersized sex “play toy” may have heightened the insecurity he probably secretly harbored about his “little guy.” Maybe my causing him some narc injury would have leveled the playing field and made him feel less superior. As we know, though, I would have just been punished covertly for my remark.
Saving Grace
Still…it would have been fun to slip in a Where’s Waldo? when he was fully erect. But you did the right thing in not doing so.
Great reply, NarcAngel. I would have loved to have had your wit and called it “Waldo” back then and waited to see how long it took for him to catch my drift.
Unbelievable man child. I told him he has the humor and joy of a child but he’s a real man😂😂😂😂Post H.G. in public in front of his family.
I get called pet all the time.. amongst other things 😉
My narc has a “proper” pet name for me that he uses when I’m being “good”, otherwise I’m Babe. He tried to call me by his previous ex’s nickname one time and I reminded him that I’m not her. His reply “You’re right, you’re not her”
No shit, Sherlock! Now go get a clue!
HG, may I call you Goldenballs?
You may.
So, Goldenballs, what’s your favorite pet name to use on your targets?
They have different pet names.
My ex narc didn’t use any cutesy pet names. His pet name was using my first and last name together as if it was one word – mostly while he was in seduction-mode. Often “my wendy______”.
He rarely just used my first name. If that happened it was usually not good. Hard to escape my own name, right…? For a while hearing someone else say my first and last name together made me think of him. How’s that for some f#$@ked up ever presence? Ugh!!
Utilizing HG’s advice on less emotional thinking and applying logic, I’m glad to report my name is now my name again and not a trigger.
Good work in securing that outcome SW.
My narc wanted me to call him “baby boy”. I thought it meant he was soft and kind. After listening to HG I finally figured out he is the opposite.
Seize the power Gem.
WTF is sod’s law now???? you crazy Brits!!!
Yes HG at times you are very funny 😂
You are very entertaining, HG…. I wouldn’t call you “funny”….
For the record…HG…
When I see you write ‘turd’ I bust out laughing every single time.
I can hear you saying that word in your English accent and it amuses me. 🙂
Are you saying I’m funny?
Yes I am lol.
I adore your accent. You have a way of describing things and people you don’t like in a way that is very humorous.
Do you think he is as funny as the Joker? 😂
Only if he wants to be lol
What about beloved HG? That is one of the two, the other maybe I wil ask in private one day.
but, it is, a humorous turd….
There’s a guy that always calls me “Doll” I refuse to go out with him not only for that reason alone but it gives me the creeps. It’s so devaluing. I want to tell him it sounds really corny and a major turn off but I won’t. Let him keep making that mistake I say.
in the end, i resorted to “Fucktard”….
Good one!
Hehehe, I like it. The friend (no way in hell worthy of being a romantic partner) that I just shut down over the weekend referred to the predecessor as FFace. It stuck. I used it occasionally too. I would think of him as monkey boy, which his parents would refer to him because he liked to climb when he was very young, especially the kitchen cabinets. Thought he was something special because of that. Doesn’t he know we all did that when our parents weren’t watching?
I’ve even gave myself a nickname for when I have put up with something for so long and then reach my limit and come undone. People are not used to seeing this side of me and are somewhat in shock when it happens and don’t seem to know how to respond. I refer to her as Baby Bitch when she shows up.
Hmm I used this word once and was chastised. Even among empaths there is a click.
I think people are veneer…… when it suits their needs.
to go unrecognized/incognito (and that could cover alot of territory)
Mine had several pet names for me, mostly darling, honey, dear one, but two were supposedly mine and mine alone. Then, he just stopped using them when I got put on the shelf and I didn’t get why. But boy did it hurt and now I am sure that is what he was aiming for. He only calls me by my real name when he is upset with me, otherwise for the last couple of months, he called me nothing at all.
Next time he calls me his pet name I’m going to set him straight on it. I give him permission to give it to someone else. In a bland tone of course.
You’re learning.
