6 Speciality Hoovers (And How To Unplug Them)
The hoover. An instrument of cleaning and the instrument by which we endeavour to suck you back into our false reality so we can exert our hold over you once again. Hoovers come at various stages of your dance with us and also come in a variety of forms and guises so that you may not even realise that a hoover is taking place. Hoovers come in two categories which are linked to when they take place and the method adopted to hoover. Some methods can apply to different times in the interaction with our kind, others apply to just one time, often post discard or post escape. There are scores of different methods used in hoovers but here are six which may or may not be familiar to you along with how you can endeavour to pull the plug on them and avoid being sucked in. It is worth pointing out of course that if your narcissist cannot find you and contact you, the hoover can never get started, but that state of affairs is not always possible.
The Proxy Hoover
This does not come from the narcissist but from one of his supporters in his coterie or his Lieutenants. It usually comes from a Lieutenant who can be relied on to execute the hoover in precisely the way that we have directed. The Proxy Hoover will often include a different type of hoover e.g. The Medical Emergency Hoover where the narcissist will use a genuine or more likely feign a medical emergency to force interaction between you and the narcissist and engender sympathy. With the proxy, the call alerting you to the emergency concerning the narcissist will come from the Lieutenant. Like any proxy hoover, there are several reasons for adopting this approach: –
You may not realise the person is a lieutenant and therefore you are more likely to respond to what they say than if it came from our kind, especially if you have instigated no contact;
The conflict between you and us is ameliorated as a consequence of the involvement of this third party, meaning you are more likely to believe what you are being told;
The proxy may stand more chance of persuading you to act;
You may regard what we say and do with suspicion but not this third party
You may not want to look bad in the eyes of the third party by failing to respond.
The key to dealing with this hoover is actually recognise what it is. It is not a third party asking for your help, it is a third party coercing you into contact with us again. You should be especially aware of any of your friends or family asking you to see us or do something for us, or if they comment about how good you and I were together, that we really do miss you and so on. We will infiltrate your supporters to gain added credibility and slip under your radar in this manner. Be aware that any third party who asks you to engage with us is a proxy who is executing the hoover on our behalf. No matter how purportedly significant the event is, the emotional pull involved or the persuasion applied reject it and do so in a firm and business-like manner. Do not show indecision, do not appear upset or concerned or even annoyed or irritated by the approach – even if you do not engage this reaction will be reported to us and will achieve two things for us. One, fuel. Secondly, we know we still have an effect on you and we will keep hoovering. If you are concerned the nature of the proxy hoover may be genuine suggest the Lieutenant finds someone else to help.
The Reverse Hoover
This is quite a cunning method of hoovering. We let it be known through various channels that we do not want anything to do with you, that you should never darken our doorstep again and that we are through with you. This message will be broadcast over all channels – through friends, family, social media and so on. It is not said by us directly to you, that would defeat the purpose. We ensure this message reaches you and the aim is to have you disbelieve that we would say such a thing about you and to appeal to your desire to prove us wrong. Just in the way that a parent causes problems by denying a teenager any opportunity to hang out after 9pm, so they go and do it anyway, by telling you there is something that you cannot do, you then want to do it. Of course we have to gauge the right recipient of this hoover as some people will be content to hear us say those words. It is usually done with those we have discarded without telling that person they have been discarded and they cannot quite believe that it is at an end. This proclamation will cause them concern but they are still not ready to accept that it is the case that the relationship has ended (and they are right because it never ends) and therefore they come looking for an explanation and confirmation that what they have heard is not true. By not telling you direct we can tell you that the rumours you have heard are false and welcome you back with open arms as you are successfully hoovered. Again, recognise this for what it is and avoid acting on what you have been told. It is a ruse to play on your trait of needing to know. If you hear such things being said tell yourself that the comments are true, it is over and we do not want anything to do with you and stay away.
