Seven Lies For Seven Others
The lies we tell with reference to other people.
- She is just a friend
Oh no she is not. Whilst it is entirely the case that we will have friends, both in the inner and outer circles who are of the opposite sex, you should be aware that whilst that may be their current status, in terms of their ability to provide us with fuel, they once had a different status. The key word here is “just”. We say this to emphasise that this person is a friend and nothing more so don’t think you can pin any blame on us. The reality is that this person was once an intimate partner and has been demoted to a friend but is very much still in play. We keep them hanging on in the hope that they believe they will be reinstated and thus they keep providing us with fuel. Secondly, she will be used to triangulate with you both now as friend v you as intimate partner and later as reinstated intimate partner v you as discarded intimate partner. She will be keen to usurp you because she wants us again. She wants the golden period again. She is the competition and we encourage it.
- She’s just a friend, again.
Look who is back? Actually she is not, she is someone else but she fits in the mould of being described as “just a friend” to you in order to deflect those accusing looks you are giving us. Once again this person will be an inner or outer circle friends, maybe “just” an acquaintance but we have plans for her. This is your replacement who we are busy seducing, as we once did with you. This is the person who will be providing us with fresh and invigorating fuel after we have cast you down from your pedestal. It is coming, believe me. This is the competition. Again.
- I am so proud of my son/daughter
I am a high achiever and I expect my children to follow in my foot-steps, after all, they are just a part of me, extensions of me and I expect them to do as I desire, rather than find their own way in life. I will push them to succeed at school, in sports, with music and so forth because their achievements are actually my achievements. My son graduated with honours; he gets his brains from me. My daughter won the county athletic championships; I was always an excellent runner. Those achievements are down to me and I will take all of the credit for them , pulling the spotlight away from them and onto me where it belongs. I am not proud of them at all. I am proud of myself.
- She abused me
Your predecessor was a horrible person. I did everything that I could for her. Everything. I gave my all for our relationship and how was I repaid? Lies, control and abuse. She stopped me seeing my friends, stole money from me, told lies to my boss so I lost my job, hit me and made my life an absolute misery. I escaped her and she came after me because she cannot ever let me go. She will always want to cause me problems. She seems to thrive on it. There is clearly something very wrong with her since she behaves in this way. If you ever meet her, watch out, she will tell you all manner of lies about me. Don’t believe anything she says, she is evil, pure evil.
Did I mean my ex? I was talking to myself again there.
- He is a close and personal friend
Yes that famous actor over there. Do you see him? Yes, that’s him. He is a close and personal friend of mine. I have known him for years. He thinks I am great. We have such a great time together. Of course he is often busy so we do not see as much of one another as we would both like, but when we do, boy do we have a fantastic time. I could tell you a few stories about him, but of course I won’t, I am the model of discretion you see. We met at a film premiere some years ago, I forgot which one precisely, but we hit it off straight away. I always do with people, I am just a people person really, great at connecting with people. I know quite a few famous people to be honest but I do not like to talk about it too much. Will I go and say hello? Of course, he will be probably come over to talk to me in a minute after he has spoken to his fans. He likes to get his obligations out of the way before talking to his real friends. Let me tell you about some other famous people I am friends with whilst we are waiting.
- My family are trouble
It is a terrible fact but my family are trouble. I wish it was not the case. I wish they were more like yours. You seem to have such a good relationship with your parents and your brother. I don’t have that with mine. It is all down to jealousy you see. Terrible isn’t it? Do feel free to feel sorry for me. Good, thank you. Yes, I have always been the achiever of the family and for some reason, rather than support me and praise me for my endeavours I get nothing but insults, cold shoulders and nastiness. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, it is always the same. I get no recognition for the sacrifices I make. I get no understanding or compassion because they are all self-obsessed, too busy screaming “Look at me” to care about me. I haven’t had it easy you know? I may appear successful and brilliant but it has been a tough slog to the top and they have not helped one bit. I hate them. I know I shouldn’t say that about them but you would say the same if you had been treated the way I had. I am afraid you will have to meet them at some point, they will seem all sweetness and light at first, but don’t be fooled. They are evil underneath.
- He is a liar
Him? Oh we were once really good friends but not anymore, not after what he did to me. I lent him some money, quite a lot actually. He had hit a difficult time with his job and this meant that his bills were not being paid, at least that is what he told me. I later found out he had gambling debts and rather than use the money I lent him to clear those debts. I would not have minded to be honest, he went and gambled it away and made the debt larger. He came back with some sob story about needing the money for a medical bill and me being the caring fool I am was taken in. What did he really want it for? Oh you guessed it, more gambling. I am such an idiot but I cannot help but try and help people out. I had to say no to him after that and do you know what his response was? Rather than understand and be thankful for all the help that I have given him, he starts telling people that I am the one who owes him money. Can you believe it? That’s why I have nothing to do with him. He lies all the time so watch out as he is bound to try and turn you against me. Thank goodness I got to you first.
