The Rules of Ex Club – No. 5
86 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club – No. 5”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Confused as to which type my ex is, he says I’m a whore, abuser and have mental health issues!! 😒
Clever, clever HG.
Hi I have to agree with you also Indy. But what to do about it? Batshit crazy I like that expression haha. But Indy you are very clever you got the lunatics sectioned and got away so you should be well proud of yourself for that ha.
Guy at work (complete bullshitter, future faker, obnoxiouswas etc so ya lol) going on about divorcing his wife to a few people. Making jokes and saying shes batshit and relating horrible personal details etc. Said he saw the signs early on because his first wife was the same and a girlfriend previous had tried to kill herself but he felt sorry for them. So I asked: whats wrong with you that you keep picking batshit crazy? You know they say misery loves company………
Well. He did NOT like that. He said youre divorced arent you? I answered yes but do any of you know anything about my ex? One said I didnt even know you had an ex. I replied thats right, because its between two people and not a saga to be dragged out to people for attention. That speaks more about the person telling the story.
Brava!! 👏👏👏 Great job! I’d never say anything in such a situation, but I’d sure be thinking it! Glad you shut him down!
NarcAngel, excellent! Wish you could go and shut my narc up now. I’m now everything his ex was (I used to defend her when he smeared her to me which irritated him, because I’ve got sharp spidey sense with people I’m very close to and I could tell when he’s making something up). Well, he’s ramped it up even further for me. I feel sorry for his next because he probably adds an extra element of craziness to each supply that he smears.
Hi narc angel…so true your post! In my naive days i used to take that bs like it was total truth but just bc it comes out of someones mouth doesnt mean it is true. Also i look at the common denominator if someone keeps picking the same time of dysfunctioned person over and over it says something about that person. This is true of myself as well i look at why it keeps happening. Of course if you said it to someone else theyd be pissed off. Ive had this happen with someone i work with. Any time i ask him questions when he complains about all his failed relationships he gets quiet and has slowed down bringing it up to me.
Nice, NA! I usually hold my tongue in such situations, you did it!
Indeed, the common denominator. I often question this of myself as I’m drawn repeatedly to those with either traits of NPD or addicts (which I will not make an exception again. I did last time as I fell hard for his mind and smile, and said he was multiple years sober. Little did I know it was more than just sobriety I needed to watch out for). I’m looking at myself on my journey now, and it’s partly why I have not started dating yet again. I have a bad track record and part of the equation is me.
Virtual 👊 to you for that one! Most excellent!
Excellent narcangel! 👏👏👏
He says: “i know u have emotional prblms so i will try to help u.”
I guess after being so confused with the future faking when he was not physically with me, i began having panic attacks, anxiety, depression, and yes, emotional prblms. When he was with me, he was kind. HG told me in consult that it was him implementing facade management in my presence. That’s why he was kind during those times.
Mind u, my ex is not a greater. He is a mid-ranger.
Jenna,
My ex mid-ranger loved saying shit like that. I got a lot of future faking in the beginnng and occasionally a nugget here and there…
He wouldn’t communicate, would never text or call, always difficult to get a hold of – although I never TECHNICALLY cheated I was talking to people if you know what I mean. Shit , can you blame me? The man gives no attention and is emotionally abusive all the damn time … that just gives me anxiety, makes me not wanna talk to you, and makes me wanna ultimately cheat on you and find someone else.
It hits me more and more that he never had any intention on marrying me – even when I was “perfect”. Truth is why the hell would I wanna be with someone like that? Why would I wanna be with someone who makes it seem like they would be doing me a favor by marrying me and torturing me lol?
I swear to god the thought of that man being all I could depend on when my parents aren’t around (I’m an only child) made me no joke internally freak out.
If you cannot depend on the person you are with to pull their weight and help you when you need something… fuck them… they are useless.
“If you cannot depend on the person you are with to pull their weight and help you when you need something… fuck them… they are useless.”
Great attitude doc!
Like i said, my ex is soo nice in my presence. That had me fooled. Luckily, now i know it was facade management. I thought it was for positive fuel, which i personally don’t mind. All fake 😞
Sad but true.
You know, I did relatively recently hear about a crazy ex from this guy I know. She came up when he mentioned I look a lot like her but prettier (and obviously with a better personality to boot).