The Letterbox Hoover
This hoover utilises the strong link we know that exists for some time post discard or post escape between seeing a trigger and the golden memories (and/or dark memories) that flow from the trigger. For example, we always slow danced to a particular piece of music with you which made you feel loved and wonderful. If you hear that piece of music the memory is awakened and we flood your memory and your senses. This is ever presence. To avoid this happening you need to take all steps not to play this piece of music again, indulge yourself with new pieces of music and if you hear it inadvertently to switch it off or move away from its source. With this hoover we want to scale your defences and use ever presence to get back in to your head, cause you to think of us and react (and although we do not see it we will get fuel because we know how you will respond) and make you vulnerable to wanting to contact us or a further hoover approach from us. One method of doing this is to send you a birthday or Christmas card with a beautiful, thoughtful handwritten message, often alluding to what we did together on a wonderful birthday or Christmas together during our golden period. This arrives with other cards and therefore is less noticeable. We will most likely print the address or have someone else write it for us so our handwriting does not alert you on the envelope. Once you open it, you read the message and see it is from us and bam! We are in your head and heart once again. It is a pleasant gesture, no malice and you will remember all the good things, think about us, want to contact us and thank us and wonder if this represents a fresh beginning of good relations or the chance to get back together and do things right this time. It is a hoover pure and simple.
To tackle this covert hoovering method, have someone vet all cards and parcels which are sent to you around Christmas, birthday and other appropriate festivals and events. Once checked this person can weed out anything from us and then reseal the envelopes for you so you still have the pleasant act of opening the envelopes and cards for yourself, that have been sent from anybody but us.
The Psychic Connection
This is effective if we know that you are a spiritual person who believes in psychic events, astrology, ghosts, telepathy and the emotional connections between people that are stronger than normal. These beliefs and similar are often applicable to empathic people who of course form our victims of choice. We will use a supposed psychic connection or event to appeal to this nature of yours in order to signify that something special has happened which means we need to be together. We have to have the means of contacting you, often by sending you a message or leaving a voicemail. It is done in a dramatic fashion as we have suddenly uncovered a mystical or portentous occurrence which is of deep-seated significance which tells us that we are meant to be together, we should see each other straight away to discuss its implications or that it has caused us to see the light with it being conveyed in such a manner. Examples will include
Claiming to have dreamt about you in a strange and significant way;
We have seen a clairvoyant who spoke about you and I;
We saw your image when you were not there as if you needed to tell us something;
A picture of you fell off the wall or fell over on our desk without explanation and we knew this meant you wanted to get in touch;
We have had a vision of something terrible happening to you and we have to warn you to save you;
Your face appeared in the froth on our morning latte;
Your name was spelt in jam on the kitchen floor when we dropped our toast.
From the possible to the ridiculous we will exploit your belief in such things in order to establish contact again. Recognise any messages that allude to the above or similar things as what they are; a hoover and do not respond to them in any fashion no matter how curious or compelling it may feel.
The Silent Hoover
This comes in the form of a telephone call but there is no message left or nobody speaks when you answer. It is a blank text message or empty e-mail. It is an invitation to use a particular app on your phone. The purpose of this is to get you to respond to find out why it was sent or done. Once you do so we will either escalate the nature of the hoover by turning on the charm or trying to draw sympathy etc. through the application of a further hoover. We may not respond when you telephone but we know that we have been able to make you respond and we will do a few further Silent Hoovers to increase your curiosity and confirm that you are vulnerable now to our overture by way of a further hoover. If you fail to respond or do so and dismiss us we save face by saying it was sent by mistake a “butt call” or we hit the wrong key etc. If you respond favourably then we have a green light to apply further pressure to seduce you again. Once again recognise this for what it is and no matter how curious as to why it has been sent do not respond. It is a hoover which will rope you in and have you subjected to further additional hoovers of a different nature.