I had more then one, and I believe now it depended on what type of mood he was in! Baby, Sexy bitch! Oh who could forget in text messages he would go over board with, my sweet sexy nympho femdom! 🤦♂️
He called me his “angel” or “sweetie” but mostly “babe”. During times of devaluation I was “idiot” or no pet was name used at all.
Mine always called me by my name, except when talking to others. He would sometimes “jokingly” refer to me as the Warden!!
Hi Crystal! Oh I hate that! It’s like when you hear husbands say they have to check with the “War Department” to find out if they can commit the family to plans of some sort.
MLA
Haha. Works both ways. When my hubby says “wheres the controller” (tv), I reply: Im sitting right here.
Looking back, my first husband wanted to get me plates for my car NSTYPXY. He said I had a bite (words) that can be brutal for such a small woman. I guess I would have been a Pixy with fangs.
Seems like you may have liked and considered that nickname.
My family still refers to me as the Warden. Why? I am the Matriarch. Always have been.
One of his last attempts to hoover commenced with a long list of all the cheesy pet names he ever called me, including a new one.
That reply made me smile……not with dimples showing though……well maybe just one!!!!
I have been “given” several of these names…..one of mine was “Jinxy” ……..the others I wouldn’t want to admit to………I noticed too that they rarely used my real name (anonymous has said this already)…..however I am now only just realising that I never called them by their name either……it was always…..”hey mister”…….but maybe that is just a Manchester expression…….or I am a “covert” narc!!!!!!
Covert is too wide a term
Covert is definitely way too wide as even the overt are underhanded. Lol. The “covert” called me Beautiful, and I did not have a pet name for him. But he christened himself “Brillante” based on something I said to him one day while I was studying Spanish. He doesn’t speak Spanish but loved the name and refers to himself as Brillante all the time. When he hoovers me, I find cards via mail signed with that pet name for himself instead of his real name. 🙂
The more overt N called me KimmieCakes. And did this annoying little sing-song everyday: “How is my gorgeous sexy amazing beautiful wife today?” Overkill.
Overt can be found in Lesser, Greater and also UMR. Covert can be found in Mid Range and Greater, hence why the terms are too wide and I prefer for them to not be used here, nothing against you SF as you agree with me.
When I saw the photo, I was sure this article would be about petplay. The internet has ruined me forever.
I didn’t really have a pet name. Well not for long. He used one for a while but then stopped using it and when I asked why he said he decided he didn’t like it. He struggled to come up with one and REALLY wanted one for a while. Then he started using the pet name I had for him (which was actually an actual dog’s name from my past, I’m horrible). Sometimes he switched two letters in that pet name. He rarely used my real name, which seems weird since in the very beginning he literally begged me to say his name and complained that I never did. Maybe he wanted to take revenge by never saying my name.
I’ve got some new pet names for him – fuck boy, man whore, dickshit, bastard, to name a few.
Is he a boy or a man ANK, you seem unsure?!
A boy living inside a man’s body. So both!
Good recovery!
I’m learning from you HG, in more way than one 😀
Good.
ANK
Excellent! I laughed out loud! OMG thanks for that!
I’m really understanding the need for pet names now. The more I’m interacting with Ns, it becomes hard to distinguish between them. They all say and do the same or similar things and I almost feel like I’m interacting with the same person.
I guess it must be like that for an N interacting with an empath.
I won’t let any of them use a Pet name for me. I wouldn’t want them to forget me or merge me into other appliances. I want them to remember that I was the one who strung them along, wasted there time for as long as possible and then discarded before they could even capture me 😂😂
I’m learning to play chess now – thanks HG! . A step up from the ludo 😂😂
Pleasure.
He uses sweetheart in his texts. Darling when in favour.
And I was Princess.
What would be the explanation, if for example; myself, I was an intimate partner secondary source for 3 years, and I never had a pet name. Ever.
As per the article “We regularly use pet names for our primary sources”
Sugarbumps1 and Sugarbumps2?!
Goldenballs?
HG, I’m dying here! 😂
Golden balls? I’m dead!! 😂
This explains why my Narc called everyone “kiddo”. Me, his wife, his friends, his cousins, his boss. Kiddo. 🙄
That’s right Kiddo, sorry I mean Sugarbumps1.
