A Personal Jesus
I am your personal Jesus. I enter your life and bring light and healing. Have you been hurt and damaged by another who did not value the honesty, decency and truthfulness by which you lead your life? I will soothe your fevered brow and reassure you that you are a good person. I bring calm where there is confusion and misunderstanding. Listen to me as I explain to you how the world really is. I have created paradise. I will open its gates and let you gaze upon it. Feel the love, warmth and tranquillity flow from it. This is all yours. All you need to do is follow me. That is all I ask. Come with me and I will be your world. I am everywhere and understand everything. When you are feeling down I will call you and remind you of how wonderful you are. My angels will remind you through my text messages and love notes of how special you are. You have a place reserved in my heaven. I chose it for you.
If you feel that your journey through life has taken a wrong turn, let me guide you. If the road ahead seems dark and stony, do not be troubled. Climb onto my back and let me carry you. I am your angel and my wingspan is wide enough to protect both of us from the darkness that lurks in the world. Open your heart to me. Give it freely and it will prosper under my stewardship. Listen to my words. They are imbued with wisdom and you are welcome to keep them as watchword to your heart. For too long you have struggled alone. I am here to relieve your burden and show you the wonderful, beautiful perfect love that you deserve. Just take my hand and follow me.
I am your saviour.
52 thoughts on “A Personal Jesus”
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My first husband was religious (and heavy spiritual) and he liked to read out loud various quotes from the Bible about how the woman has to obey to her man.
“The man is a Jesus to his woman and she has to obey to him!”, he liked to repeat. He didn’t understand, that such level of authority is not given. It is earned. And the real Jesus rightfully earned that genuine respect. His personality and deeds permitted him to earn it.
And when my first husband and I were in the divorce process (including the Church Divorce, because he had married me twice in both Old and New Orthodox Churches aside of official marriage), he sent his friend (Archbishop) to me to “teach me things”. That “heavy religious and honorable man” (the secret male pedophile in the real life!) started to tell me, that man is a GOD and Jesus to his woman and I have to obey to his wishes.
I said to him, “Although I’m not religious at all, I’m not opposed to that idea in general, but it has to be the “right” man and he has to have the certain qualities to earn my respect on all levels. I’m not going to obey to a “wrong” man”.
He said “Right, not right, who cares! Your obedience has to be unconditional! Otherwise you are the daughter of Lucifer!”.
I said “Hmm… I like this idea. So be it”…
And on the next Sunday, I was officially and publically called “The Lucifer’s daughter and essence of Evil” at Cathedral and our Church Marriage was annuled because of IT.
Honestly, I thought it would be the “adultery” as a reason to annul our marriage (he and his Matrinarc smeared me as a promiscuous person), but it was the “lucifery” instead of it. Lol.
When I was leaving the Cathedral and slowly walking from the altar to the exit, it was a deafening silence and a sea of frightened eyes.
Can you save me from me?
My information can.
It can indeed! 😃👍🏻
… it made her feel sick …
Ironic. The other day there was a letter in my mailbox in a pink envelope, sealed with red candle wax, very neatly printed out in silver pen on fancy paper.It must have been left there by him while I was out of town. Eerily similar jyst in nature. Not so much ” I am your personal Jesus” but to quote ” I am your personal guru. I am here to teach u. You have much to learn from me. It is my journey and destiny to show you the ways, my U. I was born to be great, born knowing exactly who I am and how things should be and how they truly are. It is my job to take off your rose coloured glasses my love and make you part of my world, for it is the only world that matters where only we exist. You are mine. It’s time to stop fighting and accept that.” It goes on and on… it made me feel sick.
You are not only a personal jesus to many of us, but u r the god of this world u have created. It is a world where we can be free, open, learn, explore our thoughts, emotions and fears. We cry here. We laugh here. We argue here. We apologize here. We share here. We love here.
It is a world in which I love to reside. Thank u. 🙏
My personal Jesus!