36 thoughts on “Seven Lies For Seven Others”
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She is one of his “oldest friends.” He told me she was spending the night at his house, after holding me at arms length for weeks. When I questioned why he didn’t reply to my messages for days afterwards, he discarded me. Because how dare I suggest he was involved with her sexually, or wanted to be involved with her sexually. The poor woman has had a terrible life (Which he saved her from all those years ago), and now he is just being kind because her partner has just died. All news to me, the girlfriend he is meant to share things with. All used to make me feel even worse than required from a break up. I am the one with the problem, you see? It was my petty jealousy that caused this demise. I am sure he’s not grooming the grieving widow to be my replacement right now. Did I mention she’s a stripper?
She’s just a friend ad infinitum.
I criticized mine 5 weeks ago without emotion then told him its over … I will not be breaking my no contact not now not ever , I loved him more than anything … Made me realize how amazing I am because I was really madly in love with myself .. Cheers
LMAO best perspective to have in a bad situation; way to go Superempathissist!
I also escaped/implemented NC 5 weeks ago. I have since received 3 sappy,benign follow up hoovers via email telling me he knows he doesn’t deserve me or even a reply BUT he keeps hope alive that I will.
Silently, I agree with him…he doesn’t.
As hurt and horrified I am in the aftermath of HIm, the choice to manifest protective, forgiving love for myself keeps me going.
I wish the same for you, Dear. Indeed, you are awesome.
exactamente asi es…todo igual…familia horrible mejor no hablar con ellos…amigos horribles les ayude tanto y deje dinero….. ella es nadie..nunca la ame….abandone a mi ex porque era prostituta y tomaba pastillas..era mala mujer…todas las ex eran malas mujeres abusaron de el….ahora yo?..que sere? todo esto y mas supongo.
Como no lo vi? me siento el tonto ..
Pero me escape cuando empeze a ver que las cosas no encajaban.
Gracias por el aporte
“I cannot make love to her. Unfortunately. This has never happened to me before, I don’t know how to handle it…I don’t want to talk about it.”
“She left me”
He described himself chagrined, and collapsed in desperate tears on the floor begging her to stay as his ex walked out of the door.
She needed therapy after her relationship with him. There were pock marks on the walls from the domestic violence she had endured. He had had affairs for years (no doubt I was one of them).
But she left him and he is the victim,- in his mind.
I don’t know if he actually believes that or if he was lying in order to gain pity.
#4…. is almost verbatim how my husband describes me to anyone he meets during our divorce. His first wife committed suicide, hung herself in his workshop. He described her with many of the same traits but very much played up the “poor widower” card. The woman he was having an affair with for over a year when she committed suicide was just described as “psycho.”
And the thing is… his crazy-making has been effective. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD a year ago. The therapist had me share with him my triggers, hoping that would help our situation. Wrong. He just used them to his advantage.
My first husband, the father of my two sons, past relationships, none ended badly and none understand his view of who I am.
I no longer know who I am.
Dear HKGirl,
It saddened me greatly to read your story. I, myself, have gone thru the last 2 years of post traumatic stress. My whole life has consisted of these deplorable beings and I didn’t know it . The finale was when I encountered the “perfect storm” … three narcissists collided at the same time in my life. I, like you, didn’t know who I was.
Mine has been a whopping rollercoaster ride, however, I am now finally entering a period of normality. No pyschologists, and no medication. Please get rid of your incompetent therapist!
I actually said “no” the other day to a dear friend, my family couldn’t believe it, they were so proud of me!
Believe in yourself sweet pea, you are a good person. It definitely takes time to heal and you think it will never happen, I’m proof it does. Really, when you step back and look at it from the outside in (and with the amazing insight from Mr Tudor) at the end of the day, from my experience, they are only mere males who act like 4 year olds, their brains can’t be rewired and they possess the immature mentality to boot!
Discover yourself, be yourself, love yourself first and stand up for yourself.
I wish you a safe, self empowering journey. Please take care, you are worth it. Your children are worth it! You can do it. I did !
💜
Yes Diva.. and yes i was told almost the second date also “she is just a friend” and in fact he kept dropping all these female names early on, one of whom was her name, and said “i have lots of female friends is that a problem?” .. of course i said no .. not a prob.. as i have platonic male friends (and they are just that).. and I didn’t consider it further until i found he was in a relationship with this particular one for nearly 4 years.. as well as anothet for 8 years ..and still is..funny though, when i caught him out on his lie he said “well i told you from the start she was in my life and now you are blaming me.. you shouldn’t have fallen for me” …. so many lies and always blame shifting ..