🙂
😂🙄
For some reason I’m now thinking of that meme where the smiling emoji has his 2 fingers pointing to the right and he says “that’s where you’re wrong kiddo!!!” Hahahahahaha!!! Oh how I wish I could have sent that to him when I had to hear “kiddo”. I was 5 1/2 years older and I was called kiddo.
NarcAngel…thank you for that. WTF is this behavior? The first time he tried to cover it up and when I brought it up months later, he denied it happened…then the second time he was loving and tried to stop me from rolling over into it. It really didn’t matter to me. I loved him. I am such a stupid woman.
Wow, I forgot about that… my ex tried to call me “Bella” as I know he used with the girlfriend before me. I told him I would not be called that, so he called me “Baby.” He called the dog, “Baby girl.” I saw on fake -book, he is calling the current Girlfriend “Bella” and she is calling him “Blushes.” I know that his nickname comes from the embarrassment he pretends to have from his bedwetting “condition.” I found out years after cleaning up after him, he was doing it on purpose!!! That’s one of those “Unbelievable” things you wrote about HG. Thanks for the explanation of the pet names…
You are welcome KP.
Wetting the bed on purpose WTH I’ve heard it all now , is there a post about this ? OMG
Yep, stupidly let him into my bed one last time. While he was wetting the bed and I was yelling at him to let him know… he smiled and said ” I know.”
KP that’s just crazy and disgusting are you split up from him now ?
I don’t think there is any end to the shock factor shit they will try. My ex N was not a bedwetter but his father, also a N, was living in an apartment that had floor vents for the central heat and air conditioning and would purposely pee in the vents just to listen to someone bitch at him about it. Disgusting.
KP OMG!!! Mine wet the bed twice and I have never seen anyone else say this! Mine was a MLV narc..HG – is this behavior common?
Entirely conceivable albeit not common.
Geyserempath
I know one who pissed the bed regularly. I did not know he was a narc at the time.
I want to clarify also that he was not mine but a friends husband lol.
You dirty empath!
HG
Yes, I am Super Dirty (Filthy actually) and a lot of other adjectives but not with this pissy pants (ew). I meant that my friend used to tell me about him doing this in their bed. I asked her wtf was wrong with her that she’d put up with that. Like a true empath or co-d she said she felt sorry for him and said: what if it turns out its his prostrate and he has Cancer? He was an abusive dick so I replied that if she was lucky, he wouldnt respond to treatment and the problem would be solved.
Yeah. We dont see each other anymore lol.
Your hair is blonde HG ? I find that shocking ha ha and do not imagine you with blonde hair at all. I wonder if you are born in England if that is your voice but your families nationality is from another country originally .
Why is that shocking? It is not blonde all the time. That is my voice.
Maybe it goes blonder in the sun , I can’t imagine you dying it you don’t seem the type to dye your hair but maybe . I just think of you as someone with dark hair , I cannot imagine a blonde HG !!
I do sometimes dye it, but not for reasons of vanity.
Your an actor
All narcissists are actors to some degree.
Yes but you could actually be one
Lisa,
You will not get a straight answer 😎
Rule.
That’s a straight answer.
Ruler.
That’s a straight answer.
Your wit is on top form today HG 🤓😏
Pleased you noticed
ANK – oh I know that , he’ll go into cave man yes no answers . He says he’s been on television , now was that as a television person or actor – or was it CrimeWatch , reason for disguises
Cave man? Succinct responses are not Neanderthal
That’s what clarece called them so I’m copying her , so she gets the blame 😘
Blame-shifting eh?
We can go with Tarzan responses if you like?
If you wish but you do realise that makes you Cheetah!
No, no, no…you will refer to me as Jane. Glad that’s cleared up.
I am the doer.
Totally nailing that caveman speak. Thumbs up HG! 😁
Droll.
Yes the original Tarzan Johnny Weissmuller
Hi Lisa! It could have been as an Officer of the Law reporting on the status of an ongoing investigation of the news. It would still count for an appearance on TV.
