The Narcissistic Truths – No. 134
32 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 134”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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That’s how I always felt. I never really had him but I never knew why.
You don’t exist. You are a T-1000: Prototype Series 1000 Terminator. You morph for the pursuit of fuel.
This statement can never be applied to your kind “It saddens me too, that he couldn’t see that he was enough on his own.” You don’t exist, so technically you don’t possess a “self”. Which means, you can never be enough because there is nothing there to begin with. It is ALL false. Stolen. (I am thinking)
I will never leave you!
I will never take you for granted!
You are my soul mate!
Ive never meet a woman like you!
I will never abandon you and of course I will not treat you the same way I treated my ex (she is crazy) since you are not like her!
Kiss my A**
NC going on one month without any failure this time! Damn I want to stop counting the days…
Hooverville and its getting ridiculous… at least I can laugh about it now.
Not there in the way we know our narc. Our narc was custom made for is by the narc. They are not even there for themselves bc theyve not figured out who they truely are. That person was stuffed away years ago.
Excellent, narc affair! They were stuffed away years ago; do they even know who they are?
Hi K…i do wonder if that person, the real narc, even exists anymore. Its like they were stunted from developing the way they wouldve if theyd had a different upbringing. Much like a victim who over years of narc abuse loses their identity the old them is never the same. When you dont have any real moral compass to go by only that which youre mirroring then you in a way dont exist. Youre just reflections of different people its really sad. I do think a narcissist can develop who they really are with therapy and a catalyst that motivates them to find out who they are and accept their creature and flaws in life.
narc affair
Sometimes I do wonder what the “real person” would have been like and now that I know what they are, I watch them closely. It must be interesting to have to grab bits and pieces from others to make-up for your lost “self”. Some seem to struggle more than others. What you said is true; I was an extension of my MMRN and I no longer existed when I was with him. It would be wonderful if they could change but I think it would take a miracle. My narcissists are too far gone from the looks of it. They think they are “normal” and, of course, I am the crazy one.
K, b4 i discovered and eventually informed him that he’s a narc, he twice told me, on 2 different ocassions:
“I am nothing but i can be anything”
Jenna
It is spooky, but I think some narcissists know that they aren’t “right”.
“I am nothing but i can be anything” That statement is indicative of some awareness. When you informed him, did he get defensive?
K,
He made many such statements b4 i discovered and eventually informed him he’s a narc. I wanted to inform him so that he doesn’t feel so alone in this world.
Some examples of statements he made b4 my discovery of his narcissism:
I don’t have emotions.
There’s something not right w me.
This world is not for me.
U will only see ur reflection.
I lost my identity but, i know my name.
I never feel happy or sad.
I am losing my memory (when he was low on fuel).
My mind doesn’t wake up. Cofee helps a little.
It’s like an inactiveness of mind.
My heart bled for him. I vowed to myself that i would figure out what’s wrong w him and inform him so he doesn’t feel like this world is not for him.
He was defensive at first, but eventually accepted it (after abt a month) because the symptoms matched.
Wow Jenna! That is cool. That never would have been my outcome because my ex was too defensive. He knew something was wrong with him, his mother, sister and niece. But he would never accept/own it! I hope he (your narcissist) is leading a better life, and if he is, it is because of you.
K, he is low on fuel and unfortunately has slipped back into depression. He did finally admit ‘i betrayed you.’
K,
I would like to add that this is the sequence he followed when i informed him he’s a narc:
1st- denial
2nd (approx 1 month later) – reluctant acceptance
3rd (approx 2 months later) – after much discussion, acceptance
4th (3rd month onwards) – hates talking abt narcissism, withdraws if i talk abt it
But i continue to do so in order for him to face it, deal w it more appropriately, and thus lead a less depressed life.
Hi K…you know one of the first red flags i had about my narc was how interesting he was. It seems a posotive trait which it is but i knew there was more to it than that. He kept coming up with new things and acted differently like he was adding to his personality. Years ago on oprah she said she had a habit of picking up traits from people and mimicing them like accents or quirks. This has stuck in my mind and he does this! I knew from an online site we both would frequent that he was flirting and i put two and two together and realised he was acquiring peoples character traits which is what narcissists do to develop their self. He even did this with me. Quirks i have hed use and start to do but i took it as funny and cute. Now it saddens me. Why cant he see hes enough. He doesnt have to be pieces of all these people. Idk maybe we all do that to some extent but narcissists build their sense of self like a bird building a nest piece by piece of borrowed items found from their supply sources.
I had googled this along with why would someone pretend to be multiple people and sociopath was everywhere. I even did a few sociopath quizzes online and he was 90% of the checklist.
Jenna…im surprised your narc didnt get upset at you telling him he was a narcissist. Id only ever tell my narc if we were ending the relationship and not in a way to be vindictive but to hopefully get him to look into it. I do suspect he already knows.
Narcaffair, i had to spoon feed it to him, ie. paste the link, then re-write the important facts using quotes.
When he read the DSM definition of “grandiosity” under narcissism, he immediately texted ‘no that’s not me.’
A few days later, i pasted him a link to narcissism on psychforums, where narcs themselves talk abt matters he was going thru at the time.
I pasted links to the relevant thread and re-wrote the points in quotes that were identical to his situation. For example, one narc said that he is losing his memory. Other narcs jumped in and said it is because they have no feelings attached to events, so they easily forget things too. At that time, my ex was complaining abt memory loss as well, so he related w the thread.