Hi Tiddlywink yes I can relate to what you wrote too. The “just a friend” statement is an important red flag for me as I will now be looking for narc signals earlier rather than later…..and in both of my previous cases this information was given freely very early on. I am trying to get a mental list of “spot the narc flags” in my head…….this piece of evidence will be in the top 3. Diva
I have heard all of these statements from one or the other of the narcs I have known……however the only statement that has been consistent with both types of narc is, “she’s just a friend” and it is my experience that they “own up” to this friend very early on, as if to qualify that it is no big deal. Also, because they have issued this statement so early on in the relationship, you are not in a position to jump up and down dictating who their friends can be, since you have really only just met. It is a very crafty way of “getting away with it” in plain sight and if you mention it as a concern later on, they just state, “sure I told you right from the start she was just a friend.” I am wise to it now……
Mine kept saying all the women he was texting, talking on the phone with, on Facebook and Messengef, plus on his job were “just friends” and didn’t I want him to have friends? I caught him flirting, telling one they were meant to be together. I was going to leave him but he bawled and said he’d quit talking to her immediately, he couldnt bare to lose me because im the one he loves. He just liked the attention. WTH???? He convinced me to stay but i felt something was wrong. I found out hed told another ex that we were only dating but it wasnt a sure thing! He had given me a ring and we wete living together and hed promisec he’d never have any other woman but me – because, he said, we were forever. Then i found out he was texting a guest from his hotel. But he claims shes just chasing her. So why give her our address so she could sent him cards, friend her on Facebook, cobstantly text her and call him? I found all of the evidence! I left him for 3 days and he completely fell apart. Stupidly, i went back. He claims he’s true and faithful to me now but i dont believe it. He claims hes working tonight but he didnt put on his work uniform, he dressed in a suit and tie. He looks like hes going out on a fancy date. He told me over and over again before he keft how much he loves me. I dont believe it. If he wete for real woyldnt i feel comfortable and know things are ok???? We both signed a lease on our place that doesnt end until the end of March 2018. What do i do?????
With the exception of his name, I questioned pretty much everything that came out of his mouth
“I am so proud of my son/daughter”
Well, I guess it’s not exactly a LIE. They are proud, just not in the selfless “I’m happy that you’re happy” kind of way. I guess it’s enough.
Hi jenna..HG is teasing u.. we know he loves to tease…i think u mean platonic.. which means is “just a friend.. no sexual connections” .. whereas the planet “pluto” is a dwarf planet… the word plutonic refers to igneous rock.. mind u.. liars have such “rock solid” belief in their own lies….
Tw, “… liars have such ‘rock solid’ belief in their own lies…” hence the use of ‘plutonic.’
Lol!! 😂
That’s mean…..very funny though…..you don’t appear to correct anyone anymore since someone said “thanks Dad” or words to that effect.
Diva, did u find it mean? Knowing he’s a narc, it’s to be expected, no? I’m glad i was able to give him the opportunity to show his witty side, because we know he loves to do so!! 😄
Jenna, ’twas a double entendre based on your autocorrect/typo of the word “platonic” into “plutonic.” Thus the planet reference. 😉
Oh! Thx for the explanation of HG’s joke everybody!! Haha witty aren’t u tudor?!!
It was not autocorrect or a typo tho. I actually thought that ‘plutonic’ is the correct spelling. Lol!! Shame on me! I hate making spelling errors!
LOL! I think I was married to you, (or your clone), once upon a time. I’m always so impressed by your level of self-awareness, intelligence and honesty. Reading your posts remind me why I tend to like (some) narcissists.
‘Oh her’? .. she is ‘just’ a friend.. he had me fooled until i discovered an fb profile with him and her ‘in a relationship’ since 2014.. ‘oh i have borrowed her car ..is that ok that we go in her car because hers is better for parking?” .. why would he have a car of “a friend who is a girl” every time we meet.. ‘oh i live with my sister” .. so how come you have some other girl’s stuff in your wardrobe? “Oh that is my ex’s stuff.. she lives with her mum now but still stores stuff here”‘… what bs he spun.. double life (low life) ..he has 2 current gfs .. one of which he lives with.. and no sister ever lived with him…lie upon lie upon lie …
Oops i guess this article is abt lies towards other pple. So sorry for posting what he said abt me here.
Jenna, do not be sorry. It was a joke on your typo. We all make them. But it was funny what HG wrote, not your innocent typo.
We love ya girl.
Thx AH OH!!
Correction to the above due to memory lapse:
“I love u more than anyone in this world plutonically’ – though the last time we saw each other we made out – kissing, cuddling, clothing removal, touching, eye gazing, laying side by side holding hands etc.
😒
There’s nothing like loving someone in the manner of a dwarf planet is there?
‘Dwarf planet’? I don’t get it?
This reply is for Jenna. It was a joke. Pluto is the dwarf planet. Plutonically.
Platonic is the word for a non-physical, non-sexual relationship, from the writings of the philosopher Plato.
Plutonic would relate to the underworld, god (Pluto) or planet Pluto.
Touché
Oh HG, you are wicked. 😉
Lol wicked indeed… A bit underworldly even
‘You are a plutonic friend’ – after a make out session 😟
“She is just a friend”
“He is a liar”, ‘i always lend him money but he’s not paying me back but i’ll continue to lend it to him, i don’t mind’
😕
https://youtu.be/RLkGKkfmgjU