Many of us do develop a mental health problem.. at least I did. Took massive therapy, one year sick leave, rehab to be as normal as possible again … but the scars are very deep. So yes you guys made us that way!!! I was crazy… not anymore
How timely! I’ve been labelled that post discard. I haven’t comment on the mid range one relating to this – but that was eerily accurate too. HG is either a know-it-all or he’s spying on me.
I am a know it all Bliss (the CCTV broke down).
😂
Sabotaged, HG. I’m learning from the best.
Only because my head is spinning and absolutely throbbing from my recent discard and as indicated here being accused of mental health issues (not surprised if I have indeed gone crazy!), I have a question I hope someone can answer. Spoke to one of narc’s friend, told him what nasty things narc says behind his back, was expecting a shocked reaction, instead he refused to accept it, kept coming up with excuses for narc and positively defending narc. Does that happen with all schools of narcs or just greater whereby friends cannot see through what he is and are completely fooled? Not sure why it’s bothering me in the middle of the night, but it is! Maybe I do have mental health issues. 😆 Thank you.
Hello Bliss, this reaction will occur with those affiliated with any school of narcissist. If you read the book Smeared it will give you more detail about this and why it happens.
Ok, thank you, HG.
Should’ve also said Smeared is so apt at the moment as I just found out that he is all out smearing me at the moment. He is now kindly telling me all the details and has essentially ruined the life I’ve built around me.
Telling myself now… Never ever get sucked in by their hoovering no matter what they say, each discard is worse than the last.
It’s so much easier for me to be kind and help people it takes a considerable amount of effort for me to be mean.
I hate being mean.
Sometimes…. you need to go into self-preservation mode and other times you need to defend yourself by demonstrating how completely nasty someone is
Even a narc must be cautious.
If he labels too many women as crazy or having mental issues, his friends will label him to have some big mental issues because he is the one who chooses the women. Especially because narcs brag about their conquests first. His friends will never tell him but after the third “crazy woman” his friends will not believe him any more. As long as they get their benefits from him they will talk what he wants to hear. Often they are cowards and they would never dare to disagree him. But behind his back….
People are not so stupid as the narc believes… It is only his opinion…
There are only a few who really believe him.
Therefore don`t care about your reputation, stay cool and let him talk about you. The more you stay cool, the more the other ones do not believe him.
I know that is easier said than done, but it is the way out of it.
Mona
That is absolutely true. We say, “look for the common denominator.” It becomes obvious that it’s much more likely that something is wrong with the narc than all the women he dates. And even if all the women are messed up someway, what’s wrong with him that he doesn’t pick normal women? No one will say this to him, but they still are thinking it. I
I agree !
I said it to him, I did, I did!
Having a discussion where he proceeded to tell me that he had a new girlfriend (I was barely discarded and he had yet to move out of the house). My reply to that was ‘oh. I already know that, you’ve been screwing her all summer if not longer! Give her my sympathies because in 6 months or less, she’s going to join the rest of us in the ranks of the crazy ex girlfriends! BTW, YOU do realize that YOU are the common denominator in all the failed relationships, all the ones where ALL your exes have cheated on you and ALL your exes are crazy? Maybe you might want to look at what you’re doing wrong!
Absolute truth. That’s how it is and that’s how it works. Bravo, Mona.
I don’t do anything u provoked.
It also takes a lot… I mean a lot… to get me to the point of kaboom and poof.
Someone has to really push the fuck you button in me.
Unprovoked
Hi Doc,
Same with me, it takes a lot before I have them formally committed to hospital (2 former exes)😂
Indy!!!!!!
How the hell did you do that!!!??!!!
You are like my freakin hero lmao I’m dying 😂🤣😂🤣
Hi Doc,
For real! And you know it isn’t easy to commit ppl these days….unless you are married or they are a threat to their life.