I also pasted a thread titled ‘covert narcissism is hell on earth’ where the narc talks abt how he thinks he is so special, but that he cannot express this because he is so shy, and so he feels like nobody recognizes how special he is. My ex read it and remained silent. When i asked him abt it later, he texted ‘that’s me.’
I pasted another thread on psychforums where the narcs discuss not being able to feel happy or sad (at others’ distress, eg. when they see shows on tv asking viewers to pledge towards malnourised children).
I made sure to paste this link to him while he was on the subway going to work, so he wud read it becoz he has nothing better to do on the subway.
As soon as he read it (one page), he replied ‘i never feel happy or sad😭’
Well, i already knew that because he told me after he moved out that he has no emotions (though he can feel jealousy, irritation, sadness for himself). I think he had just made a general broad statement – “i have no emotions.”
Silly me, at the time i thought he repressed his emotions becoz of the recent ‘traumatic’ semi break up with me.
I also recall once during the first 8 mos, i was crying, becoz i received a phone call that a family member went to a cardiologist due to chest pain. He just stood there looking at me, blank stare, no soothing words, nothing. I was wondering at the time why his face was so blank.
narc affair
Red flag, what’s that?! I was clueless! Normal people may pick up habits or traits on occasion, but not to the degree that narcissists do. It saddens me too, that he couldn’t see that he was enough on his own. He mimicked me, so I thought he was smarter than he was, but after a while, I realized it was superficial; his “bird’s nest” of hijacked traits (nice analogy BTW). Just like you, I did the on-line quizzes for narc/socio/psychopath and he had most of the signs, too. There are some days when I cannot believe that I am on this blog, along with you, and others, who have experienced this nightmare! It is surreal.
Conversation. With my mid range. Before I learned what he is:
Him: “I’m always here for you”
(Yet his actions show otherwise)
Me: ” how come you never reach out to me, anymore? To call me or talk?”
Him: “I don’t really like talking on the phone. It’s not just you, I feel like that with everyone.”
( yet we used to have phone calls all the time)
Me: ” but I don’t understand, but you are always so social, you have so many friends…”
Him: ” it may seem that way, but it’s not true. The amount of people that I connect with and I’m close to is very minimal”
All I could think up after that, was WTF did he mean by that shit??!!!!
I know it is often said that they say that shit to get sympathy. Yeah part of me still wonders if he knows what he is.
Omg! Gabbanzobean! That is literally the exact responses I received from my ex mid range. Word for word!! I don’t understand how each narc can grow up in entirely different households with different upbringings and still spew the same garbage! If I didn’t read it here I would never have believed it.
Nina,
Really? Damn small narc world! They really do operate from a textbook don’t they? Is yours super charming, polite AF and has never really given you a formal devaluement? Aside from going silent and ignoring you? But then saying it is because he is busy, guilty, depressed and withdrawn and to not take it personally? Just curious. Maybe we were with the same narc or maybe they’re just all the same? LOL.
Replying to Gabbanzobean,
Oh my God! Yes, to everything you stated! He is extremely polite, soft spoken and very charming. He literally has everyone fooled into thinking he’s this super helpful guy that wouldn’t hurt a fly. I too have never had a formal devaluation. It was ALWAYS silent treatments and ignoring me with the same excuses you mentioned. Scary how much they are all the same, but lucky for us it also makes them easier to spot now! My narc radar gun is locked and loaded!!
Yep looks like we have our cookie cutter there! Mine has the facade of the religious community guy who everyone loves and thinks is so perfect and polite. He plays piano for the local church. Projects his image of doting family man with his wife and kid. Who knows how many DLSs in addition to me that he fucks with behind her back?
And yes always silence. “I hate talking on the phone”. Yet there are times I call him and he answers on the first ring!!!! And will talk to me for hours. Yeah okay you hate it this week but next week you’ll be back at it again. It is always Narc opposite day. Never know what I am gonna get.
Totally had this same conversation early on in my relationship with my N. we talked on the phone when we first were dating and then… somehow she didn’t like talking on the phone, never had of course, and I bought it.
It was a quiz on this blog, the heart dropping moment, and I didn’t pick this one but the very first time in our relationship I was thinking I was being crazy for being jealous for no reason I then saw that name on her call list. A phone call when I hadn’t had one in years.
They are who they are through and through. But so are we. So many times I could have and should have said no more. I know. I trust myself. I’m done. But I don’t.
I truly feel irrelevant unless I’m being tormented or used in some way .. anxiety at a peak I’m hiding in my own house scared to go outside and face people, live my life ..
Elusive. Incoherent. Objective. untouchable.
True, in many ways.
It depends on what you do mean saying “I”, Tudor. Created “I” or real “I”?
Daddy?
Very sad. But u r very much here. U have millions of hits to prove it.
Jenna, in response to your comment about your Narc knowing what he is….
Mine said similar stuff that made me wonder if he knows too. Like he would say, “I thought I was a womanizer at first. Then I thought I was a sociopath. But I feel guilt so I cannot be a sociopath…..I don’t know. I just get so depressed and withdrawn, but once I realize it, I can pull myself out of it quicker you know what I am saying?”
He also used the term “hyper compartmentalization” for how he “deals with his guilt”. His guilt is what makes him so depressed because he “keeps trying to do the right thing all the time” and “keeps failing”.
Gabs, it makes me feel sad for them when they speak like this. They know something is not right. They can’t pinpoint it exactly. And thus they r prone to depression. After exposure, my ex was depressed and said ‘i’m a failed individual.’ This is someone who had sky high self esteem b4 exposure.