I too don’t ever recall being told not to say anything…..although my memory is not great…….but I think you somehow just know. I think that it is something you learn as a child when you see the contrasting changes of someones behaviour within the home and the performance they put on outside of it. Maybe you just copy that behaviour as it is all that you know, you put on your own performance, in my case it was the performance of a closed book. For me it has continued on into adulthood…….I hardly tell anyone anything…..I can talk no bother provided it is not about myself either past or present. Although I have probably stated more on here in the past few weeks than I have my whole life. There is a plaque on amazon that says “Remember as far as anyone else knows, we are a nice normal family.” I guess some people find that humorous but I don’t. Then as I continue to reel from one narc to another I can’t help but wonder if I even know what normal is? I am currently narc free……this is the closest I feel I have ever been to being normal…….
The ex greater didn’t care if I told everything I saw. He knew no one would believe me. No one.
My dear mother, however, practically muzzled me and my sister. We could never tell what we saw. She is literally a criminal. We could’ve been placed in child protection services at many points in childhood. She knew people would believe us.
When I mentioned the police always coming to the house to take away my dad (after my sister called 911) my mother said, “The police never came to the house.” So I said, “Yeah, they did. I saw them come in the house and take dad away.” She just ignored me and walked away. And every time my sister overdosed my mother pretended it never happened. My sister OD’ed in front of me and my friend when I was 9. But that never happened either.
I realized my exes Mother always shut things down and didn’t want things spoken about outside of the family, let alone in the family!
I want to post your Facebook site open to the public on my Facebook list of likes. I realize you want the publicity, but I want to know if you could honestly tell me if I am in any danger by doing this? If my ex or his family see it, am I calling them out? If his current supply or her friends see this, could I have a consequence or a smear campaign? What are your thoughts? I don’t want to put myself in danger, yet I want to share awareness…. thank you for you thoughts HG.
I get chills…in the past it would trigger past abuse and pain now I just brush it off. Having this blog to let it all out although, many poshers may not show they support. H.G
allowing the revelant posts gives me the outlet.
Some therapist come prepared with a list of questions and give you literally a minute or two to respond. Providing no feedback other than a nod. I told my therapist which I paid out of pocket 150.00 an hour 4 x per month he needed to allow me to speak and stop reflecting/deflecting on his past experiences. “Countertransferance” understatement. I guess i should thank him for the narcissm tip. I didn’t mention the narc until 10 months into therapy so it was like a caveat included in terminating relationships.
Funny thing is I was so programmed, I didn’t have to be told not to tell anything I saw, or heard. The more I practice what I’ve learned from Mr.Tuder the Greater, the better I am at not contacting ex narc and not responding to him. Looking back, I’ve come a very long way!
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I too don’t ever recall being told not to say anything…..although my memory is not great…….but I think you somehow just know. I think that it is something you learn as a child when you see the contrasting changes of someones behaviour within the home and the performance they put on outside of it. Maybe you just copy that behaviour as it is all that you know, you put on your own performance, in my case it was the performance of a closed book. For me it has continued on into adulthood…….I hardly tell anyone anything…..I can talk no bother provided it is not about myself either past or present. Although I have probably stated more on here in the past few weeks than I have my whole life. There is a plaque on amazon that says “Remember as far as anyone else knows, we are a nice normal family.” I guess some people find that humorous but I don’t. Then as I continue to reel from one narc to another I can’t help but wonder if I even know what normal is? I am currently narc free……this is the closest I feel I have ever been to being normal…….
The ex greater didn’t care if I told everything I saw. He knew no one would believe me. No one.
My dear mother, however, practically muzzled me and my sister. We could never tell what we saw. She is literally a criminal. We could’ve been placed in child protection services at many points in childhood. She knew people would believe us.
When I mentioned the police always coming to the house to take away my dad (after my sister called 911) my mother said, “The police never came to the house.” So I said, “Yeah, they did. I saw them come in the house and take dad away.” She just ignored me and walked away. And every time my sister overdosed my mother pretended it never happened. My sister OD’ed in front of me and my friend when I was 9. But that never happened either.
I realized my exes Mother always shut things down and didn’t want things spoken about outside of the family, let alone in the family!
I want to post your Facebook site open to the public on my Facebook list of likes. I realize you want the publicity, but I want to know if you could honestly tell me if I am in any danger by doing this? If my ex or his family see it, am I calling them out? If his current supply or her friends see this, could I have a consequence or a smear campaign? What are your thoughts? I don’t want to put myself in danger, yet I want to share awareness…. thank you for you thoughts HG.
I learned that at a very young age.
I get chills…in the past it would trigger past abuse and pain now I just brush it off. Having this blog to let it all out although, many poshers may not show they support. H.G
allowing the revelant posts gives me the outlet.
Some therapist come prepared with a list of questions and give you literally a minute or two to respond. Providing no feedback other than a nod. I told my therapist which I paid out of pocket 150.00 an hour 4 x per month he needed to allow me to speak and stop reflecting/deflecting on his past experiences. “Countertransferance” understatement. I guess i should thank him for the narcissm tip. I didn’t mention the narc until 10 months into therapy so it was like a caveat included in terminating relationships.
Thanks HG
You are welcome Yolo, I invariably find your observations interesting, keep them coming.
Hush…
Exposure is the ultimate betrayal! Abuse should never stay hidden.
Creepy image!
Funny thing is I was so programmed, I didn’t have to be told not to tell anything I saw, or heard. The more I practice what I’ve learned from Mr.Tuder the Greater, the better I am at not contacting ex narc and not responding to him. Looking back, I’ve come a very long way!