The Prove Yourself Hoover
Similar to The Reverse Hoover, this hoover relies on your need to say your piece, stand up for yourself and have the last word. It relies on ensuring that a smear campaign has been effected against you and something particularly ridiculous or savage has been said about you. We will ensure that word reaches you through messages from third parties, third parties telling you to your face or postings on social media so you are gripped by the need to respond, set the record straight and tell us what has really happened in order to get us to accept this and issue an apology and correction. We know the type of victim that this really strikes home with, those who always need the truth to be told, who need to be held in correct regard by other people and those who must set us straight. We know you will be sat bristling, incredulous at what is being said about you and you cannot help yourself but want to get the true version out there and ram our words back down our throat. This hoover relies on this and the fuel that flows as you come charging at us ready to make us eat our words. This is precisely that we want to happen.
Again, recognise it is happening and do not respond. If you need to ensure people know the truth, then tell them in an even-handed and level manner and refer to evidence wherever possible rather than oral testimony and hearsay. Do not try and approach us, do not try and persuade us. We are not interested in that. We are interested in your fuel and getting to interact with you again.
To learn more about the narcissistic hoover read Black Hole – Available on Amazon
US https://www.amazon.com/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
CAN https://www.amazon.ca/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
AUS https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B01D7OPOFQ
41 thoughts on “6 Speciality Hoovers (And How To Unplug Them)”
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Got a silent hoover the day before my birthday. Then, intentionally I’m sure, no contact at all ON my birthday.
My ex MMRN grew-up with a narcissist (girl) that lived next door. She hoovered my ex, quite a bit, using the psychic connection. She had visions, dreams and feelings that something bad was going to happen to him. She reads Tarot cards and took classes, in Salem, to become a witch. She, also, slept with my ex and my twin, and now that I am out of the picture she thinks she is going to be with my ex. It is like a soap opera from hell.
Narc action in real time. A hoover; unbelievable. This is better than reality TV!
Hi K, your comment made me laugh. I know it is like a bloody reality tv show , a bad one . You couldn’t make this stuff up .
🤔😂😂😭
Lisa
You are absolutely right! We couldn’t make this stuff up. I am glad you laughed. I was shocked when I read your post. Narc action in real time! It got me thinking, if HG fixes his CCTV then he might be able to catch your boyfriend hoovering again, and then he could upload the footage so we could all watch it! It would be a riot!
K, that’s hilarious . We could have live 24 hour Hoover Watching TV !!
HG, I never thought I’d see it happen , 11.15pm and my narc is tapping on my living room window. I never even thought about him. I saw through the curtains a figure come to the door and my porch light came on . My tv was on mute so I went upstairs and looked out the window thinking who the hell is that at this time of night . I seen his car parked right down the street not directly outside my house . Then he drove off. Then my landline was ringing I didn’t answer , withheld number . This time on a Saturday night when he’s out drinking all day and then he’s driven to my house . I’ve been no contact for nearly 4 months . It’s scared me a bit because I feel like he could turn up at anytime now . I don’t know if he will think I’m out or knows I’m not answering the door but not answering my phone either maybe he will think I’m out . I never thought he’d do this . I just called my mum she said did you talk to him. I said No of course I bloody didn’t . She says I think he must really love you after all. Nobody understands this shit .
A concise real life example of the Hoover being executed and the Errors of the Ignorant. You did the correct thing by not responding at all .
HG I am not deliberately trying to make errors due to ignorance I have followed all no contact rules and can only continue to do so
Nobody suggested you had Lisa. The ignorant reference was about your mother’s comment
HG, oh I see what you mean , yes I’ve explained this narcissist thing to her a thousand times , she doesn’t get it bless her . Even if you were referring to me that’s fine , I have been an idiot for nearly 3 years
No, you have not been an idiot. If you have found your way and you are learning, you are not an idiot.
I broke no contact tonight after 4 months of resisting hoovers. I was so angry that he turned up at my house last night and do not want to now be thinking every day is he going to turn up again . I text him and said What do you want to talk to me about ? He replied that he can’t move on . He then asked if we could talk face to face , I said No , you can phone me and tell me what it is that you want to talk about . So he did . I told him my house is sold and I’m moving away . Do not ever come to this house again and I won’t be living here shortly . I then said I had ignored all his attempts to contact me because it’s the same bullshit cycle over and over again and I’ve already invested nearly 3 years in this and I’ve now moved on and have plans for the future that do not include him . If he wants to tell me the same rubbish I’m not interested , I’ve heard it all before and your a narcissist.