#HG#HGTUDOR#GREATER#ELITE
#GENIUS#PERFECT#MINE
You sound remarkably like that religious nut, holding leaflets, that sat next to me on the grass in Portrush, while I was watching the Red Arrows……it wasn’t you was it?…….He was yapping about “open your heart” and the “struggle alone” and a “saviour”…….whilst also talking about a 3 foot rope?????? Bizarre but true……..however it was all wasted on me since I am a non believer. On saying all of that …….in a perverted kind of way……..you are our saviour……..by reading and acknowledging your truth, you are saving us from ourselves……and assisting us in keeping away from the narcissists grip. So, although I am a non believer in the conventional saviour……I acknowledge that you have saved my soul since I commenced reading this blog and your articles………… Diva
Ditto. On all of it.
Hi RS…….I like you so much that I keep wondering if you are a narc!!!!!!! Definitely joking but you know what I mean…….it’s one of those back handed Irish compliments that I keep writing about!!!!! Diva
You are the darkness to my light
You are my savior with in the ocean of emotions that I walk through
You are the one that held your hand out to me in a time when no other would
You are the one that enlighten the darkness that surrounded me
You are so many things
I am grateful You are….
Beautifully said Twilight.
Yes you are. When I had my consultation with you your voice made me feel so overwhelmed. Like I was being interrogated. I felt like a child that had done something wrong. I had to confess my sins. And you would be so disappointed. Then halfway through I felt better. You didn’t judge. You understood. You gave me wisdom, knowledge. I felt accepted. Empowered. Thank you!
I❤️HG Tudor, isn’t he the best.
hgt#1f
Yes he is!
This is exactly what i get from my narc and i shouldve relied on my faith and myself more instead ive idolized someone who can only ever hurt me on and off again. I pray daily that this situation will resolve itself and be easier to deal with but the old saying god helps those that help themselves rings true…i need to take the steps myself. Still its scary and i do truely love my narc and could never discard him and cut him out of my life. I just cant see myself doing that. It would take him doing something really awful to do that. Still i need to rely on him less to provide me with what it is im missing and put my trust in my jesus not him.
Yes you are my saviour, HG.
Indeed I am.
No you are not..you are an unworthy nasty little creature
I am not little, I am 6ft 1 in height.
Lol!!
Nah, you aren’t!
You are a cheapo!
You are my ‘personal Jesus’ Mr Tudor.
You give me hope.
And I am the best person to place that hope in because ultimately it will lead you to securing your freedom.
Don’t fall for HGs bs..go save yourself
Hi Me ,
According to Martin Gore of Depeche Mode it’s a song about being a Jesus for somebody else, someone to give you hope and care.
Mr Tudor doesn’t care ,he does it for his own personal gain rather then to help us here , but he gives hope to those who are trying to recover and heal the wounds from narcissistic abuse.
I know who he is and I am with his victims, but I’m trying to look separately on what he does in his private life and here.
I know where I was 6 months ago and where i am now. His blog and his books helped me tremendously .
In this regard he is my ‘ personal Jesus’.
Hope this will help you to understand my view.
You are of course entitled to your opinion and so am i.
Touche’! Very well put.
Just to clarify…I do t think you’re Satan, HG. I think my ex sort of is. He couldn’t give what he never had. It’s the delight of deceit that kills me.
I’m so co-dependent. I’ve felt guilty ever since I implied you were Satan. It’s like I’m crippled but no one can tell until I open my mouth.
Don’t feel crippled ..feel empowered..HG is a demon of Satan orgasmic all over the internet..he made the internet his Vize for supply..no worries not to worship his arse..worship God instead..he is our only defense against these satanic demons like HG
12345, I’ve read many of ur posts, and u seem like a true sweetheart.
The glorious thing is…. that is true! From actual Jesus. What’s a horrible truth is that is what you narcissists do. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. I remember my narcissists would act just like that and he would say just open up just tell me I have big shoulders. And then they turn on you and they use everything against you all the light you realize was just a facade a trick an illusion and they are indeed wrapped in the cloak of Darkness. But it is too late for the empath. They are crushed. And only the true Jesus can truly save them.
Finding life11
That made me feel sad that you beleive you need someone else to set you free. You can and will find your own strength and empower yourself to save yourself. Please don’t ever depend or expect this to come from external sources, Jesus or otherwise.
