The Ten Laws of Narcissistic Possession
1. You belong to me.
I own you. From the moment I first engaged with you, you became mine. That is the unwritten contract that forms between you and me. I engulf you, I possess you and I subsume your identity into mine. I do not recognise you as someone who is separate and distinct from me, with your own hopes, fears and desires. You have been plugged into me from the start, my appliance which is there to provide me with fuel, obey me and accede to my commands. This mind set is what governs the entirety of our relationship and is what is behind so much of what I do and say to you. By understanding that this is how I view you in relation to me you will realise that once I have begun to entangle you, the concept of you evaporates and you become part of me.
2. What is yours is mine
As part of this unwritten contract I immediately take power, custody and control of everything which you own. Your money is mine to spend. Your friends become my friends and ripe for recruitment into the ranks of my lieutenants. Your house is my house where I shall install myself before you know it, using your utilities freely although never paying for them. It is not your car, it is my car now. I recognise no boundaries and therefore you will find that your possessions will always be sequestrated for my use. You are not allowed to own anything in your own right. From the cake you have saved for later to your shower gel, I will take it and use it. This sense of entitlement extends beyond the material. I will take your dignity, your sanity and your self-esteem too. I have no use for those things, they cannot serve me in any way but I will take them all the same. I am an asset stripper and you will be stripped.
3. Blame belongs to you
I am never at fault. I am never responsible and I am never accountable. Culpability and I are not bedfellows. I escape liability for anything and everything that I do and instead the blame will always rest with you. Even if you have done nothing wrong I will pin the blame on you as this serves my purposes to draw fuel from you, control you and denigrate you. If I forget to remove something from the cooker, it is your fault. If I forget to pay a parking ticket on time, it is your fault. If I forget an anniversary, it is your fault. Each and every mishap, failure and problem which arises will always be attributed to you because I cannot be held to account.
4. I take what I want from whomsoever that I choose
I walk this world as a colossus and it is my right to do as I please. I will take whatever my eye rests on as I am entitled to do so. I will steal because I can. If I want something then I will take it. I will take the credit for achievements when they belong to someone else. I will pinch the partner of a friend because I want her in my bed and not his. I will park my car where I like and I am not to suffer any consequence. I will borrow from neighbours and never return anything. It is my right to take and you must never challenge or criticise me as I exercise this right.
6. What is mine stays mine
All resources that are mine remain mine and are for my exclusive use. I will not lend anything to anybody, they should go and buy their own. I will not share. I will stockpile money secretly, notwithstanding that we apparently have a joint account. I have my own shelf inside the fridge for my food which nobody else is to touch. Nobody is allowed to sit in my favourite chair, not even when I am not there. Nobody is to play my CDs or read my books. They are not for you, they are for me. My friends are my friends, yes they will pretend to like you, purely for the sake of appearance but they will never actually be your friends. Anything that is mine remains as mine.
7. I go where I please
I own the right to go anywhere that I like. I am not to be stopped or questioned as to where I am going or where I have been. I move in between and through, an unstoppable force in light of my vast sense of entitlement. I walk through doorways marked private, I attend meetings to which I have not been invited, I will turn up at your social occasions even though I was not asked to attend. I will step over the threshold, vault the red rope and penetrate all areas because I must always know what is going on. Besides, my presence is such that I am always welcome, who would not want someone as brilliant as I with them? I am access all areas.
8. I own the spotlight
The spotlight must be trained on me at all times as it belongs to me. It is for my use to highlight how interesting, witty and successful I am. It lights up my podium where I stand elevated and superior and woe betide you should you try to point it anywhere else. You must never interfere with my ownership of the spotlight for to do so will invite my fury at your transgression. It is a device that must be aimed at me so that the world is always to see me, so that I can receive the adoration which I am entitled to.
9. I owe you nothing
I owe you nothing because in the beginning I gave you everything. It does not matter that since then you have given me your all, your love, your affection, your time, your money, your dignity and your will to live. You can festoon me with gifts, run around after me, nurse me, pleasure me, support and soothe me but this is what you ought to be doing as I am entitled to be treated in this manner. I have no sense of needing to reciprocate, someone as high born as me need not deign to fawn over you, not any more, not once I have captured you and bound you tight to me. You are nothing without me, worthless and pathetic and therefore I owe you nothing, despite the fact you gave me everything.
10. You belong to me.
I thought I would remind you of this fact. It would not do to forget that now, would it?
Number 5? Of course there is a fifth rule – You are imagining things. Again.