He then went on to tell me that he’s had several doctors appointments filled out assessment forms and has been referred to a psychiatrist and is waiting for his first appointment. I believe him. He went into a lot of detail about the various stages he’s gone through including Relate that counselled him on the phone for a one hour session . He’s been reading even more extensively about cluster B and thinks he could be Scitzoid (he’s not in my opinion). As I suspected his GP is clueless about personality disorders as was the local counsellor but apparently this psychiatrist deals with this . Narc says he wants to be diagnosed, it’s ruining his life . He spoke to me for about an hour telling me he does love me , he wants to change . Everything that has sucked me back previously . I told him he’s a narcissist , it’s not going to work and I’ve moved on , I wished him luck with it and said I’m not dealing with this any more. He’s saying he’s had his wake up call and doesn’t want to be like this anymore . He’s just turned 50. He was using words like supply and fuel , which makes me laugh to hear him say those words but I didn’t laugh. Maybe he’s reading HG’s blog. He even said secondary back up supply lol 😂. Telling me he doesn’t have or need any of them !!! I did say to him even if you are diagnosed you are the only one that has to deal with this every day and change you patterns of behaviour no psychiatrist can do that for you every day . He said he can control it, I said yes I know you can when it suits you , I see you do it all the time . Anyway that’s the update if anyone can be bothered to read all my rant . I am moving away so I won’t be around the area much longer. I’m still struggling with it all. I have no idea what will happen to him . His sister has been to the doctors with him . His mother helped him fill out the assessment form about his behaviours . In my opinion from what I’ve learned from HG he’s a lower mid victim narc . He has awareness but I have no idea if any narcs have ever been cured or have managed their narcissism in more productive ways . I personally think he would learn more here from HG than a psychiatrist but I did not mention HG
Just to follow on from my live hoover last week I did put further comments about me contacting him because I was so pissed off about him turning up at my house . Don’t know where those comments are maybe HG never put them on . Anyway the point is what I’ve experienced in the last 4 months regarding hoovers is everything HG writes about . This is how accurate he is , he’s never met me or my narc and yet talks about it as if he does know my narc , right down to sentences that have come out of his mouth. As I am now able to deal with my narc with less emotional attachment and am actually dealing with him logically , he is powerless . I’ve crossed the emotional sea as HG puts it. My narc is pulling out all the stops , he’s booked in for sessions with a psychiatrist and wants us to live together. Says he’s had a scare by me leaving him and ignoring him and is jumping through hoops to get me back . He also now thinks he could be BPD it’s possible but who gives a shit , still an inconsistent, abusive asshole . He’s in shock I’ve sold my house and he doesn’t know where I’m going . His every action and speeches of trying to get me back is exactly what HG writes about . It will be interesting to see how long he can keep it up , my bet is 3 months max . He’s desperate at the moment . He doesn’t even understand why he felt so bad when he lost his grip of me and he’s been to a GP that told him he didn’t think he was a narc because they are evil people . That was after an 8 min appointment 😡😡absolutely infuriating
FUCK. exactly. this is what the construct of the “real” world is to believe. And reinforces. To us. And we are the crazy ones. Love that. Thinking the narc construct is more spot on if we operated from it. Minus all the gaslighting, triangulation, circular convos, control and manipulation. I want to Think like a Narc and maintain empath. Cold fusion.
Oh no! Mom is going to think this on the level of grand gesture sh*t!
Yep Clarece , she does. Every normal person thinks this , why wouldn’t they. Who the hell chases after someone that they don’t love , have no feelings for NOBODY bloody normal . This is what keeps us stuck , we think , Well he must love me !! Even now I’m having thoughts creep in , that maybe he wants to change . It’s so hard. That’s why I don’t want any contact , I might get sucked back in .
