Jealous of Your Contentment
Granting you contentment is part of our design when we seduce you and grant you the golden period. The provision of your contentment at that juncture in our entanglement provides the luscious positive fuel to flow in our direction and all is well. We truly do delight in seeing you content with the illusion that we have woven for you. It is when you and us move into the stages of devaluation and discard that we regard your state of contentment in a wholly different manner,
During devaluation if we witness you appearing content, we are overcome with jealousy. Why should you be allowed to sit there satisfied, happy and relaxed? Why do you not suffer the repeated unease of the desire to gain fuel when those supplies become low? We look across the room at you, your features composed in an expression of peace. The envy rises and we despise the fact that you are sat in pleasant repose, seemingly all at ease with the world. We invariably associate that your composed appearance is achieved in order to annoy and frustrate us. You know don’t you? You know that we have this churning fury inside us which shifts and slides. You know that we have the growing hunger for fuel and how this creates a restlessness in us. You know all of this and yet you sit there, revelling in our discomfort. If you cared you would not be enjoying that book, talking on the ‘phone to a friend or watching your favourite television programme. No, if you loved us properly then you would be ensuring that this restlessness was banished and that our sense of power and might was reinstated. Your content state is being bandied about in front of us, teasing and provoking. You are mocking us because you are achieving something that is denied to us at that time. How dare you behave in this manner? How dare you forget about our needs? This is symptomatic of the selfishness we knew you possessed and now you wave it in our faces suggesting that somehow we are inferior to you. This will not do.
Your contentment at this stage amounts to a provocation and is tantamount to a criticism of us. You have achieved contentment whilst we experience restlessness and you know this don’t you? Oh, we know that you will pretend to be unaware of what you are doing, but we know your game. We are not fooled by these protestations of innocence so when we fling the dinner plate to the floor, shattering the plate and silence, causing you to jump up in fright, you knew it was coming. The plate lies broken and your contentment in one swift move is similarly smashed. You are not allowed to be content unless it is by our say so. We want you on tenterhooks, your nervous eyes looking to us for approval and consent. Exhibit any sign of being relaxed, at ease or content and we will take action to destroy that state in an instant. We will pick a fight, create an argument, call you a name, break something, interrupt you with an insult walk out and slam the door and so many other actions all designed to remove you from your contented position. When we see you like that, you remind us of what we cannot achieve at that time and we hate you for it.
It becomes worse when the relationship has ended. Whether you escaped us or we discarded you, there will come a point when we turn our sights on you again in order to extract that wonderful hoover fuel. It may be weeks or months later but we will have been undertaking observations in order to determine the most effective way of hoovering you. If we see you getting on with your life, radiating happiness and an air of contentment it infuriates us hugely. How dare you seem happy without us? You are meant to be broken and distraught, that is how the aftermath is supposed to be. Admittedly, it usually is, but every so often we may find that one of our victims has seized the power and advanced his or her position, forging through the emotion and formulating their recovery. It may be the case that we have seen you on one of the few good days, the bad days taking place where the world cannot see, but that does not matter to us. Should we witness you looking well, smiling, having lost weight, or looking fitter, dressing elegantly, meeting friends with laughter and smiles it wounds us considerably. You seem to have forgotten us. You are bound to us, forever, have you forgotten that this is the case? You are at our beck and call until the day either of us breathes our last, yet here you are striding across the street, hair glossy and styled, posture confident and uplifted and meeting somebody with a kiss and a broad smile. This was not meant to happen. You exude contentment, a confidence that we thought was shattered and unlikely to be rebuilt for some time. How did this happen? Who has caused this transformation from the sobbing wretch we left without so much as a goodbye to the contented person we now look at from the shadows? It may be a one-off, it may be a glimpse of something that is a work in progress, but such considerations do not matter when we see it. We are wounded by this display. You appear to no longer need us. Where is the stooped figure? The haunted individual with dark-circled eyes and pallid skin? Where is the comfort-eater that we mocked so horribly? Where has the lank-haired, nervous shuffling person we tormented gone to? This was not meant to happen. Ever.