27 thoughts on “The Ten Laws of Narcissistic Possession”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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This covenant and its conditions is an excellent example of the absence of internal balance.
Narcs know everything about dominance, but they know nothing about SUBMISSION.
Co-dependents (and many other insecure personalities) know everything about submission, but they know nothing about DOMINANCE.
That’s where the imbalance and problems begin. In both cases it is WEAKNESS. It is the case when you have a lot of money, but you don’t have any health to enjoy them…
LACK of something in the “whole mechanism” always leads to its inapropriate work…
For Narc’s healing (balancing) it is crucial to “befriend” the SUBMISSION:
– to accept the real self-esteem and self-worth;
– to accept the external authority;
– to accept that no one owes anything to you;
– to accept that the “life it is not about “victory no matter what” only”;
– to control the aggressive instincts;
– to learn how to find the “alternative” (not abusive) way to reach the goals;
– to treat others as you want to be treated by them.
For Co-dependent’s healing (balancing) it is crucial to “befriend” the DOMINANCE:
– to work with low self-esteem;
– to work with low self-confidence;
– to get rid of self-doubts;
– to get rid of naivete and see the life as it is;
– to listen to “intuition”;
– to use the cold logic;
– to protect your own boudaries;
– to gain more assertive behavior.
Some life situations and relationship’s problems require “dominant decisions” to solve them and you use the dominant ability for that.
Some life situations and relationship’s problem require “submissive decisions” to solve them and you use the submissive ability for that. It is nothing wrong to admit your mistake and then correct it… Doing it, you show anything, but weakness.
Having both dominant and submissive qualities at the same time, the person gains the enormous POWER and ability to win the “war” in a long-run. Not just one or several “battles”, but the whole “war”.
I described (somewhere on this blog) my Greater Narc colleague’s situation at work, when he refused to submit (to admit his mistake) and decided to win the “battle”… Now, he is losing the whole “war” and I see, that he is going to reach what he’s always been afraid of – to be NOBODY…
Being ambivalent (“having money and health at the same time”), you aren’t afraid to meet the life challenges and you can easily navigate through them. The most important thing, you have the real chance to be GENUINELY happy. Victory?
Honestly, I don’t know whether I should cry or get pissed when I read some of these posts, because it is ALL TRUE. However, when I got to the end and saw # 5, I had to laugh. And #s 1 & 10 had me SMH and laughing. (I am feeling resigned) This is good, acceptance/surrender means I am moving on instead of fighting it.
Yeah…
I’m not okay with ANY of that.
This just further explains why everything was a battle and a struggle from moment to moment.
I would like to award this last relationship the worst I have ever had; however I can think of at least two other that come close. It was a different kind of death.
::pausing and thinking::
Hmm.. I may actually award this one number 1 due to the fact it extended for four years (five if you count the affair) and covert sexual abuse was involved – how could I forget the big dick website… so yeah he wins the prize. I must say two other relationships really… and I mean REALLY come close. Those two other to relationshipsnwere with narcissists. I’m starting to think the insanely jealous ex from college was a lesser. Both of those relationships weren’t THAT long – one was for a year and the other was like 10 months.
I’ve tasted so many different flavors of hell. It’s like which is worse? Sometimes I’m not sure. It’s like someone asking me “how would you rather die? Would you rather be burned alive or freeze to death? They both suck, hurt like a bitch and result in the same outcome.
Do you operate under Finagle’s Law HG??????…….(not to be confused with Murphy’s Law or Sod’s Law.) The true Finagle’s Law is stronger than “anything that can go wrong will go wrong”. It allows for things going well, as the universe (narc in our case), is merely lulling you into a false sense of security before proceeding to screw things up for you……Diva
I just read that a “finagler” is someone that achieves (something) by guile, trickery, or manipulation…….hmmmmmm Finagles Law is definitely apt…….far more than I realised when I wrote my first post…..Diva
I am the law.
Will I ever learn????…….Diva
You will here.
You are above it.
Thanks HG. This is quite hard to take but very clearly laid out!
But I’m a bit confused…
Going on the assumption that many narcissistic disorderd individuals operate as well educated, intelligent adults.
If they were shown the above list, what would their reaction be?
Would they,
A. read it and agree, or
B. read it, say it’s nonsense but deep down feel that it is true?
It seems to me ‘A’ would be tricky, the above list describes infringements on basic human rights, society condones this therefore a narcissist’s construct would suffer damaged in admitting to endorsing dictatorship.