You can do this on your own.😘👊
Nope. U can’t. It makes me incredibly happy and free to know i have a God who is bigger and who loves me and works things together for good in my life. We all need help sometimes. There’s nothing wrong w that. We arent made to do it on our own. It’s a symbiotic dynamic even greater than the empath/narcicisst. I’m not weaker, do not feel sad… join me in the faith…. ama find rest and peace not of this world for your soul. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s a loving relationship i cam always count on. I like the perspective it gives me. Trust me… no reason for sadness…. dry your eyes alexis…. joy abounds in the pain of life. Reasons for the cup to be half full are plentiful bc i have a God who loves me and i have more than this world and all u see to live for. In the words of U2…. “walk on… ”
“And love….
Is not the easy thing
The only baggage
That you can bring
And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can’t leave behind”
Tudor, like most Nar’s you are poetic even while stealing a soul.
Your words grab me and pull me in
I’m still weak from the last “Jesus” I followed into the pits of Hell
I read your words and they are so true
How do I get this monster out of my head
How do I get my heart to stop falling for his lies
My mind tries to rationalize every cruel thing he does
My heart could care less how mean he is, the love just will not die
My soul would die just to touch him one more time.
Never have I loved this deeply
Never have felt so close to death before
Never have I been treated so poorly
Never have I had to run so far away from a lie
Never have I felt such shame
When does it end
Never……….
So I surrender to you – I will lean in and not be the other woman who hate you
Who talk so poorly of you
You have/had a purpose in each of our lives
A healer YES, MY Jesus
Some need to be broken to change
Some just turn the brokenness into anger
fail to learn and turn bitter
I will write of this lesson
I will stay open to the truth of your hurt
your inability to love
I can love
and I love more deeply now than I have ever before
But, NOW I love me
Now I am becoming one of you
Or have I always been
Or am just so consumed with figuring out how someone can not
feel the energy of LOVE have empathy for another soul
that I study you until I feel I am in your soulless mind?
Am I just losing touch of reality?
How can I still love a man who places a gun to my head ?
How can I still love a man who strangles me?
How can I keep being called such nasty names and forgive you over and over and over and over……….
How can you look in the eyes, lie to me and love you so much I believe you really do want to do good?
I am your true follower, MY Jesus
I believe too much in human ……….. a curse you feed off of.
You want my gentle love to turn to rage so you win…
You want me to hate you like the dozens of others do…….
You want me to attack your character and speak ill of you to my friends like the others have done…….
I will not. I love the lies you painted of who you were. You mirrored me right back to me – you gave me all I was looking for.
Thank you!
Yes, I thank you for all this pain, all the shame, all the self doubt I had…….without it I would not have ever been able to look so deeply at my own wounds and realize how my soul is different, how my light shines so bright and you saw this.
You saw under all my insecurities my power and you love that challenge of smothering out a fire that is burning with passion.
I cannot say I forgive you, there is nothing to forgive.
Most all that you said was true – I was broken. Anyone who stays with a NAR is broken.
No one with healthy boundaries and in a healthy mind set would stay.
So, I am grateful for all you put me through and still are…..
Yes, I will remember you forever, but please know it is me that I will remember. The love that you showed me is not in you, no all the amazing gestures of love you showed me are merely the things you “learned” from me and all your past victims.
I stayed open to your lesson – I stayed for over a year and a half knowing that you would do everything in your power to destroy me. I knew from the very first break up at just one month into our relationship you were a monster, but I had to learn this final lesson and I promised my self I would stay until I learned or I was willing to die at your hands……….
Clearly I did not die (physically) but I have learned……….
I do not love you anymore………….It has been 5 months since I ran away and of course I kept talking to you and falling for you lies….but I moved 3000 miles away so that I could not just drive back into your arms like I did once before. The biggest mistake I ever did – leaving and coming back to you……….
or was it?
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
I LOVE the lesson, not you!
My soul feels your pain and wants to help you – but you cannot be helped. Your purpose is to suffer in the empty shell you walk around in and either destroy the weak or empower those of use strong enough to see the lesson you offer……..