One was my then husband. He faked a suicide attempt after I asked for divorce. I came home, he was limp in the bed with empty bottles around him. I called ambulance because I cared and thought it was a real attempt. ER pumped stomach and the nurses told me his stomach had no evidence of taking anything and he was fine. She then asked me, do you want to bring him home or have him committed (against his will) for 72 hours given the “attempt”. I said, commit his ass. I got my things and left, called an attorney in the morning. I became the evil bitch according to him and his Ivy League family 😂
The second one was an ex that came home severely intoxicated. I got him to get in the car. I drove him to rehab hospital (for the 6-7 time) and walked his half conscious body into the waiting room, sat him on a couch, pulled his ID out and insurance card, checked him in at the front desk for intake and left. I was done and my compassion worn out. He truly had to go thru detox and was close to overdose. I got a call from the hospital later that day (Mother’s Day mind you!) that he was admitted and truly had his stomche pumped. He nearly died. I still broke up with him though I’m glad he didn’t die.
The most recent ex, narc alcoholic, I nearly had him checked in but he was physically too strong and smart, even while totally drunk. Couldn’t get him in rehab. Damn upper mid cerebrals with a drink issue! 😆
Im swearing off addicts. Those waiting rooms suck.
Indy,
Thought you could relate….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ku1nQl43CcE
xo
Indy,
Wow lmao!
Just … wow lmao …
That fake suicide attempt lol like really? That is just ridiculous lol!
The addicts would make it easy to check them in … as long as they pose an immediate risk to themselves or others
I’m gonna keep that trick up my sleeve now lmao – i never considered that but that was an awesome move on ur part
Standing ovation
The next wife of my ex-husband submitted him to Mental Hospital and all truth about his and his Matrinarc’s “mental issues” came out.
It was a “juicy” scandal and many people started to phone me hoping to hear the “delicious gossips” about them, but I didn’t answer their calls.
And then, when the scandal subsided and their divorce was finished, his Matrinarc phoned me and said “You didn’t “stab” us from behind, although I know you could. THANK YOU for your decency! ”, and it was the rare case, when I didn’t know what to say. Lol.
Noname,
That was really nice of you.
I know a lot of people that wouldn’t have done what you did.
You are right, Doctor, many would’t have.
But (god, how I like this word! lol), it was a good example how the Kindness neutralizes the Evil. I’ll never stop to be grateful to my lovely grandmother for that lesson, because I see how effective it is.
I’m curious as to what dr Harleen Quinzel did … would you care to share
And just to add you know things can go from bad to worse when even the medics don’t listen and say you have psychotic beliefs as surely oh wouldn’t do such a thing
Generally speaking,
I don’t care when people try and make me look crazy because I’m not lol. I’m “edgy” not crazy lol. I’m certainly “weird” but not crazy lmao…
I push buttons… I know how to lure them into a situation that will show their true colors.
I gaslight them back – that’s the one I enjoy the most
When everything goes to shit I will disappear and give them no closure…. they never see it coming and if they do they think I’m just trying to scare them
Some I give a one line text to and ghost
Others i just ghost
My ex I gave a one liner too
I heard he was shocked and didn’t believe it… I mean after all i threatened all the time
You always mail their shit back to them
That’s the perfect get out of my life u have no reason to come and bother me now …
I never leave my things at a boyfriends house –
I don’t wanna have to go back for something
Kaboom manifests in a few ways lmao
Kaboom is war and I’m always ready for war
physical evidence is always good to have
In my case screen shots of various sex profiles and what not….
Remember … I told everyone from the very start all the things that were going on
he had no idea I smeared him at all and years before he relationship ended
If someone plays dirty with me I play dirty with them
Why would you be with someone who you were bad-mouthing from day one?
Brian,
It’s a bit more complicated than that dontcha ya think?
Brian,
Things aren’t that cut and dry…
I’m usually venting about the person to another person because what usually happens is the guy I’m with is impossible to talk to…
Plenty of times we see things that aren’t ‘right’ hoping that maybe it’s something we can live with or work around…or remedy in some way….
No one is perfect. I find I am human like everyone else and try to figure out what things I can put up with and accept …and the sht that I absolutely cannot accept.
You accept the good and the bad with someone…
Everyone can put up with different flavors of bullshit to varying degrees…
It’s all subjective
I didn’t bad mouth him from day one….
It was complicated from day 1
He was screwing me while he had a girlfriend- that is how my four year relationship started
You Dirty Empath, you!
OK so you were inexperienced with men and thought all this was part of the territory?
(thats what happened to me )
HG,
Oh I can get filthy lmao.
Brian,
No, I am not inexperienced.
HG,
I may have missed it but how does a de differ from a DLS?