Seeing you so content post escape or post discard is a massive criticism to us. The lesser or mid-range of our kind will most likely slink away, regarding this show of strength (temporary even though it may be) as evidencing somebody with defences high and radar warily sensitive. Any hoover would be doomed to hoover and might even result in further injurious harm. No, the lesser or mid-range will retreat and return to the new prospect that has been acquired and other sources of fuel and make a mental note that a hoover at this juncture is unlikely to meet with success. The Greater of our kind will seethe and glower, dismayed and wounded by this peacock performance. Unseen, we will send baleful glares your way as we formulate a way to pierce this shield of contentment. Schemes will be concocted once again in order to hammer this contentment into nothingness. The Greater may, if sufficiently motivated, spring forward and unless malign actions for the purpose of drawing negative fuel, preferring to adopt such a tactic rather than seek to draw the target back in. It is time to lash out and destroy rather than capture. Our fury is ignited and our calculating minds will ascertain that this can only be a veneer. It is far too soon for you to appear to content again, no matter how much it appears genuine. We want to halt the recovery before it gathers any more momentum and thus the Greater will unleash a savage malign hoover, smearing and hurling insults, dredging up those historic vulnerabilities in order to break the contentment again, just as we did those many months ago during devaluation. The ignited fury drives the Greater forward to shatter, break and destroy and if successful, then he or she knows that further malign assaults can be rolled out to cripple the recovery. Once the recovery has been derailed, the contentment eradicated and the veneer of confidence stripped, then the golden period can be dangled again before the quivering victim.
It never does to see you contented. This is why when we see it during devaluation you will suffer and adverse reaction. Following the cessation of the relationship it wounds us considerably and will generate a certain response dependent on the type of our kind that you were entangled with. The maintenance of contentment is indeed a blow against us.
17 thoughts on “Jealous of Your Contentment”
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My ex wanted me to be happy. Otherwise, he felt burdened that he would be responsible to make me content. He didn’t want that responsibility.
wow, proof that you project onto us what you feel. Right there. I can’t help but notice that jealousy for our happiness and our contentment, our being fulfilled as opposed to the soulless black hole your kind is, the fact that we need no emotional fuel (exept some of us empaths can need love and laughter as “fuel” as opposed to “any emotion we can get” as your kind does) is not actually what bothers your kind, but more the fact that we do not need those things and your kind does.
You feel it’s unfair that we are essentially good and so have peace of mind and can fix our problems where as your kind cannot seem to. Only… where you opt to blame us for this, the truth is it is not our fault you are narcs. In your case it is your matrinarc that is at fault for what you are. We do not select our parents, our family. However I do believe how we treat others, for any reason, is a choice. I strongly know in my heart I would rather “vanish” then cause someone intentional harm, which I also understand is not a narc’s way of thinking, their self must not become any more damaged then the inner child self already is which is where you built that inner sanctum, essentially freezing the self “as is” rather then even allow it to heal. I can understand that much.
Something that really bothers me is the fact that I’ve picked up behaviors from the ex narc that I wish I had not and now am working on purging those, a long process to be sure and it has caused issues which is why I’m very aware of them. I choose to fix it rather then wallow or endulge those things. I do not sit there enjoying my own struggles and doing my best to hurt anyone but rather because life has put me in this position and I’ve opted to have a positive outlook on growing, learning, struggling in order to become the me I want to be. It does freak me out a little bit that I now find pleasure/ satsfaction in torturing a narc with blocking their attempts to ensnare me or be entitled to things I worked/work hard for. It’s a high, it’s regaining personal power over myself and I don’t want it to get out of hand. I consider the old adage “if you sleep with the dog long enough you get fleas”… It does frighten me to think my soul has that added bit of darkness to it that it did not have before. But that is mine to control and fix to be the person I want to be, not the person he tried to turn me into.