Duh! I forgot for a second it is normal to think that, which means we are normal. We just got caught up in a most abnormal situation.
Honestly, my heart would have burst out of my chest it would be pounding so hard if I had gone that long with no contact and mine just tried a pop-in that late at night on some random night. I would seriously be struggling because he had never done anything like that. Just take it hour by hour and try to stay distracted. And don’t call your mom. She’ll convince you it’s a break-thru moment. Lol
That would have scared me so much! You are so strong. Great job!!!
Hi robins359, I’m not strong believe me. I’m not scared of him . But I don’t like the thought that he could just turn up like that, that unnerves me and pisses me off. How dare he just turn up , what if I had a new boyfriend here. I wouldn’t dream of going to his house at anytime never mind late at night . Asshole !! Then ringing my phone and witholding the number . Unbelievable
They are very ballsy to be sure! Assholes, all of them!
Got a proxy hoover recently, a mutual friend asked us both out to dinner. This after 18 months off with a new primary source, recently discarded. Didn’t fall for this textbook behaviour.
Seize the power TSF!
Where on earth are you HG, you’ve been missing for more than 24 hours , it’s ridiculous !
I am right here on earth Lisa.
You’ve been gone for ages , one of the 5 rules should be that your not allowed to be absent for more than 24 hours and that should only be for Emergency’s , this is a crisis hotline 😀
Ha ha, your dedication pleases me Lisa.
So happy I went back to my home city. I left it all behind and probably avoided the soiling of my reputation. Sick sick sick!
Name spelt in jam! 😂 what about marmite?! So, if I now know I was only an IPSS, the actual intimate relationship didn’t last that long either because I quickly escaped, malfunctioned (whatever!), crawled back but got discarded then the whole process of going back and being discarded over and over – I take it the chances of Hoover is ever so slightly less if I escaped again now compared to if I was a proper IPPS or an IPSS that had a much longer intimate relationship? Or does that not matter whatsoever?
Thinking back now I wonder if he told me so much of what he really was (proper evil), after just a couple of months because I simply didn’t react to anything he said. Who knows! Maybe it was deliberate. This isn’t far off our actual conversations (slight twist in examples of course to protect identities), he says, “I raped and murdered someone 2 years ago and thankfully got away with it, I mean, how dare the authorities try to pin the blame on me. Of course it wasn’t my fault, those c****!” Or “..you won’t believe how devious, dark and manipulative I am and how many lives I’ve played, ruined and destroyed.” Then goes on to give me some horrific examples and an insight to how he strategically plans thing. I have checked some of these out because friends have implied that he is just bragging but far as I have investigated and found, they happened. (Not saying he’s truthful, all the good stuff he bragged about that put him in a good light, I have found a lot of them to be lies) Or he says “I’ve slept with so many hundreds of women (not sure if this is even exaggeration on my part or not!) in the last few weeks I had to go for a test just to be safe”. My reaction when he said all those things to me? Loving smile as I held his hands and told him there must have been good reasons why him does those things and he can’t possibly be that evil. He’s such a charming, wonderful man, full of passionate kisses and tender loving touches, surely not. I was so in love with him sometimes I didn’t even say anything. Just blanked it out. What a wally me!
I should’ve added in my question on hoovering that I will of course now be applying all I’ve learnt here on how to avoid being hoovered. So that would lessen the chances even further of being hoovered becsuse I was just a short term IPSS? Hope my question makes sense.
The risk of hoovering is governed by whether there is a Hoover Trigger (this tends to be greater for an IPPS because there are more triggers that can occur given the proximity of the relationship and its length, but this may also have similar applicability to a long-standing shelf IPSS) and whether the Hoover Execution Criteria are met. Again, the fact you are a short term IPSS is likely to slightly reduce the risk of the criteria being met but that may well be lost if there are other criteria which lower the bar considerably. In order to address all factors in detail you may well find an e-mail consultation to be of use on this issue.