A Dirty Empath is a cadre of empath. The DLS is a position in the narcissist’s fuel matrix. One can be a DE and also a DLS.
You go girl!
That comment was a reply to doc’s statement: “If someone plays dirty with me I play dirty with them”
Bat shit crazy… That was my label. Mid Range though, maybe UMR.
That’s it!
His ex wife with her mental problems…
Ooo! I was rewarded with two honorable medals for being a “mentally unhealthy bitch”. Lol. The first one was from my ex-husband and the second one was from his Matrinarc. I got both of them after divorce.
I remember, I met his Matrinarc at the shop accidentially (it was a couple weeks after divorce) and she said “You! You are insane bitch! You need a treatment!”. I said “Thank you for your kind advice, ma’am. I heard you”…
I din’t say her, that all the time I was living with her son, I KNEW, that they both were officially diagnosed with NPD (the “kind” people tryied to warn me and showed me their official medical papers).
I didn’t say her, that all the time I KNEW that she had attended the Mental Hospital thrice (!), having heavy psychotic episodes, and her son was there twice (!) with the same problem.
I didn’t say her, that during my marriage with her son I dealt with his several psychotic episodes, but I decided not to send him to Mental Hospital for sake of his career and public reputation…
I knew, that all of those words she said to me were a classic projection, and it took a bit of my strength not to wound her human dignity showing my pity and compassion toward her. All in all, they both weren’t the part of my life anymore, and their problems weren’t my problems to solve.
OMG no name , the first line of this comment is hillarious! I cant stop laughing. The way you worded it is so funny.
After reading what you posted here I’m starting to wonder if my ex mother-in-law was a narcissist, If not she had some strong narcissistic qualities because both of them went through the town that I grew up in and told everybody that I was crazy. They would both cry and play the pity party on how I “made him” pay me child support among other things.
I had three younger children at the time. I found a townhouse that I could buy and my Mom let me borrow some money to help with a down payment, which was only $5000.00. It would mean my kids would have a stable place to grow up in. He and his mother were appalled!!!!! How could I when He doesn’t have anything and has to pay “you” child support!!! UNREAL!!
I wish I was stronger then, but dumb ass me felt some guilt. But I did know I did the right thing for my children, that’s all that mattered.
Sues423
You were strong enough and good for you. If they told people in town what they said to you, they effectively smeared themselves. “Made him” pay child support speaks for itself to even those who pretend to agree with them just to shut them up. This is why I dont care about smearing. People make their own minds up regardless whats said and you cant change it, so worrying about it only affects you. Just look at people a second too long when they tell you what they hear and then smile and say: sad, before walking away. They dont know if you mean them, the narc, or the whole situation but of course you mean all three.
Thank you very much Narc Angel,
I appreciate your words of support. You’re absolutely right. If anyone couldn’t see through that crap then they were just as bad, and who cares at that point. I had a few friends call me and tell me that his mother stopped them in the grocery store parking lot to bash me. I hadn’t even lived there for 12 years so they were baffeled as to the random conversation and didn’t believe her anyway.
Now my kids are grown up and see all of it for what it is. They have very little relationship with their Dad and it was by nothing I said or did. I tried very hard to just keep my mouth shut becuase it’s unfair for kids to be put in the middle. The made their own determinations.
I love your advice and I’m going to try it if the opportunity presents itself!!! haha.
One word and turn away! Lol. Awesome!
Thanks again!
Hi Sues423,
Yes, you did the right thing for your children and that is what matters. You also protected your children from growing up in a toxic environment.
Worrying or feeling guilty about what your ex and his Matrinarc say about you does not make any sense.
If you had not bought the house and your children had to grow up in unstable conditions, the narcissists would have criticized your decision anyway. This is not about what you do.
Their tactic is to find fault with everything you do, twist the facts and make you look like an awful person.
Sue324
You did right with your children, you had support from your mother which says a lot about her, some do not have this.
To have a NPD means to have a pattern, Sues.
My ex mother-in-law has it – histrionic behavior, extremely bright clothes, 5 (!) husbands, dirty and scandalous divorces, a lot of lovers (including my own Patrinarc (!) when they both were young), “the idiots surround me”, constant war with someone, etc. And having all of that, she was a Medical Doctor, Pediatrician!