I’m also too familiar with the “you do not get to be happy unless I allow it” mind set and, sorry but nope, that is a faulty perception on the part of your kind. My happiness is in my own hands whether I opt to let you think it is in yours or not. You can fool yourself if you so choose, that is you. My happiness though, is me, regadless of the choices I make or who I allow in my life. Truth is even submission on my part is a gift I elect to impart or withdraw. That is something I control. Something I’ve learned the narc does not control. After gaining that knowledge, it is not likely I will ever lose it again. As for the exnarc, I am no longer the same person I was when Ileft him, when I was entrapped by him. I’ve regained my freedom and have no plans to let him change that if we were to meet again. I do so dare to be happy without his consent, it is not required, it is not needed or wanted. If that makes him miserable that is on him. No more guilt trips at the very least.
Contentment is definitely a critisism of them unless youre being shelved. If youre on the shelf and theyre trying to keep you in the fold with mainrenance crumbs they will be happy to see you content. That being said they do start to get a bit uncomfortable if youre overly happy bc a) you could have someone on the side too or b) they are losing control over your emotions both of which they do not like.
If theyre in the midst of devaluing they are incredibly insulted if you are content bc their tactics arent working and that takes away their power.
After discard as pointed out if they see you content it pokes a hole in their hugely overinflated ego. They really do think they are the center if our universe. We feel that way too but then reality sets in after the fogs lifted and we realise they are not as crucial in our lives as we had ourselves believe in fact they were destroying our life.
If the narcs unhappy then so should everyone else be! Narcissists never feel content thats why they need many sources to draw from. They are in a perpetual state of discomfort bc theyve not faced their own demons in life and worked thru their problems instead they cover it up with facades and rely on sources to take the pain away.
I like this piece of writting, because it describes with shocking exactness why and how it works in the heads of Narcs.
The someone’s contentment is not only irritates Narcs, but fascinates them also. But instead of asking how we reach it to learn something new, the Narcs do everything to destroy it.
“…we fling the dinner plate to the floor, shattering the plate and silence, causing you to jump up in fright…”.
Lol. My dear first husband did it twice. Both times I was sitting relaxed in my chair, watching the rain and thinking about something.
First time.
The sound of crushing glasses took me out from my reverie. I went to the kitchen and saw as my husband was finishing to crush ALL tableware.
“I have a bad mood!”, he said.
“I see”.
When he finished, he said “I’m going out to meet my friends”.
“Have a fun”.
When he left the house, I cleaned all that mess. After a while, I prepared the dinner.
When he back home, he said “Do we have something to eat?”
“Yes”.
“Let’s eat then!”.
I had two small (1L) metal saucepans. I filled them with our meal and put them on the table.
He said “We what (?) are going to eat from pans??? You should have bought new tableware!”.
I said “It is meaningless, dear. Your “bad mood” will crush it again”.
We ate silently, then he went to his room…
We ate from those pans for couple of days and then the full set of new tableware miracuosly appeared in our kitchen. He never crushed the tableware again…
Second time.
Almost the same beginning. This time the victim of his “bad mood” was the jam-jar full of jam. The floor was covered with fragments of glass and jam.
I said “You know very well, that I don’t eat jam at all and I make it exclusively for you, because I know how much you like it. Do you want me to stop to make your jam?”.
He said “Noooo”.
“Good. Help me to clean the kitchen, please”.
“Er…”.
“What?”
“Er…ok…”.
After that, the jam-jars were safe from his “bad mood”. Lol.
This article puts another piece to the puzzle to my role in the fuel matrix.
I don’t think I have read about this in any other article here on the blog.
I have always felt a bit hurt by the fact that he seemed to like me the least of all of his female ¨friends¨, and I never understood why he kept coming back. The negative, sociopathic pattern kept repeating itself everytime we interacted, and it almost always ended with him not answering the last text/phonecall, and me not pursuing it.
I have learned that he has kept me there for triangulation and facade, and because his kids are very fond of me (to use to his advantage of course). This article adds to the picture (I think), because I never responded in the addictive manner he got from the IPSS’s (I have only been a NIPSS), and everytime he contacted me again, after leaving the last conversation unanswered, I always greeted him with a smile.
