In The Picture



I love the first picture that I ever saw of you. It was not one taken by me although there will be hundreds of those in due course. A multiplicity of snapshots which have been taken to show the world how wonderful you and me are together. Each one carefully configured on my part to send a message. See who I am now taking to your favourite restaurant? Look how we went to Rome when you always wanted to go? How about that? I have gone to the theatre when I told you I hated watching plays. See how we get on with my family? Go on, look at how happy she is making me, far more than you ever did. No, those pictures, whilst valuable to me and my machinations do not come close to how I marvel over that first picture of you.

Was it instead a picture you sent me? One of the hundreds I asked for, begged for and demanded? At first I wanted them to show to you how you were always in my mind ( thus ensuring I became a fixture in your mind). I also wanted those racier photographs that I persuaded you to take for me. Initially I used them for titillation although the real motive was to store them away and use them as a method of forceful coercion further down the line. You know me, always thinking of the next move. Later I requested you send me photos under the guise of wanting to look on yourย beauty when the reality was that I wanted to ensure you were where you said you were (you never really noticed how I asked for you to stand under the sign of the bars you went in or the name of the store you were shopping in or next to the friends you had told me you had gone to visit)

No, the first picture of you, the one I love the most is the one I first came upon when I searched for you online. It might have been your profile picture from an internet dating sight, your twitter banner picture or one you posted on Facebook. It could have been in the local press or a still from a youtube video. Either way, it was not one I had taken and it was not one that I had requested you take for me. I love that picture as I look on your engaging smile, the radiance emanating from it like solar flares from the sun, illuminating and bringing warmth all around you. Your skin is flawless and healthy, blooming with effervescence. Those long tresses of hair swinging to one side, or the bounce of your bob, or the neat rigidity of that fringe, all conveying that message of freedom and having been chosen by you. Your eyes shine, happiness exploding from them, the colour vibrant and elation searing from your gaze. I look on that picture that is burgeoning with potential, laden with possibility and exuding hope. You are a beacon of purity, decency and affection. Your caring nature cascades from that picture. You are that virgin empath, unsullied by my toxicity and untouched by my polluting influence.

Whenever Iย look on that first picture of you as the surge begins inside me and soars fast and fierce. I must have you. I remember again why I had to have you.

I see fresh prey.

33 thoughts on “In The Picture

  1. ANK says:

    He recently showed me a photo he he had taken of me at the work Christmas party. That was a whole year before he started to chat to me.

    I bet he took lots of photos of potential victims.
    May be he systematically worked through them to find ones that would succumb and fall for his charm, chatting to them, trying to get them into bed, and if he didn’t get!

  2. Geraldine says:

    Thank you HG for all the revealing information. Some comments have given me a good laugh. Yes the photographs rings true for me but in addition he attempted to destroy all my photos of kids and ex. He undid a nut on my mother’s boiler where I had my photographs stored. The leak caused water damage so they were all stuck together. I didn’t suspect anything until after the relationship ended and started to read up on what I was dealing with. He managed to destroy my photographs and get praise from my mother for being so great in being able to fix the leak. It makes me so angry that I think if I had a gun I would hunt him down and shoot the bastard.

    I mainly feel stupid for being so dumb. I am trying to put a spin on it that at least I am not as naive anymore so some good can come from it. I feel the fact that my father was a narc somehow saved me in this relationship. It was a 5 year relationship and I spoke and identified him all the time by saying you are just like the crazy neighbour who uses the council to antagonise everyone else by making complaints. At the same time when I verbalised this truth and compared him to other people including my brother who I think is mildly autistic I didn’t believe my own words. I was making accusations to him and hoping to gain insight from his reaction.

    Looking forward to your live broadcast so could you please let me know exactly how it works? how do we ask questions? Many thanks in advance.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Geraldine. More info re the live broadcast will follow closer to the time.

  3. Star says:

    Wow. That last line… I see fresh prey. Shivers( and not in a good way)

  4. Diva says:

    I see a lothario……..DIva

  5. Yolo says:

    Geesh, i almost totalled my car trying to take pictures from the highway. Wow, and the gaslighting that accompanied the insecurity caused me to pull over to the side of the road with emergency lights blinking trying to figured out wtfh. I laugh now. I gave those idiots tons of negative fuel.

    Idiot “where are you ?”
    Me ” leaving work”
    Idiot ” what exit are you at?”
    Me” I dont know near???”
    Idiot” Take a pic
    Me send pic
    Idiot” Who did you stay after work with yoi should be closer” I called your desk at 4: 50 no answer, you must have left early”
    Me”( pull over first) you stupid sob #$@^#&$&$&%,$!&^ and your mother for birthing you. Yep, raging lunatic
    Idiot” I only ask because I was going to asl you to pick up some???? from the bakery near work. Ugh…Now it’s funny
    Silly me…

    1. jenna says:

      Yolo, ur reference to him as “idiot” – ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

      1. Yolo says:

        Yes, if you ever see me type my narc or exnarc politely remind me to take my meds. They are community property. I see a lot of people say my, thats fine. My son, my grandbabies and myself.

        Matrinarc birthday yesterday, called her last month. I felt horrible this morning but I have to remove all negative energy and people out of mt life so I can heal.

        Peace ,Happiness and soundmind Jenna๐Ÿ˜‹

    2. robins359 says:

      Everything is a little funnier once you know the why’s of their behavior. It helps some. ๐Ÿ˜‰ That was funny, thanks for the laugh.