If it’s ‘B’, doesn’t that signal to the narcissist that something is off in his belief system that he has to deny it? Taking it a step further, there must be NPD individuals working in the field of human rights laws, surely they would know.
How then. is it possible for an educated individual, operating in a society that values human freedoms, to have this belief system, as per the list, and not question whether there might be something within themself that need investigating?
Interesting question. Most would reject it because they do not know what they are BUT it does not signal to them that there is something off in their belief system because the defence mechanism of narcissism will compartmentalise, thus they can reject this and say “how awful to be like that” today and then tomorrow behave in this manner and their narcissism prevents the connecting of the two conflicting stances. A Greater would read it, recognise it and either deny it (because he knows that is the acceptable response) or express admiration for the concepts detailed in order to provoke the victim because that would appeal to his perverse sense of humour.
Being responsible for ALLL blame. ALL ways, No exceptions. Big stuff, Sort complimentary we are that potent.
“I go where i please” – this one for sure.
When he used to future fake and not show up sometimes, i used to stay silent. When i finally told him it hurts me, he replied that not even his mother asks him such questions, and that he goes where he pleases.
I had to explain in detail that it is not right to cancel at the last minute or not show up (without good reason) becoz the host may have made dinner, cleaned up the house, etc. After explaining it, he never future faked again. Instead, he told me the brutal truth – “i don’t feel like driving” or “let’s not plan in advance.”
Jenna, Mr Piano Man used to future fake all the time. Like you, I too used to stay silent. Well with a month to go until our little planned “reunion” meet-up I am currently stuck in one of his silent treatments. Usually these silent treatments had the gold wedge. “I still feel so strongly for you, which is why we need to not talk so much”, “If you love me you will give me space”, “I am just feeling depressed which is why I am so distant, I withdraw when I feel this way but my feelings have not changed”…etc. Silence WITH an explanation. Followed by more silence until he feels like replying to a text or answering the phone.
Well…now….there is no explanation at all. He just….disappeared. Ghosted. Texts unanswered, calls ignored. Going on a little over a week now. Nothing on social media. I wonder if he is still alive…LOL. I always had the “explanation” followed by more silence. This time, for the first time, there is no explanation that accompanies or precedes the silence. I thought I had him figured out but this is a new one. In my grand scheme to analyze and learn I am wondering why this is. Maybe I am finally getting a formal devaluation? I often said it seemed like I never had that and if I did it was full of golden comments, future fakes, charm and politeness. And now…nothing. Just…dead air. Makes me wonder if it is a set up for our meet-up next month. Maybe he will not show. Maybe he is dragging out the silence until he shows. Who knows what will happen? If he decides to talk to me next week will he even remember that he ignored me for two weeks? They tend to live day by day where the past has no bearing on the current right? Even if I told him his silence hurts my feelings he would probably just be all “I have no idea what you are talking about”….or “Oh I was just depressed you know…”… My plan was to do what you did. Politely explain in detail that behavior is not right. And see his response. Hopefully this silence passes soon and I can try that and see what happens. Know what I mean?
Is it still pathological narcissism if:
1. He apologizes after yelling/cursing at me. Telling me it’s only because he was so mad. Later on in the relationship, he chose to let the issue cool down, so he won’t be forced to say bad words.
2. He lets me do the talking during a conversation. From time to time he inserts a better story then apologizes for interrupting me.
3. He’s appreciative of my efforts.
4. He calls me when I tell him I have a problem.
5. Doesn’t bring up past mistakes. Forgives once I apologize.
6. He’s always the one who wants to fix the relationship after a fight. The main reasons usually are him accusing me of cheating then I get mad.
7. When I doubt him, he doesn’t get mad. He apologizes for making me doubt then sends me pictures of his whereabouts.
8. He doesn’t publicly announce he wants attention although he subtly and continuously talks about how other drivers can’t drive. He doesn’t say he’s better.
9. When we were dating, he didn’t care much about his looks. He stopped going to the gym.
10. He can handle criticism.
11. He tells me his weaknesses like the time when he pooped his underwear accidentally. He also farts in front of me.
12. He admits he doesn’t know some things/topics.
13. He acknowledges my opinions and thinks some of them are brilliant.
14. Says “I love you” even after an argument.
15. Thinks there are other people better than him.
16. It’s OK to lose, but sometimes thinks there was cheating. He tries to improve his game though.
17. He admits his mistakes like when I asked him to bring something and he forgot. He tried to make an excuse and blame other things, but in the end admitted he just forgot.
but he has the classic signs of being a narc
1. accuses me of cheating (jokingly) then tells me I’m guilty when I get mad.