Thank you for the response, HG. I am still addicted to him and since asking that question have already been hoovered. He somehow got through all blocks and got through to me. I resisted for as long as I could but as he’s a charmer who used to have me sexually addicted, it didn’t take him much effort before I ran back to him emotionally, which is the fuel he’s after – my emotions – he loves how I swing from positive to negative fuel all in one short conversation. He has no desire for sex and I’m starting to wonder if he’s cerebral (perhaps more the fact that he has so many IPSS).
He has inferred a few times that I finally understand what he is (thanks to you, HG! Ha ha) and that he doesn’t find me appealing at all now due to that. He also has a number of new IPSS, as always, therefore I’m just a bad supply of stale fuel…so the discard comes swift as always. I was expecting it. It was still the most painful thing. I just need him to leave me alone long enough to escape him for good. He seems to know just how long to leave me before hoovering and they are frequent at the moment because he knows I’d be over him rather quickly at the moment (the addiction bit). I used to be the one going back and begging him but now I know so much more and no longer beg, it’s always him that hoovers. He never leaves it long before somehow getting through electronically or showing up unexpectedly.
Sorry for the essay, it been an emotional roller coaster being hoovered and discarded again but I refuse to be beaten. I will continue to learn and gain insight from here. I will be emotionally stronger, eventually. I will beat the next hoover and if not the one after. As you’ve implied, the risk is ever so slightly less due to me being a short term IPSS – if only I can break this cycle that I’m currently in, I will stand a chance because I’m nothing and no one compares to his other long standing IPPS and IPSS.
HG,
Two months after discarding me (I have been NC) my mid range ex came by my apartment unannounced at night and left my jacket (that I didn’t even remember he had) by my door then texted me that he left it and he hopes I am doing well. I did not answer him. Is this a hoover? I am surprised he didn’t knock or text me after I didn’t respond. Is it a narcissistic injury that I didn’t respond?
It is. He did not knock because he was wary (since he is Mid Range and you are imposing No Contact) of being rejected and thus wounded. Your failure to respond will have wounded him, but not as much as if you had failed to answer his knocking.
Thank you for your response HG. It was very enlightening. I have changed apartments and changed jobs. Would a mid ranger find me or give up since I have already wounded him? I know he is back with the ex from before me but me and him were engaged (and he has never been engaged before) so I worry about that affecting me entering his 6th sphere.
You are welcome Ashley, I can give you a definitive answer through consultation because there is a whole range of information I need, but I will tell you that
a. Changing job; – lifts the hoover bar
b. Changing residence; – lifts the hoover bar
c. Wounding; – lifts the hoover bar
d. Him being Mid Range – lifts the hoover bar
If he is in the golden period with the prior ex, he is highly unlikely to hoover you because you will have in effect been deleted.
If the prior ex is in devaluation this presents the risk of a hoover, as you know with regards to the HT and HEC. I do not have all information available, but on what you have mentioned here I would state that the risk is reduced.
I daresay my mid ranger did not have much class. He only tried to Hoover me back one time, after a nine month absence. I heard a “ping” on Messenger and see a naked picture of him somewhere in Greece ( he is an exhibitionist and loves to take naked pictures of himself outside in public places )
He said “you probably don’t want to see this, but what the heck” 🙄 I didn’t answer that for a week… then I did. I knew what he was by then so we only had a month together before I left. Every time he spoke all I could do was roll my eyes. He sounded so ridiculous now. It has been 10 months of no contact and although HG says “never say never”, I know we’re done, at least I AM!
I’m curious if u would consider this a hoover everytime my narc discards me he checks another site called hangouts to see if I’ve messaged him on there I know because we’ve messaged back and forth on there and it keeps a log and tells me when the last time he looked at our messages
Yes it is a passive hoover.
Woahhhh … are you a mind reader? I got a Hoover by proxy earlier today. After over a year since I went No Contact.
Quite unexpected, too.
I responded politely to his Lieutenant, but will not be renewing contact.
Although he is on my mind now. But, that will pass.
Goodness me Hope, you should be ashamed of yourself thinking such thoughts. Justin Bieber and Prince Harry? Tut, tut.