      1. jenna says:

        Very true robin! ๐Ÿ˜€

      2. jenna says:

        Btw, i really like ur pic! ๐Ÿ’—

      3. Yolo says:

        Yeah, its funny now because I have the answers to the wtf. I literally will flashback and laugh. The best part is its not to keep from crying.๐Ÿ˜Š

  6. jenna says:

    Last month, he asked to face time, which he never does. Then he asked ‘where r u?’ I said ‘if u wanted to know where i am, u cud have just asked.’ ๐Ÿ˜“

  7. jenna says:

    He said he’s liked me since he saw my pics a few yrs prior.

    When he saw a more recent pic of me, he said he was ‘exploring’ it all night.๐Ÿ˜ฃ

    1. robins359 says:

      Well that’s just creepy!

      1. jenna says:

        Robin, lol!

  8. JBR says:

    Yes, I was told “the moment (____) showed me your picture I knew you were the one I have searched for all this time.” And “I would have found you eventually.” Only it meant something entirely different than what I thought it meant.

  9. RS says:

    BASTARD! You have me crying uncontrollably now because that is the person I lost.

  10. Karma says:

    Hmmm difficult one.. I totally understand and agree since you are the master HG… but why all the selfies with longing eyes after horrible years of absence, silent treatment and crap. The worst part is that we are not ready for it! Avoided for so long, didn’t stalk nor wanted to see and then one day BAM ๐Ÿ’ฅ in my face via an app. Called his bluff and the again the same crap. I know … Hoover …. but seriously that is pissing me off and to be honest he is dead ugly! What was I thinking?
    It’s been so silent and lovely here… no lines of communication and he can look at those many photos he has of me .. because he will never se me in person again! NC is golden! Now he can collect new photos of new women… I don’t care anymore.

    1. robins359 says:

      Karma: “to be honest he is dead ugly! What was I thinking?”

      Hahaha! I ask myself that question all the time.

      1. My ex was too, Robins359. It’s because we were broken and not ourselves. I really lowered my standards for my ex N. My family, friends, and peers said that it was like I was in a coma, catatonic even, always looking like my mind was far away, deep in thought. My mother told me that people would say that to her as well. I projected that, wore it, and that is how I became an easy target for my Harambe looking Narc. He cleaned up well.

        I used to say to everyone, “I know he’s ugly, but I love him.” Now my skin crawls thinking about how I lowered my standards for him because of his “potential”. The golden period still flashes in my memories daily because I was actually happy. Don’t know what the hell he was, but for 2 years at least I was. The other year, miserable because of devaluation and then discard.

        1. robins359 says:

          When I first met him I think I was in a pretty happy place, not broken. Besides his accent, the one thing about him that I thought was sexy were his legs. He had very large and shapely calves. He said it was from playing football in his younger days. The more we flirted with each other, the cuter he looked to me. Now, when I happen to think of him, I just see a short man that’s going bald and has a big nose with hair coming out of it. ๐Ÿ˜›

  11. Lisa says:

    OMG. To the tee. Unbelievable.

  12. MyTrueSelf says:

    The Ex took lots and lots of photos of us together; different city’s/countries, art exhibitions, places of scenic beauty etc. It always took me aback a bit when he would stop and pull out the phone for a photo opportunity. I guess I found it endearing at the time and I felt myself to be bit too analog and hokey to think of – I was in the moment, enjoying the experience๐Ÿค“
    I realise one of the reasons why he took so many photos now, I’m receiving post discard hoovering and over the span of 70+ emails those photos have been regurgitated and emailed back to me in a steady and consistent flow with captions such as “I miss you”, “I love you”, “thinking of you” and so on..
    He takes lots of selfies and sends me those as well- what’s the point of that? To keep me hooked?

    Thanks for your blog HG. I think it’s very well crafted.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you MTS, you are welcome.

    2. robins359 says:

      He did the same. When trying to get me back he would always send this one picture of us together.(naked) I hated that picture because the next day was the first time he gave me the “silent treatment” for 2 weeks. I would tell him this every time he sent the picture but he still sent it. He would also always send a picture of him when he was about 12 years of age, a school picture looking all sweet and innocent. Sometimes, from out of no where he would send that picture. WTF?! So glad to be done with that!

      1. Diva says:

        Hi RS…….I go to extreme lengths to ensure people don’t take photos of me……my narc took one of me on his phone when I had said no…….about 15 minutes later, somehow or other……his phone accidentally slipped right out of my hands down into the toilet……hmmmm not so sweet now!!!! I think there is a narc in me that wants out!!! Diva

        1. robins359 says:

          That was funny! Why do you hate having your picture taken, if I may ask?

          1. Diva says:

            Hi RS….i just don’t like looking at them……never did……..there are only a handful of me as a child…….I shredded those long ago…….Diva

          2. robins359 says:

            I have always been kind of a ham in front of a camera. People tell me I am photogenic. I don’t have many pictures when I was young. I don’t think my mother even owned a camera much less be able to afford getting them developed. I took a lot when I was in Junior high school and onward. I love looking back on old memories. It’s funny, the people who ran from my camera because they didn’t want their picture taken, are the very ones, who now, want me to send them to them.

            When I was 7 years old, our house caught on fire and all the pictures and films my mom had (taken when she was still married to my dad) burned up. You can never replace them. When I walked out on the narc the first thing I did was delete every single picture I had of us/him. I am glad I don’t have anything to look back on concerning him. My mind still remembers though. Maybe one day it won’t.

      2. Twilight says:


        I am sorry I had to laugh, phone “accidentally” slipped. I once hid in our walk in freezer at work because they were filming a commercial at the store I was in I forced the other manager in front of the camera. I took that write up and being threatened to be suspended for a week. I just smiled and said I could use the vacation.

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