2. name calling during a fight
3. falls in love easily. talked about getting married then started ghosting when I started taking it seriously.
4. tells me I’m the love of his life/pedestal thing but then forgets about it when we’re fighting
5. Thinks he is better than his friends at golf (but he has score cards to prove it though)
6. Thinks he is the most sought after doctor in his family clinic (also true, but why tell me about it)
7. Thinks he’s different and special (no social media account, doesn’t play basketball anymore because everyone’s doing it he so chose another sport)
8. Name drops
9. Condescending. Mocked me when I told him I didn’t know who Yoda was. When I tell him I like something (Sports team or singer), he asks me to enumerate players or songs.
10. Not interested in all my stories especially during cuddle time. He’d rather sleep or says yes to cut the story short.
11. Bought three cars to impress others but said they’re a necessity.
12. “humbly” narrates achievements
13. I have to tell him of my whereabouts because I lied to him before. This doesn’t apply to him all the time.
14. Likes branded things/places.
so on…
#7: Hahahahahah!!!!! He claimed his wife had him on a short leash. He often said he was not allowed to go as he pleased. You should’ve added number 7 1/2 to this covenant. That is, it is always narc Opposite Day!
1. 👉HAW ha
2. Is that so?
3. Nope. What’s my is yours.
4. Take it nobody cares
6.Keep it I don’t want it.
7. Go please stay gone
8. Good. Means I can sneak off under the radar.
9. I want nothing from you.
10. See #1
5. Hell yeah! I am crazy remember.
I broke all these laws. There gonna have to come arrest me. WANTED
crazy, cheating, whore empath on the loose.
The “Vampir” of all Vampires!! Probably where the word Vampire came from, (Narcissist) they want to suck the the life out of you, in every way possible, until death!!
I have lost about 15 pounds since meeting mine and can’t seem to be able to put it back on due to the stress he put me through 🙁
An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit. – Pliny the Elder
Mine actually told me some of these to my face he told me he’d never give me any gifts because he was my gift he told me not to ask where he’s going or what he’s doing when he left me at home all day with his family sometimes in a country where I couldn’t speak the language and nobody spoke English I witnessed him use his friends for their money status and wealth one of them even told me he was discarded for five months because instead of helping him the narc wanted this friend to write an entire business proposal for him I watched him take me out for dinner after his sister in law cooked all day for us looking back I was so blind to how selfish he was and I’m sure still is
Kim,
“… he told me he’d never give me any gifts because he was my gift”
Pompous, arrogant, mean, deluded…
Yesterday I had the worst prove given to me by mi ex Narcissist . I was discarded brutally 6 months ago , but I expose him socially so I was recovering well and in the hope he would not look for me .
He apparaed suddenly from the dark ( using a fake messenger ) and I truly understand what till death tear us apart . But the things he said to me were pure EVIL , I could not believe the rage , the untruth , the hate …. For 10 minutes I thought about killing myself and , after that , I had liked to exchange being an empat for one of your kind , just for avoiding the horror
Anyone believed you when you exposed him? People tend to disbelieve. No one can do anything about the situation. He simply got away with it while he left me broken after his horrific words and accusations..He represents pure evil. It feels like a living hell to me….6 months from the discard. Meanwhile I’m worried that he will show up again sooner or later. To confront me and to further more beat me up spiritually and mentally..
Most of the people didn’ t believe me . But I thought exposing him to his ex wife ( mother of his child ) can put him at rest. NO ! But now he give me everything I need it to take him to court . He doesn’ t like that and he has a restraining order . I know it’ s not the end , but I have some sense of justice . At the court they believed me .
Paula,
Thank God, you didn’t allow that evil person to win. I truly admire your strength, know that we never turn into them. H.G. have a post that reference different levels of empaths based on his perception from information gathered and his experiences. I found it highly valuable and relevant to my experiences.
Keep reading and taking advantages of the many resources available by H.G.
Also, dont hesitate to contact your nearest suicide prevention hotline.
A 46 year old ex-wife of a well known celebrity committed suicide 2 days ago. The comment from the ex was something like there should be more awareness for mental health illnesses. While, i highly agree the tone in my opinion didnt appear sincere.
She’d remarried and supposedly moved on however, theres was a prior attempt of suicide a few years back.
The frustration one feels when we feel powerless is overwhelming but we must prevail for others.
So sad , so helpless in their handas