If I was to be angry it would be with myself for dropping so low as to love a monster as you. But, I love to play with fire and I honestly can say, even with all the terrible things that happened I hold onto the incredible good times (of course because I always see the good in you).
But, you are toxic and I know this……..I know if I went back I would lose me even lower than I did before …..I would die….my love for your lies will never end, you are right about this Tudor but I do not want it to.
I still would die to feel you near me one last time,
to touch your skin
to smell your scent
to kiss your lips
one more time………….
NO, I long for a man I have not met yet
You showed me the love I am searching for, showed me
but it is not in you.
It is NOT you I long for
NO
I will stay away from you – the messenger from my own HELL
and I will write and heal ME
I am a romantic fool and I know your “kind” lusts after me…..
But I believe in love and I will stay open, I just am not naïve as I was before……….
You intrigue me Tudor – this is very dangerous
The flames will consume me if I allow my imagination to run free so….
I stay hidden
I am building my flame
But not to burn and destroy
My fire is one of innocent passion to fill the soul …….
Maybe we are not that different – no
Once someone has tasted your emptiness they never forget the pain….
Once someone has tasted my passion for life they never forget the wild child that touched them in just an innocent and intriguing manner, knowing that energy is so free and so full of love, yet it cannot be tamed and is not to be caged up …..
No, this is why you F.K. are so afraid of me and tell me this every day….. I am a wild child, I am free, I am filled with innocent childlike ways, I am consumed with love and you hate this about me because you cannot destroy me and you long to feel “something” but you cannot no………
This I do not understand – and I have learned I will not understand this………..nor do I fully understand my compassion for you and your kind.
But we both have a purpose…………
Thank you, you adorable little monster you
Hugs and kisses always
😩OMG!! What a tragic letter. I am bawling my eyes out and I can’t sleep. My heart goes out to you whoever you are. How did you endure it? I’m so sorry he put you through this. My heart hurts for you.
An excellent example of how the Golden Period is one of THE most effective weapons.
Good one ..you used the narc..to find your own faults..so have I..that is healing..
Much to be learnt from this story. What of the parable somewhat in reverse where the good samaritan narcissist rescues an injured venemous snake and nurses it back to its healthy, only for the snake to surprisingly bite back, hiss and slither away?
Sniglet: only for the snake to surprisingly bite back, hiss and slither away?
And as he slithered away he said “you knew I was a snake when you picked me up!” This story always reminds me of narcs except that we never KNOW they are a snake until it’s too late.
We each expected the other to be a saviour.
I am not your saviour, I cannot save you from yourself. Can you forgive yourself?
Rolls eyes. Knight in shining armour + imposter would’ve sufficed!
Actually this makes me wonder if I am a narcissist, bc as an empathetic healer it sounds a lot like things I have offered. Though I have never referred to myself as a savior… but oerhaps a sanctuary.
I get your quandar. As a codependent empath I thought or think I must fix. Fall on swords. Rescue, take blame, martyr myself et al. Upon reflection it feels or seems and sounds like inverse narcissism. NOTHING is their fault vs my construct; EVERYTHING is my fault and due course then: RESPONSIBILITY. How ill equipped I am though. It definitely seems like the flip sid of the same coin. Off the tree of narcissistic raising. Dysfunctional reverberation of coping. Less glamorous. Hot mess. Blah. Jealous of the narcs lack of remorse or empathy. Hate me surplus. Both are damaging to self and others.
Another reference;
Bottoms up!
This doesn’t bother me because it might be sacrilegious to some. It bothers me because this is exactly what I did with the ex-greater elite. He was my personal savior because that’s what I made him. He was my idol. My expectations of him were more unrealistic than any expectations I’ve ever had of anyone. I wanted him to be my savior. Any human being would fail this test. BUT, he wanted me to believe that he could meet the needs of God, Jesus, a Savior.
Satan takes many forms.
Satan takes many forms…indeed he does!
Satan does take many forms.
Nope
Thank you, but you are not.
I just killed an angel by accident (porcelain). He/she/ it has no head anymore. I will use this headless angel as a warning not to trust jesus-like people.
You devil, you!!! 😈