Very true Clarece could be.
HG operates as a con man in his life . So most likely for the purpose of disguise if there were mug shots on tv
Lisa, I am above the likes of Crimewatch!
You could actually be one !! Either that or a bank robber 🤔
Bank robberies are for lessers.
Your either an actor or WANTED
Hg is always wanted darling.
And you said you’ve been on television so that proves my theory
I am afraid it doesn’t!
Hi Lisa
I hope you don’t mind my two cents, I am usually amused by the guesses on what HG does in his private life.
There are many careers that involves the need to “act” be on television, dye hair and much much more. Only a few can fill the shoes HG wears. He does an amazing job.
Good luck in getting him to volunteer more information then he desires to.
He does give straight answers, just not an indepth one, unless the circumstances one serves to be given.
There’s not many situations in life where a man dies his hair not for vanity. Of course he won’t tell me !! It’s just funny to ask him because I know what his answers will be .
He’s either in showbiz or crime unless there’s another reason I haven’t considered to change his appearance lol
I dye my hair to disguise my appearance.
No it is not to do with show business.
No it is not to do with crime.
Ahh so your a spy or a detective
No, I am a hairdresser.
💇🏻💇♂️
You’re an Agent for Homeland Security.
There are many reasons
It does amuse me thou when this or his age becomes a debate
Yeah it amuses me too !!
I don’t see how there are many reasons why a man would be dying his hair , I think it would be slightly odd to say the least if HG was regularly turning up at his work place with a different colour of hair !!
Read what I write. I did not write that I do it regularly.
Ever considered that it is part of what I do?
Lisa
To gain attention what else!
To hide the grey!!!!! I know that I am going to regret writing this but I have no control over my fingers!!!!
There is no grey. One shade of fifty (ghastly book).
Peppermint tea?????? Bloody Mary??????? I think I am the only person on the planet that has not actually read that book or watched the movie……but I know what it is about……..my 78 year old friend told me about it……..
50 shades of grey in the making
Maybe I should have said……to hide the 50 shades of grey!!!!!!
HG I was not insinuating you have 50 shades of grey, but the book which I will take your word on that it is awful as to I have never had the desire to read it.
I have not read it either. You don’t need to handle a turd, to know it is a turd.
Both dimples are showing after that reply….I think even the third one made an appearance……..
Ewww that is just nasty!!! I will take your word on that one! Besides if I want to experience this my imagination isn’t going to satisfy this
If i wasnt curious before about your profession before HG i am now! Lol who am i kidding im dead curious 😂 A disguise? hmmmm i still say a bodyguard of some type. Maybe for a political figure.
Gray is a color or lack there of and Grey (as in Shades) is a douche.
So true about all narcs being actors. Actors acquire personality traits from others as well. My narc has a couple actor friends not at all famous. Hes more coverted and could never be an actor but does a great job of it in his private life.
Sam Vaknin, says the only difference between types of narcissists is their Thespian skills
Who he?
Ha ha !!
Ok, reading over past articles & commentary, and I can’t help asking: Are you hiding from a recent conquest (or three) who you have recently devalued and discarded? Hmmmm…..
No judgment at any rate. I used to dye my hair alot until my narc decided he likes blondes.
I’m sure you’re incredibly attractive at any rate if your looks match your voice.😉
No, I am not hiding from recent conquests.
HG …you mentioned youve been on tv before would we know who you are or were you just on tv?
Its funny trying to guess what you do for a living but i do respect the fact that you dont want to be identified right now and the same goes for some people on the blog. Thats the beauty of this blog is we can remain anonymous.
I was on television. You will not know me from television.
Was it that “Just For Men” hair dye advert????
No.
what does it mean when you call someone “sod”? is that meant to demean?
A section of grass-covered surface soil held together by matted roots.
Sodding sod it and sod that sod.
Have I’ve used correctly? 😆
It’ll be Sod’s Law, if you’ve got it wrong.
The definition is actually a good metaphor 😁
Depends on the context and by whom it’s said and how.