This is the first time I have read this article and I am now able to put a few more pieces into my narc jigsaw puzzle…..the puzzle makes more sense the more I read and the overall picture is becoming clearer. I now understand why some of those narc jibes were sent my way for no apparent reason…..such as calling me by a another woman’s name…..that was a deliberate act. I am lucky that my last narc was just a lower midrange kind. In my opinion, as I escaped, he is too afraid of any further rejection to bother me….and when I last bumped into him …….I was the picture of happiness and contentment…..I was positively effervescent……I had never looked or seemed better. He had no idea I was faking it…….a greater would have or maybe even an upper mid range…..but he did not…….he looked like he was in physical pain at the mere sight of me. Thankfully he was not there to witness me collapsing in a heap when I got home!!!!!……..Diva
Hi HG and all lovelies
content and happy yes before i met N …..
smug knowing he never will be content and happy…
thankyou HG i am getting there reading reading reading maybe another consult with you soon …. in middle of reading devils toolkit…nasty box of tricks ……the books are so informative and hit home you are unbelievable legend
thankyou’
beautiful day water and beach x
You are welcome.
HG
You say ‘If we see you getting on with your life, radiating happiness and an air of contentment it infuriates us hugely.’ Then go on ‘The lesser or mid-range of our kind will most likely slink away, regarding this show of strength’….
My lesser continues to find NEW victim, each lasting 3 to 6 months and he is only briefly single(if at all) before in another relationship.. but he never really ‘hoovers’. He’s extremely good looking. There is no short supply so he always has options. It has been 2 years since my very ugly discard and I have not been contacted (even though I have hoped to be) and I have not run into him or come into his sphere of influence.
The victims are always very odd and never attractive. He is SO handsome it is very odd to see him with the women he dates. The one after me was still living with her ex when he was pursuing her and convinced her to move in with him! Another woman was older and traveled for work (6 months and they no longer speak), now he is with a an unattractive woman who has a child and lives in a another state!. He never posts pictures of the women on his social media, but THEY do.
Why is he never hoovering?! We had an intensely passionate physical relationship… why hasn’t he returned?! The women he is with not are several steps down!
1. You may not know for sure that he never hoovers with other victims.
2. As to the new source see there article ‘Have You Seen Who He Is With?’
3. Why has he not hoovered you? Probably in the golden period with a new IPPS or if she is in devaluation the hoover criteria has not been met with regard to hoovering you and he has preferred to hoover other s(who you do not know about) or sought out fresh prey.
This is an astute observation. HG I find it very interesting that you are able to objectify yourself for the purpose of casting light your own distasteful behaviour. I suppose that is what earns you the “Greater” designation!
Sometimes I find it hard to put my own behaviour in perspective and I think that is why I struggled so much with my narcissist.
I was in our bathroom one day, styling my hair, I felt contented and peacefully absorbed in a fairly mindless task. The ex saw what I was doing and the implication was that I was making myself look desirable for other men so I could make him jealous and cheat on him. (?!)
It is like he is someone caught on fire and has to throw himself onto anyone and anything in order to put out the flames.
Is it about needing someone to transfer the pain and insecurity onto, as well as gaining fuel? Or, to put it crudely, am I viewed as a dumping ground as well as ego stoker?
Your behaviour wounded him. In his mind from his perspective you were making yourself attractive for another. This means you are telling him he is not good enough, thus he is wounded. His response is for his fury to ignite to protect himself and you received the ignited fury which seeks out fuel to heal the wound caused by your behaviour.
It would appear from reading this that the only way to survive a greater once we’re happy again is to avoid them. Forever. What a life! He has many fuel sources and always moving forward at lightning speed though. HG, do you (hopefully) forget some IPSS because the relationship was not long lived, it wasn’t that important to you, plus you discarded them and they avoided you after? Wonder if you operate at the frequency as the narc I knew, in which case you can’t possibly keep up and hoover every IPSS.
Yes. Not every IPSS has been hoovered (yet).
Glimmer of hope.. Then completely dashed by your “yet”.
How true all this is. My GN would say “You are getting too Confortable” here. I wouuld sit there in disbelief of what he just said. I lived with him and paid half the bills.