Do your mother-in-law has such pattern? If not, being a mother, she simply protected her own dear “child” from “crazy” you.
And being a good mother, you did absolutely right thing protecting your own kids, Sues, and don’t dare to feel guilty for that! Lol.
Thank you Noname, that is very nice of you to say. I was all that my kids had in terms of a sensible parent.
Wow, you have really had your share of challenging people I must say! Lol
You really had a full blown monster in law!
Mine was defensive of her son as a mother but it actually seemed more like her using these situations where she could make her daughter in laws look bad in order to make herself look good. If that makes sense . Like “See everyone, nobody could every be as good to him as I am” “she’s not as good of a mother as I was.” That type . I heard her make comments under her breath like “I’m the matriarch of this family” etc.
But she never confronted me. It was all behind the scenes, behind my back.
One he said was a psycho (projection), atleast one committed suicide (true/confession), the one before me incompetent (being gaslighted while she worked for him). Then me. Thanks to the encounter with him I learnt I do have mental health issues – AvPD sub types Hypersensitive & Exploitable with elements of OCPD although I know this is not the ‘issues’ he told others about me. It was more like obsessed, abusive, gold digger, blah blah blah… Funny how me having agoraphobia didn’t have enough ‘teeth’ for his stories…
On the eve of his birthday the other day, I saw an old mutual school friend who is part of his inner circle. I must have been up to some more dastardly deeds lately as this time she wouldn’t even acknowledge me even though I’ve been NC for 10 months. I had to laugh as I watched her husband get in the car with her & he does know about the Greater. What a tangled web we weave.
To be honest, I do laugh about the absurdity of it all sometimes but for the most part, I just want it over.
The craziest thing was that I let him go that far and endured, therefore enabled, not the before and after.
According to my narc I’m a lunatic. Like when I asked him for a copy of our family book he keeps hidden from me, he raged at me and blurted how crazy I am. This is a document of us and kids. Well, I recently found it and I’m not on it. So, yes I’m a lunatic and can you figure out why? Even his old passport says single status. Jeez. But he won’t let go. These people are good at what they aim to achieve. I guess I can look at it as he doesn’t attach anyone to him but he did attach only the kids. The good thing is I’m not feeling anything emotional on it. I’m past that now. Fighting for my life in this divorce.
Yup.
Linda Blair is her contact pic along with eerie ringtone.
Entering in they didnt but leaving im sure they did in some capacity as a result of the narcissistic abuse. Altho the narc will fail to mention that tidbit.
He called ex/soon to be ex wife a crazy bitch.
Was gonna say the same Narc Affair.
The mind is fucked after being entangled with a Narc. Obessesive thoughts, depression, panic attacks, anxiety – if those are all classed as mental illnesses them yep I’m mentally ill!
He called ex/soon to be ex wife a crazy bitch.
Oops copy paste error 🤓😬
Ha, ha!! There’s me!!
Me too, Windstorm 🙂 The narcissists in my family of origin used to tell me and also other people who knew me that I was crazy and I needed psychological help.
Yeah, me too. I’ve heard it all my life. I just always believed it. It’s only since I’ve been here on this blog that I’ve begun to question it. Reminds me of one of my father’s sayings, “It’s not what you know that will hurt you, it’s what you know that’s not so.”
This is my Exes Go to for almost all the exes including me but I doubt he’s a Greater. Perhaps an UMR?
No wonder why people may think I’m a greater narc lmao 😂
All of my ex boyfriends have mental health issues….
Yeah, after being with you, you crazy ass doc!
What are you talking about? I’m an angel….
Until I’m not. Lol
You don’t honestly think I would let them get away with the horrible things they have done to me do you? Lol
Oh no no no
That is not the way the story ends
Oh I know what you will do.
Not after everything I put up with…
If I’m going out …
I’m going out in style lol
Kaboom!
Kaboom or poof.
I’m nice enough to am them which way they prefer to go out lmao….
Fire or ice.
Thought you had enough of poof with your ex?!!
You’re right…
It’s always good to mix it up…
Dontcha think? Lol
“It’s always good to mix it up…
Dontcha think? Lol”
😂😂😂
Lol doc (i almost spelled ‘dic’ i mean ‘dick’ oops, by mistake 😆- u know what i’m talkin about) – in the woods. Need i say more?